by Jody Kihara
way of knowing for sure what he meant to do. He says he
was out looking for Jasper―”
I gave a snort, and Dad’s expression relented. “Well,
you and I know that isn’t true,” he admitted. “But we didn’t
have a light on the canoe, so he could have actually been
on his way to the island to pick up the girl, or trying to see
what was going on. He didn’t know for sure Jasper wasn’t
with us in the canoe.”
At my stony expression, he added, “Okay, or he was
trying to scare us. But there’s still no way of proving he
meant harm. Or knowing whether he did.”
“But what about the whole setup?” I demanded.
“There have to be a ton of things to charge him with! Intent
to extort money from you, setting up a con with the
intention of tricking or injuring us―” I didn’t know the legal
terms “―and what about using the girl? And Jasper? I
mean, they’re just kids! Using them like that can’t be
legal.”
“We could try and get into a big legal battle to prove
all those things,” Dad said, “but as long as Revo and
Daewood stick to their stories, there just isn’t much we can
prove. Yes, I think any judge would believe us, but without
actual evidence, even a judge couldn’t legally do anything.
I think the best I can do is take the fact that Revo was in
contact with Jasper without Vanessa’s permission and put a
restraining order on him.”
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“So he just gets away with it?” I shouted. “That’s
so… wrong!”
Dad put his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his
nose and pressed, like he had a headache. “I know it is,” he
sighed. “But are other considerations. One, the time and
money it would take to try.”
“We have the money!” I snapped back. “You won’t
use it to put someone behind bars who tried to hurt me?”
“It’s not that,” he said. “Don’t forget, everything I
inherited is eventually yours, and after spending months
tying up all the legalities around that will, the last thing I
want to do is waste it on something that I truly think would
go nowhere. But it’s not so much the money that’s
important; it’s the time and stress involved. Who knows
how long it could all go on for? And the whole time it’s
going on, it’s stress for all of us — you, me, Vanessa,
Jasper.”
“Oh, Jasper!” I snapped. “Admit it, Dad, that’s what
this is really about! Once again, you’re trying to protect
Jasper. At my expense!”
“That’s not true!”
“Oh, really? So tell me, what punishment do you
have in store for him?”
He shifted awkwardly. “Look Paul, this is all a
gigantic mess.”
“No kidding!”
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“Jasper… is going to need a lot of help getting over
this.”’
“Help!” I exploded. “Are you kidding me? The only
thing he needs help with is learning about a thing called
consequences! Or maybe, you know, how not to conspire to
murder!”
Dad raised his voice this time, which surprised me.
“Revo really messed him around,” he said. “Okay, I admit
it, another part of the reason I don’t think it’ll do any good
to try and put Revo behind bars again is, how will that do
Jasper any good? He already has to live with the fact he’s
got a father who’s a convict, who’s been in and out of jail a
half-dozen times, who’s never been there for him, and who,
even worse, repeatedly uses him to get money. How do you
think that makes Jasper feel? He’s not starting from a good
place, Paul. I know you think he needs to be punished for
this, but believe me, he’s learned his lesson.”
I wanted to speak, but was practically choking. I let
my head roll and my hands fall to my sides, slapping the
sides of my legs.
“And I am aware, Paul, that all the time I’ll have to
spend on Jasper is time taken away from you. I thought
before that we could do everything together, as a family,
but I see now we can’t. I need time for you separately. So
I’m stuck — if I try to charge Revo with a whole bunch of
things to satisfy you, then I’m caught up in a legal battle,
and it’s ultimately less time for both you and Jasper. And if
I’m trying to put his own father behind bars, that would
likely mess Jasper up even more, which means he’ll need
even more time and attention—”
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“What about Vanessa?” I interrupted. “Why isn’t she
the one spending time with him? He’s her kid.”
Dad rubbed his eyes, looking tired.
I knew he was right about the time and the legal
battle but it was so unfair! That Jasper and Revo should
both get off scot-free? Not to mention ‘Pa’.
“What about Daewood?” I blurted out, realizing we’d
forgotten about him. “Does he just walk away, too?”
Dad put his fingers down and blinked. “He’s getting
charged with pointing a gun at us. The police will probably
need your statement for that.”
“Then doesn’t that prove the rest of the story?” I
asked. “Wouldn’t that support everything else?”
“Not really.” Dad sighed. “Daewood claims he was
helping his friend get his son back, and that Revo told him
Jasper was legally his. Daewood’s story is that he was
‘doing the right thing.’
