Going in Deep

by Carly Phillips

  “I have nothing to say to you, Julian. Go away.” She picked up the still-to-be-filed papers with shaking hands.

  He stepped up to the desk, and she was grateful for the barrier between them, but it didn’t prevent her from catching a whiff of his masculine scent and familiar, woodsy cologne.

  She swallowed hard, forcing away memories of his hands on her body, gliding up her thighs, over her sex, bringing her to an intense orgasm.

  “I’ve tried to talk to you a couple of times.” He spoke, unaware of her inappropriate thoughts. “Kade and Lexie haven’t let me get near you.”

  Kendall narrowed her gaze at what sounded like an accusation against her twin and her husband. “Don’t you think there’s good reason for that?”

  A muscle ticked in his jaw, the only indication her words hurt him. “Give me five minutes. Please.”

  “I’m working.”

  “After work, then.”

  She shook her head. “I have an appointment.” Therapy, the subject of which he’d just altered by showing his face here and forcing her to think about him again.

  “After your appointment?”

  When she didn’t immediately answer, he went on. “Lunch today? Tomorrow?”

  She scowled at his persistence, frustrated with herself because she was curious about what he had to say. But she wasn’t ready to give in, mostly because she didn’t trust herself to be alone with him.

  “How about a cup of coffee any time you choose?” he tried again.

  “Careful, Julian. I might think you’re desperate.”

  “What makes you think I’m not?” He settled a hip on her desk, clearly digging in, refusing to leave until he got the answer he desired. “Okay, you won’t just agree to talk to me. I get that and I understand why.”

  She knew better than to feel relieved. He was merely biding his time. Still, she had to try and push him further. “So you’ll give up and go home?”

  He flinched at her words but remained in place, his steady gaze on hers. “Not so fast, kitten.”

  “Don’t call me that.” It was too intimate, too much. He’d had his reasons for the nickname he’d bestowed on her, and today they made her blush. She folded her arms across her chest, protecting her heavily beating heart.

  He blew out a long breath. “I guess you’re going to make me spell it out right here, right now. I’m in Alcoholics Anonymous—works for me better than Narcotics Anonymous,” he said, the same muscle ticking at the corner of his eye as he admitted a truth she hadn’t seen coming.

  She gripped the edge of her desk with both hands.

  “I’m seriously working the program, and I want to talk to you. There are things I need to say,” he said, his voice low, his tone sincere.

  Raw honesty was the last thing she’d expected to hear from him, and her heart twisted, softening toward him. How could it not? She’d done the therapy thing herself. Had gone through apologies with her sister, Kade, and her father, taking responsibility for her actions. Never mind that Julian had instigated some of her behavior, she’d made her own decisions. So she understood his need to apologize to her now.

  But if she let him in in any way, she’d be risking the trust her sister and her husband placed in her. They wanted her to steer clear of Julian, and they had good, solid reasons for their feelings.

  Reasons she agreed with herself. And she couldn’t justify hearing him out for any reason other than she was weak when it came to Julian Dane.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, the words painful but necessary. “But I can’t. If you need to apologize,” which she knew was a tenet of his program, “then know that I hear you. And I appreciate the sentiment.” She could at least give him that.

  Disappointment flashed across his handsome features, and she felt bad. “That’s not all I have to say.”

  She swallowed hard, fighting past the need to listen to what he wanted to tell her. She couldn’t let it matter. “You need to hear me, Julian. Go home.”

  “Okay.” He rose from his seat on the desk, both shocking and disappointing her with his sudden acquiescence.

  Before she could blink, she watched his back as he strode out the door, giving her exactly what she had asked for. And leaving her feeling emptier than she could have imagined.

  Chapter Two

  To Kendall’s surprise, Julian showed up at the shelter the next day, again asking to talk. This time, the place was busy with people picking up already signed-for and adopted animals, families looking at potential pets, and a devastated woman who had to leave her beloved dog because the women’s shelter she was living in didn’t allow her to keep him.

