“Like wanting to believe Chase could be there for Emily.” Jacob’s eyes warmed as he finally seemed to see her. “Yeah, Dee…Deirdre. I understand.”
Deirdre. Not Dee.
Those last four inches might as well have been a mile. She wanted his arms around her as she shared the most painful part, his strong arms, rather than a sweatshirt substitute.
Damn her pride, she couldn’t make herself ask. “He forced me into the Suburban and started driving north, stopping here our first night on the road.” She shuddered to think of the red dress he’d made her wear in one of his twisted mind games. “We left early the next morning before dawn, and I was afraid he might make it to Canada. I tried to plan how to get help from the border patrol—then the snowstorm started and Blane made his move. He tossed me out of the car on an abandoned road.”
I’ll kill him before I let you see him again, Deirdre.
The horror, the fear, the utter helplessness choked her, fresh as if it had happened only moments before. “I hit my head, I think. I must have. Mostly I remember fighting to get to my feet as he drove away with my child.”
Jacob reached to stroke her hair. She ducked, too raw, too vulnerable to accept the comfort that would send her crying into his arms.
She had to hold it together, depend on herself and start the search for her child. The search for a trail nearly two weeks cold. “The next thing I remember is stumbling to my feet, confused. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets to warm them and found the hotel key and a hundred dollars. I could only think of getting back here to my baby. Which doesn’t make sense because they were already leaving.”
“You’d been injured and traumatized. You’re lucky you survived out there.”
“If I hadn’t kept that key, I probably would have died.” She wrapped her arms around her stomach, the chill of that fearful walk washing over her. “Once I got back to the room, I must have slept for an hour or two. Then I woke, unable to remember anything.”
Her every fear had been worse than she’d imagined. She’d been right to question her judgment. She’d trusted and loved a man capable of unspeakable things.
And he had Evan.
How could she even think about baring her heart to anyone again? At the moment, she couldn’t think of anything other than finding her son.
The front door opened. A shaft of frigid air blasted over her as it had that first day she’d woken here. Two uniformed officers stomped snow off their boots. Dee recognized one of them from the day she’d filed her report in Tacoma.
Again, she would have to tell her story, only this time it would be public knowledge. She straightened her spine and squeezed her hands together until they tingled.
Drained to her toes, she didn’t relish baring to the world what a mess she’d made of her life. However, maternal instincts fired her beyond normal endurance. She looked at Jacob and gave a fleeting thought to leaning on him while she talked, but tossed the notion aside. Jacob didn’t need the burden of her troubles, problems even worse than she could have imagined. She would do this the best way for both of them…alone.
“I need to report a kidnapping.”
Two hours later, Jacob watched the cop slam the police cruiser door shut with Chase inside.
The noise jarred all the way through him. The officer planned to scare the spit out of Chase for his own good. Knowing this was the right thing didn’t stop him from wanting to grab Chase by the scruff of the neck and send him home like a kid who’d been caught snitching cookies.
Two hundred and twenty dollars’ worth of cookies, not to mention frightening the hell out of Dee tonight. And what about the lipstick incident on her bathroom mirror? Could that have been Chase, too? But why would he do that to Dee? Deirdre.
His jaw clenched even as he thought of her bastard of an ex-husband. Jacob forced himself to relax. He would deal with all of those feelings later. First, he had to settle Emily.
She slouched outside the door to her suite, the baby monitor clutched in her hand. He didn’t need to step any closer. Even in the dimly lit parking lot he could see well enough the accusation in her eyes, along with unshed tears. She didn’t understand why he’d turned in Chase.
How many more times would Chase let Emily down before she realized she deserved better? But then even Dee, an adult, had been blinded by love. Love for another man.
God, he felt hollowed out inside. He just wanted to give his kid sister a hug she no doubt needed.
Jacob stepped forward, but Emily backed away, into her room, closing the door quietly—but firmly. Maybe she would be calmer, more reasonable, in the morning.
