“Celeste, you can’t come to me and ask me to share my bed.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think you should be alone. You haven’t said anything all day. I can sit on the floor.” She sank to the floor next to me. “I just want to be here for you. However you need.”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t tell her to leave.
She hugged her knees to her chest. “I saw some pictures of you as a teen. And as a kid. You were so cute.”
I winced.
“I love the whole rocker vibe.”
It hurt me more to be with Celeste at that moment than it did to have cleaned up my mother’s relapse all day. My body ached for her comfort at war with an instinct that to indulge would only lead to heartbreak.
“I went through a punk phase, too. My mom wouldn’t let me dye my hair so one time I bleached a strand and did it myself and she made me cut it off. I had this one really short piece of hair sticking out of my ponytail for almost a year.” She laughed to herself. I could hear her hold her breath, waiting for me to say something. The soft ruffle of my tee-shirt as she moved.
I lifted the covers instead and she quickly crawled in next to me. Through the shadows, I could make out her long braid. The gentle slope of her nose, the sliver of moonlight reflected in her eyes. I could see a friendship between us. If that was what she decided in the end. After a long, long time of distance and turning down moments like this.
I continued to stare out into the shadows. “I have nothing to say.”
“I’m not taking notes, anything you say will just disappear. You can talk to me.” Celeste nudged my leg with her knee.
“It’s not easy to see my mum like this. It’s not the first relapse, and it won’t be the last. I wish,” I sighed and shut up.
“Are you sad?” Celeste’s fingertips brushed mine and she held my hand. Why was she doing this? Why was she here?
“Sad for Mum, not for me. Once I let go of the notion that my mother was here to care for me, this all got much easier. I’m alright caring for her. It's hard to see her suffering all the same.”
“What about your dad?”
I paused for a long time, contemplating how to tell her—if I should tell her—my secret. Fuck it. She already knew the rest of them. I thought, giving in to my exhaustion. “I don’t have a father. My mum was raped in college, at a party. And then she had me.”
I let that sink in for her.
“She spiraled and the state took me away from her when I was little. My grandparents raised me and by the time I had a relationship with my mother, she was at rock bottom. This has always been our relationship. But I love her, and I just wish she could walk away from her demons. I guess that’s hard when you have a son who reminds you of it every day.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t think like that.”
“She says she doesn’t. That doesn’t change what I am. What I represent.”
“All I see is a good man, who loves his mother.” She placed a hand on my cheek.
“You can’t stay here.” It ripped my soul in two to say the words. But I knew if she stayed, we’d do something we’d regret. The intimacy we were sharing was deeper than anything sexual we’d ever enjoyed together. I couldn’t let her in any further. From the aching, sinking, spiraling feeling in my heart, it was already a mistake to have let her in my bed at all.
Celeste was silent for a long time. Our eyes locked in the darkness. “You know where to find me.” She whispered.
I turned to stare at the ceiling, an arm behind my head, the other pulling the sheets over my naked body.
CHAPTER 43
Celeste
I couldn’t sleep. I lay awake for hours, feeling Isaac’s presence on the other side of the wall. I could hear him mumbling in his sleep, the familiarity of that detail exacerbating the ache in my chest. He was restless, his knees and elbows thudding against the wall as he slept. I wanted to be with him. It felt wrong to have this wall between us.
I rose before everyone and pulled out some flour, milk, eggs, and oil. I whipped up my favorite crepe recipe and took comfort in the process of creating the thin crepes in a round pan. The monotonous circling of my wrist to spread the batter, and the faint sound of the pastry screaming as the air bubbles grew and popped.
“What’s cooking?” My nape prickled from the sound of his voice.
“Crepes,” I answered, unable to look to him.
“I’ll cut up some fruit,” he crossed to the fridge and rummaged through, the crackling of plastic containers making me nervous.
“I’ll do it. Go feed the chickens or something.”
