by Susan White
“Did she get your picture?” Jodie asked.
“Yep,” Rachel answered. “She wants me to go out to visit her this summer.”
“Wow!” Jodie said, looking truly excited for Rachel. “Is she going to pay for you to fly there?”
“She probably would, but I’m not going to ask her,” Rachel answered. “I’m going to ask Amelia to drive me to British Columbia.”
“You’re going to ask Amelia to what?” Jodie stopped watering and sat down on the sofa, waiting for Rachel to tell her more.
“You know how Amelia always talks about her dream to someday have tea at the Empress Hotel?” Rachel started. “Well, I don’t think I could get her to go all that way just for tea, but if I tell her I really need to go see my family, she might force herself to go. So I’m going to ask her to take me to BC to meet my grandmother and see my father this summer, and then afterwards, since we’ll already be in the province, we can keep going all the way to Victoria to have tea at the Empress.”
Jodie didn’t say a word. She just sat on the couch processing what Rachel was telling her.
“I think I could put on a really convincing act that would make Amelia think I desperately need to connect with my grandmother and father,” Rachel continued. “I thought maybe Zac could fix up a car for us to take. I know Amelia can’t leave the other kids alone, but I thought you might be able to come and stay with them. And Zac is around to help, too. You get holidays don’t you?”
“You’ve been giving this a lot of thought, haven’t you?”
“I have,” Rachel said. “Ever since I got the second letter from my grandmother, I’ve been wondering what she’s like, and what my dad is like. I keep picturing Golden and thinking of it as a place that I have always needed to go, a place where I might belong. I can even picture my dad, though I have no idea what he really looks like. I see him sitting waiting for me on a bench beside a sign that says “Top of the World Ranch.” I know this is crazy and Amelia will never go for it, but I can’t get it out of my head.”
“Well it’s definitely crazy,” Jodie said. “But I’ll do my best to help you. We’ll have to take this in baby steps, though. We’ll have to work on convincing Amelia that she can leave Walton Lake first, and then work our way up to the BC idea. None of us have ever tried to get Amelia to leave, and the more I think of it the more I think we have just been selfish to let her get stuck here. I think maybe we all just wanted to make sure she would always be there when we needed her. That’s crazy, when you think of it.”
Zac was finishing off his second plate of baked beans and ham. Crystal and Chelsea had already cleared the other dishes off the table and everyone was anxious for a game of dominoes.
“I’m going to take a run up to the house first and check on that old ewe,” Zac said as he sopped up some bean juice with his bread. “I expect her to lamb anytime and she lost twins last year, so I’ve been keeping a close eye on her. I’ll beat you all at a game when I get back.”
“Rachel and I will come with you,” Jodie said, giving Rachel a little wink. The girls had decided to tell Zac about their plan to see if he would help them execute it, and they’d been waiting for a chance to speak to him alone.
“It would cost about 200 bucks for a clutch and about 100 bucks for filters and new brake pads, and I need to do a bit of body work on it for it to pass inspection,” Zac said.
After checking on the ewe, Jodie, Rachel, and Zac had gone to Zac’s house for some hot chocolate. They were now sitting at the kitchen table discussing the possibility of Amelia driving to BC. Last year, Zac had purchased an old GMC Jimmy to fix up and sell, but it had been sitting untouched in his garage ever since. As soon as he’d heard Rachel’s plan, he’d offered to fix it up so Amelia could use it for the trip.
“About 500 bucks should do it and then Amelia would have to register it and put insurance on it,” Zac explained. “And she might have to take a test to renew her license since it has been so long since she’s driven.”
Rachel nodded, trying to hide her excitement.
“Getting a vehicle ready will be the easy part,” Zac added. “Persuading Amelia that she can leave home, let alone go all the way across the country—that sounds next to impossible.”
“We won’t know unless we try, Zac,” Rachel pleaded, more to convince herself than to sell Zac on the idea.
“Rachel’s right,” Jodie said. “By never questioning Amelia’s refusal to leave the house, we’ve let her tell herself year after year that she’s right to not let strangers see her. She needs to see that what strangers think is not important. She needs to know that the people who love her don’t believe her world should be limited to Walton Lake. We are going to do it, I just know it. And you, Rachel, will be the kid that finally changes the story that Amelia has told herself for thirty years.”
“I hope so,” Rachel said, suddenly feeling the weight of what they were about to do.
It was almost April, and the snow was starting to melt. Rachel was busy cleaning the barn when she heard Jodie’s car drive up. She was bursting to run up to her and bring the plan up right away. They were going to start phase one today. Jodie was going to start mentioning how nice it would be for Amelia to be able to visit Jason and Megan in Calgary this summer and see the new baby. It had been Jodie’s brilliant idea to give Amelia this reason to drive across the country.
Jodie was just going to drop a few hints at first—not enough to make Amelia suspicious. It was going to be a slow process, not something they would spring on her all at once. They had to plant the seed of the idea first and let it grow, and slowly. She had been firmly rooted at Walton Lake for thirty years, and it was going to take a long time to for her to come around to the idea of leaving.