Yeah, right. Jacob shrugged through half the kinks in his shoulders and climbed the porch steps toward Dee, slower than when he’d charged up them earlier.
As much as he’d lost, she’d lost more. He sliced away his own needs, safer for him, anyway, and focused on hers.
Jacob pushed through the motel door and found her curled in the corner of the sofa staring out the window. He tossed his coat onto the coat tree.
Dee gnawed on a fingernail. “I should have gone with the cops.”
“You know there’s nothing you can do at the police station tonight. They have the number here. Maybe they’ll have some answers when we head into town tomorrow.”
Dee dangled her arm along the couch back, her fingers drawing little circles in the condensation on the window. Outside, snow began spiraling from the sky, heralding an approaching storm. “Blane could be anywhere by now.”
He knew that, but she didn’t need it confirmed. “The authorities were searching blind before. Not now.”
Dee exploded from the sofa. “I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I have to find them.”
“You need to be patient a little while longer.”
She ripped a coat off the rack. A surplus of adrenaline oozed from her. “My son’s out there somewhere. He’s only four. He can’t sleep without his airplane blanket and a story before bed. He’s never been separated from me for more than three nights at Blane’s, and Evan has a life-threatening peanut allergy. I can’t just wait here and do nothing. I never should have let that cop persuade me to sit tight.”
He shouldn’t have been surprised by her frenzy. She’d held it together throughout a hellish night. From past experiences in combat, he’d seen enough to know the adrenaline letdown would crash into her soon.
Two long strides and he caught her. He grabbed her arm just as she reached for the door. “You’ve done everything you can. Filing a police report. Calling everyone you could think of who might have had contact with your ex-husband.”
“It’s not enough.” She tried to wrench her wrist free, then flailed with her other. Her pitch rose, approaching hysteria. She jerked, scratched, kicked with surprising strength. “Jacob, damn it, let me go. I have to do something.”
He trapped both of her wrists and gave her a light shake. “Think. Even if I gave you the keys to the truck and a full tank of gas, what more can you do tonight?”
Reason returned to her eyes just before they flooded with tears. She sagged like a rag doll in his grip. “There really isn’t anything I can do, is there?”
“No, Dee, I’m afraid there isn’t.”
She crumpled against his chest. “Oh God, Jacob, this is so much worse than not knowing. I didn’t think anything could hurt that much, but I was so wrong.”
“I know.” Jacob gentled his hands along her hair again. He gritted his teeth against the need to bury his face in her neck. “I know.”
“Hold me. Please.” Half sobbing, gasping in air, she burrowed against his chest.
She squirmed against him as if to nestle closer still. He tried to ignore his reaction to her soft body wriggling against his. As much as he wanted, needed, burned to lose himself inside her and forget about the whole damned evening, she needed something else from him.
Or so he thought.
Her hands grappled at his shirt, his shoulders, his hair, dragging his head d
own to hers. Tapping the last dregs of his self-control, he held himself back.
With a none-too-gentle yank, Dee urged him closer. “Kiss me, damn it.”
He wanted to, needed to, but knew it was wrong. The wrong time. The wrong reason. But she sure as hell felt like the right woman. “You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s adrenaline talking.”
Fire snapped from her eyes, full force and full of will. “Adrenaline? Is that what it was yesterday? Or every day we’ve been together and I wanted this?” Her pupils widened until her eyes turned near-black, like heavy storm clouds. “For all this time I’ve been trying to remember, yet now I’m finding I desperately need to forget. Please, for just a few hours, help me forget.”
Good intentions fled. All his honorable platitudes seemed to have checked out for the night, and he couldn’t think of a single rebuttal. His fingers flexed around her wrists as he stared into the tear-misted eyes of this woman he wanted more than air.
Time to quit fighting it. He hadn’t been able to walk away from her the first time he saw her any more than he could turn away now.
