by M. Malone
She looked up then. “You’d think I’d appreciate it. After living with my father coming in drunk at all hours and raging, I should love the quiet.”
My stomach tightened at her casual mention of living with a raging maniac. It took quite a bit of willpower to push down the urge to go hunt the bastard down right then and bring his head back on a pike to present to her.
“No matter how shitty our environment, if it’s what you’re used to, then something different will always feel foreign.”
She nodded. “Yeah. I woke up feeling like I just needed to see something familiar. Something safe.”
And she’d come to me…
I had to bite my lip to hold down the rush of pleasure that screamed through my system at her words. The intense pride warred with a shot of desire so strong it went straight to my cock. I sucked in a short breath, taken off guard by how quickly I got hard for her. Sure my face was flaming, I tugged at the T-shirt I was wearing, grateful it was long enough to conceal the barge pole sticking out of my lap.
“You don’t mind, do you?” she asked.
And even though I knew it was going to take Herculean strength not to act on the hard on currently trying to lead me across the room, I kept my face impassive as I motioned for her to come closer.
“Feel free to hang in here. I usually don’t sleep much. Or at all,” I muttered.
She grinned at that. “Me either. But it’ll be nice not to be alone.” Then she walked across the room and sat on the edge of my bed, tucking her legs underneath her.
And I wished I’d worn a sweatshirt. Or a blanket. Because there was no way I could hide my delight at having her in my bed.
Gemma
It was a calculated risk. I had gone over all of the scenarios. Leaving and trying again to break in. Waiting until morning and then inviting him out. Or giving him my number and seeing if he would pursue me.
But in the end, when hunting you had to either catch an animal off guard or stalk it down in its own lair. He wasn’t going to be caught off guard easily.
But it turned out that his lair wasn’t so difficult to infiltrate.
“Sorry. I probably should have asked if you minded,” I said as I made myself completely at home on his bed.
The joke was on me though because I hadn’t counted on the effect his scent would have on me. His bed smelled like him, subtle hints of amber and wood smoke, like testosterone distilled into its most potent form. I almost whimpered. If a perfumery could bottle this scent it would become the new female Viagra.
I wanted to roll around on the bed and cover myself in his smell. Then touch myself later while moaning his name.
There was no way he could know what I was thinking. But at the sight of me curled up in his bed, Matthias sat up straighter and his eyes ran over my body with such intensity that I could actually feel it. The hair on the back of my arms raised, and I gulped.
The man’s eyes were dangerous. I felt like my panties might incinerate just from the heat of his gaze.
“You don’t have to ask. You already know you can have whatever you want from me.” His voice was deeper, rougher and that combined with the provocative words made me bold.
“Anything?”
He didn’t answer, just kept staring at me until I blushed so hard I worried steam would come from my ears. Matthias seemed like the type who kept his feelings under wraps. I’d seen that when he was interacting with the others, especially the big blond man. He had responded almost robotically, as if showing any emotion was a weakness.
But with me it was different. Yeah right, I thought sarcastically. He’s different with you because you’re so special, huh?
But it was true. Matthias telegraphed everything he was thinking and feeling when he talked to me. Right now his posture and the feral look on his face screamed S-E-X.
If we were two animals in the wild, I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if he threw me to the ground and mounted me right here.
Unable to bear the intensity of his direct gaze, I lowered my eyes. This was the perfect opportunity for me to dig, to ask him questions. He was open to it and if I asked him about himself, he’d probably tell me. But surprisingly what came out of my mouth wasn’t connected to my plan at all. Instead it was what I, the real person behind the mission, wanted.
“Would you just… hold me?” Immediately after asking, I bit my lip, uncomfortable feeling so vulnerable.
With everything that had gone down over the past few weeks, finding out Sabine was in danger, getting my mission, getting my counter mission from ORUS and then landing in the States, I realized that I really was craving a little comfort.
Matthias didn’t answer but stood at once, his hands tugging at his shirt awkwardly.
Was he actually going to do it?
My mouth fell open slightly, but then I scooted over eagerly. It was so wrong that I was looking forward to this, but if he was willing to wrap those strong arms around me again, I wasn’t going to question it. Especially since I’d been denied the pleasure of remembering him carrying me earlier. Whatever their doctor had given me for the pain had really knocked me out.
“Do you mind if I get comfortable?” Matthias asked.
I nodded, not sure what he meant and then gaped when he reached over his head and yanked his shirt off. He did it in the absentminded way that guys always did it, a quick motion with one hand, but it was somehow the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
“You have tattoos?” I blurted when I got my first unobstructed view of his chest.
He didn’t have full sleeves or anything that would show when he wore a regular shirt, but his entire torso was a map of ink. I sat up, intrigued by this intimate look at a guy who presented a front as straight-laced as a corset.
“What do they all mean? Did they hurt? How many do you have?”
He blinked at me, and I laughed softly.
“Sorry. That was a lot of questions.” I watched with open fascination as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“It’s okay. Usually I don’t talk about them but… it’s okay.” He glanced at me and then pointed to the hourglass inked over his heart. “This one I got after I lost someone. She was… It was my fault. I got this to remind me that we never know how much time we have. Every second is a gift.”
