by Dakota Rebel
Tears rolled down his face now, but his voice never cracked. He just stared out into the night and told me what his lover had made him do and never moved a muscle. I didn’t know what to do for him.
“Jarrod,” I said finally. “This is different. I haven’t shifted yet.”
“You saw what he became, Mitch—a crossbreed, a violent shell of the person he was when I found him. I broke him, and now he’s gone, and all of it is my fault.”
“Jesus Christ,” I whispered. “You can’t really believe that.”
I finally walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I kissed the back of his neck, and he leaned into me but didn’t try to turn to me. We stood together for a few minutes before I was able to choke back the sob that had risen in my own throat. I was amazed that after everything Skip had done to him, Jarrod blamed himself for all of it. I hadn’t been there, so I knew that nothing I said would make him believe Skip was just fucked in the head.
“Honey,” I finally whispered. “I love you.”
It wasn’t smart, it wasn’t a cure all, but it was the only thing I could think of that he might believe.
“I love you, too. I just hope you can understand why I can’t do this for you.”
I nodded. I knew his fears would be the end of my non-furry days, but I really did love him. I wouldn’t try to do to him what Skip had. I wouldn’t force him or coerce him into it. If he was that scared of it, then we would find another way.
“The sun will be up soon. We’d better get to bed,” I said.
He nodded, finally turning in my arms to kiss me gently on the lips. We walked hand in hand to the bedroom, crawling under the covers still in our jeans. Jarrod turned his back to me so I could spoon against him and hold him in my arms. We didn’t talk anymore. We just lay in the dark breathing together until dawn came and stole him away from me for the day. I held his cold body until I started to get unnerved by the feeling and shifted to the edge of the bed to try to sleep. It was hours before I finally stop replaying the earlier conversation about Skip and got some rest.
Chapter Eighteen
I woke early after tossing and turning for a few hours. I crawled out of bed and went in search of my cell phone. When I found my jacket in the living room, I realized I had left my phone charging at my apartment. And my car was still at Torque ‘cause I had gotten drunk and let Jarrod take me to his loft. I was stranded in an apartment with the emo-undead out of it for who knew how much longer.
I managed to find his cell phone, and after a minute of hesitation where I debated his right to privacy versus my need to get some information, I decided to go ahead and scroll through his list of contacts to find Christian’s number.
Thankfully, there was only one Christian in the phone. Other than band members, I was surprised to see how few numbers he had saved. I tried not to ponder that for too long because it was too much like snooping for my taste.
“Jarrod?”
“No, sorry, it’s actually Mitch. I need a favor.”
“Okay,” he said slowly.
“I need to talk to you. Can you pick me up at Jarrod’s loft? Please?”
He waited for a few minutes as if he was thinking about how to turn down my request, but I finally heard him sigh.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said.
“I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
I ran into the bedroom, threw on a shirt and a pair of shoes, grabbed my jacket and raced downstairs to meet Christian. I had just burst through the side door to the building when a motorcycle raced up next to me and Christian took his helmet off.
“You rang, sir,” he said with a smirk.
“I’m sorry. I know it was incredibly rude to call you out of the blue, but it’s been a really tough twenty-four hours, and I need to talk to someone who knows Jarrod. I hope you’re not mad.”
“Not at all,” he said, handing me a helmet from the back of the bike. “Get on.”
I buckled the strap around my chin and climbed behind him, wrapping my arms around him tightly just before he took off again. He moved with the bike as though it were an extension of his own body. I had never been comfortable on motorcycles, so I was glad he obviously knew what he was doing. What surprised me was that he drove as if he also knew where he was going. We hadn’t talked about where to go so I had to let him lead me wherever he wanted.
We pulled up in front of my apartment building, and I was more relieved than I would have liked to admit that we would be on familiar ground when I told him what I needed from him.
He parked the bike and followed me upstairs and into the apartment. He sat in the chair again, and I took my place on the sofa. We looked at each other for a minute before he broke the silence.
“So, what’s up?”
“I talked to Jarrod last night.” I leaned back into the cushions and looked up at the ceiling. I had called him, and now I was hedging on how much to share with him. I knew they were friends, but I didn’t know him. Calling him had seemed like such a good idea at the time, now I was less than sure.
“Mitch,” he said with a small laugh. “Look, this is going to be much easier on both of us if you just spill it. I mean, I don’t mind that you want to talk to me. I’m actually a little flattered. But I won’t sit here and pull your teeth to get the information out of you. Either tell me or don’t. Either way, I’m fine. Hell, if you just needed a ride home, you could have asked for that, too.”
He was right. I took a deep breath and told him a condensed version of what Jarrod had said to me. That he didn’t want to turn me into a vampire because Skip had fucked him up for so long. Christian listened patiently, never interrupting. He just stared at his hands and nodded occasionally.
“So,” he said when I finished, “what do you want?”
“I don’t want to be a werewolf,” I said softly. “I’m sorry. That was probably a really rude thing to say to you. I just…I don’t know how to deal with any of this.”
