I instinctively knew that’s what lay at the heart of Bud’s wish to protect me—the knowledge that the damage to my father had rolled down through the generations and hurt me as well. He must have looked at every self-destructive mistake I’d ever made as a direct result of his own failure to protect my father.
“Bud, it’s Lilly. I’m here with you in the hospital. I’d like to talk for a minute or two, if that’s okay. There are some things I want you to know.”
I paused just in case there might be a miracle and he’d squeeze my hand, but nothing happened. The tattooed arm, its skin now thin and brittle like old paper, remained still. I knew in that moment that he was really gone. I’d said it before to Rod, but now I truly believed it. Whatever had made Bud who he was, no longer existed in that body.
“I love you, Bud. I will always love you. I’m so grateful that I got to have you in my life. I always knew that you loved me and I could go to you for help.”
I had to pause because I’d started crying.
“I also know that you worry about me. I know that you’re frightened of not being here to help me. I’ve made bad choices sometimes. I’ve hurt myself and rejected people who care about me.
“I understand why you’re frightened, but you don’t need to worry anymore. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to marry Rod and we’re going to make a life together. We’re going to love each other, and even when bad things happen, I’ll handle it. I promise. You don’t need to worry about me anymore, Bud.”
I looked up and saw Rod standing in the doorway. Our eyes met and I knew he’d heard what I’d said.
Without saying a word, Rod stepped into the room and set down the drinks. He withdrew the engagement ring from his coat pocket. My hand shook as I held it out so he could slip the ring on my finger.
As I kissed him, I couldn’t help but think how unchanged I felt. I’d worried so much about taking this step. Now that it had happened, I felt as though it had always been this way.
A few hours later I signed the papers. They removed the ventilator tube and Bud’s body died quickly.
I’ve heard people say that their loved ones are with them in their hearts. I thought it was hokey, self-delusion. My father had died and I never felt him with me.
Now I understand. Bud was in that hospital room when I said good-bye, and he was there when Rod put the ring on my finger.
I know because he’s always with me.
Acknowledgments
As always I’d like to start by expressing my sincerest thanks to everyone at the Friedrich Agency. Molly Friedrich, Lucy Carson, Molly Schulman, and Becky Ferreira are the best in the industry. This book, and pretty much my entire writing career, wouldn’t exist without them.
The character and tone of a place is created by the people who inhabit it. Touchstone has been a supportive and enthusiastic publisher of all three Lilly Hawkins books because the people who work there are so supportive and enthusiastic. My editor Lauren Spiegel’s outstanding guidance shaping this manuscript, as well as her attention to detail while shepherding it through publication, has been more than any author could dream of. I’m also deeply indebted to Kiele Raymond for her generosity and invaluable notes.
My publicist, Shida Carr, has been in the foxhole with me for all three books. I don’t have words to properly thank her or Ashley Hewlett. Also with me through thick or thin have been my copy editors, Steve Boldt and Jessica Chin. How do they manage to make me sound literate? We’ve never met, but I picture them as superheroes in some kind of grammatical Bat Cave.
Special thanks to Jo Imhoff, Ceasonne Reiter, and Kim Zachman for reading drafts and giving invaluable feedback. Thank you to James Lincoln Warren for the many e-mails and conversations allowing me to hash out plot ideas.
I couldn’t have written this book without the technical expertise of Walter Reiter and Tracey Imley, MD. Any mistakes are mine and not theirs.
I’m a devoted mystery fan myself, so when Spencer Quinn and April Smith both offered their endorsement of my second book, it meant more to me than I can say. Chet the Jet and Ana Grey are very different protagonists, but they share equal space in my heart.
Finally, I thank my dear husband, Jeff, for always believing in me.
TOUCHSTONE
READING GROUP GUIDE
INTRODUCTION
TV news photographer Lilly Hawkins is back, and this time the story she’s chasing is her own. It’s Christmas Eve, but Chief Photographer (“Shooter”) Lilly Hawkins and her comrades at KJAY-TV are experiencing anything but a silent night. From the moment the police scanner announces Lilly’s home address as a crime scene, life as she knows it is over. Murder has struck closer to home than she ever imagined, and the investigation leads Lilly to discover long-buried family secrets.
FOR DISCUSSION
1. At the beginning of Going to the Bad, Lilly is torn over how to respond to Rod’s marriage proposal after accidentally finding an engagement ring in his pocket. What does Lilly’s conversation with Leanore about her hesitation to marry Rod reveal about Lilly? If you have read other installments in the Lilly Hawkins series, how does this characterization compare with what you already know about Lilly?
