The Endgame Is You (Rixon Raiders Book 4)

by L A Cotton

  “Thank you.” I went and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. “I need to do this, for Xander, for them.” My voice shook as I tried to find the words. “She’s terminal, Hailee. They can make her comfortable and give her meds to manage the symptoms, but there is no surgery this time or magic fix.”

  “Oh my god, Cameron.” She threw her arms around me and I sank into her embrace. It had been the hardest thirty-six hours of my life. I’d spent all day with Xander trying to explain everything to him and then picking up the pieces of his meltdown as his developing brain tried to process things.

  “I’m so sorry.” Her tears splashed on my sweater.

  I cupped Hailee’s face, touching my head to hers. “Your mom said you were sick?”

  “I’m okay now.”

  Our lips were so close I could almost taste her, but I didn’t come here for this. I came to tell her I needed time and space to be with my family. But now I was here and she was clutching onto me as if I might disappear at any moment, I was overcome with the need to love her. To just be with her.

  “Cameron?” Her eyes glittered with so much love it gutted me, and I knew if I asked it of her, she would give me whatever I needed.

  “Come here.” I tried to hold her tighter. I didn’t want to be that guy, the guy who used sex as a goodbye, but I wanted it.

  God, I wanted her.

  Hailee made the decision though, sliding her mouth over mine.

  “Hailee, wait...” I grabbed her shoulders, swallowing the ball of emotion lodged in my throat. “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

  “I need this,” she said, her hands trailing down my chest and tugging my sweater away from my body. “And I know you do too.”

  “You’re sure?”

  I was going straight to hell.

  I was pretty sure Jason would drag me there anyway after I did this.

  But I couldn’t stop. Hailee was everything I’d ever wanted. She was strong and good and so fucking selfless, it was breathtaking.

  She hadn’t made me choose.

  She’d given me a gift—she’d let me go.

  Hailee climbed onto my lap, kissing me. Small uncertain kisses as my hands slid into her hair, so I could deepen the angle. She traced my lips with her fingers, her tongue. Teasing and tasting. Until the kiss took on a life of its own. Fierce and brutal, as we both fought our demons.

  “Is this okay?” I murmured against her lips, as my hands began exploring her body, running them up and down her waist, tracing her soft curves.

  She nodded, clawing at my sweater, until I pulled it off my body. Hailee painted letters of love over my skin, branding me with her touch. She felt good, too fucking good.

  And you’re going to give her up.

  I forced down the thoughts. I only wanted to focus on this. Here. Now. On the way Hailee felt so perfect, the way her body fit against mine as if it was made for me, and me alone.

  Her clothes went next, her jeans and t-shirt, her black cotton panties. Then my jeans and boxers. Until we were nothing but skin on skin, regrets and apologies.

  “I love you, Cameron, so much,” she whispered before kissing me deeply.

  My dick ached for her, but I didn’t want to rush this. I wanted to savor her, imprint this moment to my memory for when things got too tough and I needed to distract myself from the gaping hole in my chest.

  I buried my hands deep in her hair, angling her face to mine as I captured her lips. Hot, needy kisses. “I will always love you,” I barely whispered the words against the corner of her mouth.

  Hailee rose up slightly, grasping my shaft in her hand before sinking down in one smooth motion. “Cam,” she breathed, clutching onto my shoulders. “It feels—”

  “I know,” I groaned, rocking into her. My hand curved over her hip, guiding her movements. I wanted her slow and deep, fast and hard. I wanted her anyway I could get her. Because being like this with Hailee would never be enough… and yet, for now, it would have to be.

  My chest tightened as she rode me. I memorized every roll of her hips, every breathy moan to fall from her lips. But I needed more. I needed every single thing she had to give.

  Without warning, I flipped Hailee over and began thrusting into her. She raked her nails down my back, crying out as I went harder. “Oh God, Cam…” Sucking in a sharp breath, she held onto my shoulders as I chased that moment when everything else melted away and you were left with nothing but a feeling of complete ecstasy.

  Hailee moaned again. “It’s…”

  Everything.

  It was everything…

  And it was goodbye.

  Hailee

  I woke up to an empty bed, but I hadn’t expected Cameron to be here. We’d said all we needed to say last night, with every kiss and touch and whispered I-love-you.

  I didn’t doubt Cameron loved me; it was never about that. But I knew he couldn’t be what he needed to be to his family while he felt tied to me.

  So I set him free.

  We hadn’t discussed what would happen when I went back to Michigan. We hadn’t discussed if we were on a break, or over, or going to try to do the long-distance thing.

  We hadn’t discussed anything.

  But that told me all I needed to know.

  Right now, Cameron’s priority was his family, and I couldn’t hate him for that.

  No matter how much it hurt, I just couldn’t.

  “Sweetheart?” Mom’s voice drifted through the door.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  She peeked around the door. “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Did you and Cameron work through things?”

  My cheeks heated. “Actually, I’m going to head back to Michigan later.”

  “Alone?” Confusion clouded her eyes.

  “Cameron needs to be here.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I can’t even imagine...” She perched on the edge of my desk. “But that sounds kind of final.”

