“We can do that through lawyers…”
Her eyebrow rises defiantly. “A lawyer wouldn’t spit in his face.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Melissa
How can love turn to hatred in a blink of an eye?
When Skull disappeared, he’d broken my heart. When I thought he was dead, I felt like a part of myself had died along with him. I knew I’d always love the father of my child, who, I’d convinced myself would have returned if he’d been able to.
When I found out he was alive, I should have been happy. I wasn’t. What he’d caused both myself and my unborn child to suffer, hadn’t been deserved. He didn’t leave in ignorance of how I felt about him, he must have known how much him disappearing would hurt.
Had I really loved him at all? Instead, had I been flattered by the attentions of a younger man? Allowed myself to be taken in by lies and deceit? The man I thought I knew would never have just left me like that. Maybe I’d been in love with the persona he’d portrayed and never knew the real man at all.
I’d felt no relief knowing he was alive.
Even if I allowed Skull to play any part in his life, there was always the possibility he’d turn his back on on my baby too. My baby deserves a dad he can depend on, a reliable man. A man who steps up when he has no need to. A man who provides a shoulder to lean on when it’s required. A man who’s good company, a man who shares in both the pain and pleasure. A man who cries when he sees his son for the first time on an ultrasound screen.
My son deserves a man like Pyro to be his dad.
Pyro’s fingers are drawing circles on my arm, an action meant to be comforting. His closeness makes me blurt out, “I wish you were this baby’s father.”
He stills.
God, I shouldn’t have spoken my thoughts aloud. I wonder how on earth I can take those words back.
“I do too. Kid deserves a man who doesn’t stray. You’re right, we need to deal with Skull. Get him out of the picture for good. You want to take your own swing at him, reckon you’re entitled. Happy to play the role of the kid’s dad, darlin’. Think that’s what I’m already doing.”
I notice he’s avoiding the implications of what I’d said. While he may be a dad for the baby, he’s not saying anything about being a husband for me. We don’t have that kind of relationship. Dads live separate to kids all the time. I can’t ruin what we’ve got by wanting more.
Pyro sighs deeply. “If you really want to go to Vegas, I’ll come with you, okay?”
“Am I awful to say I was hoping you would?”
“Nah, Mel. You and me. We’re a team.”
I think of the practicalities. I need to take time off from my job. Well, I’ve got some vacation and sick days built up. That will have to do. Thinking about the steps that I’ll need to be taking reminds me of something else.
“Ro,” I start, hesitantly, “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Can I stay here?”
“Sure,” he agrees fast. “In here, or Skull’s room? I’m happy to use Skull’s. I’ll understand why you don’t want to.”
“No, I meant here with you.”
He draws in his breath. Then turns on his side to face me, his hand coming up and resting on my face. “Mel, sweetheart. I fuckin’ love being your friend. I fuckin’ love looking out for you and the kid. I don’t’ want anything to fuck that up.”
Neither do I. I don’t want to say anything that would mean I lose his friendship and support. With this man at my side I can take on the world, without him, I don’t know what I’d do. Friends. That’s all he wants. It will have to be enough.
I backtrack. “I didn’t mean it how it sounded.”
“I know you didn’t, darlin’.” His eyes stare into mine. “I’m trying so fuckin’ hard. But it’s not easy being around you. You, me, sleeping together in the same bed? Not fair on me, and not on you.”
“Why’s it not fair on me, Ro?” I’m confused. “Or for you?”
“Because I could fuck everything up.” He rears up, leaving me feeling bereft. He stands and paces. “Friends. I want us to be friends, Mel.”
I, too, pull myself up so I’m kneeling. “We are friends,” I cry out.
“But I want fuckin’ more,” he suddenly roars. Then comes back over, his palms landing on the bed either side of me. “I’ll say this once, then never refer to it again. I fuckin’ want you. I want the whole package, sweetheart. I want to have this baby with you, to have you as my wife and the kid as my son. I want everything.”
My eyes go wide.
