I don’t know what else to do.
Maybe this would help her make a decision. At least, it would ease her conscience.
She glowered at the phone and finally picked up to dial. She called Quinn first, because his name started with Q, and then she called Zach. She made separate coffee dates with each of them.
* * * *
Josie shifted in her seat nervously. She moved back and forth. Checked her watch again. Quinn was late. He’d called her to say he wasn’t going to be on time, but now he was even later than he’d said he’d be.
The small coffee shop had little tables and tiny chairs. The tables were faux wood and the chairs had faux leather, which was tan and brown. It wasn’t one that had armchairs and comfy sofas. It was a hole-in-the-wall mom-and-pop operation. But the coffee was good and not as expensive as some. They knew her order and would have it ready for her almost as soon as they saw her. However, now the chair was getting uncomfortable. As was the passing of time.
You’re an idiot.
The coffee invites had been at different times. At the same coffee shop. Back-to-back. She’d thought she’d left plenty of time in between them, but now her talk with Quinn was going to be butting into Zach’s arrival if he didn’t hurry up and get there. She should have known something like this would happen.
You’re batting a thousand. First with hanging out at Temples and the Rose angle. Now trying to do this back-to-back. God, you’re an idiot.
And you’re repeating yourself to yourself. Great job, genius.
“Hey, Jos.” Quinn walked in. “Sorry to be so late. I was talking to Rose about the dance tonight, and she wouldn’t let me off the phone. I kept telling her I had to go and meet you. Then she’d come up with one more thing.” He sounded exasperated with his boss.
“It’s okay.” It wasn’t okay. She wasn’t sure she had enough time to talk to him and have him leave before Zach arrived. But she needed to get this done and over with. For everyone’s sake, especially hers. She’d have to make this quick and hope for the best.
He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek before he plopped in the seat. The legs scraped the orange tile floor as he slid it across to get near the table. “Really sorry.” He gave her a puppy-dog look only Quinn could manage that was designed to make her laugh.
“No worries.” She pointed at the barista. “You going to get coffee?” She would try to hurry this along as much as she could. Maybe Zach would be late too? No, he was always on time. Usually early. This wasn’t the first time Quinn had been late. She’d been prepared for a few minutes, but not this length of time. Damn Rose. Only she couldn’t be blamed. She hadn’t known the truth of the situation. The blame rested firmly with Josie. She should have done this on different days.
Quinn guffawed. “Do you want to see me on caffeine?” He opened his eyes wide and grinned at her. “This boy doesn’t do caffeine. Or you’d be picking me off the ceiling. It’s not pretty.”
He had a point. “I bet.” She focused on her coffee cup. No answers there on how to proceed. If only they were there, or she could read tea leaves. She’d never done anything like this before. She had no idea how to talk to him about the other man she’d been seeing. She had no idea how he was going to react, and that was scaring her the most. She had considered the possibility one of them would walk away from her today. Maybe even both of them.
“Are you okay?” His voice lowered from his usual teasing tone to something much throatier. Was that what he’d sound like in bed? “You seem tense.”
In bed. Those long limbs. That body against hers. Her pulse raced even more than from the nerves. Down, girl. You have things to do. She lifted her head and stared into his crystal-blue eyes. She’d never known eyes could be that shade until him. “Yeah. Why do you ask?” She wouldn’t have thought he’d have noticed. Now, Zach noticed everything.
“You seem to be contemplating something. In fact, you have seemed like that the last two dates. Like you’re thinking about something you don’t want to tell me.” He suddenly paused and became still. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you? That’s got to be it. Wow. I never expected this.”
She quickly shook her head even as he continued to babble, and put her hand over his. “No.” She let out a small laugh. “That’s the last thing I’m doing.”
He relaxed as though he was out of the woods. The truth was things were just getting started. “Good. Then what is it? What’s on your mind?”
