“What’s wrong?” Mackenzie looks around, trying to figure out the sudden mood change in the car.
“It’s nothing.”
Actually, it’s Logan. Standing on our front yard.
Cam’s eyes get wide. I, on the other hand, am trying to stay composed. All the drama of today made me forget about what happened last night. But now it comes flooding back to me.
Logan gives us a little wave as I park the car. He’s wearing sunglasses and holding a giant bottle of water. Apparently last night hasn’t completely left him.
He smiles at me, then gives me a weird look as I get out of the car. It’s been weeks since Logan has seen Old Lexi in jeans and a T-shirt without a lick of makeup on. Although my hair still has enough product in it that a passing firefly could light this mess on fire.
“Hi, guys.” He smiles at the group, then leans toward me. “Hey.”
Oh, great, we’re back to that?
“Ah, I’ll meet you inside,” I say to a concerned Benny and Cam and a clueless Mac. (Although by her smirk, I think she knows exactly what’s going on.)
Mac and Benny head in the house, but Cam pauses. She comes over to me and gives me a big hug. “I’m really proud of you, for what you did today and last night,” she whispers in my ear. She gives me an encouraging smile before she joins them inside.
Leaving Logan and me alone.
Memories of our last encounter fill my head.
“Hello.” I sit down on the bench outside our house.
“Listen …” He joins me and starts shaking his right leg nervously. “Thanks for coming with me last night. I’m really sorry about getting sick and everything.”
“It’s okay,” I say. Even though it isn’t.
“I heard about what you said to Brooke. I wish I could’ve been conscious for that.”
Yeah, me too.
“So …” He turns to me. “You look different.”
I shrug. “This is how I looked before.” I let that word hang in the air. I don’t think there’s a single person who doesn’t realize that there was a clear before and after with me. Although now I’m somewhere in the middle.
“Oh, I thought you were — never mind,” he stutters.
“It’s been a rough day.” I don’t feel I need to give him any other explanation.
He nods slowly to himself. “Yeah, well, I was wondering when you’re back to …” He pauses briefly, but just enough to make me wish I never put on any makeup in the first place. “Um, what I mean is that I’d like to take you out.”
He hasn’t even been broken up with Alyssa for two weeks and he’s asking me out.
Wait a second. Logan Reeves is asking me out. Really asking me out. Not to a coffee or to the athletic dinner as friends. He is asking me on a date. But I think he’s asking Glam Lexi, not me, just Lex.
This is everything I ever wanted. I’ve been dreaming, fantasizing, obsessing about this moment for years.
And now that it’s here …
I don’t really feel anything at all.
I’m realizing that Dream Logan is way better than Real Logan, which isn’t fair to him. Just like Glam Me isn’t fair to Normal Me.
I’ve built Logan up in my head as the perfect guy, but he isn’t. He drinks (and apparently can’t hold his liquor), he’s a bad kisser, we have nothing in common now that we don’t have pageants anymore, and let’s face it, he’s probably not over Alyssa.
I’d be the rebound girl. The girl to take his mind off of Alyssa. Who wants to be friends with him since he’s such a nice guy.
And while I empathize with Logan more than he could probably ever realize, neither of us should be with the other for the wrong reasons.
But, in a way, this has nothing to do with Logan. It has everything to do with the person I want to be.
I know some people settle for something that they wanted (or thought they wanted), but I’m not that kind of person. I know I deserve better than that. It may have taken Benny’s dares, hours of primping, family trauma, and falling on my face to come to this moment, but I finally realize that the real me is worthy of love and happiness. And it’s the kind of happiness that doesn’t come in the form of a boyfriend.
Especially if that guy wants to be with you for all the wrong reasons.
“Logan, what did you think about how I looked the last few weeks?”
He starts to blush. “You looked amazing.”
“And before that, did you ever think of me as anything but a friend?”
He opens his mouth, then closes it. I know that it isn’t fair for me to ask him. Because I already know the truth.
“Do you know that I did a lot of that stuff because of you? Because I wanted you to see me as something more than just a friend.”
His face lights up. “You did?”
“Well, it wasn’t my only motivation, but I did. And that isn’t a good thing.”
“Oh.” He looks disappointed.
“All I did over the last few weeks was kill myself to get accepted by you and your friends. And to be honest, I didn’t really have fun even when I was. Maybe that’s because part of me knew that I didn’t belong. And you know, Logan, I really like you.”
“You do?” He grabs my hand.
