by LL Collins
He opened up, his eyes watching her intently. She slid the grape in and followed her mouth to his lips, and they repeated sharing the grape. When she pulled away, she leaned over so her lips were against his ear. “If we were in our room right now, want to know what I would do?” He gripped her hips and pulled her onto his lap, nodding his head. She continued to whisper into his ear, knowing how she was affecting him.
“Rachel,” he grunted. “If you don’t stop, it’s going to get embarrassing.”
“For who?” she teased, batting her eyelashes. He threw his head back and laughed, settling her next to him on the blanket.
“What would you think of going back to school?” Rachel wrinkled her brow at him. That was quite a switch in subject.
“I don’t know, Dev. I don’t know if I have it in me to do that now. It kind of feels like it’s too little, too late.”
“It’s never too late to realize your dreams. Haven’t we been enough of an example of that?”
She couldn’t argue with that, but she wasn’t sure. Going to school seemed like such a big hurdle to cross. “I’ll think about it.”
“You’d be a great therapist. I thought so then, and I think so even more now. Plus, you have Kayley and Jessica to help you learn the ropes, too. Having friends in the business, plus you working in the office, will definitely give you an edge.”
Rachel lay back against Devin, her mind reeling. Did she still want to be a therapist? She knew that, no matter what she said out loud, that she did. She had always regretted quitting. Seeing her friends at work doing what she had always wanted to do was just one more thing that made her life feel unfulfilled. She just wasn’t sure that she could take that on right now, on top of everything else. What if she failed?
Rachel stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of their hotel room, smiling at her reflection. They had had such an amazing afternoon. One of the best things about Devin was his ability to be her friend just as much as her lover. He listened, he gave advice, and he pushed her beyond her realm. They had talked about so many things. As much time as they had spent together in the past few months, they always felt like they had more and more to catch up on from the time they were apart.
She loved hearing about his job, and how he moved up through the ranks and why he decided to apply for a SWAT position. While he couldn’t tell her everything about the job, just listening to him have so much passion for what he did made her swell with pride.
Devin had started her wheels turning about what she should do for her future. Checking that she looked presentable, she smiled at herself again, then opened the bathroom door to surprise her hot man.
Stepping seductively into the room, Devin’s eyes immediately swung to her. He was laying on the bed with the television on, his shirt off, exposing his sculpted, perfect washboard abs. Her eyes found his tattoo, and the slow burn that started every time she looked at him began smoldering into a fire. He sat up, his mouth dropping slightly at the sight of her.
“My God,” he breathed. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed as she stepped two steps closer to him. His eyes roamed from top to bottom, not sure where he should look next.
“Like something you see?” she teased, turning around slowly. She heard his sharp intake of breath, and she turned back to see the expression on his face as he stepped up to her.
“I see something I’m going to enjoy very, very much.”
Devin reached out and traced the swell of her breasts, protruding out of a completely sheer black lace bra. He traced his finger down her flat stomach to the barely-there lace thong that covered so little, he wouldn’t have to do much to get rid of it. On her amazing legs were stockings held up with garters, and she wore hot pink heels that made her a lot closer to his height. He could barely breathe.
“Slow or hard,” she whispered, looking up at him under hooded eyes. He thought his heart might pound out of his chest, he was so turned on by her. He wasn’t really sure he could even move, much less answer her. “Me in control or you.”
He looked back into her eyes, simmering with need, and he chose to act instead of answer. He turned and laid on the bed, showing her she had control. She grinned, walking towards him slowly, like a predator about to attack. “So that’s the way it’s going to be, huh? I take advantage of you?”
Devin smirked, willing himself to stay still so he didn’t jump up and throw her down on the bed. He needed to show her she could do this. “Take your best shot.”
Reaching for his jeans, she unbuttoned them slowly, sliding them down his body and dropping them on the floor, followed by his underwear. Her eyes scanned his body, like she always did, then she climbed on top of him, straddling his waist. His body immediately responded, pressing against her in need. She started rubbing his shoulders, moving downward to his chest, abs, and then back up. She was torturing him. He held his breath, wishing more than anything he could flip her over and take control.
“Do it,” she commanded. His eyes flew open and met hers. “Take it.” He knew what she meant, and he only hesitated a second. Sitting up, he stood her up quickly and caught the reflection of her body in the mirror against the wall. Knowing immediately that was what he wanted to do, he picked her up and carried her across the room, his hands groping and feeling as much as he could.
Pressing her against the mirror, he took her mouth hungrily, tasting, nipping, sucking her lips and tongue. She moaned, running her hands through his hair, then down his body as he pressed himself against her. He used one of his hands to knead her breast, then expertly unhooked her bra and flung it to the floor. Turning her around, they both locked eyes in the mirror, him behind her. A small smile played on Rachel’s lips as she watched him touch her breasts, then move downward to the scrap of lace that he shoved down her hips. She stepped out of it as it hit the floor, and she was wearing only the stockings and garters with the high heels. Devin’s eyes flashed as he took all of her in.