She licked her lips. Here we go. “You know I haven’t committed to you. I’ve been up-front about seeing other people.”
He nodded. Kicked back in the small seat, which was hard because of his large torso. He looked sort of stuffed into the chair. Like he could pop up like a jack-in-the-box at any moment. And she honestly wouldn’t put that past him. He liked to stay in motion. “Yep, and I like how honest you’ve been about the whole thing.”
“Actually, I’m seeing one other person,” she hedged, trying to explain this to him so that he’d understand. Sadly, she didn’t expect him to understand. She wasn’t sure she did. Not fully.
He kept those eyes shining on her. “Okay.” He nodded and, for once, didn’t start babbling.
“And…I thought I’d be able to decide who I want to keep dating by now. I thought I’d make a decision between the two of you. Some sort of conclusion about who I wanted to be with.” She’d expected it long before now. Instead she kept anticipating everything with both of them.
He tilted his head as though he was thinking this through. And again, he didn’t jump in with words. “And…”
“I can’t. I started seeing you both around the same time, and I’ve tried hard to figure things out. I like both of you. For different reasons. For reasons I can’t even explain. I’ve tried to work out in my mind who to have a relationship with, and I can’t.” Now she was babbling, not him. How odd. She clamped her mouth closed.
“So you’re dating two men?” He peered at her for confirmation. And so far, he wasn’t as upset as she’d thought he’d be. Another fascinating development.
“Yeah.” That sounded so trampy. Like something she’d see on a reality show or a talk show.
“And one of them is me. One of them is some guy I don’t know. And you like us both and can’t decide which of us to keep dating. That sum it up?” He sat forward as if anticipating her answer.
She nodded. Took a deep breath. Maybe this would get easier telling Zach now that she’d done it with Quinn. “That’s the whole of it. Yeah. I don’t feel I can keep stringing you along. I’ve been honest with you both. I never said anything was exclusive. But the fact is, I can’t make a choice. I don’t want to make a choice.”
“So what does that mean? Exactly?” He leaned forward on his arms. He seemed to be at rest, but she could see the energy bubbling up in him. “What do you want to do? With both relationships?”
“I don’t know. I don’t what it means. I’d like to keep seeing you both. But I don’t know if either of you is cool with that, so I needed to talk to you.” She shook her head. “I never expected to be in this situation with two guys.”
“So you want to find out, are we okay with you dating both of us at the same time? And how we think that affects us?” He moved again almost nervously. “That’s it, right? You need us to give you license to date us both; otherwise, you feel guilty. And I’m betting you haven’t gone any further with making out with him than you have with me. And you don’t feel right doing more with either of us unless we are fine with you dating both of us.”
Quinn might have the focus of a Lab puppy, but he summed up what she was doing beautifully. His insights were bang on, even if she hadn’t been able to express them to him or to herself. “Exactly.”
“I knew you were holding back. I didn’t know why.” He gave the impression he was proud of himself. “What happens if you do make a decision? If you start preferring one of us over the other one?” He tapped his foot on the leg of the table, making an echoi
ng sound. “Sorry.” He shifted his foot farther away. She’d think he was nervous, except this was Quinn, and he did keep in constant motion.
“Then I guess I have my answer.” She glanced around them. No one was watching her or listening. There were a few people in the shop, but all were milling around, not paying attention to anyone else. The male owner was wiping down the counters. “Right now, I dream about you both. About being with you. About doing things. Not just sex. But having adventures. And I can’t separate the two of you out and say I want to be with this one more. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. Which troubles me. On many levels.”
“Because?” He seemed puzzled at that statement.
“Because I’m not supposed to want to be with two guys.” She was supposed to find one guy, settle down, and have the romantic-comedy experience of a happy ending.
He rolled his eyes, and his gaze rose to the ceiling. “Ah baby. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing scandalous in you liking two different men at the same time. If you lied to us about it, that would be bad. But you’ve been nothing but truthful.”