“It’s all right. I was the one who sat here yesterday and told you how awful it is. To be honest, I was having a really bad day. I mean, yeah, being a werewolf sucks, but I may have been a little harsher than I needed to be with you.”
“I’m glad you were honest. I appreciate brutality. It’s fine,” I said with a smile. “I think I was just confused by Jarrod’s reaction to all of it. I thought he would be thrilled to have us both be vampires.”
“From what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like he doesn’t want you to be a vampire. All I heard you say was that he doesn’t want to turn you. You could have someone else do it.”
I stared at him in shock. It had never occurred to me to let anyone else turn me. I loved Jarrod, and while I wasn’t completely familiar with vampire etiquette, it seemed wrong to let someone else make me a vampire.
“Don’t you think that would upset him?” I asked.
“Maybe at first. Honestly, I think, in the end, he would be grateful. I know he loves you. If he can’t bring himself to turn you, then that’s his decision, but this is your life, your existence, and you have a lot more say about it than he does. Ultimately, the decision is yours.”
That really wasn’t what I’d wanted to hear. Until the last twenty-four hours, I had thought I was a fiercely independent person. I was quickly coming to realize the military and then the government had not only given my life structure, they had run it completely. All of the hard choices had always been made for me. I was a twenty-nine-year-old child, and the first truly grown-up decision I had to make would set the tone for the rest of my life.
I had lost my father and my sister, freaked out my lover, lost my job and been infected with lycanthropy. Not my best week. And now I had to decide if I wanted to live for eternity as a vampire.
“This is bullshit,” I said, not really intending to do it aloud but too frustrated to care that I had.
“Do you want me to call Jarrod and see what he thinks about letting Timmy infect you?”
“Who the fuc
k is Timmy?”
“He’s the bassist. Fuck dude, how can you be in love with Jarrod Axlerod and not know anything about his band?”
“Because I wasn’t a fan boy. I fell in love with him for him, not for his fame.”
Christian reached out and touched my hand. “I think that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard in a long time. Do you want me to call Jarrod?”
I nodded, unable to talk anymore. I was suddenly exhausted and really wanted to go to bed, but I figured it would be rude, not to mention irresponsible to leave Christian alone in my living room so I could take a nap.
I laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling again. Christian just had gone into the kitchen, but he was talking too low for me to hear him. I strained to make out any words, but it was just a low, monotonous hum. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted Jarrod to say. I had thought I’d made up my mind about becoming a vampire, but the idea of someone else doing it wasn’t as comforting as the original plan of dying and waking up in Jarrod’s arms. I didn’t know how it would feel to let a stranger infect me.
* * * *
“Mitch?”
I opened my eyes and smiled at the sight of Jarrod leaning over me. I looked around, saw that I was on my couch then realized I must have fallen asleep while Christian was on the phone.
“I fell asleep with someone else in the apartment,” I mumbled to him.
“I know, sweetie. It’s okay.” He took my hand and kissed my knuckles.
“No, it’s not. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.” I sat up, rubbing my eyes and looking around the room.
“You’ve had a rough couple of days,” he said with a small laugh. “I promise Christian didn’t do anything but sit and wait for me to get here.”
“Where is he?” I asked, looking around.
“He left when I got here. He told me he likes you a lot. He said to tell you it takes a strong man to call a stranger and ask for help.”
“Thanks,” I said with a small moan. I didn’t feel strong. I felt like an absolute pussy.
He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose, making me smile. He sat next to me, still holding my hand and looking across the room as if thinking.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I’m sorry I dismissed you so quickly, earlier. I’m just so scared. I love you, and I don’t want to hurt you. I hadn’t realized you’d actually given this any thought. I know you aren’t Skip, that you’re not going to use me the way he did, that you won’t hurt me as he wanted to.”
I wasn’t sure where he was going with his current line of thought, but I didn’t want to interrupt him. I sat very still and waited for him to start talking again.
“When Christian called me and asked me if I would mind Timmy turning you, I flipped. The only thing worse than making you a vampire myself is the thought of someone else doing it for you. I’m scared of hurting you, but I’m more terrified of losing you.”
“Why would you lose me?”
“The bond between a vampire and his master is very strong. Sometimes, the change can force feelings on the two people involved that they never had for each other before. I would never forgive myself if I let you become attached to another man because I didn’t have the balls to do what you needed me to do for you. That’s not what you do when the person you love asks for your help.”
I reached out to turn his chin to face me. He gave me a half-smile and let me kiss him. I loved him, and I felt guilty for having putting him in this situation. If he wanted me to be a werewolf for him, who was I to turn that down?
Jarrod had spent decades doing what his lover had demanded of him. How could I think I was any different than Skip if I asked him to do this for me when he was so against it?
“Hey,” he said softly. “I can almost see those thoughts flying through your mind. Don’t sit there and compare yourself to him. You’re not like him. I know that. I was just scared last night. I still believe you have to sacrifice for the person you love. And I love you. If you really believe this is what you need, then I want to do it for you.”