  Kendall was fried and exhausted, and the last thing she could deal with was a sexy-as-sin Julian, waiting patiently for her to have time for him.

  Thank goodness he realized the day wasn’t going to lighten up, and he disappeared during one of her trips to the kennels in the back. Once again, she ignored the immense feeling of disappointment she experienced at his leaving, reminding herself it was for the best. In fact, if he gave up, he’d be doing her a favor.

  The next day, there was no sign of Julian, and Kendall spent the morning with the animals. She was worried about one pup in particular. Monty, a mix of too many breeds to count, with big brown eyes, wasn’t feeling well. The vet who donated his time was coming to check him over this afternoon. Kendall cleaned his crate and spoke to him gently, promising he’d feel better soon. He curled up in the corner of his crate and looked at her with soulful eyes, breaking her heart.

  She checked on the other dogs and spent a few minutes with Steve before washing her hands and walking into the front office, where Josie manned the desk.

  “I’m glad the vet’s coming for Monty,” Kendall said. “The poor guy’s stomach is really bad.” Her words trailed off as she caught sight of Julian, his head bent over a form as he filled out paperwork.

  “What’s going on?” she asked, her gaze flying from him to Josie.

  “Mr. Dane—”

  “Julian,” he said, glancing up and flashing Josie his most endearing smile.

  “Julian,” Josie said obligingly, “wants to adopt.”

  “What? Since when?” Kendall asked.

  Josie’s eyes opened wide at her harsh tone. “Kendall!”

  “That’s okay. We know each other,” Julian said. “And I’m sure I’m surprising Kendall. But the truth is I work from home. I’m around most of the day. It’s lonely and I’ve been wanting a pet for a while. Coming here to talk to you just pushed the idea to the forefront of my mind.”

  Kendall narrowed her gaze, uncertain of his sudden decision. “You need two references,” she said, wondering if the process would deter him.

  He shrugged. “Not a problem.”

  “A dog is a lifetime commitment. Are you sure you want a pet and not an excuse to come here?” She had to ask.

  He placed the pen down and folded his arms across his broad chest. “One hundred percent certain.”

  From her seat at the desk, Kendall felt Josie’s shocked gaze following their conversation.

  “We don’t do same-day adoptions,” Kendall went on, explaining their rules.

  He shrugged. “I’ll come back tomorrow.”

  He had an answer for everything. And his gaze never left hers.

  “Did you pick out a pet?” She hadn’t seen him in the back, but then she’d been up to her elbows in dog diarrhea.

  “I was just about to ask you to walk him back and show him around,” Josie said. “I have an appointment with Madeline Ostrasky.” The shelter’s biggest donor.

  Which meant Kendall would have to be the one to escort Julian around. She shot him a glare, annoyed, though it wasn’t his fault they’d been paired up. He couldn’t have been certain she’d be the one he ended up working with.

  He might want a pet, but she had a feeling if he hadn’t gotten to see her today, he’d just have shown up again. And again. For some reason, he’d decided the time had come to be pers
istent.

  Which meant she was going to have to listen to what he had to say. “Come on,” Kendall said. “I’ll show you our pups.”

  He followed her out back, and she stopped short, wanting to hear his thoughts before she showed him the dogs. “Do you have any idea what kind of dog you’re looking for? Big? Small? Are you still in your one-bedroom? There’s not much room there for a bigger dog,” she said before he could formulate a reply.

  He grinned at her overzealousness. “I just want a companion dog. One I can take on walks and one who’ll be just as happy hanging around when I have to work.”

  “Are you sure—”

  “Kendall.” He cut her off. “I know what I want.” His gaze zeroed in on hers, his dual meaning clear.

  His want extended to her, as well, and her entire body trembled in reaction, her nipples puckering beneath her tee shirt.

