Me Without You

by Mindy Hayes

  “Let me take you and Brooks out for milkshakes after the game.”

  “What? No.” I fervently shake my head to emphasize how much no I mean. “No.”

  “Who doesn’t like milkshakes?”

  “I have to get back to my mom. I’ve already left her with Gina enough this week, and she’s having increased difficulty with change. I need to get back as soon as the game is over.”

  Aiden tucks his bottom lip between his teeth, contemplating my answer. My stomach flips. “Okay. Maybe some other—”

  “I can’t.” I don’t give him the opportunity to finish that sentence.

  He laughs and leans down to whisper in my ear. His breath brushes my skin. A quiet gasp escapes me. “If there was nothing between us, Alix, you wouldn’t be so afraid of one milkshake.”

  When Aiden pulls away, his cocky grin has returned, our professional guise broken. He taps the bill of his baseball cap, like a gentleman would tip his hat, and walks backward. There’s a wink, a gymnast doing somersaults in my stomach, and I don’t know what planet we live on. Then he turns to casually stride back to the team.

  If this is a game, I just lost. Miserably.

  AIDEN

  Since Alix and I seem to be talking again, I text her the next morning with a new job. Professional back in place. I realize I pushed my limits with asking her for a milkshake, but I wanted to test the waters. Truly, now I’m trying to butter her up, so she’ll even want to work with us again. To my knowledge, Dean still hasn’t apologized. And neither has she, but I’m suspecting that won’t ever happen. They’ll just go back to co-existing.

  Me: Proposals go in by 12:00

  Alix: I’ll have one ready

  Me: You know you’ll get the job anyway

  Alix: Don’t tell me you’re rigging the proposals

  Me: Haha…You should know me better than that

  Alix: Exactly my point

  Me: I do not rig the proposals. You’re just the best.

  Alix: Don’t try and butter me up

  And she says we’re not meant to be. I laugh to myself.

  At 11:58 Alix walks into the office.

  “Like living on the edge, huh, Squid?”

  She looks a bit out of breath. “What? No, I had to figure out what to do with my mom. Gina was busy.”

  “You could have emailed it to me. Or brought her with you.”

  “Did you just call me Squid?” Alix asks as if it just processed.

  “I think it fits.”

  “In what realm does Alix turn into Squid?”

  “Fink. Ink. Inky. Squid. It’s the natural progression.”

  She chuckles, shaking her head. “Okay. Back to why I’m here. You know I like to show all potential clients hardcopies from my portfolio.” She hands me a folder of her drawings. “And bringing her isn’t an option.”

  “Alix. We could have made an exception. If you were struggling, trying to find someone to watch your mom, we would have figured it out. I probably have a few extra drawings on hand.”

  “It’s fine. What’s done is done. Sawyer’s mom was more than happy to help.”

  “You told Mrs. Hartwell?”

  She exhales, but it’s more of a relieved sigh than an irritation. “Well, technically Sawyer did a few weeks ago. It only made sense. I trust her to keep our privacy.”

  “Wanna go dancing tonight?” I’m hoping one of these days if I catch her off guard, she’ll cave without meaning to.

  “What are you doing, Ballard?” She sighs again. This time it’s tired.

  “We’ll go with Dean and Sawyer,” I reason. “Just a bunch of friends hanging out. You look like you could use a night out.”

  “Then I’ll have to find someone to watch my mom and Brooks. On such short notice, I don’t think it’s going to work. I can’t bug Gina again this week.”

  “You’re not going to even try? Talk to Mrs. Hartwell. Maybe she’ll be willing to help out tonight. I’ll even ask.”

  “No… No…” Alix sounds exhausted. Life is draining her, slowly siphoning the sass. I think she wants to say yes, but she won’t.

  “Alix, let lose and live life. Breathe for once. Tonight. With us.”

  “I don’t get that luxury, Ballard. I have a little brother and a mother to take care of. Life doesn’t give me a break to breathe.”

  “I’ll take care of it.”