Chapter 12
W as she getting through to him? If he turned her down, she would—
Do what?
Shriek her frustration at him and the whole world? She’d already done enough shouting for one night, for a lifetime even.
But the very trait that made Jacob so attractive to her could be the one thing that caused him to pull away. The man was so honorable.
She needed to forget what Blane had done to her and their child. Just for tonight until she could do something to find Evan.
“Jacob,” she moaned, demanded. Determination fueled her fingers as she shoved his buttons free, working her way from his neck down the camouflage uniform. All those necessary layers of cold-weather wear kept her from finding the salty skin she yearned to taste. She groaned her frustration. His hands covered hers.
Uh-oh. Here comes more talk of right and wrong and morning-after regrets.
Stretching onto her toes, Dee grazed her mouth along his neck, up to his ear. She’d never considered herself much of a femme fatale and feared she would fall short now. Blane’s infidelity had torn at her self-confidence. He’d been her first, and after their split, she’d shut that part of her away rather than risk more rejection.
Would she have ever pursued Jacob so relentlessly before she’d lost her memory? Of course not. How odd that it had taken a hefty dose of amnesia to set her sensuality free. Still, she wasn’t sure her fledgling sense of adventure could withstand Jacob turning from her.
Pride forced a huskiness to her voice. “Don’t tell me ‘no.’”
“All right.”
That stopped her faster than any long speech about impulsive mistakes. Pride ducked behind surprise.
Dee’s grip tightened around Jacob’s collar. “You don’t think this is a bad idea? You don’t think it’s an adrenaline high that—”
Jacob silenced her with a hard kiss.
He rested his forehead against hers. “Yes, I do think we’re both riding an adrenaline high. But no, I don’t think we should stop. We’ve both wanted this too long to waste it by rushing. Let’s take it slow.” His light blue eyes turned smoky, whispering over her. “Really slow.”
The hungry sweep of his eyes left Dee with no doubts. He wasn’t going to leave her hurting and alone. Relief turned her legs to soup, like one of those Sunday Jell-O molds left out too long.
It was going to happen. She and Jacob would be naked in a matter of moments—slow, stolen moments.
He dipped his head to drink unending, leisurely kisses from her mouth. What made the feel of his hands on her so special, so different?
She met his questing tongue with her own, reacquainting herself with the mind-numbing taste of Jacob. Liquid fire poured straight through her like a swig of his beer.
He looped an arm around her waist to mesh their bodies and walked her with him, their synchronized steps almost dancelike. Jacob locked the door, flicked a switch activating the No Vacancy light in the window, and backed her into his apartment, never once halting his deliberate homage to her lips. Every brush of their bodies against each other nudged his solid arousal against her stomach, a reminder, a promise.
Jacob backed her across his darkened apartment until they stood bathed in the moonbeams streaming through the skylight. True to his word, he peeled away her clothes with torturous precision. His broad hands tunneled beneath the sweatshirt as inch by shivery inch, he bunched the fabric up and free.
Her yellow floral shirt hung loose, draping over her breasts. Jacob fingered the small rips where there had once been pearly buttons. His jaw flexed, and she feared the mood had been broken.
“Jacob?”
Groaning, he pressed her to him. “I should have been here for you.”
She feathered her fingers over his brows. So many shadows lingered in his eyes. Insecurities nipped. What did she have to offer? Very little according to Blane.
She could give Jacob reassurance. “You’ve been there for me since the second I first walked into the lobby. You’re here now.”
“Not a real hardship tour, being here for you tonight.”
In spite of his lighthearted tone, Dee searched his eyes and found a mirror of her own thoughts, an appreciation for the rare window of time they had together.
She cupped his face in her hands. “I need you. I need you so much tonight.”
Suddenly slow didn’t seem as important as the urge to be closer. She reached for him as he reached for her. Their hands dodged each other to stroke aside clothes and any lingering inhibitions. They made their way up the loft steps, leaving a path behind them.
