by Eden Bradley
Had to.
Didn’t he?
He downshifted and made a right turn. Where the hell was he? Somewhere by Golden Gate Park, Stanyan Street. He could see the shadowed green of the trees looming ahead. He made a left onto Haight Street, home of the Bohemian, the punks, the Goths, the homeless, the displaced.
That’s how he felt right now. Displaced. And it was because he’d left Devin behind. Left behind the first and only woman he had ever loved.
Goddamn it!
He pounded his fist on the steering wheel. This was not fucking possible. This was him. His father’s son. And the Vincent men did not love, not since his mother had left them.
The voice of reason in his head told him she had died. He knew that, damn it. But she’d left them all the same.
Suddenly, he remembered the sensation of his mother’s arms around him, the scent of her: lemon verbena. Remembered the way she sang to him at night. It hadn’t all been bad. In fact, while she’d been there, loving them both, it had been pretty damn good.
And now he was going to turn his back on the one woman to offer him love, to offer that kind of feminine comfort. And why? Because his father was an asshole who had shut down after his mom died. And had raised him to be the same kind of asshole.
Maybe he didn’t need to be that anymore. Maybe Devin was already teaching him that he could be different, if only he was smart enough to pay attention. He pulled over in front of a thrift store, the colorful window display a sharp contrast to the empty, foggy morning, to the panicked desolation he felt inside. He pulled out his phone and dialed her number.
* * *
Devin was cold. She had been since the day Shaye had left. Even now, wrapped in her warmest sweater, sitting in her small, cozy kitchen with another cup of tea in her hands.
She’d spent the days drinking tea, trying to warm her aching and frozen heart. She hadn’t been able to work. Hadn’t been able to face Kimmie, so she’d left her a message when she knew her friend would be at work, telling her she hadn’t been able to reach Shaye. That she was fine.
Liar.
She was so not fine.
She could have emailed him, but it was too impersonal. She could try to find him when he was working at the Ring. But she knew she couldn’t face him there, in that public arena. In a space where she might naturally sink into subspace, despite her emotions. She didn’t know what the hell to do.
Some part of her kept hoping he would show up at her door.
Stupid.
He’d left, hadn’t he? He obviously wasn’t coming back.
She bit her lip, her eyes stinging. She would not cry anymore.
She got up and stood by the window, looking out but seeing nothing. Trying to stop shaking. When her phone rang the sharp sound made her jump, her tea splashing on the hardwood floor. She pulled her cell from her jeans pocket.
“Hello?”
“Devin.”
“Shaye?” Her heart tumbled in her chest.
“I need to talk to you.”
His voice was commanding again, certain. She did her best to prevent her voice from trembling.
“Yes, I need to talk to you, too.”
“I’m coming. Wait there for me. Will you do that?”
She gathered her strength around her, felt her body filling up with it. And oddly enough, she drew even more from him. “Yes. I’ll wait. But not forever, Shaye.”
“You have every right to be pissed at me. Furious. I understand that. And I’m going to try to get this all straightened out. Just…wait for me. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Twenty long, nerve-wracking minutes passed before she heard his knock on her door. When she opened it, the first thing she noticed was the torn expression on his face. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, to make him feel better, to make herself feel better. But she needed to hear what he had to say for himself first. She tucked her hands in her pockets and stood back.
“Come in.”
He closed the door behind him, stalked over to the sofa but didn’t sit down. He stood and stared at her, his eyes dark and so full of emotion she wanted to cry again.
Strong. Be strong.
Finally, he dropped his head, took in a deep, sighing breath, then raised his eyes to hers, locked there.
“I had no idea this would be so hard,” he said quietly.
She took a step toward him. “That what would be so hard?”
“Being with you. Being with anyone. It’s always been easy for me. Just have my fun, then move on. But I can’t live like that anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Her pulse was racing, her blood hot and thick in her veins.
He ran a hand through his short thatch of hair. “Fuck it, Devin. I love you. I’m in love with you.”
Tears rose, clogged her throat. All she could do was shake her head, all strength draining out of her in a warm rush of longing.
“I know,” he went on with a small shake of his head. “It’s insane. We hardly know each other. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m finally feeling something, for the first time since my mom died. Since I was six fucking years old. And it’s because of you.”
In two long strides he was across the room. He held her arms. “You’re shaking, Devin. Say something.”
She had to take a deep, gasping breath before she could speak. “Please don’t say this unless you mean it, Shaye. Don’t say this unless it means you’re going to stay with me. I can’t take it.”
“Jesus. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you again.” He paused, tightened his grip on her arms. “Do you love me, Devin?” His eyes were absolutely blazing.
She nodded her head slowly. “Yes. I love you. Goddamn it, you know I do!”
With that admission came her strength, flooding back in a wild rush.
“But I’m mad, too. That you would do this to me. That even loving me, you could leave me the way you did, Shaye.”