  “You’ll take care of what?”

  “Just be ready by 8:00.”

  “What? No. Ballard. No.”

  “I’ll be at your house at 8:00. Either you can be ready to go dancing, or I’ll take you in whatever you’re wearing.”

  “You’ll have to drag me out, kicking and screaming.”

  “Good. Then I’ll know you’re still alive.”

  I see her resolve cracking. “Who are you going to ask to take care of my mom?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” I guide her toward the door, keeping her from asking more questions.

  “It does matter. I need to know who’s going to be taking care of my family.”

  “You’ll be fine with it. I promise.”

  “Aiden Ballard.” She uses an authoritative tone with me like I’m being scolded. I find it incredibly sexy.

  “I’m not taking no for an answer this time.”

  She scowls, but it’s not nearly stern enough. I’ve officially won. “If you come to my house and I don’t feel confident in the babysitter’s capability to take care of them, I’m not going. My family affairs are private.”

  “And they’ll stay private. Have a little faith in me.”

  ALIX

  AT PROMPTLY EIGHT o’clock my doorbell rings.

  Aiden stands next to his grandma, an expectant look in his eyes. Is this okay?

  She’s shorter than he is, coming to his chest. Her short curly hair looks like it’s been dyed light blonde to cover up the gray. She smiles kindly. “Hello, dear. I hear you’re in need of a sitter tonight.”

  Aiden’s hands are tucked away in his front jean pockets, almost in a way that tells me he doesn’t know what he’ll do if I’m not okay with this. But how could I not be? Look how sweet she is.

  “I… Yeah. Hi, Mrs. Ballard. I’m sorry Aiden roped you into this.”

  “It wasn’t a problem. I’m happy to help. It’ll be a nice break from hearing Savannah whine and complain all night.” She chuckles.

  I lift an eyebrow to Aiden.

  “My little sister,” he answers. “She’s grounded.”

  “Grounded, huh?”

  “Coming home drunk will do that.” Aiden’s eye roll comes with an irritated sigh. I’m definitely not ready for Brooks’ teenage years. How will I do it without my mom?

  “So, she’s a little rebellious I take it,” I respond.

  Wryly, he says, “Amazing the things you learn about your friends when you actually talk to them.”

  I roll my eyes. “Come on in. Let me introduce you to my mom and Brooks, Mrs. Ballard.”

  “Please. Call me Estelle.” Her pink lips beam. I can almost remember what it’s like to see the grandma smile, so full of love and squishes and softness. Both sets of my grandparents are long gone.

  Mama busies herself in the kitchen. I honestly don’t know what she’s doing. I think she likes to think she’s doing something productive. I’ve put child locks on the drawer with the knives. She once went through the entire kitchen and emptied all the cabinets and drawers and refrigerator all because she couldn’t find something. She couldn’t even remember what she was looking for, but she had to keep looking. She was, “going to have a heart attack” if she couldn’t find it.

  “Mama,” I prompt. “This is Miss Estelle. She’s going to take care of you for a little bit tonight.”

  She looks at me, offended. “I don’t need anyone to take care of…” She looks away, blinking, and tries again. “I don’t need anyone to take care of…”

  “Of course you don’t,” I say. “She’s here to make conversation and watch Brooks. B
rooks!” I holler down the hallway toward his bedroom. He comes running.

  “Aiden!” He slows and lifts his hand for a high five.

  “Hey bud!”

  “I’m just gonna be gone for a few hours. When Miss Estelle tells you it’s time for bed you need to listen and obey everything she asks. Got it?”

  He nods, and I turn to her. “He shouldn’t give you any trouble, but if he does, call.”

  “We’ll be fine,” she assures with a comforting grandma tone.

  “Mama has a bit of a hard time staying in bed if she doesn’t take her medication. We tried everything naturally first, but it only got us so far. If you give it to her in about thirty minutes, it’ll knock her out by nine. That’s her bedtime. It’s really important that we keep that schedule.” I show Miss Estelle where to find the sleep aid. “She needs the medication or else she’ll hardly sleep a wink.”