Zac and Jodie talked to Raymond, Chelsea, and Crystal to enlist their help with the plan as well. Zac thought they would need some time to come to terms with the idea of Amelia leaving them for what would likely be almost an entire month. Raymond, Chelsea, and Crystal had seemed fine with the idea, though, and they’d all promised not to say anything to Amelia until the time was right.
During the next week, Rachel spent every spare minute at Zac’s, watching him as he worked on the Jimmy. She had helped him spread the body fill on some of the rust spots and she’d taped newspaper on the windshield and windows so that Zac could spray the touchup paint. It certainly didn’t look brand new, but it would be good enough to pass inspection and reliable enough to make such a long trip.
When she’d visited last week, Jodie had told Amelia she’d heard from Jason and he’d told her that Megan was doing well and they were looking forward to the new baby coming. Jodie had also told Amelia that Jason had said he wished Amelia could come there. This wasn’t all completely a lie. Jodie had called Jason and told him the plan, and he had agreed that it would be wonderful if Amelia would come there to visit. He was well aware that she hadn’t left home for thirty years and after Jodie talked to him about it, he was quite enthusiastic to help by working on Amelia in his own way.
On Tuesday morning Raymond asked Amelia if she would come to his classroom on April 12 for his book project presentation. For a moment Rachel had panicked, thinking if Amelia said no, Raymond might blow the plan by blurting out that Rachel planned on asking her to go all the way across the country. But he hadn’t said anything like that. He’d just asked her to come as if she had attended every other thing that had ever gone on at the school.
Amelia’s reaction had surprised them all. She hadn’t seemed shocked or taken aback, and she hadn’t said anything about never leaving home. Instead she’d just answered that she would think about it. They’d all just finished breakfast quietly.
“Dolphins don’t automatically breathe; they have to tell themselves to do it,” Amelia broke in as she began clearing off the table. “You guys hurry up now and get yourselves down to the bus stop.”
Amel
ia stood in front of the small rectangular mirror hanging over the bathroom sink. She rarely looked in that mirror other than to quickly brush her hair or to check to see if something was caught in her teeth. Occasionally she would see the bumps on her face after days of forgetting they were even there. She stood today studying her face and neck. She was getting old. Her face was wrinkled and her colouring was mottled. She could see a strong resemblance to her grandmother. She wished she could talk to her grandmother right now.
Part of her knew that if her grandmother had lived longer she never would have accepted her decision to exile herself the way she had. She remembered that even in her grandmother’s last days, when her strength was all but depleted, she would scold Amelia for being so critical of herself. How has so much time gone by since then? she wondered. And how has it gotten so easy to just stay in my small world and let other people come to me?
Raymond asked her to go to his classroom, a classroom that he finally wanted to be in. It would be wonderful to go and watch him present his project with the other kids. How could she refuse him? And Jodie had told her that Jason wanted her to go out to visit him. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see Jason, Megan, little Logan, and the new baby?
Amelia stared at the contours of her face. No beauty there now, just an aging woman with bumps on her face. Harmless bumps that she had made into mountains with her own vanity. Mountains out of molehills, her grandmother had always said.
“Did you know that in Bellingham, Washington, it’s illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing?” Amelia asked as she swept beside the wood box.
Zac grabbed Jodie and pretended to dance her across the kitchen floor. The twins giggled as he attempted a dramatic dip. Zac and Jodie’s eyes met for a second, and they both blushed. Zac quickly straightened Jodie back up and bowed toward Chelsea. “May I have this dance, young lady?” he asked her.
Rachel stood at the kitchen sink, straining the pail of milk Raymond had just brought in. Milking the cow was something she had so far avoided doing. She had watched while Amelia did it and there was no way she was touching that part of a cow. Even just the thought of drinking the watery-looking milk she was straining was disgusting to her. She only drank real milk, the milk that came in a carton.
“Can you drive me to the school tomorrow?” Amelia asked Zac as he whirled Chelsea around the room.
Rachel almost knocked the funnel off the top of the glass bottle she was filling. Since the morning Raymond had asked Amelia to go to his presentation, nothing more had been said. Raymond had been working on his book report project for the last few days, and with Zac’s help he had built an amazing model of a castle, but the whole time they’d been working Amelia hadn’t said a word about going to the presentation.
“Sure,” Zac answered calmly as he led his dance partner back to her seat. “Do you want me to take your project in the truck, Buddy?” he asked Raymond. “It is pretty big to take on the bus.”
“Sure,” Raymond said. “That would be great!”
“Can you invite more than one person to the presentation?” Zac asked. “I would love to be there when the other kids see the drawbridge that really works.”
The look on Raymond’s face almost brought tears to Rachel’s eyes. He looked like he would burst with pride and excitement. Jodie grabbed his arms and led him across the kitchen dance floor. As they danced, he laughed so hard tears streamed down his face. Then Zac pulled Crystal to her feet and with an exaggerated flourish swooped her toward the makeshift dance floor.
“Imagine the dancing you all could do if there was actually any music!” Amelia laughed. “And don’t bother asking me, Casanova. I’ve got work to do. Sunday night’s supper won’t make itself,” she said as she went in to the pantry.