  “Okay. Let’s walk through,” she said, quickly turning away. She bypassed the larger dogs, the ones who needed room to run, and slowed when she approached the runs with the small- to medium-size dogs, standing back so he could look without her interference. “Just ask if you have any questions.”

  “Thank you.” He walked back and forth, pausing at different dogs, talking to them over the barking that inevitably ensued just by virtue of their presence.

  He paused by Monty’s crate. “Is he okay?” he asked of the dog lying in the corner.

  “His stomach is upset. The vet’s coming this afternoon. I’m worried about him,” she admitted. “His name’s Monty.”

  “Hey, boy. Monty, come here.” Julian knelt down, but the mixed breed wasn’t moving.

  Julian moved on, going back and forth between a few dogs before stopping by Steve’s pen. “Him.” He pointed at the gray puppy. “Can I go in and see him?”

  Her heart skipped a beat, torn by her feelings. Happy someone was interested in her boy and sad because if Julian picked Steve to adopt and took him home, she’d never see him again.

  She swallowed hard and opened the door with her key. “This is Steve,” she said as they entered, and the dog with the weird floppy ears jumped up to greet them. “He’s a pit mix, which has made his adoption difficult. Families don’t tend to want pit bulls.”

  “But look at that face.” Julian knelt down so he was eye level with the dog, who proceeded to sniff him all over. Julian patiently waited, giving Steve time to become familiar with his scent. “So it’s Steve?” he asked, confirming the name.

  “Yes. His owner said he had problems training him and left him here, but to be honest, he’s been a great dog from day one. I walk the dogs, and I can tell you he’s easy to train, picks up commands quickly, and wants to please.”

  She petted his head, bending down beside Julian. Steve put his head on her knee.

  “I know. You’re a good boy,” she crooned to him.

  He let out a small whine.

  Julian studied her with the dog, his gaze steady and too damned perceptive. She had a feeling he could see her heart and how much she adored this particular pup.

  “You recommend him?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” she said over the lump in her throat. “He’s two years old, full size, seems good with the other dogs, and he has an easygoing personality.”

  “Sounds like my dog,” Julian said in a gruff but happy voice.

  She rose to her feet, leaning against the chain enclosure. “I’ll leave you two alone for a little while. Make sure you have time with him. You know, so you’re certain he’s the one you want.”

  Julian settled on the kennel floor, not at all worried about dirt. Steve immediately nuzzled up to his chest, and Kendall withheld a soft sigh.

  “There’s no need for you to leave. I’m sure,” Julian said, chuckling, his big hand stroking the dog’s flat fur.

  She blew out a long breath, shaken that the dog she’d considered her boy would be going home with Julian, of all people. Well, she’d prayed Steve would get a home, and now he had one.

  “Okay, well, you can leave the adoption fee, which is refundable if things don’t work out. We’ll need to check your references, and you can take the time to stock up on everything you’ll need for owning a pet. We have a list we’ll give you. Assuming everything checks out, you can come back for him tomorrow.”

  “Hear that, Steve? Only one more night in this place.”

  Steve seemed to understand, licking Julian’s face with his big tongue.

  It took awhile for Julian to leave the pen. Like Kendall, he’d already bonded with Steve. Finally, he stepped out, and Kendall locked the run once more, then led Julian back out front.

  For the next few minutes, he filled out the rest of the paperwork, left his references, and paid the adoption fee.

  It wasn’t until after he left that Kendall realized he hadn’t offered up the apology or tried to talk to her about anything other than pet adoption, leaving her feeling strangely off-balance. And uncertain about what his intentions would be when he saw her again.

  * * *

  Julian wasn’t playing games. He wasn’t adopting a dog in order to get close to Kendall. With the responsibility he was taking on, that would be sheer insanity. At a local pet store, he purchased a leash and collar, a crate, food bowls, and other things he’d need for his new friend, Steve.

  What kind of name was Steve for a dog? He felt like he was bringing home a real roommate with that name. But he’d felt the pull toward the dog from the minute he looked into the pup’s soulful eyes.