  “Is there anything else I should know?” she asks. “Anything I should or shouldn’t do?”

  I look to Aiden, wondering how much he actually told her. “I only gave her minimal information in case you turned us away at the door,” he explains.

  “Well…” That was thoughtful. After I explain a little bit of Mama’s condition and how best to take care of her, Miss Estelle walks us to the door and says, “Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. You kids have fun!”

  I don’t know if fun is the word, but it’ll be something.

  Before we walk out the door, Aiden bends down to hug his grandma. “Love you, Gran,” he says softly and kisses her cheek. When she smiles at him I see a connection there unlike any grandparent, grandchild relationship I’ve ever known.

  She lightly pats his cheek. “Love you too, Grandson.”

  At first I think Aiden’s just trying to woo me, but nothing about that was forced. He doesn’t look to me for a reaction. He doesn’t bother looking at me once as we walk to his car. He’s just that tender with her.

  Quit it, heart. It wasn’t that sweet.

  “You’re an idiot,” my heart snaps back.

  When we get to his car, Aiden opens the passenger door for me.

  Giving him a wry look, I say, “I can get my own door, you know.”

  “I know, but you shouldn’t have to.”

  “It makes this feel more like a date,” I mutter as I get inside.

  “It doesn’t have to be a date for me to treat you with respect.” He shuts the door before I can respond.

  Touché, Ballard. Touché.

  ***

  When we get to the club, Sawyer and Dean are already seated at the bar. I guess ‘club’ is stretching it. It’s more like a bar with a small dance floor. A local band is playing on the small stage opposite the bar. Thankfully, they aren’t half bad, which means I won’t have to gouge out my eardrums before the night is over.

  There’s something off about a pregnant woman in a bar. Her wavy hair falls effortlessly down her back. I’ve always been envious of her thick hair. Mine never looked that good long. She steadily sips her water through a straw and then pops a cherry into her mouth. I smile. I’m instantly reminded of the Sawyer I used to know. Happy, carefree, unstained by the world—the way I’d hoped she could stay. Looking at her now, I think I might have my best friend back.

  When Sawyer sees us, she waves us over. Dean looks over his shoulder and nods. “You came!” she exclaims and pulls me in for a hug. “I didn’t think you’d go for it.”

  “Well, when Aiden showed up on my doorstep with his grandma, I didn’t really have much of a choice.”

  “You’re welcome,” Aiden says above the music.

  The bartender approaches. I’m about to order when I vividly recall what alcohol did to me last time, and I rethink my answer. “Virgin strawberry daiquiri.”

  “Mountain Dew for me,” Aiden orders over my shoulder, resting his hand on my waist. I try to pretend like it doesn’t faze me. I like his hand there more than I should. So even though I should tell him to step back, I keep my mouth shut until he moves away.

  Dean’s definitely drinking Coke, and I wonder why we chose a bar if no one is going to drink. I would’ve much rather had a night in and played games at Sawyer and Dean’s. The variables are less unpredictable there. Here, I feel like a deer in the middle of a hunter-infested forest. Even if Aiden isn’t trying to make a move, there are way too many other guys in here scoping out the joint.

  “Well, I’m happy either way,” Sawyer continues and pops another maraschino cherry in her mouth. She has a small bowl next to her water, like she ordered a water with a side of cherries. I laugh to myself. Of course she did. “We haven’t hung out in forever. It was long overdue.”

  “I needed this,” I agree, and Aiden gloats. “Shut it.”

  He chuckles. “I didn’t say a thing.”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  Dean leans into me, lowering his voice so only I can hear him. “I wanted to apologize for what happened at the office.”

  For some reason his apology makes me uncomfortable. We don’t do heart-to-hearts. “Don’t sweat it, Preston. We both had things we needed to get off our chest.”

  “But I could’ve handled it differently.”

  I glance at him. He’s giving me an olive branch. I need to take it. “It’s cool,” I say. “I’m sorry too.”