I exhaled, overwhelmed by the emotion in his voice. I had no idea who he was talking about, of course, but whoever she was, she was lucky. It was a bitter pill, but truthfully, if I bit it one of these days there weren’t many who’d mourn me.
Hell, there weren’t many who knew my real name.
“And that one?” I reached out tentatively and touched the roman numerals over his ribs.
He shuddered when my fingers touched his skin. I jerked my hand back but he reached out and grabbed my wrist.
“No. Touch me.” It came out as a tortured whisper.
I marveled that what would be a pervy request from any other guy just seemed like an honor coming from him. It didn’t take much to intuit that not many people got close enough to touch him. Some of the expressions I’d seen on his face so far directed at the other guys were so murderous I doubted many would try to cross him. But with me, he just watched me through slitted eyes, tracking my every movement like he was anticipating my touch.
I was too.
Matthias shifted slightly and the motion brought him up against my backside. Heat pulsed between us and I had to resist the urge to plaster myself against him. As it was, I couldn’t resist rubbing against him a little. Then I froze.
He was huge. And hard.
And huge. Had I mentioned that part?
I swallowed hard. Holy shit. Just what had I gotten myself into? It wasn’t like it was the first time I’d been this close to a guy. I wasn’t a nun. But the hot make out sessions I’d had with previous guys I’d dated had always ended right around the time I could feel their arousal.
After the way I’d grown up and the things I’d seen since training with ORUS, men hadn’t been high on
my ‘must trust’ list. There were simply too many unknown factors and too many possibilities for harm if you let down your guard enough to get naked with someone.
Andromeda had always been clear that no one could be trusted and that I was to regard everyone with suspicion until after a full background check. Even then, it was best to proceed with caution.
Not exactly the best recipe for a relationship.
But more important than any of that, I really hadn’t wanted any of those guys. They’d been cute enough and nice guys but nothing that made me willing to take a risk.
But here with Matthias, I experienced something completely new. A rare feeling of trust combined with explosive chemistry put me in new territory. I wanted him.
And I really wanted to see what he was hiding in those sweatpants.
So I rolled over and pressed closer to the big, hard tent in his pants.
9
Matthias
I swallowed hard. Shit. Shit. Shit.
I was hard. I could feel the throbbing length of myself twitching against my thigh. If I felt it, she had to feel it too. She was so damn close. And she smelled unbelievable. Like lavender and vanilla. I wanted to nestle closer and—You are a twat. Stop thinking about her.
My stupid dick… There was no containing that thing. Over the years, I’d learned Zen-like mastery over my cock. If I meditated, or if I worked out a lot, it kept me from thinking too much about sex. But, with her lying so close, feeling so soft, smelling so damn good, it was next to impossible. As a matter of fact, just think of the ocean. Nice calming breezes.
I tried. I honestly did. I thought of calming breezes, water—well, that just made me think of her. Wet and slick from the shower, or a pool, or the ocean… my hands sliding over her slick, naked flesh.
Bugger.
I squeezed my eyes shut. Okay, water is not a good idea. Code… lines of intricate code. Think about the code, mate.
That was more helpful. My brain tried to focus on how many lines of code it would take to hack the CIA. I forced my brain into the exercise to walk through the process and the difficulties getting to the firewall, the work of it, the challenge of it. Normally, something like this helped. Whenever I needed to get my monster back under control, this was what I did. I let my mind go to the thing that I knew best; computers. The ones and zeroes.
Except now, there was an anomaly… a glitch.
A line of code injected into my brain that I wasn’t able to bypass, get rid of, demolish, move through, or walk around.
It was her. Her scent filled my nostrils, the scent wrapping around my neck like a cord, intoxicating me.
She rolled over more tightly into my body and I was certain she could feel it.
And the fucking traitor, he twitched.
Her eyes went wide, and she shifted her gaze down before looking back up to my eyes. Gemma didn’t move away though. She didn’t look upset or angry. Instead… What was that?
She licked her bottom lip, and I swallowed hard to bite back the groan.
What the hell was wrong with me? She was hurt, and I was turned on by her? I knew I was a sick monster, but this… Jesus. There was something wrong with me—really, really wrong with me.
I wanted her more than I’d wanted anything in my life. The thing was I was content with just having her close to me and being able to breathe in the fresh, clean scent of her. Unlike me, she wasn’t tainted. Her soul was pure, and she was beautiful on the inside. I could tell. There was something light about her.
Then what the hell is she doing here with you?
As much as I wanted her though, even if she wasn’t hurt, it’s not like I had any idea what the hell I was doing. I had zero experience in this area.
After the things I’d seen with the Family, the idea of sex turned me way the hell off. And those times that it didn’t, well, I got tattooed or pierced something. Although, given that my cock was like steel in my sweatpants right now, I wasn’t even sure that would calm the itch, the need scratching at the inside of my veins.
The first time I’d been kissed, it hadn’t even been the real deal. Some lads in the Family had thought that it would be a grand idea to get me a slag. They’d always found it amusing that I hadn’t had my cherry popped. So they’d thought it would be fun to hire me someone.