  “We haven’t worked out the details.”

  “And you’re okay with this?”

  I shrugged, dropping my gaze. “Cameron needs to be here for his family.”

  “Of course he does, but—”

  “Mom, I appreciate your concern, I do. But it’s done.”

  “You’ll find your way back to one another. No amount of time or distance will ever change how that boy feels about you.”

  God, I wanted to believe her. But I also knew there was one thing that could change everything, and it was going to happen.

  “Karen isn’t going to get better, Mom.” I couldn’t hold the tears at bay any longer.

  “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so, so sorry.”

  “Life is so unfair,” I sobbed, falling into Mom’s open arms.

  “Ssh, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

  But as she said the words, I only cried harder, because one day soon, Cameron and Xander were going to have to say goodbye to their mom.

  And Cameron would be left to pick up the pieces.

  I flew back to Michigan after that. Mom and Kent gave me a ride to the airport, insisting that I call more often. They didn’t like the idea of me being in Ann Arbor on my own, but there was something strangely comforting about returning to mine and Cameron’s apartment.

  It was so full of him. His Wolverine’s hoodie on the coat rack, the sports column cuttings of all his mentions stuck to the noticeboard in the kitchen, right down to the lingering scent of his aftershave.

  It hurt.

  It hurt so much, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

  Dropping my keys on the sideboard, I pulled out my cell phone and started a new message.

  Me: Just got back to the apartment. Send my love to Xander, and your mom and dad xo

  Cameron: I will, and thank you Hailee, for everything.

  There was still so much we needed to discuss, questions that needed answering. But they could wait.

  They would have to.

&
nbsp; My cell phone began vibrating and I hit answer.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Hello to you too, Jason.”

  “What the fuck, Hailee? You were supposed to fight, not walk away.”

  “That’s not... I didn’t walk away.” I let him go.

  “Cameron is confused. He doesn’t know what the fuck he wants right now. But I’m telling you: He. Needs. You.”

  “And I’m here, I am. I’m not going anywhere, Jason, but I’m not going to be an added burden either.”

  “I can’t believe he let you leave.” The fight left my stepbrother’s voice.

  “Yeah...” My heart ached as if it knew it was missing its other half.

  “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m okay. I just keep thinking nothing I’m feeling matters, not compared to...”

  “Yeah,” his voice sobered, “I know. I offered to drive to Rixon, but he wouldn’t even entertain the idea.”

  “Cameron needs to do things his way,” I said.

  “And if his way isn’t the right way?”

  “Then we’ll pick up the pieces.”

  “You’ll get through this. It can’t be the end, Sis. It just can’t.”

  “Maybe,” I said with little conviction.

  “Just don’t write him off, not yet.”

  “Jason, I would never do that.” I love him too damn much.

  “Do you need anything? I can drive up and—”

  “No, I’m okay.” I smiled. Jason was so different, and I was proud of the man he’d become. “Just take care of him, please.”

  “I will. He gets a couple of days and then I’m going down there.”

  “Good. He’ll need someone to talk to.”

  “You’re the best of us, Hailee, you know that, right?”

  “Thank you.” Emotion clogged my throat.

  “I’ll call you soon to check in.”

  “Okay, bye, Jas—” My stomach churned violently. “I need to go.” I dropped the phone and raced through the apartment, crashing through the bathroom door just in time for my lunch to make a reappearance.

  So much for a twenty-four-hour stomach flu.

  Hailee

  Cameron didn’t return to school. He quit the team and deferred his classes. Jason had driven up last weekend to collect some of his things and take them back to Rixon.

  That had been hard.

  But it was for the best.

  Doctors couldn’t give the Chase family a clear prognosis. But they had told them to treasure every moment which didn’t sound good.

  We’d talked a couple of times, but we didn’t talk about us. Instead, I told Cameron all about my latest art project and he told me about his quest to make sure Xander knew how loved he was.

  It was hard to stay mad at a guy who cared so much.

  Devyn checked on me a lot, as did some of the other football girlfriends. But mostly, I preferred my own company. Besides, I’d been unable to shake whatever virus I’d picked up. I wasn’t ill all the time, but I still didn’t feel right. So much so, Mom had begged me to get some blood work done.

  I was heading to get my results from the doctor’s office before flying to Philadelphia to meet Felicity and Mya for some girls’ time. The guys were in Rixon with Cam and Xander for the weekend, so Mya had invited us to hang out.

  “Miss Raine?” The secretary said, and I nodded. “You can go straight in.” She smiled.

  “Thank you.”

  I made my way down the hall and knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  “Hello.”

  “Hailee, take a seat.” Dr. Jennifer said. “How are you feeling today?”

  “Okay. I’m still a little lethargic though. And I had another bout of nausea the other day.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “We ran a full blood work up. Everything came back fine.”

  My brows furrowed. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. I thought you just said—”

  “You’re pregnant, Hailee.”

  “P- pregnant?” It whooshed from my lips. “But I can’t be.”

  “I have the results right here. Your levels put you at around nine weeks.”

  “But I didn’t miss my period.”