  He nods and that’s that. Thank goodness.

  There’s a pool table in the back, so Dean and Aiden excuse themselves.

  “You think you can handle it?” Aiden goads Dean.

  “Ha!” he responds and shoves Aiden forward. “Bring it on, my man, and we’ll see who can or cannot handle it.”

  Sawyer shakes her head and smiles at his back as they walk away. When she looks back at me, she asks, “You okay with Aiden’s grandma knowing?”

  I exhale. “Honestly, I’m just so tired, it’s a relief to know I have one more person to trust. I dunno…maybe it doesn’t need to be a big secret anymore. I don’t want her to be the talk of the town. Maybe gradually letting people in will minimize that.”

  “I think, no matter what, people will feel more sympathy than pity, Alix. They’ll want to help. Your mom grew up in this town. They love her.”

  “Yeah.” I take a sip of my daiquiri. “Maybe.”

  “Have you seen Lily at all?” Sawyer asks, looking down at her water, concentrating extra hard on stirring her straw.

  I shake my head. “She’s made herself pretty scarce since Dean broke her heart. I’m beginning to wonder if she left town.”

  “You really haven’t talked to her at all?”

  “It’s not like I’ve really had the time. And honestly, we haven’t hung out since you came back. She knew where I stood, and our differences couldn’t be ignored.”

  Sawyer nods, but she seems conflicted.

  “What’s your deal?”

  She nonchalantly shrugs, but I’m not buying it. “I just wish things had happened differently. I don’t want it to seem like this competition I won. I wasn’t trying to steal him from her.”

  I laugh. Loudly. Almost obnoxiously. Sawyer looks at me funny. “Are you kidding me?” I ask. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned about you and Dean, it’s that nothing will keep you apart. As much as we’ve disagreed, that much has been clear. It was never a Lily versus Sawyer thing. It was always just you. She never had his heart. Not once.”

  Sawyer smiles faintly and looks beyond my shoulder to them playing pool. To see her finally this content, my resentment toward Dean starts to ebb. If that man can finally bring back the woman I once knew, I’ve got to give him credit. He deserves some major brownie points. As long as he sticks around, he may someday be able to redeem himself.

  “Maybe you should call her,” I suggest. “I think I might still have her number, if she hasn’t changed it.”

  “Don’t you think that’d be weird?”

  “If you want to clear the air, that’s the only way.”

  “I’ll think about it. It kind of feels like too
little, too late.”

  “Resolving issues is never a bad thing,” I say. “Not that you need to be doing any apologizing or anything, but you know what I mean. Grudges feed on our souls.”

  “But I have forgiven her.”

  “Maybe she needs an opportunity to forgive you.”

  “Do you know my best friend Alix Fink?” Sawyer shifts her eyes around the club. “I thought she came here tonight, but I think she left.”

  “Oh, I’m not taking my own advice.” I snort. “I’m a lost cause. You, on the other hand, are a much better person than I am. This unfinished business is going to eat at you forever if you don’t do something about it. Your heart still has a chance. Mine has been screwed for years.”

  Sawyer lightly shoves my shoulder. “You are not a lost cause. And you make me out to be better than I am. I’ve done my fair share of crap, and you know it.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Let me keep my rose-colored glasses. They give me hope for humanity.”

  AIDEN

  “FIVE. CORNER POCKET.” Dean takes a shot and sinks another ball.

  It’s kind of irritating how good he is at pool. When did that even happen? “You’re killing me.”

  “Well, if you’d stop staring at Alix for one minute and focus, you might be able to get one shot in.”

  I turn my eyes away from the bar. “I’m not staring. I’m glancing.”

  “You’re gawking.”

  “Well, she’s pretty,” I say, looking back at her. She’s wearing worn out jeans with holes in the knees and a tan sequin top that falls just off one of her shoulders. Two things that, as a guy, I never would’ve thought go together, but she looks irresistible. Who am I kidding? She’d look good in a brown paper bag. “What am I supposed to do?”