He gives an abrupt nod, stands and takes the few strides that take him to the door. He pauses only to say, “If you need me, I’ll be in Skull’s room.”
“Wait!”
His back turned in my direction, his hand waves by his side. “Nah, Mel. I don’t need platitudes. Shouldn’t have laid that on you. It’s not your problem, okay? It’s mine. I just need you to decide whether you still want me in your life when you know how I really feel about you.”
“You feel about me the same way I feel about you, Pyro.”
As he goes completely still, I move off the bed and slowly cross the room, each pace even like a hunter stalking prey, as if a sudden move may cause him to flee. “I haven’t wanted to let you know because I didn’t want to scare you away. If friendship was all you could offer, I was going to accept that. But I want you. All of you.”
He still doesn’t turn. “You’ve had a shock today, Mel. A shock no woman should have. If you’d been faced with his corpse, it could have had no greater effect on you. You’re probably not thinking straight, and I’m not going to take advantage of that.”
“I’ve been feeling this way for a while now. It didn’t seem right, so I tried to fight it. I should have been grieving for what I’d lost, not wanting someone else. My feelings for you gradually changed until every time you left, I wanted you to kiss me properly, not just that peck to my forehead. I chickened out, but so often I wanted to raise my lips to yours.”
I’ve reached him now. Putting my hands around his waist, I lean my head against his cut. “Yes, I’m emotional right now. I can’t think straight about anything. But this isn’t an impulsive reaction tonight. If,” I swallow hard, “if you meant what you said, I can conquer anything with you beside me.”
He takes a deep breath then shudders. “I want to feel your lips too. Mel, you can stay here tonight. I’ll hold you in my arms, though,” he gives a snort, “if we’re that close I won’t be able to hide the effect you have on me. I’m just warning you. No, let me finish. I’ll hold you, but nothing more. Don’t want to leap into something you might regret. Moving from being friends to being in a relationship will take some adjustment. Something that could be good is worth waiting and working for. We’ll take this slow while we’ve got this shit storm to work through.”
He makes sense. Getting physical with another man while Skull’s reared his head is perhaps not the best thing to do. Though I feel no sense of loyalty toward the man who left me thinking he was dead, there hasn’t been any sort of closure. Just a gradual acceptance that he was never coming back, and now I don’t want him to.
But I’ve a niggling worry. “What if we can’t sort things out? What if we can’t find him?”
Now he turns, taking me in his arms, holding me close to him like he has so many times before. “Let’s take this one step at a time. We don’t find Skull? We decide what we’ll do then. Don’t think any of us have really got our heads around the fact he’s not dead.” He places his fingers under my chin. “Give me those lips now, darlin’.”
I need no further encouragement.
As our mouths move together I get the impression that the adjustment from friends to lovers isn’t going to be hard at all, once we’ve got everything straight in our heads. There are a few seconds of awkwardness, when he moves one way, me the other, then our bodies work out what to do, and we start learning a dance which I hope will become familiar over time. His taste is perfect, his mov
ements sure and certain, until all too soon he groans into my mouth and pulls away.
The reason is clear as he grits his teeth and reaches down to adjust himself in his jeans. “That’s why we’ve not kissed before woman.” He grins self-deprecatingly. “Knew you’d make me as hard as fuckin’ steel.”
“There is one way to take our minds off everything,” I offer, biting my lip suggestively.
“Nope. Told you how this is going to play out.” His head tilts to the side. “Don’t doubt how much I’d like to fuck, to make love to you. But the timing has got to be right. Don’t want you having any doubts. Don’t want any guilty thoughts in your head when you meet face-to-face with Skull. Want you to meet him with your conscience clear.”
“What if we don’t find him, or it takes months?”
He shakes his head. “I might have patience, but not a lot. Not waiting that long, darlin’. I promise you that. Now, before you can tempt me further, what say we show our faces downstairs and see if Prez has gotten the green light from Red.”
Now I’m biting my lip for another reason. “They’re all going to be looking at me, aren’t they, Ro? The woman whose old man has come back from the dead.”