“I know. It was a deplorable thing to do. Fucking awful. Be mad at me. I deserve it. But love me, anyway, Devin.” There was a pleading note in his voice.
“I do. I will. That’s something you have to understand. That loving someone doesn’t mean they’ll leave. Even when things get hard.”
“You’ll teach me.”
“God damn right I will.”
He pulled her close, crushed her body to his. When she lifted her chin, his mouth came down hard on hers, bruising, punishing. But it was exactly what she needed. His mouth was sweet and demanding all at once, just like him. She wouldn’t have him any other way.
He pulled back, held her face in his hands and gazed down at her.
“I want it all, Devin. I want to be with you, only you. I want to take you back to Sanctuary, to put my collar around your neck. To make you mine completely. Do you understand what that means?”
“Yes.” Her heart was fluttering like a bird in her chest, needing to burst out, to fly. It meant he was hers, every bit as much as she belonged to him. Heart, body, soul.
He was the man of her dreams, lovely dreams she’d never even known she had, imperfections and all. And Shaye had been the one to show her. It hadn’t been an easy journey, but then, nothing worth having came easily, did it?
“You hurt me, Shaye. I don’t like that you can do that. But I accept it—that there is this one thing I have absolutely no control over. I have to if I’m going to love you, if you’re going to love me. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“I realized the reason I left is that I couldn’t handle that you could hurt me,” he admitted. “That it’s actually possible for the first time in my empty fucking life for any woman to have that much power over me.”
“That’s why we have to trust each other. Why we have to trust that we won’t abuse that power. It’s the same way I have to trust you when we’re in the roles of dominant and submissive. It’s that same exchange of power that puts us on an even playing field. It balances it all out.”
/> He stroked her flushed cheeks with his thumbs, the warmth of him seeping into her skin, then he bent his head and kissed her. This time it was a soft kiss, a tender kiss. A kiss filled with promise.
“I love you,” he whispered against her mouth. “I love you, Devin.”
The tears stung her eyes again. Her heart filled, swelled. And her body curled into his as though it belonged there. She was certain now that it did.
Yes, he would take her back to Sanctuary, collar her, and they would make that binding commitment to one another. But none of it could compare to the sense of absolute rightness she felt in his arms.
She had found her sanctuary with him.
Look for these titles from Eden Bradley
Now Available from Samhain Publishing:
Tempt Me Twice
Midnight Playground Series
Ever: The Turning
The Seeking Kiss
Bloodsong
The Turning Kiss
Eversong
Celestial Seductions Series
Winter Solstice
Spring Equinox
Summer Solstice
Wasteland Continuity Series
The Breeder
Now Available from Bantam/Delta:
The Dark Garden
The Darker Side of Pleasure
Exotica: Seven Days of Kama Sutra, Nine Days of Arabian Nights
Hot Nights, Dark Desires
Forbidden Fruit
A 21st Century Courtesan
The Beauty of Surrender
Now Available from Harlequin Spice:
Soul Strangers
The Lovers
Naughty Bits (anthology)
Night Moves
Fallen Angel
***
Written as Eve Berlin
Now Available from Berkley Heat:
Pleasure’s Edge
Desire’s Edge
Temptation’s Edge
AUTHOR BIO:
Best-selling and award-winning author Eden Bradley, who also writes as Eve Berlin, has published a number of novels and novellas, both print and e-books, with Bantam/Delta, Berkley Heat, Harlequin Spice & HQN, and Samhain Publishing. Several of her books have been translated into German, French, Romanian, Portuguese and Japanese. Her BDSM novel THE DARK GARDEN will appear as a graphic novel in Japan in 2012, and her novel FORBIDDEN FRUIT was profiled in Cosmoplitan magazine. Eden appears regularly on Playboy Radio and conducts workshops on writing craft and writing about sex. A psychology major, she's fascinated with how the human mind responds to intimacy, especially when sex and romance collide.
When not writing, you can find her wandering museums, buying shoes, and reading everything she can get her hands on. Eden lives in Hollywood.
Visit her websites:
EdenBradley.com
EveBerlin.com
or her group blog
Smutketeers.com
THE DARK GARDEN
Eden Bradley
If you loved Fifty Shades of Grey . . . get ready to enter The Dark Garden.
Surrender has its own rewards…
A deliciously potent tale of one woman’s quest for self-discovery.
Rowan Cassidy likes to be in charge—especially in her personal life. As a mistress at Club Privé, the most exclusive bondage/S & M club on the West Coast, Rowan can live out her dominant fantasies safely, and with complete control—until the night Christian Thorne walks in. Self-confident and sophisticated, he’s a natural dominant if Rowan’s ever seen one. Yet she can’t stop thinking about him and imagining his touch.
Christian has returned home, hoping to break free from his dissatisfaction and malaise—and discovers the cure in Rowan. He’s dying to get his skilled hands on her and watch her surrender, to unlock the mystery of her that captivates him. Determined to be her master, he makes Rowan a daring proposition: give herself over to him for thirty days.
