“Thanks, Mom.”
“Love you, baby,” I say with a small smile as I chance a glance at Travis. I can still feel his anger rolling off of him as he grabs one side of the cooler and walks it outside with Ollie.
I feel my heart break a little bit more as I turn and head upstairs. I tell Tatum to pick a movie as I take a shower, hoping it will wash all the pieces of my shattered heart away from the day.
After my shower, I walk into my room. I look at my girl, curled up on my bed watching Decedents for the hundredth time. I smile, shaking my head as I climb in behind her and snuggle into her warmth.
“Don’t you know this by heart yet?” I ask as I tickle her side.
“Of course I do,” she says, like I’m stupid for even asking.
“So, who’s your favorite?”
“Ben. He’s Belle and Beast’s son.” I don’t know why, maybe I’m just a sucker for fairytales, but I love the concept of these movies. It’s all about the kids of the classic villains and princes and princesses.
“Why’s he your favorite?”
“Because he’s nice. Even after Mel tries to trick him into liking her and he finds out, he still gives her a chance. Even though everyone says she’s so evil, he still likes her and sees the good in her. I think that’s amazing. When I’m old enough to have a boyfriend, I want to meet a boy that likes me even when I mess up and when I’m mean. Are there boys like that in real life?” she asks, turning to face me.
“Of course there are, but you have to be careful with your heart, sweet girl. When you meet someone that loves you for you and respects you, you’ll feel butterflies from the top of your head down to the tips of your toes.”
“Wow. Have you felt that before?”
“I have.” I smile and kiss her cheek. “But you don’t have to worry about boys until you’re ninety-seven.”
“Mom,” she deadpans, making me laugh harder.
“Love you, Tatum. Don’t rush growing up, OK?”
“I love you, too, Mom. Now, shhh, I want to finish my movie,” she says before she kisses me and turns back to the television. I squeeze her again, snuggling into her once more. And that’s how we stay until the movie ends and she’s asleep.
I carry her to her room and make my way downstairs to check on everyone.
One look tells me that the alcohol has started to set in, and it makes me chuckle. “You guys need anything before I go to bed?”
“Nah, we’re good. Thanks, Mom,” Ollie laughs as I interrupt Jude singing old-school Britney Spears.
“Shut the front door! This was my jam!” I say, joining Jude to finish the song – along with dance moves of course.
“Ollie, your mom is legit the best ever. You know that, right?” Jude asks, slinging his arm around me.
“Oh, I know. But she’s also going to bed. Right, Mom?”
“Yes, I’m going to bed.” I laugh before asking, “But who’s staying? Who’s got a ride?” They all start talking at once, and I can’t understand anything, which makes me laugh harder. “Let’s try it this way. Raise your hand if you’re staying.” Ollie, Jude, and Travis raise their hands. I don’t miss the way Travis looks at me when he does, either. “You all have a safe ride home?” I ask the others.
“We aren’t drinking; we’ll get the rest of them home, Mrs. D,” Jay says, pointing to Autumn as the other DD.
“Good deal. Thanks, girls. If anything changes or you need anything, I’ll be upstairs,” I say to the non-drinking girls.
“I’ll try not to wander too far upstairs,” I hear Jude mumble under his breath, but I’m not the only one who heard.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Travis yells, jumping up and grabbing Jude’s shirt.
“Nothing, dude. Relax. Not like you’ve never thought it. You’ve practically lived here for years.”
“Get out!” I hear roared from behind me, causing everyone to jump. Ollie. I’ve never heard him yell like that before. He’s always fun-loving and carefree, not menacing and angry.
“Dude! I’m joking. But your mom is a total MILF,” Jude says.
The hit to his face is like something I’ve never heard before. At this point, I don’t know if the crunch is from Jude’s face, Travis’s hand or a combination of both. Travis keeps hitting him over and over. The girls are screaming, the guys are trying to pull Travis off of Jude, and I’m frozen. Not able to move, eyes wide watching Travis turn into something I’ve never seen in him before.
I always knew he had a rough side, angry, but I’d never witnessed it first-hand. The look on his face as he slams his fists into Jude is like something took over him. Brian, Ollie, and Alex are trying, and failing, to hold Travis back. Three big, strong men and still Travis is overpowering them, inching closer and closer to Jude, lying on the ground.
But he was doing it for me. That fact finally breaks through me, causing my feet to move. I walk to Travis and put my hands on his cheeks, trying to get him to look at me. “Travis! Travis, you have to stop,” I yell. I see his body start to settle, but he’s still fighting. “Travis, look at me,” I say, softer this time. His eyes then snap to meet mine, wild and angry. “Enough,” I whisper, but that one word, that last whisper, is the final thread that snaps and breaks. It breaks not only Travis from his rage enough to stop fighting, but it breaks us. I don’t just see it; I feel it.
He shrugs out of the hold of his friends and walks away, not saying a word to anyone. We all stand in unmoved silence, no one knowing what to do or say next.
I jump when I hear the door to the house slam shut with my heart on the other side.