Reaching in front of her, he watched himself touch her, using his fingers to expertly prime her. As he began touching her with more force and pressure, she arched her back, leaning against him as he continued the assault on her senses.
“Open your eyes,” Devin whispered in her ear. She did, and she watched him touch her. Wanting to do the same, she shifted so they were both facing sideways, but could still see in the mirror. She touched him, looking at him in the mirror to watch his reaction. As she stroked, he closed his eyes briefly but then looked back at her. “I want to do it all,” he admitted. “I can’t decide what I want first, but I know I have to look at you while we do it.”
Her body clenched in anticipation, and Devin pulled her towards him, lifting her easily in his arms. She wrapped her legs around him and he entered her quickly. “Look.” She looked over at him in the mirror and their eyes met again, then they watched as they moved together, him holding her up and she using her legs to give them momentum.
“Devin,” she breathed, her body starting to shake from the release that was coming quickly. As he got close, he pressed her against the mirrored wall, using that to help hold her as he used his hands to hold her hips. As she started shattering around him, he buried his face in her neck, releasing with her. Rachel gasped for breath as she held onto him, feeling their bodies slick with sweat.
He put her feet gently down on the floor, and her legs wobbled. They smiled at each other, kissing softly. “I could do that every day for the rest of my life and die a happy man,” Devin joked, lifting her foot and taking one heel off, then the other. “These are hot. Let’s make sure they don’t get lost on the way home.”
Rachel laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Anything for you, love. Anything for you.”
“You got a letter on the counter,” Devin called as she dropped her things from work. “It had no return address, so I didn’t want to open it.”
“You can open anything of mine, you know that. There aren’t any secrets.” Rachel
picked up the envelope, wondering who sent her a letter in the age of text messages and emails.
After they had come back from Alabama, Rachel had never felt better. The nightmares had stopped, and her panic attacks were down to very few and far between. She and Alana had been keeping in touch with many texts and emails. Alana was doing well, getting stronger every day. She wanted to come visit Rachel in Florida sometime soon.
Rachel had been spending time with Kayley and Emily again, as well as Jessica. The four of them had been doing girl things as much as possible: pedicures, shopping, lunch, anything. They had been very happy that Rachel had reached out to Alana, and couldn’t wait to meet her.
She slid the paper out of the envelope and opened it, frowning as she saw a handwritten note.
Rachel,
Didn’t think I’d find you, did you, bitch? Guess that asshole that broke my arm was your boyfriend. You got your wish, didn’t you? I’m going to be in prison for a long, long time thanks to you and Alana. I hear you two have become buddies, too. Isn’t that cute. The two of you ruined my life, and don’t you think that I’ll forget it. I may be locked up here, but I have my ways. You’ll get what’s coming to you, and your boyfriend Devin, too. Don’t get too comfortable that I’m locked up. Where there’s a will, there’s a way …
Rachel flung the paper from her hands like it was venomous snake, and felt it coming. The panic. She willed herself to breathe, feeling her body starting to shake. The room was closing in on her. He found her. He wrote her a letter. It didn’t matter that he didn’t sign it. It was him.
Sliding down to the floor, she wrapped her arms around her legs and rocked, trying to breathe. Devin was just in the other room. If she could just get to him …
“Rachel?” Devin walked into the kitchen, knowing she had just been there. “Where’d you go, babe?”
She managed to squeak out a sound, and his eyes swung to her, sitting on the floor. “What the? What’s the matter? What happened?” He crouched down next to her, smoothing her hair and whispering to her, just like he was used to doing to try to talk her out of the panic. Her eyes were wild as she tried desperately to crawl back to the top of normalcy.
While Devin tried to calm her down, he wracked his brain for what could’ve triggered her panic. Then, he remembered. She’d gotten a letter. “Where’s the letter, Rachel? What was it?” As soon as he mentioned it, she started shaking all over again, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.
Seeing a paper on the floor, he picked it up, scanning it quickly. He couldn’t believe what he was reading. Mark had contacted her? Through a letter? How in the world did that get out of the prison? Scooping Rachel up off the floor, he walked with her into the family room and sat her on the couch, sitting next to her while he soothed her out of her panic.
“Rachel, I’m going to get to the bottom of this. This asshole will never hurt you again. Ever. Are you listening to me? That won’t ever happen. However he got this out of the prison, or whatever wacko friend he got to write it for him, I’m going to find out. I’ll overturn every single rock and work around the clock to find out how this happened, and it will be taken care of. Look at me, baby. Please.”
Rachel met his eyes, and he sighed with relief. She was at least partially back. Bringing her hands to his lips, he kissed her fingers gently. “I’m going to take care of it, okay? You’re safe. Alana is safe. I promise.” He almost choked at those words. What if they weren’t safe? Who did he have out there that could follow through on his threats? He had to get to Andrew. But not right now. She needed him. And he was never, ever going to let her down again.
“You will not believe this,” Devin slammed the letter on Andrew’s desk. It had taken him all night to calm Rachel, reassuring her that she was okay and she didn’t need to worry—again—about Mark/Justin. She had been doing so well since he had signed the plea, too. He was going to find out how he did that, and today.