Isaac reached across me to the knife block, pulling a short paring knife out. He’d shaved with his mother’s flowery shaving cream. I could smell it on him, but I couldn’t look. I wanted him so badly my entire body pulsed with the need to touch him. I felt as if there were a tether between us, pulled tight and threatening to break. “Nervous I might stab you?” He laughed, obviously sensing my unease.
“No. I… I thought a lot about us last night.”
Silence.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
Isaac rubbed his temple with the back of his hand, the knife glinting with the morning sunlight. “I don’t want to talk about us right now.”
I turned off the burner, faced him head-on, and the room stilled. “I want to be with you. I was on the other side of the wall and all I wanted was to be in your bed, just next to you. I could hear you talking in your sleep, and I… I miss you. It’s been only two days and I miss you. I don’t want what we were to be over.”
Isaac’s brow furrowed and he bit the inside of his cheek. He shook his head, closing his eyes as if looking at me were too painful. I felt that in my soul. It threw me off balance and I gripped the counter to steady the dizzy sensation in my knees. “No. It’s not just sex for me. I can’t. I won’t.”
I took a deep breath and all my practiced speech dissipated into nothingness. Instead, I fumbled, the confession rolling out too rushed, the fear that hid on the edges of my heart seeping into my tone. “It’s been torture, being like this. I want to go back. It’s not just sex for me either. It was, and then it wasn’t.”
His blue eyes pierced me. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. There would be no greater insult.”
“I don’t know what love is. I’m not sure anyone I’ve ever known has loved me. Not really. I’ve never been with anyone who respects me enough to let me just exist as I am. You don’t try to change me, and I wasn’t ready to hear how you feel because I wasn’t ready to acknowledge how I feel. It scares me, how much I want you. In all of the ways. It scares me how little I give a damn what anyone thinks of me, or us. I don’t know how to be this person because my whole life I’ve been someone else entirely. But, with you, I can just… be. And I don’t know how anyone could love that. Could love who I am becoming.”
“I don’t know how anyone could not.”
I reached for his hand and squeezed it, mine trembling in the warm steadiness of his grip. “I’m sorry that I lied and told you that I just wanted to stay casual. I don’t think this was ever casual. I didn’t mean it.”
“Damn it, Celeste.” He turned to the window over the sink.
I reached for his jaw desperately, turning him back to meet my eyes. “I can’t live like this, at arm’s length. I don’t want to. And if that’s love, then I love you.”
Isaac tossed the knife into the sink, the loud clatter of steel echoing through me as I flinched, my eyes closed. Before I knew what was happening, Isaac’s lips were on mine, his hands on my cheeks, pulling me up to him. I pulled him in deeper, closer. He kissed me and I almost cried at the relief. I kissed his lips, his cheeks, his jaw and he returned my kisses tenfold. Breakfast forgotten, we tumbled into each other’s arms, and it wasn’t lust pulling our bodies together, it was love tethering our hearts.
A cough from across the room jolted us back to reality, both of us jumping at the intrusion. “Well, then. I see we’ve made up.
Don’t burn the breakfast though, dear. I’m hungry. I have a meeting with my sponsor in an hour.” I burned as bright as a stop sign, but Isaac ignored it and kissed me again, grabbed the knife from behind me, and turned to the fruit unfazed. Mum’s cheshire grin made it impossible for me to face her, so I turned to the stove and smiled into the pan as I finished cooking.
What exactly had he told her? If her all-knowing smirk was any indication, everything.
Yikes. First impression on Mum is that I have no shame and would ravish her son right there on her kitchen sink.
“Did you sleep well, dear?” Mum’s smirk only widened as she poured me some orange juice.
“Yes, you have a lovely home. The guest room was perfect.”
“Oh, isn’t that sweet, Isaac? She’s a terrible liar. That’s a good sign.”
My stomach dipped and I stuffed my mouth so that she wouldn’t ask me any more questions. Isaac sat closer to his mother than to me and laughed into his juice. “If you tease her enough, she turns bright red.”