  “It’s rare but it happens. Do you experience light periods?”

  “Usually, yes.”

  She made some notes. “Is it possible you missed your birth control?”

  “No, I take it religiously.”

  “Again, it happens. Obviously, you don’t need to take that anymore.”

  “You’re sure I’m pregnant?”

  “Hailee, I know this is a shock...” She wasn’t wrong about that. Pregnancy was the last thing I’d expected to hear her say. It was so far down the list, I hadn’t even contemplated it.

  “Is the father on the scene?”

  “It’s complicated.” My hands trembled as I tried to process what she was saying. “I’m sorry, when would I have conceived?”

  “If the dates are correct, and sometimes they’re a little out, it would put it at about seven weeks ago.”

  My hand instinctively went to my stomach. “I’m really pregnant?” Tears burned the backs of my eyes, but I didn’t know if they were tears of joy or despair.

  “You are. I suggest buying yourself a couple of home test kits. It might provide the visual proof you need.” Her smile was reassuring but it did little to ease the storm raging inside me.

  “Here.” She pulled out a leaflet and pushed it across the desk. “This explains what happens next. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call the office.”

  “I’m flying.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Today. I’m flying to Philadelphia to meet some girlfriends.”

  “You should be fine, but if you’ve been feeling nauseous then the altitude might not help. And no alcohol.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m going to write you a script for some pre-natal vitamins, check your blood pressure, and then you can be on your way. Any questions?”

  “I.... uh. No, I think that’s everything.”

  It wasn’t.

  But I didn’t know where the hell to start.

  Dr. Jennifer took my blood pressure, handed me the script, and wished me well. I walked out of there in a complete trance, unable to think of anything else...

  I was pregnant.

  I barely remembered the flight to Philadelphia. I hadn’t gotten sick, I’d just been stuck in a paralyzing state of disbelief. It wasn’t until Felicity was pulling me into her arms in the arrivals lounge that I finally snapped out of it.

  “Hailee, what is it? What’s wrong?”

  “I’m pregnant,” I blurted out, a stream of big, ugly sobs following.

  “Okay.” Her eyes went wide as she dug out her cell. “Mya,” she said. “Change of plan. We need to stop at the store for supplies then head straight to your apartment. I’ll tell you when we’re out of arrivals.” Felicity hung up. “Come on, babe. It sounds like we have some catching up to do.”

  She didn’t push for answers on the ride to Asher and Mya’s apartment, and I was grateful. I still needed to assimilate my thoughts on everything. But when we pulled into their underground parking lot, I knew my reprieve was up.

  I climbed out of the car and went around to the trunk to get my bag, but Flick beat me to it. “I can carry my bag,” I protested.

  “Hush, you’ve got to think for two now.”

  I shot her a disapproving look.

  “Too soon?”

  “What do you think?”

  “I think you need to explain how you’re pregnant when you told me you and Cameron were going through a dry spell?”

  “Seriously, that’s what you’re choosing to focus on?”

  “Fee, you’re doing it again,” Mya said.

  “Sorry, I’m sorry, okay.” She held up a hand. “I just... pregnant. She’s freakin’ pregnant.”
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br />   “Yes, I got it the first time.” Mya offered me an apologetic look. “How are you feeling, really?”

  “Confused. Scared. Did I say confused?”

  “It’s okay, Hailee. You’re going through something huge.”

  “Have you told Cam?” That was Felicity. I pressed my lips together, averting my gaze. “Hailee... you have to tell him.”

  “I can’t, not yet.”

  He was dealing with something huge; he didn’t need this to worry about.

  “Girl,” Mya reached for my hand. “He’d want to know.”

  “I need to process it first and then figure out what I’m going to do.”

  “What do you mean?” Felicity paled. “You’re going to keep it, right?”

  “I...” I couldn’t answer that question. My heart said yes. But... a baby?

  Cameron and I weren’t even together. Well, at least, I didn’t think we were.

  God. Everything was such a mess.

  “I’m still in college. I want to graduate.” Guilt coiled around my heart.

  The elevator doors pinged open and we all filed out, heading for Mya’s apartment.

  “You can’t be more than, what, two months along?”

  “The doctor thinks I’m nine weeks.”

  “So you’re due when, June?” Felicity asked, doing the math.

  “June second.”

  “Perfect. You can take finals, graduate, and then have the baby.”

  “And where we will live? What about my plans?”

  Her expression fell. “It’s not straightforward, but you’ll figure it out. Besides, Cameron will step up.”

  “I think Cameron has enough on his plate.” My heart clenched again. Finding out I was pregnant was supposed to be a happy occasion. It wasn’t supposed to happen now, in the middle of all this.

  She rolled her eyes. “You can’t seriously be thinking about keeping this from him because of what’s happening with his mom?”

  I blinked away the fresh tears.

  “That’s all the more reason to tell him. God knows, that family needs some good news.”

  “I’ll think about it. But please, don’t tell Asher or Jason yet. I need time.”

  “Hailee—”

  “No, Fee, I mean it. I told you in confidence. This is my business. Please respect that.”