  Julian worked long hours in his apartment, and a dog would force him out of the house to take breaks and walks, and provide him with much-needed company. So the dog was a real want in his life, even if seeing Kendall at her job had given him the push he needed to make it happen.

  And he wasn’t withholding his apology to Kendall on purpose. It’s just that when he’d walked into the back room with Kendall, he’d been struck hard by how different she seemed now from the woman he’d known. This Kendall Parker was low-key, diligent about her job, serious about the dogs and, it seemed, about life.

  When he’d seen her last, she’d been ebullient, bubbly, and on a normal day, she was bouncing up and down while she talked. She’d been, during the time they were together, on a constant high. She talked fast, and often he had trouble keeping up, but she was so happy it was impossible for her good mood not to rub off on him.

  She’d suggested a late-night ride to the top of the Empire State Building, no fear of heights or reason given.

  As a result, he’d suggest impulsive trips just to keep up. Blowing off work for a drive upstate, accompanying her on excessive shopping trips. She hadn’t needed much sleep, and on the nights he was with her, he’d learned to function on less.

  He’d also discovered she loved sex. Risky sex. A lot of sex. And he’d been too blinded and wrapped up in Kendall to see through to her problems. All he had to do was think back and remember, and his entire body came alive. There was something about Kendall that got to him, and it wasn’t just because she was a sex kitten.

  For a little while, she’d been his kitten. He placed a hand over his hard cock, adjusting himself as he stared out the window of his apartment, unable to focus on work. This new and, he had to believe, improved Kendall intrigued him. She was a woman of substance, something that had been there all along, but she’d buried the seriousness beneath a manic episode. He just wished he’d known.

  Why? Because he’d been such a decent guy? He’d have gotten her help? He shook his head, pushing away the self-loathing that resulted when he acknowledged the answer was no. He would not have.

  Julian had changed when he’d discovered he’d used and hurt someone who hadn’t been in full control of their own actions. While he’d like to believe if he’d known, he’d have stepped up for her, the sad truth was, he probably would not have. Just knowing about her disorder wouldn’t have altered his behavior. It was hurting her that had accomplished that feat.

  He’d had to hit his own r
ock bottom before he could rebuild himself.

  Just as Kendall had.

  He thought of the serious woman in the tight tee shirt, stained with he didn’t want to know what. Her long brown hair had been pulled into a high ponytail, swishing sexily as she walked. And her feelings for the dogs pulled at his heart. She clearly felt something strong for the dog he’d chosen… and maybe that was part of the reason he’d been drawn to Steve as well. The pup with the human name was a connection to a woman he still cared about.

  One he could no longer get a handle on. So his apology circled around and around in his head and never left his lips. He still intended to talk to Kendall about their past, but to do that, he needed time, and she didn’t seem to want to give it to him.

  * * *

  Kendall tried her best to focus on work and not Julian’s renewed presence in her life. As her therapist pointed out, it was a short-term event, something she could handle and put behind her, as she’d done once before. She just needed to get him settled with Steve and he’d be out of her life again, this time for good. She had no desire to question why the thought made her sad or affected her in any way.

  From her desk, and at Josie’s request, she called Julian’s references, starting with his landlord. Julian had already sent over a copy of his lease that included the ability to own a pet.

  She didn’t know what else she expected to find out, but the man who answered the phone confirmed again that, yes, dogs were allowed in the building and Julian Dane was a model tenant. He paid his rent on time and always had, got along well with his neighbors, had no complaints or warnings leveled against him, and as far as his landlord was concerned, he’d be a responsible pet owner. No red flags there.

  Next up was a man named Nick Cantone. He’d known Julian for years, at least according to the adoption form Julian had filled out.

  The man answered on the first ring and Kendall introduced herself. “I’m Kendall Parker from For Paws. I’m calling because Julian Dane listed you as a reference. He’s interested in adopting one of our dogs.”