Out of Uniform

by Catherine Mann

  Jacob drummed his straw against the table absently. “Let’s try a word association game.”

  Anything sounded better than waiting around for her past to magically unveil itself. Of course, it also made her all the more vulnerable to Jacob. What would she reveal unwittingly? “Okay. Ready whenever you are.” Liar.

  “Home.”

  An empty hall echoed. “House.”

  “House.”

  Stenciled cartoon airplanes along a wall. “Nursery.”

  “Baby.”

  Love. “Child.”

  “Husband.”

  Nothing. She drew a blank. Her head throbbed with the effort of trying to force an image. She pressed her fingers to her aching temples. “It’s fading.”

  Jacob touched her elbow. “We’ll try again later.”

  “Sure.” Dee swiped her hand over her forehead, feeling wobbly and caught between two worlds. She looked around the room to ground herself in the moment.

  Her gaze hooked on Emily feeding French fries to the teenager she guessed to be Chase. His mother must be watching the baby, because Madison wasn’t anywhere in sight. Chase’s clothes hung from his frame. Broad shoulders filled out his oversize T-shirt and open button-down. Dee couldn’t help but think that if Emily were her daughter, she’d blow that boy out of the water for putting his hands so low on Emily’s hips, especially in public.

  She could see the tension in Jacob’s jaw, felt an echoing frustration. What was the right answer for those two? She honestly didn’t know. They were stuck in such an awkward age, hiding all those confused feelings behind too much hair and droopy pants, teenagers trying on new personas like hats.

  Was she much better off? Trying to find pieces of herself and patch them into a whole person.

  Even if she discovered her old identity, she wondered how much of the new creation she would carry with her. She couldn’t imagine emerging from this ordeal as if it had never happened. Certainly her short time knowing Jacob would be imprinted on her brain long after she left Rockfish and this moody man behind.

  “Supper was nice.” Clouds puffed into the night air as Dee spoke. “Thanks for the fried walleye.”

  Outside Dee’s motel door, Jacob leaned against his truck fender. “No problem.”

  He watched Dee clutch the doorknob behind her back. Was she reluctant to say good-night, too?

  They’d shared a room once, but concerns for her health had offered a substantial cold shower. Tonight, especially after that kiss, his resolve was weakening.

  A fleeting image of waking up next to her tormented him. He couldn’t leave fast enough. “See you in the morning.”

  “Jacob—” Her voice reached to him.

  Glancing back over his shoulder, he asked, “Yeah?”

  “I appreciate your taking me to the diner and introducing me around. I needed that.”

  “It wasn’t anything special.” As a matter of fact, it had felt too comfortable.

  “Maybe not to you. But to me, it was blessedly normal, kind of like…catching snowflakes on your tongue. Magical in its simplicity. Thank you for that gift.”

  Then she smiled. Just smiled, but the happiness spread all the way to her eyes.

  Her beauty blindsided him like a surprise whiteout.

  How could he have ever thought her merely pretty? She radiated something incredible that far surpassed an average word such as “pretty.”

  A lock of hair slid free from her scarf and lifted with the circling winds. Drawn to Dee in spite of his better judgment, he shoved away from the truck and stopped in front of her. The wind at his back, he shielded her.

  Her fingers fluttered upward and landed lightly on his head, dusting snow away. “You really should remember to wear a hat.”

  He smiled down at her. “Sure, Mom.”

  Her arm dropped back to her side again. Hurt dimmed her eyes. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” He kept forgetting how prickly she could be. He folded the ends of her scarf over each other and resisted the urge to smooth his hands along her shoulders, cup the softness just below her coat. “You need to sleep. You didn’t rest much last night.”

  “Neither did you.”

  He wouldn’t tonight, either, with her scent still clinging to his sheets. Not that it mattered if he washed them. After a day spent together in the truck cab, his senses were saturated with her fragrance.

  Dee traced squiggly patterns in the snow with the toe of her tennis shoe. “I enjoyed meeting your friends today. You must be itching to get back to work.”

  Work which would take him away from here—and her.