“Yeah.” I take my hand away. “But I like myself more. I’d rather be single and myself than try to fit into a mold of a person that I’m not for a guy. I know that it’s not your fault that I did this, but I haven’t been happy, and I think the only way for me to truly be happy is to be myself by myself.”
“Oh, okay …” He takes a moment to nod to himself. “That’s cool.”
Logan doesn’t even seem that disappointed. Probably because he knows we wouldn’t make a good couple.
I give him a hug. “But I’d still like to be friends.”
But unlike with Taylor, I’m not really sure how much I mean it. I think, I hope that Taylor and I could someday try it again. But I know I first need to concentrate on what makes me happy. And, just as important, try to heal my wounded family.
Logan and I say good-bye and I keep waiting for a small voice in my head to start screaming at me, at what I’ve done. But it doesn’t come. Because I know I’m right.
It’s very rare for fantasy and reality to line up. And in the case of Logan and me, it isn’t meant to be. But I’m glad I went through what I went through. Because it made me a stronger person, and made me realize what’s important.
I, Lexi Anderson, am proud to say that I do, indeed, have a great personality.
And it’s only a matter of time before the Beautiful People will be wishing they had great personalities, too.
Good luck with that, oh Beautiful Ones.
Because we Great Girls are the rarest breed.
I wish I could hold some sort of ceremony where I could call people up on stage and give them something, like a banner or trophy or crown, to show them how much I appreciate them. But since I don’t want to scar all the amazing people in my life by making them wear flippers, gowns, fake hair, and eyelashes, this will have to suffice.
To Ultimate Grand Supreme Editor David Levithan, who was excited about this book from the moment I told him the title. Thank you for working with me to make the story stronger. I’m eternally indebted to you for your advice, friendship, music mixes, karaoke duets, and all those bus rides home.
I’m very lucky to have the Royal Queen of agents, Rosemary Stimola. Thank you for being in my corner and cheering me on (no glitter T-shirts required).
Scholastic has been an amazing publisher to work with. I’m extremely appreciative of all the work that happens behind the scenes. I don’t want to think about where I would be if it weren’t for the winning talents of Sheila Marie Everett (stop working so late!), Erin Black, Emily Sharpe, Tracy van Straaten (go Packers!), Bess Braswell, Stacey Lellos, Leslie Garych, Lizette Serrano, Emily Heddleson, Candace Greene, Antonio Gonzalez, Rachael Hicks, and all the reps, especially Sue Flynn, the hardest-working woman in publishing. And, of course, Eliz
abeth Parisi, who has spoiled me with her gorgeous covers. Sparkly tiaras for everybody!
Writing about a broken family has made me even more grateful to come from my family. Thank you to my parents and my siblings, who have stood up for and stood behind me through the years. Nobody messes with a Eulberg.
Hugs, kisses, and bedazzled sashes to my friends for their continued support of my writing career, especially Jennifer Leonard and Sarah Mlynowski. Jen has the unfortunate task of being my first reader and truly deserves a crown for that feat. And while it was incredibly intimidating for an author of Sarah’s stature to read my unedited manuscript, her comments helped make this book better and her enthusiasm means the world to me (FLIPPERS!). Thanks, too, to my tour buddy, Jen Calonita, for all those fun times that cause us to lose our voices, and to Susane Colasanti for all those chats about books, boys, Beaker, and other important things in life. And of course, Kirk Benshoff, who takes such good care of Online Elizabeth.
Huge gratitude to all the booksellers, librarians, teachers, and bloggers for your continued support. You guys ROCK and should be paid in real diamonds.
And finally, to all of those guys who told me, and my friends, that we have such great personalities, thank you for that reminder. We’ll take the congeniality award any day. You were SO not worth our time.
ELIZABETH EULBERG is no stranger to girls who are stuck with the “great personality” label and the fact that happiness is the best revenge. She is the author of The Lonely Hearts Club, Prom and Prejudice, and Take a Bow, as well as this book. Which is four more books than any of her failed crushes have ever managed to write. You can find her on the Web at www.elizabetheulberg.com.
ALSO BY ELIZABETH EULBERG
The Lonely Hearts Club
Prom & Prejudice
Take a Bow
Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Eulberg
Cover image and design by Elizabeth B. Parisi
All rights reserved. Published by Point, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publishers since 1920. SCHOLASTIC, POINT, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Available
First edition, March 2013
e-ISBN 978-0-545-52078-2
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
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