“It’s not society’s norm.” She rubbed her aching temples. And she’d never expected him to take this so well. She’d expected both of them to walk away from her. Although Quinn still could, and the jury was out on Zach.
“Do you believe in gay marriage?”
The subject change was so abrupt she was left staring at him for a minute. “Huh? Uh, yeah. I don’t have a problem with it.” There went his attention span again. He had trouble focusing. She didn’t see what that had to do with anything they’d been talking about. What was he taking, a poll?
“Because they are consenting adults? Who love each other? Right?” He seemed to want an answer.
“Yeah.” That was a giveaway response. She still wasn’t sure this had anything to do with their conversation. The one that was relevant to her and how she felt. The one they should be having.
“But it’s against society’s norms. Norms say it should only be a male and female who get married. Not men and men. Or women and women.” He seemed pleased his analogy had come full circle. In fact, he had a smug look on his face.
“Yeah, but even that’s two people. Two. Not a girl who can’t decide which guy she likes, so she’s dating more than one.” Somehow saying it aloud sounded that much worse. She didn’t need it to sound any more perverted. She needed it to sound better. Otherwise these feelings inside were going to rip her apart.
“Bah. Who wants to conform to society anyway?” He grasped her hand in his warm one. “It’s overrated.”
She let herself accept his comfort. Revel in the heat from his hand. It pooled deep and low in her body as his touch always did. “You’re okay with me dating another guy?” She didn’t want the answer. But she needed it.
He shrugged. “The alternative isn’t pleasant, so I can deal with it. It’s one of those things.”
She must have appeared confused.
“The alternative is you stop dating me. I don’t want that. I want to keep seeing you. I like you, Jos. A lot. You get me, and a lot of women don’t. So that’s a good thing. I already can’t imagine you not being in my life.” He squeezed her hand, and she did it back. His hand was smooth. Long. Tapered fingers. They’d look so good on her skin. Feel so good. As would his full lips…
She nodded. “I like you a lot too.” She took a deep breath. “I haven’t been intimate with either of you up until now.” She licked her lips. “But I can’t promise I won’t be. That’s the sticky part I had to talk to you about. I want you. And I want him. And I don’t know if you both can handle that thought. Of me being with both of you.” She wasn’t sure she could handle it. Only she had dreams about being with both of them. Both of them touching her. Kissing her. And one lone fantasy of them being with her at the same time. Which she’d quickly squelched because that was so far outside her comfort zone.
Quinn was quiet and seemed lost in the moment. He also let go of her hand, which made her feel bereft.
“I’m clean. I tested about six months ago, and I haven’t been with anyone since then. And I’m a safety girl. Condom always.” Was she babbling again? Trying to justify her actions?
More silence. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
“Quinn, are you okay with that?” Was he going to walk away now that the facts had been presented? He’d been okay when it was intangible stuff. This was something real and needed to be discussed.
“Huh?” He seemed to come away from his thoughts. “Yep. Yep, I’m okay with that.” He let out a small laugh that sounded embarrassed.
She gawked at him, trying to figure out his mind. She’d thought Quinn would be the one most okay with this arrangement. But where had he been just now?
He glanced down as though the table was the most interesting thing he had seen all day. “Since we’re making confessions…”
She waited, her breath suspended. What did he have to confess? This was unexpected.
“I’m…well, not technically strictly hetero.”
She blinked at him, trying to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t let that happen. He was still staring down at the table. “You’re not?”
He lifted his head slowly, and he tapped his fingers madly on the corner of the table. “I’m not. I’m considered bisexual, I guess.”
“So you like men and women.” She clarified the point Quinn was making to be sure she got it. She hadn’t known that about him.
“Yep. Yep, I do. A lot.” He shrugged. “I had a brief relationship back about five years ago where we shared. It was with a guy and a girl. But she moved away, and then the guy and I broke up. Since then, it’s been either-or. Either I’m with a guy. Or I’m with a girl. But I do…like both sexes.”