Rowan finds Christian’s offer terrifying—and impossible to resist. But abandoning herself to Christian’s power might be more than she can handle…. Or it might be the realization of her true nature and the dark garden within her. There will be only one way to find out. And once the game has begun, there’s no turning back.
EXCERPT:
He led her to the bed once more, and this time he undressed her with his own hands, carefully, tenderly. He helped her step out of her shoes, then her wool slacks, slipped her crème-colored cashmere sweater over her head, left her in her ivory silk camisole and matching thong.
“We’re going to take things slowly.” He spoke softly, soothingly. “One step at a time. I just want you to get used to my touch first. To being under my hands. You know you can always stop the scene if anything gets to be too much for you. But I want you to try to stretch your boundaries a little.”
“Just being here is a stretch for me.”
“I know that. That’s why I haven’t thrown you over my knee and given you a good, hard spanking.”
His wicked grin was infectious and she couldn’t help but smile.
“Ah, that’s better. Come now, sit here on the end of the bed.”
He pressed down a bit on her shoulder, guiding her. The bed was soft beneath her, as though it had a layer of down ticking on it under the rich brown and gold bedspread. The room was warm enough, but she shivered anyway. It was impossible to hold still.
He moved to the head of the bed and she couldn’t see what he was doing, only heard the slide of a drawer. She felt the mattress sink a little beneath his weight as he sat down behind her. When he touched a fingertip to her bare shoulder she jumped.
“It’s all right, Rowan. It’s just me.” He slid that fingertip down her arm, raising a trail of goose bumps. Down her arm to her wrist, over the back of her hand, then back up. His fingers continued their stroking exploration, over her neck, the line of her jaw. She could feel the heat from his hand on her skin. Incredible, how much heat came off that one finger. What would his whole body feel like pressed against hers?
Before she could banish that thought, her sex gave a squeeze, went liquid. She couldn’t fight it with him still touching her. He continued to stroke her skin, moving down to her collarbone, and her nipples peaked hard as he swept across the swell of one breast, then the other. She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the sensation.
His hand slid over the outer edge of her bra, down over the curve of her breast and she wanted to arch into that hand, to make him cup her breast, but she didn’t move. She was trembling inside with desire.
His hand made its way over her ribcage, the lines of her abdomen, lower, until he brushed the very top of her panties. Her sex ached. She was sure he could sense the pacing of her breath, the heated flush of her skin. But right now she couldn’t find it within herself to care. She only knew she didn’t want him to stop touching her.
He took his hand away, leaving her skin cold. Then his mouth was next to her ear, whispering, “I’m going to blindfold you now.”
Panic hit her full force. “No!”
“Yes.” It was a tone few would argue with.
“I…I can’t do that.”
“You don’t have to, Rowan. That’s the beauty of this arrangement. I’ll do everything.”
He tucked her hair behind her ears while she sat, shaking and silent. She didn’t know how to fight him.
The blindfold came down over her eyes, shutting the world out. She raised her hands to her face but he quickly pulled them away.
“Still, Rowan.”
How many times had she given that very command to the bottoms she’d played with?
“You know how this is done. I want you to focus. To be aware of only the sensations in your body, your own breathing. Shut out the rest of the world. It’s just the two of us now. Let the rest fall away.”
His voice was soothing, hypnotic, yet her pulse was racing. She understood the purpose of the blindfold: to allow her to draw inward, to concentrate only on what was happening to her in this moment. But she co
uldn’t shut her mind off. She couldn’t stop telling herself why this whole scenario was all wrong, even as her body responded to his nearness, his hands on her. Even though her sex was soaking wet, her nipples hard and needing to be touched.
Pure agony.
He was touching her again. He lifted her hair from her neck, stroked the skin there, making her shiver.
“You’re very responsive, Rowan. I like that. You’re like a deer; hyper-aware, hyper-sensitive.”
He let her hair fall back into place and continued stroking her skin. His fingertips moved over her face; her cheekbones, her lips, where he lingered just long enough that she knew if she darted her tongue out she could taste him.
Where had that idea come from?
PLEASURE’S EDGE
Eden Bradley writing as Eve Berlin
How do you know…
For beautiful erotica author Dylan Ivory, being in control is everything. Growing up in a dysfunctional home, she raised her younger brother--right up to the day he died in a motorcycle accident. Since then, she has lived a life of perfect order, leaving nothing to chance. Then she met the man who was everything she was not…and everything she wanted.
How far you can go…
Alec Walker is a writer of dark psychological thrillers--and a man who lives for thrills. From motorcycles to snowboards to swimming with sharks, there's no end to his lust for excitement. His tastes extend into the bedroom as well, and into The Pleasure Dome, the local BDSM club where he lets no rules bind his desires. The only thing he truly fears is love, and allowing someone else to really know him…