Andrew scanned the letter, looking up at Devin a few times as he read. “I need to know how this asshole got this letter out of prison,” Devin said. “And if it didn’t come from the prison, we need to figure out who this is that’s sending things for him. Right now.”
“I’ll call my buddies over at the precinct and the warden at the prison. I think our friend is about to get mail privileges revoked. I have no idea how a letter like that would’ve gotten out of the prison unless he has a buddy in there, and if that’s the case, the warden will shake down that place until he finds out who it is. I’ll get right on it, Dev. Is Rachel okay?”
“No,” Devin admitted. “I’m actually worried about her today. It sucks, man, because she was doing so well. After we came back from Alabama, she was totally different. Carefree. I don’t think either one of us slept much last night, and this morning, she was very quiet before we left for work. I just hate this. There’s nothing I can do to make it better.”
Andrew shook his head. “That’s not true, Dev. You’ve done so many things to make it better for her. She’s come as far as she has because of you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. She’ll get through this with you by her side.”
“We’ve got to get rid of this guy, once and for all.”
Rachel stepped into Dr. Troast’s office. She hated that she had to call him for an emergency session, but she was afraid. Beyond terrified that she was sliding backwards, and she just couldn’t do it.
“Come on in,” he said, holding the door open. She walked past and settled herself on the chair. “What’s going on? I’m glad you called me. Is Devin with you?”
Rachel shook her head, feeling the tears gathering in her throat. “He’s at work. I’m having a hard time today. Things have been so good until …” She grabbed a tissue, dabbing her eyes. Dr. Troast sat and listened patiently as she rattled on about the letter and the panic and nightmares that had come back full force since last night.
“Is Devin looking into it?” Dr. Troast looked at her in concern, which made her even more upset. He hardly ever showed any emotion over something she said.
“Yes. His boss is friends with the warden and is trying to see what they can find out.”
“Okay. Well, I think that you have to trust that the law enforcement will do what they need to do to protect you. I know that’s hard for you to let go of, but there’s no other alternative. If you don’t trust that you can be taken care of, you are just going to start spiraling back down. I need you to use the techniques I gave you to calm down, and if you still can’t, there’s nothing wrong with you taking the sedative I gave you for emergencies like that. It’s not something I think you should do daily, but every once and a while won’t hurt.”
Rachel nodded. “I don’t want to go back down this road. I’ve come so far since this all happened to me. I want to move forward, get married, and have a family. I can’t always be worried that something else is going to trigger me and I’m going to go out of control.”
“Well, we can’t predict that, but all we can do is make sure you are armed with the tools you need to help yourself. And I’m always here to help you through any road blocks, too. You already have come so far, Rachel. You let Devin in, battled all the things from your past and present, and are stronger and more resilient. While this letter was a wrench in your recovery, it doesn’t have to be. Tell me what else has been going on in your life. You said things were great before this. Tell me about that.”
Rachel told him all about Justin’s plea deal, going to visit Alana, spending time with her friends again, and feeling like Devin was not only her boyfriend, but her best friend, someone she enjoyed confiding in. She also was talking to her parents several times a week, and now even Devin’s parents as well. She had made so many gains in trusting people, confiding in them, and believing that they wanted what was best for her and loved her even through her mistakes and faults.
“Those are all fabulous things,” Dr. Troast smiled. “I want you to stay focused on them. When I started seeing you, you weren’t able to do any of that
. You were closed off, unable to trust or form meaningful relationships. The ones you did have, you purposely kept all personal things from them so they didn’t think you were a bad person. You had no belief that you were worth anything. I know now that you don’t believe that anymore. Focus on how hard you’ve worked, Rachel. Life is going to keep throwing curveballs at you, but you can handle them. Call me if you need anything, though, okay? Otherwise, I’ll see you next month.”
Rachel walked from the office, her panic put back in the lock box where it belonged. Justin wasn’t going to control her. Not anymore. She knew what she needed to do.
“You sure about this?” Ben asked, a concerned look on his face. “That’s pretty permanent, you know.”
Devin laughed, holding out his arm. “Definitely. And that’s all I want is permanent now.”
Ben laughed, running his hands through his hair. “If you say so, man. We sure are happy for you guys. After all that Rachel’s been through, she deserves to be happy.”
Devin had called Ben, enjoying spending time with him. In Miami, he had been close to Ellis, but it was nice to have a friend to grab a beer with here, too. Ben had been hesitant to join him at the tattoo shop, but Devin promised him he wouldn’t have to get ink if he didn’t want to. He needed a stress relief after the day he had had, and he knew Rachel wouldn’t be home for a while.
Devin nodded to the tattoo artist to go ahead and begin, then turned back to Ben. “She’s doing well, minus the setback we had last night.” He filled Ben in quickly, not wanting to air all of Rachel’s business at the tattoo shop. “In fact, she’s at her doctor right now. She amazes me, how strong she is.”