“Nah. You’ve got to remember, that’s our brother we’re talking about. Sure, he was your old man, but he wore our patch and fuckin’ disrespected it. That’s what they’re most worried about.”
I suppose he’s right.
I’m still anxious as I descend the stairs with him.
When I ascended them earlier I was in a hell of a state. I couldn’t help it, even though I knew my distress couldn’t be good for the baby. But slowly the shock began to wear off. Now I’m ready to start dealing instead of reacting. As Pyro slips his large hand around mine allowing me to take comfort from his fingers, I acknowledge I’m feeling more positive now I know he’s going to be there for me in every way.
My baby will have a father. Getting to know him slowly has shown me I couldn’t have chosen better. Along with my disbelief that Skull’s alive, and at the slap-in-the-face rejection that came along with that knowledge, I’ve now got something to look forward to. Starting a new life with Pyro.
It’s just going to have to wait until we can put the old one fully behind us.
“Well, lookie here. What have we got?” Beef comes over and slaps Pyro’s back. He looks pointedly down at our joined hands. “Bout fuckin’ time, Brother.”
“Not doing any claimin’ as yet,” Pyro growls. “But yeah, we’re taking steps in the right direction.”
Beef moves to stand in front of me. “How you feelin’, sweetheart?”
“Betrayed? Yes,” I reply, trying to find the truthful answer. “Hurt, definitely. It was just too much, finding out like that.”
“I’m sure it was.”
“Ro!” Demon’s by the bar, beckoning him over.
He exchanges a chin lift with Beef, then after a little tug on my hand that gets me moving, takes me over to join his prez.
Demon glances at me, then gives me a nod. I take it that my attempt at pulling myself together hasn’t gone wasted. He tilts his head toward Pyro. “You told her anything?”
“That we’re getting Vegas involved, yes.”
“Yeah. I’ve spoken to Red. He, er, well, once he’d let rip, he was more than happy to try to track that fucker down and to put up whoever we send there.”
“I didn’t doubt he’d help.”
“Help? Had to stop him taking a gun to Skull himself,” Prez growls.
“They’re Satan’s Devils, Mel,” Pyro explains at my surprised gasp. “Disrespect one of us, everyone from whatever chapter feels the insult.”
I start to wonder just exactly how crazy Skull must be to set himself against this group of men. I’ve already seen they love and protect fiercely, and now see the opposite side of the coin is the strength of their hate, together with their need for retribution. Skull won’t escape unscathed.
“Mel wants to go to Vegas,” Pyro explains. He raises an eyebrow at Demon.
“Much as I hate to say it, this could be a wild goose chase. He might already be gone.”
I narrow my eyes. “Now I know he’s alive, I’m not going to give up, Demon. He’s alive, I’ve got proof. I’ll go to the cops if I have to, get the courts involved to get child support.”
Demon stills. “You’ll be inviting him into the life you want to keep him out of. The life I suspect you’ll be living with Ro.”
I smile as sweetly as I can. “Then I hope the Devils will make sure that Skull won’t be able to interfere with Pyro and me. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a permanent solution.”
Demon splutters, Pyro barks a loud laugh. He puts his arm around me and tugs me to him. “Christ woman, you’re fuckin’ perfect, aren’t you?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Pyro
“A word, Ro?”
“I’m going on up. I’m exhausted.” Mel puts her hand to her mouth to cover a yawn as she takes the hint Prez wants to talk to me alone.
I nod at her, worried, trying to assess her state of mind. But she seems genuinely tired, and not surprising, given the knocks she’s taken today. “I’ll be there in a moment.”
I motion to Beaver who interprets it correctly, bringing me a beer while I turn to the man who had spoken. “What’s up, Prez?”
“You tapped that?” Demon asks, his eyes following Mel as she makes her way across the room.
“Nah. Heading that way, but not yet, no.”
“Keep it like that.”
As my brow creases, he explains, “A living brother claimed her.”
Beer spits out of my mouth. “I’m sorry? What the fuck did you just say?”