Chapter Eleven
Travis
I slam the door shut and lean against it, throwing my head back in frustration. What in the hell was I thinking? I can’t believe I just unleashed on Timmons, one of my best friends, like that. Sure, he was being an asshole, but I knew as well as everyone else that he was joking. I need to get my shit together before I fuck up even worse. I walk into the living room and fall onto the couch, letting out a long breath. But when I inhale, all I smell is Josie. All I feel around me is Josie. “Fuck!” I yell as I stand, stomping outside to the front porch. I’m not ready to face everyone yet, but I can’t sit in the house and have her all around me like that right now, either.
After a little bit, I hear my friends coming around to the front of the house, probably to leave. I get up and walk to Timmons, knowing I need to apologize.
Looking at the mess that I made of his face – his right eye swollen shut, bruising all over, probably a broken nose – I feel terrible. “Fuck, dude, I’m so sorry.”
“No, I had it coming. You know I can’t ever keep my mouth shut. I’m pretty sure if you hadn’t, Ollie would’ve,” he says with a shrug, sitting down in the back seat of Jay’s SUV.
“Still. I’m sorry. We good?”
“Yeah, dude. No sweat. It was a good reminder to bring my douche-o-meter down a notch,” he chuckles, then winces from the pain in his face.
“Make sure to clean it up good, lots of ice and Tylenol. Go to the ER if you need your nose set.”
“Why do you sound like you know so much about this, Trav?” Jay asks.
I just shrug in response. Ollie and Alex are the only ones that really know about my parents. It’s not exactly something I like to broadcast.
“If you need anything, text me,” I say as I turn to walk back to the house.
“Hey, got a sec?” Alex asks when I reach the porch. Sneaky bastard, I didn’t even know he was there.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“How long?”
“How long, what?”
“Don’t pull that shit with me, Trav. How long have you had feelings for her?” Damnit. My friend knows me better than I give him credit for. But truth is, if Ollie wasn’t so blind to the prospect, I’m sure he would have figured it out years ago.
I swallow down the lump in my throat before answering. “Three years.”
“Does she know?” I nod,
looking down at my feet. “Does Ollie?”
“No.”
“Fuck, man, why didn’t you say something before?”
“What the hell was I going to say? She stopped things before they even had a chance to really start.”
“Did you… No. Don’t tell me. That’s none of my business,” he says when I give him a pointed look. “OK, OK. Listen I didn’t pull you over here to bust your balls. Just, if you need someone to talk to or something, I’m here.”
“What are you? Dr. Fucking Phil?” I snort.
“Something like that,” he laughs, patting me on the back before walking to Jay’s car.
I stand there and wave my friends off before turning to walk back inside. I take a shower to try and wash this night off me before I climb into my bed in Ollie’s room. I lie there staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours. I can’t stop thinking about Josie, today, everything.
I finally say fuck it and get up. Padding my way down to Josie’s door, I slowly open it, walking inside and shutting it behind me. I go to her side of the bed and slide in behind her, wrapping my arms around her body. I just need to feel her in my arms tonight. I place one single soft kiss on the spot where her neck and shoulder meet, then run my nose up until it’s in her hair and inhale, letting her surround me.
I can’t explain it. How the feel and warmth of her comfort me. The smell of her calms me. Without even realizing it, she reaches parts of me I didn’t know existed. She is all I need in life, and I can’t have her.
I nuzzle into her and kiss her once more, this time letting my lips linger a little longer on her skin.
“How drunk are you right now?” Josie asks, startling me. I didn’t realize she was awake this whole time, letting me have her.
“Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie?”
“You pick.”
I think for a minute before answering. “I’m drunk as a skunk.”
“Travis…”
“Please? Please just let me hold you for a little longer.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I take that as a yes. For the next few minutes, I let Josie invade my senses like it’s the last time, because, well, I know it is the last time. But then I hear her sniff, and it sounds like she’s crying.
“What’s wrong, pretty girl?” I ask as I shift so I can look into her face, but my heart breaks when I see the sadness etched in her eyes.
“This is just so damn hard.”
“What is?”
“Knowing I have to let you go.”
Without thinking, I lean in and take her mouth in mine, drawing my tongue along the seam of her lips, asking to be let in, until she opens for me. And when she does, when our tongues dance and our souls fuse for those moments, I think that this is as close to heaven as I’ll ever get. We kiss soft and slow, an equal balance of give and take.
When I pull my mouth from hers, there’s a moment where she lies there with a slight smile on her swollen kissed lips, with her eyes still closed, and I smile at this woman that I want so badly but is just out of reach. But then the true soul-searching moment happens next. She opens her eyes and they look into mine, dazed with love and adoration, and I want that moment to last forever. The moment where she’s happy because I kissed her, and she let me. It’s a stolen moment where time stands still. It’s so brief that anyone could miss it, but it’s my favorite moment to look at her. It’s my favorite moment because I know she loves me and I love her.
But then reality comes crashing in, and that’s the moment when my heart breaks.
I lean down and kiss the tear that falls from the corner of her eye. The salty taste of it feels like my insides, bitter and thirsty for more of her. Standing then, I walk out of the room, closing the door behind me, not looking back at her. When the door latches, I hear her cries start. My body slides down to the floor, my back against her door, listening to her sobs.