Camouflage draped over yellow flowered flannel.
Rugged thermal rested beneath a white lace bra.
When they reached the top step, she wore nothing but her panties. He wore nothing at all.
Moonlight caressed every inch of Jacob as she longed to. She walked her fingers down his chest, her skin so pale against the bronzed vitality of him. So much strength beneath her hands and she ached to soak some of it up to carry her through the coming days.
He grazed the backs of his fingers along her jaw, her neck, between her breasts. She gasped, her mouth drying as moist heat pooled between her legs.
Jacob sealed his mouth to hers, probing deeply, fully, as he would later do with his body. Her senses already heightened from an evening of too much emotion, she hooked her arms around his neck and simply hung on.
His hands roved, possessed, until he splayed one hand along the middle of her back, the other cupping her bottom. He lifted her, trailing kisses along her jaw. Raised her higher still, his mouth nibbling down her neck.
Jacob kissed a moist path between her breasts. Her breath hitched in anticipation. He lingered until she wanted to yank his hair in frustration.
“Jacob, forget slow.”
She felt his smile against her skin, another tantalizing brush that pulled the thread of desire tauter within her. He puffed a teasing blast of air over her just before he latched on. She exhaled, shuddered and arched in a silent invitation for more.
Dee braced her hands on his shoulders, her arms trembling as her legs dangled. He laved equal attention on her other breast, feasting alternately from both until her head fell back. Her hair swayed along her spine, sending a fresh tingle along her already-shimmering nerves.
Jacob lowered her to his bed, and in the flash of time before he joined her, Dee devoured him with her gaze. The very size of him thrilled her. Six foot four inches of muscled man, all hard and eager for her.
Then he hooked his thumbs in her panties, and she froze. How could she have forgotten? Her scar would glare, bringing the world rushing back between them. Already tears stung. A band of pain constricted her ribs.
He hovered over her, his brows knit together, his breathing rasping as if he’d shoveled the whole parking lot. “Do you want to stop?”
Definitely not. “No.”
His exhaled enough relief to combat the best Washington storm wind. “What’s wrong, then? What do you need?”
“Nothing. Just don’t stop, please.”
His eyes never left her face as he skimmed her panties down her legs and to the floor. Instinctively her hand flew to her stomach and covered the place where her baby had once rested, where a scar remained.
Jacob’s gaze snapped to her protective hand. His brow smoothed before he circled her wrist and eased her arm away. With one thumb, he soothed the faded incision before he placed his broad palm on her belly. His fingers splayed over her stomach with healing heat. “We’ll find him.”
Determination rang from his vow. She wanted to believe him. Even if placing so much trust in him screamed of losing control, she wasn’t left with any choice. If ever a man could accomplish something through sheer will, she believed Jacob could.
Her hand fluttered to rest over his, linking. Then he joined her on the bed. Dee scooched up the quilt as he shadowed her body with his, finally blanketing her without letting go of her hand.
She gripped his fingers tighter and held on. That connection, something so basic and beyond the sexual, anchored her. Just as his friendship had moored her through a time when she could very well have drifted into dangerous waters. She squeezed his hand. “Make me forget. Make us both forget.”
“I’ll damn well try my best.” His callused hands snagged along her skin with a sweet abrasion.
Dee lost herself in a swirl of sensations, his warm body beneath her fingers. She smoothed over his chest, traced a ridged scar along his arm. She shivered at how close he’d come to dying that day.
His strong, columned neck smelled of wind and musk. She sketched along the muscles on his chest, his abs, lower. As her hand curled around his rigid length, exploring, learning him, she found his need obviously equaled hers.
Jacob skimmed her scar once again, but continued lower until he cradled the core of her. He circled and soothed until she writhed against him. A lone finger dipped and dampened to rub the sensitive bundle of nerves.
Out of Uniform Page 12
