He knows.
I look away, not wanting to be further humiliated by my mother.
He opens up the driver’s door. “I don’t think you should drive right now. Let me take you home.”
“I can’t go home.” I hardly recognize the voice that comes out of me, it’s so small, so defeated.
He nods. “Okay. I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
“I need to go to Houston.” The words coming out of my mouth shock me. I need a parent right now. A parent who won’t steal from me. One who won’t hit me. One who loves me.
Logan’s silent for a few moments. “Okay, I’ll take you to Houston.”
I get out of the car and try to walk past Logan, but he stops me. He takes his fingers and gently cups my chin. He raises my head so I have to look at him. When I finally make eye contact, I see that his eyes are glassy, like he’s about to cry.
“Lexi, I’m so sorry for whatever happened.” He gives me a small, yet strained smile. “But everything’s going to be all right. I’m here for you.”
He wraps his arms around me tight. We sit there in the parking lot for a while, with Logan holding me.
And not even that gives me comfort.
I don’t speak for the first half hour we’re in the car. Every time I open my mouth to say something, a wave of sadness overwhelms me. It takes everything I have to look straight and remember to breathe.
Mercifully, Logan doesn’t say anything. He only drives.
I honestly don’t even know what there is to say. I don’t even know what I’m going to do when I get to Houston. I know that I’ll have to face my mother at some point, but part of me feels the desire to just keep going. Not like I haven’t thought about running away with Logan before, but never under these circumstances. Plus, I don’t want someone to be with me out of pity.
My thoughts are interrupted when I hear Dad’s ringtone awaken my phone. I’ve been ignoring all the calls from my mom, but since Dad has no idea that I’m heading to him, I should probably pick up.
“Lexi!” He doesn’t even let me say hello; he sounds panicked. “Oh, princess, your mom told me everything. I’m so sorry. We’re all so worried about you, Lexi. Where are you?”
I can hear him breathing rapidly while he awaits my response. “I’m … I’m on my way to see you. I can’t …” I start crying again.
“Okay, Lexi. I’m on my way to our meeting place. You’ve got a head start on me, so I’ll be a little late. You don’t have to come all the way to Houston.”
“I can’t stay there anymore.” I try to speak quietly, but desperation and panic seep through my voice.
I hear Dad sigh. “You can’t run away from your problems.”
“I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” I scream into the phone. Something in me has snapped. My anger has now shifted to my father, who gets to live in his little bubble existence and doesn’t have to deal with the problems that he left behind. The problems (his children) that he abandoned. “I know you don’t want me with you because of your new girlfriend, but guess what, Dad? I’m your problem, too. Mom stole from me, she hit me, she took away everything I’ve been working toward. How do you expect me to live there after what she did? How can anybody expect me to be able to trust her again?”
I hear him take a deep breath. “Princess, calm down.”
“Don’t call me that. Don’t you ever call me that again. I’m not your princess. I’m not some trophy you can take down and admire whenever it’s convenient to you.”
“Alexis, please calm down. It’s not good for you to be driving when you’re this upset.”
“I’m not driving.” I spit out the words at him like it’s his fault that Logan has to bear witness to this.
“Well, I don’t like hearing you this upset.”
“I don’t like being this upset.”
“I’m going to give you the money, prin — Lexi.”
“Why are you covering for her?”
“I’m doing what’s best for you.”
“Then why don’t you let me come live with you?” My voice cracks at the end.
“It’s … complicated.” I can hear the hesitation in his voice. But I can also hear that there’s no changing his mind. “Let’s talk about it when I see you.”
“No, I want to know right now.” I’m sick of playing all these games. I want, for once, for someone to tell me the truth.
“Oh, Lexi …”
And with those two words, I shut myself off again. Just like I had to do all those years to get through the pageants, I pull the plug on Human Lexi and revert to Robot Lexi. Just go through the motions. Keep your head down.
“Forget it.” I speak in an even tone. “I’m not coming.”
I hang up on him and shut off my phone.
I turn toward Logan, who’s staring straight ahead at the road like his life depends on it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody so uncomfortable in his life … well, maybe me on my first date with Taylor.
“Logan, I’m sorry, but can you turn back?”
He steals a quick glance at me. “Of course. I’ll get off at the next exit and turn around. I’m … I couldn’t help but hear, and I’m so sorry. Do you want to come stay with me? I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind.”
I shake my head. “I’ll be okay.”
I close my eyes and try to think about anything else but what’s waiting for me back home. Cam’s probably mad at me; she has no idea where I am and probably isn’t in the mood to hear who I’m currently with. For a split second, I debate going to Benny’s house, but he’s with Chris. And I can’t pretend that they’re my family. There are some things that you can’t avoid. And it seems like this problem is one of them.
Thirty minutes later, we pull up outside Logan’s house and both get out of the car.
He gives me another hug. The thought of seeing him tomorrow is beyond humiliating. “I really can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your help today.” I hear the words come out of my mouth, but I don’t feel anything but exhaustion. “And apologize to your mom for me for tearing you away at the last minute. I —”
Logan puts his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m sorry you had such a rough day. You know you can call me if you need anything.”