“Oh, I’m sure you do enough teasing on your own. You don’t need my help. She blushes just looking at you.” Mum elbowed Isaac, who winked at me.
“Okay. Awesome. I’m adequately mortified. Thank you for showing me where your allegiance lies.” The rest of breakfast went much the same. Isaac and Mum caught up some more about the animals and what he had done with the garden. Mum thanked him and he kissed her cheek.
Isaac placed his hand in mine once we were done cleaning up. “We have to go back to work. Do you need anything else, Mum?”
“No. You two go save humanity.”
CHAPTER 44
Celeste
Isaac pulled out onto the winding country road. I pulled out my phone and checked my messages. “I wonder how Kieran did with Sarah Taylor. She hasn’t texted me yet today.”
“Mhm.”
“I hope she remembered to record whatever she might have gotten out of her. I wonder if she’s already at the safe house.”
“Right.” Isaac looked strange, his focus alternating between the dashboard, me, and the road. He whipped the steering wheel to the left and pulled over, the tires protesting against the gravely roadside.
“What are you doing? Here, I’ll turn on navigation.” I heard Isaac unbuckle his seatbelt and he grabbed my phone tossing it over his shoulder. He pulled me in by the back of my neck and kissed me. A surprised little moan escaped me as our tongues deepened the kiss, sending a trickle of pleasure down my spine. I heard my seatbelt click and climbed out of the restraint and onto his lap. The horn honked when my ass pushed against it and we laughed briefly. Isaac dragged his seat back so that I could straddle him and we tore at each other's clothes.
Isaac’s hands gripped my ass hard, and he slipped them under the dress I’d taken from his mother’s closet. He pulled away and cocked his head to the side, demanding an explanation. “I wasn’t going to wear my panties twice!” I rose up as much as I could in the cramped space to give him room to pull down his jeans.
“You should stop wearing them altogether.” I shut him up with a kiss.
His fingers dug into my ass as I dropped down, taking his cock deep into me. I tossed my head back as he stretched me and bit my nipple through the fabric. I rode him hard, with quick thrusts that he met with every kiss, and bite, and moan.
Isaac’s phone rang out over Bluetooth. He reached behind me to the steering wheel. “Not now,” he growled and thrust up hard.
“Oh,” Kieran’s voice filled the car and Isaac slapped a hand to my mouth, stifling my moan. I froze. “Well, Celeste didn’t pick up and I’m running out of things to do with Sarah.”
I ground against him. The slip of his cock inside me, while he fought to gain his composure, ignited a flame of heat that danced across my skin. “Shit,” he smiled wickedly, meeting my movements with a finger to my clit. “We’re on our way.”
“How’s your Mum?”
“Great. Everything’s fine.” He rushed the words.
“How far away are you?”
I whimpered into his hand. “About an hour.” He pinched my clit gently between two fingers, holding it steady while I ground my hips forward and back. The tug sent shocks of ecstasy through me.
“Well, she doesn’t much like playing cards. And she’s scary,” Kieran whispered, frustration emanating through every consonant.
“You’ll figure something out. Celeste is coming. We’ll be on the road in a second.” He hung up abruptly and replaced his hand on my mouth with his lips. I reached behind me and fondled his balls while I continued riding him. He moaned his pleasure through the worshipping kiss to my neck.
I focused on the feel of him sliding in and out of me. The way the barely-there pressure of his fingers on my clit pulled and built my climax with every one of my movements. I listened to the sounds he made, the low raspiness of his voice. Somewhere between our frantic start and now we’d slowed. I opened my eyes and found his gaze focused on mine.
Isaac slowed my hips to a stop. His hands-on either side of my head he pulled my forehead head to his, whispering nose to nose. “I love you, Celeste.”
“I love you,” I said, the feeling rippling through me.