I was so tired and so confused. It seemed like no matter what I chose to do, it was going to be the wrong decision. I believed I wanted to spend eternity with Jarrod. That was not even a question. The problem was I didn’t know if he would live to resent me forcing him into a decision he wasn’t comfortable with. He could tell me he wanted to do it for me all he wanted, but he had made his real thoughts clear to me the previous night. I had held him while he’d cried over what Skip had made him do. He wouldn’t convince me he was suddenly okay with it.
“Jarrod, I love you. You know that, right?”
He nodded then leaned into my shoulder, resting his head in the crook of my neck. I kissed the top of his hair and sighed heavily.
“I don’t want to fuck this up,” I said after a minute. “What if I let you do this for me and you hate me for it later?”
“Mitch, I could never hate you. I overreacted last night. I wasn’t thinking about the person asking me to save him. I was only thinking about what had happened in the past. You are not Skip. I know that. You were right. This is a different situation. You are a different man. I understand that you love me and would never intentionally hurt me. It’s not the same. If I can help you, I want you to let me do this.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to scream, cry, hug him or punch him in the face. I was so frustrated I could have done all of it. A month ago, I would never have believed I’d be trying to figure out if I wanted my vampire lover to turn me or if I’d live my life as a werewolf and eventually grow old and die, leaving him forever. It was ridiculous. Shit like this didn’t happen to me.
But it was happening. And every day, I put off making a decision, the closer I got to having the choice taken away. The big problem was, if I was completely honest with myself, both options sucked ass. I didn’t want to be a vampire or a werewolf. I wanted to be Mitch Baine, federal marshal again.
I admitted to myself that I might be okay with not being a bounty hunter anymore. There was no part of me that was sorry I had met and fallen in love with Jarrod. I was just sorry it had come to this so quickly. We should have had years together before I had to make this decision. Could I responsibly say I wanted to spend eternity with him after knowing him such a short time? I didn’t know.
“Mitch, I know this sucks,” Jarrod said, pulling me from my thoughts. “But these are the cards we were dealt. I don’t think we have too much time to…okay, that was a bad path. I don’t know anything about gambling. What I’m trying to say is we need to decide what we’re going to do, and we need to do it quick.”
“Stop reading my thoughts,” I said with a small smile.
He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. His green irises searched my face, and I was filled with such a sense of calm that it felt as if my decision had been made for me. I loved him. I would always love him. Right now, I wanted to spend eternity in his arms. If I could hold onto that feeling, then no matter what happened in the future, I knew neither of us would regret the choice I had made.
“Jarrod, if you are abso-fucking-lutely positive you are not going to regret this, I want you to turn me.”
His face split into a huge grin, and he threw himself into my arms, kissing my neck and face with quick pecks.
“I am so sorry I scared you yesterday. It’s been a really rough week for both of us, and I think it finally took its toll on me. I sat in bed alone today and thought I had lost you forever. I remembered watching you lying unconscious on my couch and how it had felt to think you weren’t coming back to me and I wanted to kick myself for the things I’d said to you. The night I woke up after the attack, I told myself that I would never let you go. Then not even a week later, I tried to throw you away with both hands. I’m an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. You’ve been through a lot, and I don’t just mean in the last week. I would have freaked out, too. If you still h
ave reservations about doing this, then we won’t. I would rather suffer a lifetime of being a lycanthrope than cause you even one more minute of pain.”
He kissed me, hard and fast, knocking us both to the floor with the force at which he had pushed into me. I opened my mouth to him as my arms circled his waist, holding him tight against me. His tongue practically fought with mine to control the viciousness of the kiss, but I wasn’t actually fighting anything. I wanted him like this forever.
He sat up, balancing his ass on my waist with his knees tight against my ribs. The look he gave me was full of heat and love and things I had never believed anyone could hold in their eyes for me.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“I’m sure,” I said. And I was.
“Tell me,” he whispered. “Tell me you love me. Promise me you will never hurt me.”
“Jarrod,” I said, reaching up to pull him back down on me. I stared into his eyes and tried to put all of the emotion and love I could into my own for him. “I love you. I swear to you that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. I want to spend eternity with you.”
His eyes filled with tears, but he didn’t let them fall. He kissed me again, softer than before but still full of heat and lust and love and all of those things one tries to convey to his partner when words just aren’t enough. It poured into me through his lips and his tongue and his hands on mine. He loved me. There was no doubt, and most of the fear of what would happen was washed away with that kiss. I just hoped I gave as good as I got from him.
He sat up again, his eyes never breaking contact with mine as he bit down into his wrist. He held it in front of himself for a minute, a brief hesitation I started to share.
“Is it going to hurt?” I asked. I don’t like to think I’m a wuss, but I wanted warning if I could get it from him.
“Yes,” he said softly. “But not for long and only once.”
I nodded, knowing he meant that if I didn’t do this, I could look forward to horrible pain every month when shifting into a werewolf. I reached up to take his wrist in my hand and spilled his blood into my mouth.