  A wry grin tugged one side of his face. “Yeah, I have to admit, I miss it, the flying and the camaraderie.”

  “Even after getting shot?”

  “Even then.”

  “How did it happen?”

  The day spread out through his mind, the surprise of it all coming during a low-key mission. “My C-17 was transporting a political contingent across Europe for goodwill visits to a number of countries over the Christmas holidays. On the last stop in Bavaria, some radical crook with an agenda tried to assassinate the—”

  “Senator from South Carolina—Ginger Landis.” Dee blinked fast, her eyes widening with surprise. “I remember that.”

  “You do?”

  She nodded quickly. “I remember seeing the report on TV—” she snapped her fingers “—a wide-screen television…” Her cheeks puffed, her excitement dimming. “And that’s it. The memory of where I was then…It’s gone.” She shook her head, her gaze focused on him again. “But ohmigod, you were shot. I do remember from the news report that you got some kind of medal for saving an old lady at the ceremony.”

  Saving the world while his sister needed him more. “I just happened to be in the seat next to someone who needed help. The rest was instinct, not some great heroic decision.”

  “Yeah, right, whatever.” She cocked her head to the side. “How amazing it must feel to make such a big difference in people’s lives. No wonder you’re itching to get back.” She studied her chewed-down fingernails. “Only a couple more weeks until you leave.”

  “I’m not out the door yet. I need to settle Emily, or convince her to come with me to Charleston until I get a transfer to Tacoma.”

  “I just assumed she would be going with you….”

  “She doesn’t want to leave, not even to live in Tacoma.” His sister was too enamored with Chase to go even an hour away.

  “Isn’t she a senior? Graduation is only about four months away.”

  “She’s a junior, Chase is a senior.”

  “Will he stay?”

  “I honestly don’t know. She doesn’t want to lose any time with him.” His jaw flexed. “I haven’t been around enough to get a read off of him.”

  “That’s not your fault. You’re an adult, living your life.” She grazed her fingers just above his gunshot wound. “Putting yourself in harm’s way.”

  “I had some lucky breaks as a teenager. Thanks to joining the local Civil Air Patrol I made connections, found direction in the training and flying along for rescue missions. I got out of here. I need to pay back that debt.”

  Her face softened with understanding. “You don’t like owing anyone anything, do you?”

  “Not much.” Debts gave over power to someone else and he needed to be in control. “I had hoped Emily would find the same. She was a member of Civil Air Patrol, too, along with Chase. Then she got pregnant and dropped out.”

  “I’m sorry about your sister, your father, too.” Her puffy breaths met his, entwined and swirled between them, brushing the air with their combined heat. Memories of Dee’s mouth on his pulsed through his mind, then lower.

  Control would slip away completely if he didn’t haul butt away from her. Now. He’d made it halfway to his truck before her voice stopped him.

  “Jacob,” she called out. “I haven’t forgotten that kiss. Something like that is kind of tough to forget, and believe me, I’
m an expert at forgetting.”

  He paused. Snow gathered on his shoulders, he stood still for so long before looking back.

  She stuffed her mittened hands in her pockets. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to throw myself at you a second time. I just want to talk. I—” she hesitated, before gasping in a deep breath “—I don’t want to be alone. All that’s waiting for me inside that room is a cold bed and a clean tub. Jacob, my heart hurts when I think of my own child. My arms feel so empty for a baby I can’t even remember.”

  Dee’s jaw quivered. “What if I’m a mass murderer? Or a bank robber on the run.” Her voice deflated to a whisper. “Or a married woman.”

  Her words pierced through him as cleanly as the bullet he’d taken in his arm. A person who lived by definitive lines of right and wrong, he knew he couldn’t have her until he’d ruled out the possibility of a husband. Damn it, where was the man, and why wasn’t he tearing up the world searching for Dee?

  With one finger, he traced a slow, deliberate path over her jaw. This woman could make a man forget how to breathe.

  His fingers splayed across her cheek.

  More than a little regret pulsing through him, he let his hands fall to rest on her shoulders and turned her toward her door. “Go to sleep, Dee.”