I didn’t even remember her name, just that her perfume had been too sweet. When it wafted into my nostrils, it felt like a clawing parasite attaching itself to me. No caressing, no gentle seduction—all attack and attach.
I might not have remembered her name, but I still remembered that kiss. Too wet, too cold. And then she’d stuck her tongue in my mouth and she bit into my lip. I’d been young… too young. From what I remembered, she was in her twenties, but I knew from experience that she’d probably been forced to do all manner of things for whoever owned her. She’d been as helpless in that situation as I had been.
A shiver stole up my spine as I forcibly dislodged the memory. It didn’t belong here in this bed with this woman.
My mother had worried about me. As soon as I hit ten or so, she’d rub my jaw and say I was too pretty for my own good. Even at that age, I’d known what she meant. That there was a high likelihood the Family would force me to become a rent boy.
That might have happened if I hadn’t been so good with tech. I’d been more useful to them behind a monitor than sold to some john. So I’d managed to escape the worst parts of that life.
But given that I’d seen everything, knew what everyone was up to, and given the life my own mother had been forced into to work off her debt to the Family, I saw sex every day and the worst incarnations of it. Yeah, I was an adult now. I knew that most people felt love and attraction, and all those other things.
But I didn’t know anything about it. I wasn’t human. I wasn’t one of the normals. I didn’t get to have that.
I swallowed again, trying to dislodge the memory of that long-ago prostitute that had been paid to kiss me when I was thirteen. Yeah, I noticed girls, but I’d also noticed what would eventually happen with those girls, and I wanted no part of it.
But this girl, she was different. She made me want to wipe clean all the past shit.
I reached a hand up and caressed her bruised jaw. Gemma was different. This was different. But you don’t deserve this. Monsters don’t get to have a fairy princess. But she was so soft and so warm. It was as if her sweetness and innocence washed away the layers of grime and dirt that I felt were embedded beneath my skin. Like her cleanliness could somehow wash me clean.
“Matthias.” Her voice was soft. Inquisitive.
“Gemma, this is really a bad idea.”
“Why?”
“Because I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.” The honesty had cost me. It hurt to be that vulnerable. But she rewarded me with the kind of smile I only dreamed about.
“Perfect. Neither do I. All I know is I just need you to kiss me.”
And in that moment I knew that I couldn’t stop myself.
I would give her whatever it was that she wanted. Because with her, the control I’d always been so proud of—the one thing that kept me from being one of the monsters, the one thing that kept me sane—snapped.
And there was no going back.
Gemma
The devil made me do it. If anyone ever asked what possessed me to brush my lips ever so softly against Matthias’s, that would be my answer.
Everything about him was so stiff, so cold, except for when I woke to find him watching me, concern etched on his brow. And now, even though he held his body stiff, his muscles bunched. There was something about him that told me he was holding himself back.
When his shuddering breath blew out, I tucked in his hold. His eyes bore into mine, and his hands squeezed gently on my hip. “Gemma—”
“Yes?”
He swallowed hard. “This isn’t a good idea.”
“I know.” And then I kissed him again. The same feather-light brush of my lips over his. He
was right. It wasn’t a good idea. As a matter of fact, it was a terrible idea. But right then, I couldn’t help myself. I wanted more of that electric buzz skipping over my skin when I pressed my lips on his. I wanted his hand on my hip, firmer, tighter.
I wanted him.
You’re insane. He nearly killed you. He’s the target.
That was the rational part of my brain talking. The one that understood that one false move and I could die. The one that understood that not thirty-six hours ago, this guy was hell-bent breaking all the bones in my body.
I wouldn’t look at those rational thoughts, because who needed rationality? At that moment, despite all my training and everything I’d been taught, all I wanted was him.
This could get you killed. But I didn’t care. It was on the third brush of my lips that something in him broke. I could feel it. The tension between us coiled and then it sprung apart, and his lips crushed down over mine.
There was nothing gentle or soft about Matthias Weller. His lips were hard, bruising, his tongue seeking, probing, licking into my mouth and lighting me on fire from the inside out.
Everything about him set me on a collision course with ecstasy. Who cared if I died on the way there? I wanted more… more of this, more of his touch. I needed more.
With a growl, he rolled over me, his hips settling between my thighs and his hands fisting in my hair as if he was settling in to punish me for a good, long while with his lips.
I couldn’t get enough. For every tightening of his hand in my hair, I arched my hips up. For every nip of his teeth on my bottom lip, I moaned into his mouth. For every infinitesimal rock of his hips into mine, I gasped.
When he gripped my hair tight and angled my head back, adjusting his kisses to slide along my jaw and my neck, I groaned low. “Matthias—”
His answer was a nip of his teeth against the column of my throat. There was something unskilled and unrestrained in the way he held me, in the way he kissed me, in the way his fingers played over my skin. He wasn’t rough. Even though I could feel the urgency, the need, threading through him, he was still gentle with me, as if hyper-aware of my fragility. Little did he know that there was nothing fragile about me.