“I love you,” we repeated, as we fucked, slow and passionate. Long strokes into and over each other, meeting at the hilt, stealing our breath and letting the world fade away until there was nothing. No one. Just the fleeting sensations of giving and receiving pleasure, and the lasting feeling of letting yourself fall in love.
CHAPTER 45
Celeste
Back at the safe house Kieran was pacing the front garden, flushed, an agitated edge to her steps.
“I can’t go back in there. She’s insufferable.”
Isaac and I exchanged glances. We made progress yesterday, had Sarah reverted to giving us nothing?
We entered the cottage where Sarah sat against the front window, watching Kieran pace. “She’s a feisty one.” Sarah let out a little laugh and sipped from her mug. “How’s your family emergency?”
“Everything’s fine now. I’m sorry you had to wait for us. Thank you for understanding,” Isaac answered.
“I have nothing but time.” Sarah crossed the room and plucked a notebook from the kitchen counter. She tossed it over to me. “I took the liberty of writing everything down for you. There’s nothing more than what’s written here.” I flipped through the pages filled with her handwriting and stained with tea, or coffee, or food.
“Nothing more? Or nothing more you’re willing to share?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter. I made your life easier. Thank you for telling my story. I hope you get famous for it,” Sarah responded, an air of flippancy coating the last statement.
“That’s not why we do this,” Isaac interjected. After what I’d learned about his mother last night, that statement held more weight today. He fought for women in order to fight for his mother in some tangential way. I understood now.
Sarah Taylor flipped her blonde hair into a ponytail and her striking features softened. “That’s not why I want you to be famous. If this blows up, something like Interpol can intervene without any pushback.” She grinned, only half her smile tilting up. “Checkmate.”
“We’re going to do our best.” I crossed the room and took her strong hand in mine. “Sarah, your story and our connections to the government might just make a difference.”
“I didn’t do all this for nothing,” She mused. “I didn’t damn my soul just to be ignored. I know the organization will take care of the Seminoviks. And now, Interpol can take care of the Organization. My testimony will take them down. Your headline will be the first step.”
“Thank you, Miss Taylor.” Isaac shook her hand. “I trust whatever secrets you have kept aren’t necessary for that to happen.”
The darkness behind her eyes flashed more vividly for a second. She blinked it away and looked beyond us to the window, where we all caught a glimpse of Kieran pacing. “Tell Red I’ll be
seeing her around. Once I’m, you know, not a prisoner.”
In Sarah Taylor fashion, she was kicking us out. We said our goodbyes and I took one last look into her unreadable expression. Whatever was in this notebook was more than one person should have to live through. And beyond what she’d given us, there was more behind that icy gaze.
Kieran grabbed my elbow and didn’t make any effort to wave or even nod at all the security that watched us leave. She very obviously did not say a word to Sarah as we left.
“What happened between you two?” I hissed at Kieran.
“Nothing. She started therapizing me and it was ridiculous. She wouldn’t interview, she kept… ugh it was very rude.” I’d never seen Kieran shaken like that. But I dropped it as we approached the cars. “Aren’t you coming with me?”
“Uh. Well, I’m going to go with Isaac so that I can read the document. To him.”
Kieran and I both glanced at Isaac who was rubbing the back of his neck and grinning like an alley cat. “You’re fucking again, aren’t you?”
“In the car, Miss McAlaster!” Isaac whipped the door open and pointed into the vehicle.
“Lovely! Do I have to find a new roommate?” Kieran poked my side.
I gave her a sorry look over my shoulder as Isaac shoved me down into the passenger’s side.
§§
Sarah gave us everything. Everything we could ever dream of. How real estate money washed the drug money. How trafficking victims were snatched up and transported, sold to men for pornography, sex, or marriage. Names, dates, connections law enforcement could prove. It was all there in her blocky, carefully printed text.
Isaac and I transcribed everything and wrote until the early hours of the morning. Standing over the document, polished and printed, we held hands as we waited for Michael to pick up the phone.
See You Monday: An Office Romance (Weekday series Book 1) Page 29