  It was for the best. Her life was complicated enough. She needed his help. She definitely didn’t need to plunge into some relationship with a guy who would only be around for two weeks.

  She might have been better off cutting her losses and staying in Tacoma after all.

  Chapter 8

  D ee shoved the lost-and-found box to the back of the closet. Over the past week, the container had filled. Rapidly. Jacob had the most absentminded patrons on the planet. And they all wore a size seven.

  She’d been pleased to discover the first pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, yellow with flowers that made her smile as she rubbed the baby-soft fabric against her cheek. How lucky could she get?

  Much luckier.

  The next day, she’d unearthed Gore-Tex gloves, then snow boots and a hat, followed by another pair of jeans and a cashmere sweater—with a tag from the Gap still attached under the arm.

  If she got any “luckier,” she’d be Irish.

  Dee fingered the cuff of her pink sweater. He really needed to stop with the gifts before her IOU pad overflowed. She was tempted to sit on her pride awhile longer and see how far Jacob would carry the magical lost-and-found game. Aside from the fact she desperately needed the clothes, the tokens had also carried her through a week of disappointments as they uncovered nothing earth-shattering about her identity.

  Thanks to Jacob’s quizzing, she’d had small breakthroughs. She and Jacob often sat in front of the lobby fireplace eating popcorn and flipping through magazines to see if any of the pictures prompted a memory. Flashes taunted her, but offered her nothing concrete.

  The smell of roses on a corsage pinned to a prom dress.

  The wind on her face during a childhood bicycle ride with a friend.

  The sound of planes roaring overhead…At a base? During an air show?

  Regardless, she couldn’t help but notice how often her impressions included something to do with the military lately. Could she be blending her present with Jacob into her past? Or were the memories real? She honestly didn’t know.

  Sometimes she wondered if she might be fighting herself because the present seemed so appealing. And handsome. And hot. Dee smoothed her hands along the fuzzy softness of her new sweater.

  Still, the time had come to put a stop to Jacob’s charity.

  This didn’t seem the best time to approach him, though, with so many people around. Were his friends always so social on the weekends?

  His military pals from the diner had apparently spread the word about her because a half dozen had come to check her out. She couldn’t keep the names straight, especially when they rarely went by a real name, instead using their call signs such as Picasso and Tag. Crusty and Bronco had both brought their wives and kids—she’d been happy to see Kathleen again.

  Jacob had a wide circle of friends and support. She envied him that, even as he wrestled with arranging his life. Her gaze shifted to Emily, who was on the sofa, writing in her journal while the baby slept in her swing.

  For once, it wasn’t snowing. The sky stretched across a mountainous forever, interrupted only by the occasional airplane from the base rumbling past. Dee rubbed her hands over the goose bumps raising along her skin.

  Restlessly, she closed the closet door and parked herself behind the computer. She’d found doing random Google searches sometimes sparked a memory.

  Emily shifted on the sofa, Naugahyde crackling. “Guys are kinda dense, don’t you think?”

  Dee swallowed a laugh. “What brought that up?”

  “Oh, just stuff.”

  “Like?” Dee nodded toward the window.

  Outside, Chase helped Jacob salt down sidewalks—when the teen wasn’t lobbing snowballs at random targets.

  “Well, Chase comes to pick me up last night, and he’s so clueless. He doesn’t even walk to the door. He just honks the horn. I don’t expect him to, like, open doors and pull out chairs and all that stuff, but he could at least ring the bell, don’tcha think?”

  “That would be the polite thing to do.” Dee swept aside Emily’s feet and sat beside her. “Maybe he doesn’t know better.”

  “Have you met his mom?” Emily shot a glare out the window and mumbled, “Or maybe he doesn’t want to mess with having a kid.”

  The baby swing clicked softly.

  Life hadn’t played fair with the girl, either, Dee thought.

  Emily locked her journal and pitched it to the floor. “It’s no big deal really. I’ll just freeze Chase out for a little while longer until he gets the message.”