I made another choking noise.
“What about his kids?” I asked. “They just stay with
a Dad who’s like that? Who put his own daughter on an
island by herself, at night? Isn’t that negligence or
something, can’t they charge him with that?”
“I think social services will end up looking into that.”
Dad sighed. “Again, it depends how much Daewood and
Revo — and the kids — stick to their story.”
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“But surely it’s wrong for his kids to stay with him!” I
said. “I mean, what values is he teaching them? How to
swindle people and not get caught?”
“He’s no role model father,” Dad said. “But if they
take the kids away from him, without any other family to
go to they might end up in a home, and possibly separated.
Is that better? For them to have no parent at all?”
Yes, I wanted to say, but in truth, my head spun —
these questions were way too much for me. In a home,
they’d be away from ‘Pa’s influence… but would they just
get more resentful, more out of control? I pictured Coralie
in a home… she’d be raging like a wildcat. If she didn’t
have to be straight-jacketed away in a padded room, she’d
probably become the gang leader of the whole place, and
teach all the other kids how to shoplift or shoot rifles or
something… Oh, l
ord…
“I agree he should be put away,” Dad said. “But I
honestly have no idea what’s best for those kids.”
There was silence for a moment; I didn’t know what
else to say. I could feel my anger simmering back down
again, like someone had turned down the burner, but it was
still there, hot and heavy in my stomach. Dad turned to
look out the window. It was a bright, sunny day, which
seemed wrong: it should have been dark and gloomy, to
suit my mood.
Dad shifted back awkwardly. “Paul, I’m sorry, but
I’m going to have to go out and find Jasper. It’s been an
hour, now, and I’m worried about him, in the frame of mind
he’s in.”
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Instantly my anger flared back up, sending white
heat from my stomach to my head. “Jasper!” I said in
disgust. “He’ll be sitting ten feet in the woods, somewhere
you can very conveniently find him. Dad, can’t you see,
you’re playing right into his cry-baby routine? In fact,
you’re encouraging him! How will he ever grow up if every
time he pulls this trick, you let it work for him? He’s going
to stay thirteen forever, with the maturity of a ten-year-
old, if you keep letting him do this! Let him stay out there!
He’ll come in as soon as he’s hungry.”
Dad pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose
again. “Paul, I wouldn’t be any kind of parent if I didn’t go
check on him. If I thought he’d gone far, I’d be out looking
for him already, but I can’t not make sure. The way he’s
feeling right now…”
“Oh, screw it!” I snapped. “This is so pointless. He’s
going to stay a whiny little cry-baby forever, so that he can
get your time and attention. Well, I don’t need your time
any more, Dad. You made the decision long ago that Jasper
was more of a priority than me.”
I turned and stormed out of the cabin. The door
banged behind me, and I didn’t stop to see if Dad was
following. Likely not; he’d go find Jasper instead. Not that I
wanted to talk to Dad any more right now. Knowing Jasper
was probably sitting right at the edge of the woods,
huddled up next to a tree and pretend-crying, I headed in
the opposite direction and ran to the lake.
When I got to the water’s edge, I was surprised to
see our canoe sitting there. How had it got there? I thought
it would be floating around halfway down the lake by now.
It must have drifted towards shore. Maybe Dad had been
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the one to haul it out; there wouldn’t have been anyone
else to do it.
Not only had the canoe made it back, but one of the
paddles, too. Perfect — I could paddle away as far as I
wanted, and stay out till dark.
“Jasper!” I heard Dad calling. Instantly, my volcano
of rage came to the surface, and this time it really was
about to explode. The day was hot, and rather than having
the sun beat down on me as I paddled, and sweating under
a damp lifejacket, I decided I wanted to swim.
There was no way I was going back to the cabin to
find my swim trunks, so I kicked off my runners, stripped
off my t-shirt, and strode into the water in my shorts. The
cool water enveloped me, and I couldn’t dive under the
surface fast enough. I cut through the water fast, and cold
though it was in the deeper water, it still wasn’t cold
enough to extinguish the heat inside of me.
I’d never swum so hard and fast before. I headed
straight for the lake in an anger-fuelled front crawl, not
having to stop once to rest. It was like it gave me
superhuman strength. When I reached the island, I
emerged from the water and stood there dripping, amazed
at how fast I’d come.