Amelia listened to the coffee drip into the pot. She was sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying the quiet stillness of the room. It was such a change from just a few minutes before, when everything had been a whirlwind of activity as the kids got ready to leave for school. She had not slept much the night before. She had woken from her brief sleep with a headache and a heaviness she rarely felt. When she asked Zac if he could drive her to the school last night, she had actually believed that going was something she could easily do. Since the day Raymond had asked her to go, she had been battling with her thoughts. Over and over she’d told herself it was time she let her fears go. She knew she had to make herself go out into the world. It seemed so ridiculous when she thought about it. She had hidden herself away for over thirty years. It had been a selfish and foolish way to handle her condition. It was insane. But no one had stopped her. No one had ever even confronted her about it. Raymond’s one simple request had begun a dialogue that nothing else had ever forced her to have.
It had taken a long internal battle, but she’d convinced herself she could do this. Then the insomnia of last night had come and all she’d been able to think about was that she could not take her hideous face out in public. She’d kept telling herself she was perfectly fine right here. That she had done good work with the kids over the years. That she wasn’t hurting anyone by staying here. She knew, of course, that the stone she felt in the pit of her stomach was the weight of all the years she had anchored herself here by believing those thoughts.
Amelia poured herself a cup of coffee and sat back down. She knew that the person she would hurt the most today if she stayed home would be Raymond. She knew deep down that she had to do this for him. She resolved that she would be ready when Zac came at 12:30. She would step out the door, get into Zac’s truck, drive out Walton Lake Road with him to the school, and walk right into Raymond’s classroom.
Rachel spent most of the first class after lunch in a nervous distraction. She sharpened her pencil about ten times, each time trying to linger long enough at the window to see if Zac’s truck was in the parking lot. Somehow she had missed the couple of minutes it would have taken him to park it and walk across to the main door, so when she finally did see his truck she wasn’t sure whether Amelia had come with him. All morning she’d had a feeling that Amelia would change her mind. She had seemed so quiet at breakfast time and her eyes had looked heavy and sad.
Rachel didn’t think Raymond had noticed that in all his excitement this morning. All he’d talked about on the way down the driveway was Amelia coming to his presentation. Rachel had known all along how incredibly disappointed Raymond would be if Amelia didn’t come today, but she hadn’t realized until now how upset she would be, too. If Amelia could actually leave today, the chances of her being able to go out again would be good, and the idea of her taking a trip across the country would not be absolutely unthinkable.
“I’m making supper tonight,” Rachel announced as she walked through the front door after school. She had known as soon as she saw Raymond get on the bus that Amelia had been there. Raymond had sat in the front seat right behind Roger and talked cheerfully almost all the way home. He had still been talking as they’d walked all the way up the driveway.
“What are you going to make? Amelia asked.
“That chicken casserole with Stove Top dressing,” Rachel answered. “I’ll use the leftover chicken from last night. I’ll make an apple crisp, too. We should call Zac to come for supper. Did you just get home? You should go have a nap. I’ll do everything for supper. Raymond, fill the wood box, would you?”
Rachel could hear herself talking a mile a minute. For the first time in at least thirty years, Amelia Walton had left her farm. She wanted to hug Amelia, to ask her how it felt, to blurt out all she had been planning and ask her right now about the drive across the country. She wanted to say what a special occasion this was. She wanted to take Amelia’s hands and dance her around the kitchen. This was a major breakthrough and Rachel was overwhelmed with the thought of it.
“Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit will
damage it,” Amelia said as she headed upstairs. “You wouldn’t catch me getting in a spaceship, or even an airplane for that matter. This old lady passes wind with her feet firmly on the ground.”
Amelia’s random fact quickly brought Rachel back to the reality around her. Rachel laughed out loud and thought to herself that it was a good thing she was trying to convince Amelia to drive across the country, because by the sound of what she had just said, getting her to fly would be impossible.
Rachel looked down at the paper in front of her. She had been working on the letter to her grandmother for at least an hour. She kept writing things and crossing them out. She wanted to tell Audrey Anderson some things about herself but some of it sounded so stupid when she wrote it.
Dear Mrs. Anderson Audrey Grandmother,
My name is Rachel Joy Garnham. Garnham was my mother’s name. My mother and Donald were never married, but you must already know that. My birthday is July 15th and I will be 14 this year. I am in Grade 8. I go to Macdonald Consolidated School. It is an old building. It says 1904 over the front door. I have several different teachers and my favourite one is Mrs. White, my math teacher. I have a lot of trouble with Math but I am getting better. I came to live at this foster home in August. Amelia Walton is the woman who looks after us. When I first came here I called her Warty. That was not very nice of me but she has a really bumpy face and I was really angry when I got here. She has a farm and we all have to help with the chores. We live beside a lake. The lake is called Walton Lake after Amelia’s family. There are three other kids here, twins named Chelsea and Chrystal and a boy named Raymond. It took me awhile to get used to them but now I
A man named Zac lives down the road and he helps us a lot on the farm. He gets the groceries and stuff like that. Amelia has not left home for a long time He used to live here when he was a kid. Jodie lived here too. Jodie is our friend. She visits us a lot.