She rubbed her neck, the pain from her temples coming down into her muscles. “So would you ever be happy with one sex?” Maybe Quinn would be walking away for other reasons.
Again, he avoided her eyes. “I don’t know.”
She had to applaud his honesty. But what did that mean for her? She’d come here expecting to tell him about her worst secret. And instead he’d dropped a bombshell on her. She’d never be able to grow a penis. That wasn’t doable. She couldn’t be both sexes at one time.
“I’m happy with you. Don’t doubt that.” He reached out and took her hand again. “Very happy. I like you a lot, and I think it can be more than we have right now. I think we can do wonderful things together.”
“But you don’t know if you can commit to me. To just me. Or if you’ll always be happy with just a woman in your life.” She could have an issue if she let herself fall in love with him and then he met a man he liked. Would he say good-bye? Ask her to be okay with him being with that guy?
She sat up straighter. That wasn’t a lot different from what she was asking of him. She had no right to deny him that, not when she was asking for her cake and eating it too. Her hackles had come up, and she had no real reason for them to.
“Fair enough. No, I don’t. But you’re having trouble choosing between two guys, and nothing says you won’t wake up tomorrow and decide the other guy is better than me. So who knows what will happen?” He had another good point.
No one knew what the future held for them. Maybe this could work. If she had Zach and Quinn, and then Quinn… She shook her head. How would that work? He’d be off with someone she didn’t know or trust. Would she be okay with that? After all, if she slept with Quinn and he slept with the unknown lover, then in one sense she’d be sleeping with the unknown lover too. Of course, Quinn didn’t know Zach and didn’t trust Zach, but somehow that seemed different. Oh, this was getting way too complex. She rubbed her head and jammed her nails into her temples. “We don’t know what will happen.” It was all she could think of to say.
“All we can do is try it and see. It may work, and it may not.” He peered at her with his eyes bright and blue. “I rarely tell others I’m bisexual. They tend to run away when I do.”
/>
Of course they did. The idea you couldn’t be satisfied by one partner was a huge deal to work through, though not all bisexual people had to work through that. “Well, if I wasn’t seeing another guy, I might have more issues, but as I am…” She shrugged.
He leaned over and dropped a kiss on her lips. It was a brotherly kiss. Not a passionate one. But it still made her weak at the knees. She loved the way his lips molded to hers. The way he tasted.
She closed her eyes for a second and enjoyed remembering his lips on hers. Even a brief kiss was a good one with Quinn.
A throat cleared.
She opened her eyes, and Zach stood at the table. He arched a brow. “Am I interrupting?”
Chapter Two
Zach watched as Josie straightened up, with a guilty expression, which told him as much as anything else.
Quinn, on the other hand, didn’t appear guilty at all. He could only be described as smug.
“Maybe I should leave?” Zach didn’t turn around, though. Didn’t move. He needed the explanation for what they’d been doing. Not to mention, he was now curious about a lot of things. He hadn’t even known they were acquainted.
Kissing. That’s what they were doing.
And it’s not as if she was exclusive to you.
True points. But he still hadn’t expected the object of his affections to be kissing another man as he’d walked into their coffee date. A man he was also attracted to. Part of him didn’t exactly mind, because it turned him on to see it. He had the rock-hard cock to prove it. But another part of him was baffled.
“No!” Josie put a hand to her head as though it hurt. “Don’t leave. I need to talk to you. God, I’m so, so sorry you… I was supposed to be done talking to Quinn before I talked to you.”
“Obviously.” Zach still stood glaring down at them. A table for two. How cozy. Would never work as a table for three, and Quinn didn’t seem like he was leaving anytime soon. Which left Zach out in the cold. Probably because Quinn… No, he knew Quinn liked men and women. But he seemingly managed it better than Zach did.
Dear Rose 3: Winter's Risk Page 2