I wait until I hear her quiet, knowing that she’s cried herself to sleep. I gather my things and walk out to my truck, walking away from her. Again.
JOSIE
I wake up in my bed – alone. My head is pounding, and my eyes are raw from crying myself to sleep after Travis left. I look at my phone to check the time and see I have a text from Travis. I sit up to read it.
Travis: It was a lie. I wasn’t drunk. I just needed to hold you one more time before I let you go.
Travis: You are my life. I love you, Josie. Always.
Travis: I’ll leave you alone and keep my distance from now on. Take care of yourself, pretty girl.
Clutching my phone to my chest, I roll to my side and let another round of tears fall. I give myself a day to be sad before I know I need to pick myself up and move forward. I asked for this after all, right?
* * *
In the days that follow, I make myself get out of bed. Tatum finished up her school year, we enjoyed the summer – the three of us – and then Ollie left for college at the end of it.
It was bittersweet to watch my baby boy grow up and move out on his own, embarking on this new stage of life. I have no doubts that he will conquer anything he sets his mind to. He comes home to visit when he can, and I soak up those days.
Tatum and I have found our new normal. She goes to school, I work and then we have our evenings of girl time. I love this sassy girl with my whole heart. She amazes me every day to watch the young woman she is becoming.
My days all seem to roll together. I work and give Tatum any other time I have. I leave no room for idleness in my days. I haven’t seen or heard from Travis since he left my bedroom that night, but it still hurts when I think about him.
From what I’ve heard, he’s working full-time at the garage since Roger signed it over to him. Roger still works there with him, but not nearly as much as he did. I’m fairly certain that that old man will die under the hood of a car there. But it makes me so happy to hear that Travis is doing what he loves and is making a life for himself apart from me.
Everything seems to have kept going the way it was supposed to, each of us in our corners where we belong.
Until one day my life stopped.
Part II
Chapter Twelve
Josie
Two years later
“Mrs. Duncan, is there someone you want us to call?” Dr. Swartz asks me as I sit in stunned silence in her office.
I try to swallow, but my mouth feels too dry. “No. I, uh, my son is away at school.”
“Mrs. Duncan, are you alright to drive home? It’s a lot to take in.”
I lift my eyes to meet hers. I’m sure she’s used to this, yet she still has a look of compassion and sadness on her face. I give a small smile before I pull my purse strap over my shoulder. “I’ll be alright. Thank you.”
“Please look over all the literature I gave you. If you have any questions, please call me. My office and cell numbers are written there,” she says, pointing to her card stapled to the top of one of the pamphlets she handed me. “It’s important you understand everything. So, please ask questions. We’ll meet next week to make a plan of action. Feel free to bring anyone with you for support. It’s important to have a support system behind you.”
I nod before saying thank you and leaving the office. Once in my car, I sit there frozen before emotion takes over me. I feel a tear fall down my cheek, making me angry. A scream rips through me, and I hit the steering wheel until I’m breathing heavily, my screams turning into sobs.
I cry for me. I cry for Ollie and Tatum. I cry for the future I might not have. I cry because when I woke up this morning, I still had so much ahead of me and now cancer is threatening to take that away.
Fuck cancer!
I calm myself, wiping the tears from my eyes, and drive. I drive aimlessly until I stop at a place that I haven’t been to in a long time.
My feet hit the gravel in the parking lot. I take a second to enjoy the crunching sound it makes under my feet and make my way to the same bench I sat on last time I was here. My
head tilts back, letting the warmth of the sun wash over me. I let it soak into my skin, taking time to let everything I learned today register fully.
Opening my eyes, I focus on the calm water of the pond in front of me, the cool breeze giving me goosebumps. I smile, watching two ducks fight on the water’s edge. No wonder Travis said this place is where he came to think and clear his mind. It’s a place of total tranquility. I may not know exactly what’s going to happen in the days, months or possibly even years to come, but I know that right now, here in this place, I feel a strange sense of peace.
I make my way back to my car when I see that Tatum will be home soon from school. I turn to look at nature’s beauty before me one last time before I climb in my car and drive home, knowing that it won’t be the last time I’ll be back here. It felt good to be here, a place I came to with Travis and almost feel like he was with me again.
“Hey, baby,” I say when Ollie answers his phone. I decided to call him on my way home.
“Hey, Mom.”
“How’s your day going?”
“Not bad. I had a test in biology, but I feel good about it.” Ollie is ironically a pre-med major at Northwestern.
“That’s awesome. I’m so proud of you, Ollie.”
“Thanks, Mom,” he says with a laugh in his voice. “How are you? Tate giving you grief yet?”
“You know your sister. She’s always been full of sass, but it’s even more now with all the pre-teening happening. Lord help me. She asked me yesterday if she could wear makeup to school.”
“Yeah, good luck with that one.”
“Are you going to be coming home anytime soon for a visit?” I ask, trying not to let my voice reflect the sadness I feel.
“I might be able to swing a visit next weekend.”
“No chance of this weekend?”
Always Series Box Set Page 11