“I think I was quite clear. Skull claimed her. You know it’s forbidden for anyone to lay their hands on a woman who belongs to another member, particularly in this chapter. Blackie was killed for that very thing.” He names his grandfather, killed by Hellfire with the club’s blessing. Hellfire was only a prospect at the time, but everyone knew Moira was his. It’s never been admitted, but the clues are all there. Moira fell pregnant, and most of us suspect the relationship is not exactly what it’s been made out to be for all these years. We all suspect Demon is Hellfire’s brother, not his son. But hell, what do those facts matter? Just like the baby Mel’s carrying, and Demon’s own kid, Theo, it’s just genetics. It’s the nurture of a strong father figure which counts in every important way that matters.
But I leave history and memories behind and focus on the present. “Skull’s not a member. Hasn’t been thought of that way for four fucking months.”
“Because we thought he was dead. Now he’s living.”
I stand, my head moving side to side in disbelief. “You cannot be serious. Take a fuckin’ vote. Everyone would say aye to pulling his patch before you’ve gotten the words out of your fuckin’ mouth.”
“Careful, Ro. You’re verging on disrespect yourself.”
“Prez…”
“Hear me out. I don’t think that man can offer any excuse worth hearing. But what if he did get that hypothetical bump on his head? What if he truly can’t remember?”
“That shit doesn’t happen.”
“Unlikely, I admit, but it is possible. Bomber said he served with a man who forgot who he was after he’d gotten too close to a bomb blast. And Liz remembers meeting someone with temporary amnesia. Got his memory back, but with fuckin’ large gaps in it.”
I imagined walking up to Skull and watching his face fill with fear when he realises we’ve found him. Not for one moment had I considered he might look at me blankly as if I was a complete stranger. What are the implications if he did? Would Mel forgive him? Go back to him? Try and help him regain his memory? Jump back into his bed? Christ. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
“Chances are fuckin’ slim, I’ll give you that. But something stopped that man coming back.”
“Or, he selfishly left without feeling the need for explanation to Mel or t
o us.” Fuck. I slam my empty beer bottle down on the bar and snarl at Beaver when he runs up with a new one. He moves swiftly away. “I wasn’t going to fuck her, Prez, until we’d had a chance to find him. She needs to be able to maintain the high moral ground while he feeds her whatever fucked up line he’ll try. But my patience is only going to last so long. If we have to give up the search, want to bring it to the table. Take away his patch, or I turn mine in. If I can’t have Mel as a member, only one option.”
“Whoa, hold up there, Ro. Don’t say things you might regret.”
“Won’t be no regrets, Prez. I didn’t think I’d ever settle down. I was jealous of Skull when he found Mel as he’d discovered a gem, a diamond that I hadn’t known existed. But I said nothing, stayed back, would never go near another man’s woman. Even when he disappeared I didn’t step up. Became a friend because of loyalty to my missing brother. Remained a friend to be true to his memory. Thought that was all I’d ever be to her. Wasn’t going to fuck our friendship up, but I have been there looking out for her and the boy. Then Skull turns up.” I pause and look directly at him. “Things have been said. I didn’t dream she felt the same way about me. Nah, not when she was with Skull, but when he left, she accepted my friendship, and her feelings gradually became deeper. We only admitted it to each other today.”
I pause, look around the club, and am certain when I turn back. “Love this club. Love my brothers. Don’t want to leave. But this isn’t some flash in the pan thing, this is forever. I can’t have her and still be a member, then I’ve no choice. She comes first.”
He doesn’t give away his reaction immediately, and his eyes glaze slightly. “Beef was going to give it all up for Steph,” he reminds me. “When you find the right woman, the club isn’t enough.” He stops and takes a breath. “Not going to lose you, Ro. All I’m asking is we do it properly. Don’t want anyone saying because Skull didn’t turn in his patch, and we didn’t vote it off him, that she’s still his property. You keep your relationship respectful until we can make it formal, then all’s right between us.”
Devil's Dilemma: Satan's Devils MC Colorado Chapter #4 Page 19