“Thanks.”
Logan hesitates. “Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?”
“No. I should really get going.” But I don’t move, not wanting to go home.
“You’re positive?”
No, not at all.
I muster up the best smile I can give him. “Yes, everything’s going to be fine.”
Even as the words escape my mouth, I know they’re not true.
I pull up outside our house. I don’t hesitate for a single second. I feel it’s like ripping off a bandage.
I open the front door and head straight to my bedroom.
“Oh, Alexis, I’ve been worried sick, honey. I’m so —”
I slam my bedroom door shut and block out my mother’s apologies. Of course she’s sorry, but it doesn’t change what happened. It doesn’t change what she did.
I ignore her knocking on my door and take off my clothes. I strip away the Lexi who caused all of this.
Not one thing has changed for me.
I put on my robe, open up the door, and come face-to-face with The Momster.
“Sweetie, I can’t —”
“Please move aside so I can use the bathroom.” I manage to keep my voice monotone, just like a robot. I figure that’s the only way I’m going to survive living here for the next year and a half.
“Oh.” She moves so I can cross the hallway and get into our bathroom. I turn on the hot water and let steam fill the room so I can no longer see my tear-soaked face, my eyes smudged from all the running mascara. Waterproof, my foot.
I stand under the scalding water and close my eyes. I feel at peace and wonder how long I can stay here. Maybe if I stand in the shower long enough, I’ll shrivel up and can just float
down into the drain. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with the world.
Suddenly cold water comes at me and jolts me out of my solitary moment. I quickly shut off the water and dry myself off. I wipe the condensation off the mirror and study my face. I start to take off the remaining makeup and put my hair in a ponytail.
Maybe I should go back to being Boring Lexi. She didn’t get into as much trouble as Lexi 2.0.
I head back into my bedroom and ignore Mom’s pleas for me to talk to her. Mackenzie must’ve been sent to her room so she didn’t have to witness this. Mom needs to keep her favorite daughter on her side. I blare my music and put on sweats. I turn on my phone and find that I have nine voice mails.
Mom: Please pick up, Lexi. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I would never hurt —
Delete.
Mom: Where are —
Delete.
Mom: Pick up the —
Delete.
Cam: Hey. Where are —
Delete.
Mom: Lex —
Delete.
Dad: I’m on my way to see you, please don’t turn around —
Delete.
Taylor: Hey there, I —
Delete.
Cam: Seriously? You’re standing me up? I can’t believe —
Delete.
Dad: I’m here. Where are you? I’m worried to death, Lexi. Please call me.
Delete.
I shut off my phone and toss it on the floor. Sleep is the only option I have left, so I throw my blanket over my head and take it.
There’s a knock on my door. I roll over and ignore it.
The door cracks open and Mackenzie pops her head in. “Hey, Lexi, it’s almost time for school.”
“I’m not going.”
She comes and sits on my bed. “Are you sick?”
“Yes.” I turn away from her.
She hesitates. “What’s going on? Mom and Dad were on the phone all last night. Mom was crying. I’m worried.”
I sit up. “Everything’s fine. There’s nothing for you to worry about. It’s just a little disagreement between me and Mom.”
It’s clear she can see right through my lies. “Does it have to do with me or the pageants?” Her bottom lip juts out, and I can tell that she’s about to cry.
“No. It has to do with an issue Mom and I need to work out.”
I say it like it’s no big deal, but I honestly have no idea how we’ll be able to fix something like this.
Mom opens the door. “Mackenzie, go brush your teeth.”
Mac gives me a little kiss on the cheek and heads out. I lie back down and pull the blanket over my head.
“Alexis, I really would like to talk to you.”
I say nothing.
“Okay, I’ll call the school and tell them you aren’t coming in today. But when I get back from work, I want us to sit down and talk. I’m very sorry I hit you, honey —”
“You hit Lexi!” I hear Mac’s voice cry out. “How could you do that?”
“I told you …”
I can’t tell if she goes after Mac or if they’re both still in my room, but I figure it’s best to lie here and play dead.
I flinch slightly when a hand is placed on my back. “I’m leaving, but I mean it. We need to talk. Okay?”
I don’t move. I stay there for what seems like a century, until I think it’s safe. I slowly pull off the blanket and cautiously walk to the hallway. It appears as if everybody’s gone. I walk over to the front window and peek out to see only my car out front. I can’t remember the last time I had the house to myself for a day. I turn on the TV and put on a game show. I head over to the refrigerator. The Greek nonfat yogurt and berries that I usually have for breakfast don’t seem too appealing. I open up the freezer and grab some of Mac’s frozen chocolate chip waffles and stick them in the toaster. I cover them with butter and maple syrup. I’m shoving them in my mouth so fast I hardly taste them.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungry in my life. It’s like I have this emptiness inside me and the answer is in the kitchen pantry. I plant myself in front of the TV and eat mindlessly. I hardly realize it’s almost noon when I’m startled by a knock at the door. I wipe potato chips from my shirt as I get up.