My skin was cool from the water, but inside I still
burned. I realized that it wasn’t just Dad and Jasper I was
mad at: it was Coralie, it was Pa, and most of all, right here
on the island, it was The Girl.
The gravely beach was sore against the soles of my
feet, but, ignoring this, I strode towards the entrance to the
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bushes. This was going to hurt like heck: branches
scratched at my bare arms and torso as I pushed my way
through the tangle of foliage towards the clearing.
I knew, obviously, that The Girl wasn’t here, yet still
I felt a flare of frustration when I reached the clearing and
didn’t see her. It was like the emptiness mocked me: the
heavy, sun-drenched silence of the woods seemed to say ,
she’s not here, you’ll never get answers, you’ll never feel
finished with her. Like she was a witch, and would always
have some strange hold over me.
Why did you do it? I wanted to shout. How did they
make you? I pictured myself grabbing her by the shoulders
and shaking her. If you were so tough, how come you
didn’t run away from home for real? Or did you enjoy
leading me into danger?
Silence mocked me again.
The heat of the sun was like a magnifying glass on
kindling. I needed to cool off, and the swim hadn’t done it.
Knowing I’d be scratched to pieces, I nonetheless turned
and pushed my way towards the cliff. Each time a branch
clawed at me, it sliced a needle of heat into me. By the
time I reached the cliff, my skin was radiating with white-
hot scratches.
Shuffling to the edge, I peered over. The water
looked calm and inviting. Was it deep enough? I’d never
properly checked, but the water was an even dark color,
with no sign of any rocks. However, it was also in the
shade, so that could explain the dark color. But I knew if
you looked at how the land sloped above water, you could
get a good idea of what it did underneath, and the cliff
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edge appeared to go straight down, well underneath the
surface.
Pa, Coralie, the twins, The Girl… Revo, Jasper… Dad.
The thoughts still fought and raged through my head, and
without waiting any longer, I jumped.
I crashed through the surface, and cold water
boomed around me. Opening my eyes a crack, I saw
swirling clouds of bubbles in the darkness. They hung
motionless for a moment and then, as if collectively
deciding, rushed on up. Kicking my feet and pumping my
arms, I followed them up to the surface and burst through,
gasping in the warm air and shaking my head in the glaring
sunshine.
This time, the cold water seemed to leach my anger
away. Not all of it, but enough to make me focus on the
immediacy of the moment rather than the crazed tumult of
thoughts that had swallowed my rationality earlier. The
temperature of the water was far lower in the shade, and
as the coldness drove itself into me, I instinctively kicked
my feet
. I turned to swim toward the beach side of the
island, where sunlight sparkled off the surface so fiercely it
almost blinded me.
I swam more slowly this time, gazing up at the
island — the jagged rocks, the beach, the tangled foliage
rising up the slope — they looked so… solid compared to
the fluidity of the water around me. Like they’d been there
for eons, would continue to be there for eons, and didn’t
care what happened to me. I didn't want to stand on the
jagged pebbles of the beach again, with the sun beating
down on me and stirring up all the anger and craziness, so
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instead, I turned and began to swim away from the island,
back to the cabin.
My stomach gave a tiny, gnawing complaint as I
swam, making me realize how long it was since I’d eaten.
It must have been dinner last night, and that was almost
twenty-four hours ago! It was strange to think how much
had happened in that time ― it seemed like a week rather
than a day. There’d been the light flashes from the island,
going out in the canoe in the dark, the motorboat bearing
down on us, me and Dad capsizing not far from where I
was right now; and then Jasper’s whole story, Pa and Revo,
the shotgun, the police station, waiting to hear if they’d
been caught. And it was then that things had seemed to
get even more twisted. It wasn’t so much Revo’s badly
thought-out plan that had messed everything up, rather the
mess he’d left behind to clean up. And it had all been left
for Dad. I hadn’t exactly helped things, I now realized. I’d
made the mess… well, even messier.
As I swam through the cold water, it occurred to me
how crazy it all was. It also seemed more distant, like I was
no longer caught up in the middle of the whirlwind. Jasper,
I thought, and felt a small twinge of sympathy for him.
Sympathy? For Jasper? What was wrong with me?
Maybe it was the cooling effect of the water, but
when I thought of him, I could only picture the times I’d
seen him looking unhappy. In fact, how many times had I
ever seen him look happy? Unless it was when dinner was
being put on the table.
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I looked up as I swam. From where I was, I could
see that the area around the cabin was deserted. No Dad,