  “Or you could tell him.” She couldn’t squelch the longing to dispense maternal wisdom about boys and dating.

  “Yeah, right.” Emily hitched her knees up to her chest and tugged her baggy T-shirt over them. Her face turned moony-eyed with adolescent longing as she stared at Chase.

  Was she much better, Dee wondered, watching Jacob, starving for a glimpse of him? He hadn’t made a move on her all week. That should have been good, except it gave her too much time to get to know him, really know him across the dinner table.

  She liked what she’d found—too much.

  Even if she wasn’t a married woman, she couldn’t afford distractions, not now. And Jacob was a great big, hunkish distraction. “Do you have plans for tonight?”

  “The three of us are gonna drive into Tacoma for a movie to celebrate Valentine’s Day—if I decide to forgive him.”

  Valentine’s Day? She hadn’t even thought to make note of the date; now she couldn’t think of anything other than the holiday reserved for lovers.

  Emily cast another baleful look at the window. Chase grabbed the shovel at his feet. Jacob launched snowballs baseball-style for the boy to smack.

  Could Jacob really be as wonderful as he seemed? Okay, occasionally moody, but wonderful all the same.

  Had the father of her child been this great? Did he drive her to distraction with just a look?

  Valentine’s Day really stunk when a person’s love life sucked.

  Emily’s fingers walked along the sofa back to pick at a crack in the upholstery. “You okay?”

  “Huh?” Dee shook herself free of the self-pity. The kid didn’t need any more worries than she already had. “Of course. Just feeling lazy today, I guess.”

  Emily picked at Dee’s cuff. “Nice sweater.”

  “Thanks, it’s—” Dee acted on a hunch and continued, “My favorite color. You really did a great job matching up my size.”

  “Thanks. I figured you were—Hey!”

  Dee leaned back, her eyes narrowing. “He sent you shopping, didn’t he?”

  “Oh, man.” Emily slouched into her clothes. “Jacob’s gonna kill me for spilling the secret. How did you g
uess?”

  “I can’t envision him wandering through racks at the Gap.” A laugh slid past Dee’s lips, followed by Emily’s giggle. “Thank you. But no more charity for me, okay?”

  “Hey, there’s nothing like shopping on someone else’s dime, and you really needed the clothes.” Her brows pulled together. “You like everything, don’t you?”

  “Oh, honey, of course I do—How much more is there?”

  A wicked grin crept up the girl’s face. “You’ll see. Besides, how could I turn him down? He watched Madison and sprung for a supper for Chase and me.”

  Frustration chugged through Dee. “I don’t even want to think of what all of this cost.”

  “Quit worrying. He’s got a steady job and savior complex. It’s best to just let him have his way.”

  Dee could sense more coming and held her silence while the teen pulled her thoughts together. Her computer search could wait. The baby swing clicked away in the silence.

  Emily finally sighed. “I guess I’ll have to take my own advice and just go live with Jacob.” She glanced at Madison. “It’s not like I have a lot of choices.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie. I wish I had an answer for you.” Dee tugged on the hem of her latest charity gift.

  Jacob took care of everyone, shoveling driveways, pulling cars out of ditches, even helping finance teenage dates. Three days of cleaning with Grace had clued Dee in that Jacob wasn’t paying for much. The woman had cataracts for crying out loud. She couldn’t see dust until it flew up her nose.

  Emily pegged it, all right. Jacob suffered from a major case of protector syndrome.

  Which meant she wasn’t anyone special to him, just another stray wandering into his life. She couldn’t shrug free of the feeling she wanted to be more.

  Problem was, Jacob deserved to have someone who could take care of him, as well. He deserved an equal, not another charity case.

  Why did that Jacob Stone have to screw up everything? The man was too damn possessive of her, a female who wanted to haul butt with her child.

  His kid.

  The Suburban cranked to life. He’d planned everything to a tee, how to shake free of her while keeping his kid close, but now Stone was helping her. Before long, she would be able to stand on her own and that would threaten all of his plans. He needed more time, something that bastard could ruin.