I wasn’t really sure who I was going to see, but when I open the door, I’m not very happy to find Taylor standing there.
“Hey. Come here.” He grabs me by the waist and gives me a hug. “You weren’t in school and Logan mentioned that he saw you last night. He didn’t really say much, just that you had a rough night.”
I nod.
He studies my face. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head.
“Oh, well, I’ve been texting you and calling you, but I think you shut off your phone.” He rocks back and forth on his heels.
I nod again.
“Okay. Um …” He studies me up and down. I know I look awful. I went to bed with wet hair that’s in something that resembles a ponytail, and dirty, oversized sweats.
He looks around and sees junk food piled up on the coffee table. “I headed out during lunch to check in on you, but I can play hooky for the rest of the day if you want company.”
I shake my head … yet again.
“So I guess our date tonight is off?” he asks.
I try to smile this time while I nod.
“Okay, you’re kind of freaking me out. Are you mad at me?”
I begin to shake my head, but instead say, “No.”
“Well, I guess that makes me feel a little better.” He gives me a little smile, which quickly fades when I pull away from his outstretched arms. “I don’t really know what’s going on, and I can’t say I’m thrilled I had to find that something was going on from Logan.”
I just stare at him.
“You gotta give me something to work with here, Lexi.” Frustration is seeping into his voice.
I sit down on the couch and Taylor follows me. “I had a pretty major fight with my mom,” I say. “I don’t really want to get into it. But Logan saw me right afterward and he helped me. It’s nothing. I couldn’t face school today.”
He rubs my back. “Okay. If you want to talk about it sometime, just say the word.”
After we sit in silence for about a minute, he gets up. “I guess I should leave you to …”
I follow him to the door.
“Yeah, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow….” He leans in and I turn my face. I’m not in the mood for kissing or anything resembling human contact right now. Plus, I didn’t have any motivation to brush my teeth this morning.
“Most likely.” I don’t even want to think about tomorrow. Annoyance flickers across his face for a few seconds before he gives me a weak smile. “Thanks for stopping by, really. I’m just not in a good mood.” He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, but I truly don’t have the energy to give anybody comfort at this moment.
“Yeah, I guess I can tell that you weren’t expecting company.” He lets out a little laugh and nods at my outfit.
“You know, this is pretty much what I look like underneath all the makeup and hair product.”
He crinkles his brow at me. “Okaaaay.”
“Yeah, let’s not pretend that you’d be caught dead being seen with me if I always looked like this.”
He flinches. “Where did that … what are you even talking about?”
I’m so tired. I’m tired of all the lies, all the deception. Might as well finally tell the truth, even if it hurts.
“Oh, come on. You didn’t show any interest in me until I started dressing like all those Glamour Girls at school. Don’t pretend you care about anything but how I look.”
He studies me like I’m an alien life-form. “Lexi, look. I know you’re upset, so I’m going to go. I only wanted to make sure you were okay. The last thing I want to do is get into a fight.”
“I’m not fighting. I’m simply stating the truth.”
He throws his
hands up in the air. “I’ll talk to you later. Feel better, okay.”
“Whatever.”
He stands there for a few seconds, looking at me, waiting for something. Then, when I don’t give it to him, he finally turns around and heads to his car.
I close the door and head back into the kitchen to see what the freezer has in store for me.
Oh, there’s a fresh pint of Chubby Hubby ice cream.
This day has just gotten considerably better. Not like it had much further to fall.
I think this is what they call a food coma. My stomach’s bloated from all the food I’ve eaten (or, more appropriately, shoved in my face).
When I hear the door again, I ignore it. Maybe I should take a nap. Plus, what if it’s Logan, or worse, Taylor again?
I know I was a little harsh with Taylor, but I’m sick of pretending that everything is fine with my family and that what he and I have is real. I bet anything that he won’t be calling me now that he’s seen the true me.
There’s a knock at the window. “Lexi! Please open up!” It’s Benny and Cam.
I have to roll over to get up.
I open up the door and head back to the couch without greeting them.
Benny’s eyes are wide as he takes in all the junk food surrounding the area.
I start to uncontrollably sob. “I’m sorry I didn’t meet you yesterday, Cam.” With everything going on, I can’t face the fact that, on top of everything else, I’m a horrible friend.
She kneels down next to me. “Oh, Lexi, you don’t need to apologize. I had no idea what was going on. And I never heard from you. Then Benny mentioned he hadn’t heard from you, either, and you weren’t at school or returning any of the texts we sent you today. We were worried. Then Logan asked me how you were handling everything, and when he realized that I didn’t know what he was talking about, he started to walk away. I had to basically block him from the exit and threaten his life for him to tell me what’s going on.”
A small smile creeps on my face at the thought of tiny Cam intimidating Logan. I could totally see it happen. She does not take the word no very well.
Revenge of the Girl With the Great Personality Page 14