2. How does Lilly react to the potential loss of someone she holds so dear? How does her reaction differ from Rod’s? How do you personally cope with grief? In what ways are you similar to or different from Lilly?
3. Nora McFarland provides brief glimpses into each character’s personal history, shedding light on their actions and motivations. Which character in Going to the Bad did you find yourself feeling the most sympathetic toward? What is it about the character’s story that elicits your compassion? Which character in the story did you find yourself struggling with the most?
4. Describe the relationship between Leland Warner and Lilly’s uncle Bud. What secret bound them together? What impact did it have on them individually, and how did this secret propel the narrative?
5. Throughout Going to the Bad, “Thing” consistently shows up in unexpected places and at unexpected moments. How do Lilly’s feelings toward Thing change over the course of the novel? What significance does this seemingly small character play in Lilly’s emotional development?
6. Were you surprised by what Lilly learned about her father? Have you ever had a similar experience of learning something about a friend’s or family member’s personal history?
7. Throughout the story, Lilly repeatedly states that there’s nothing she can learn about her uncle Bud that will change the way she feels about him. Did you find her conviction admirable or arrogant? How is that conviction tested when Lilly learns the truth about Carter King? Did your own opinion of Bud change?
8. What surprising role does Bouncer play in Lilly’s personal evolution and the ultimate solving of the murder investigation? In what ways are Lilly and Bouncer similar?
9. Lilly’s work on the murder investigation is interspersed with humorous exchanges with various characters from KJAY and the police department. How did the use of humor throughout the narrative influence your reading? Which character’s sense of humor did you enjoy the most?
10. There are several families in Going to the Bad, each with multiple generations. What are the dynamics of each family? In what ways do the members both love and harm one another? How have Lilly, Bouncer, Junior, and Brandon all been shaped by their families?
11. Were you surprised to learn the identity of the murderer? Why or why not? What was your impression of this character up until the final revelation? Which character did you guess was the murderer? If you guessed incorrectly, describe what made you suspicious.
12. Describe the most surprising twist in the plot from your perspective. What did you enjoy the most about the story line?
13. If you’ve read any of the previous installments in the series, how has Lilly’s world changed? What effect have advances in technology had on the KJAY news department? How have Lilly’s friends and coworkers changed from the start of the series to
the end?
14. At the end of Going to the Bad, Lilly says good-bye to her uncle Bud. Have you ever had to say good-bye to a loved one with a terminal illness? Do you think Lilly handled the situation well? What does it say about how she’s changed?
A CONVERSATION WITH NORA MCFARLAND
How did it feel to complete the final installment in the Lilly Hawkins trilogy?
It’s very satisfying, but also a little sad. I’m emotionally invested in Lilly and she’s been a big part of my life for the last five years.
What was your inspiration for creating the fictional newsroom at KJAY and its cast of characters?
I’ve worked in several newsrooms, and they each had more than their share of eccentrics. I don’t know if journalism attracts people with distinct personalities or if the job sharpens their character traits. There’s an enormous amount of pressure and tense situations, so it may be the latter. They say pressure makes diamonds, but I think in the news business they’re slightly irregular diamonds, which is a lot more fun.
How did Lilly’s growth and transformation by the end of Going to the Bad compare with what you initially imagined for her character?
I’ve always wanted to end with Lilly and Rod getting engaged. For someone who’s protective of herself and used to holding back, that’s such a huge step. I had difficulty getting to that moment in an organic way because of everything Lilly was going through in this book. The trauma of losing Bud and the tension in her relationship with Rod made it all the more difficult to take that step. I even wrote a draft that ended with Lilly telling Rod she wasn’t ready for marriage. Fortunately I was able to find a moment that felt right in a later draft.
What was the most enjoyable or memorable moment in the process of writing Going to the Bad?
Writing Bud’s death was very emotional for me. I was actually crying. I know he’s fictional, but I really loved the old guy.
Going to the Bad weaves an intricate web of secrets and relationships. How challenging was it to architect all of the connections and deceptions?
I wrote a twenty-five-page outline and got feedback on that. It helped enormously because I was able to eliminate characters and plot points that were easily confused. Then I made more changes as I was writing.
The characters in Going to the Bad react to and handle loss in many different ways. Why was it important to you to portray these different reactions?
I like to pick a theme and have it reflected in different ways by the supporting characters’ stories. Lilly’s main character flaw is a fear of abandonment, which is really just a fear of loss. For the final book I knew she needed to overcome that and made it the focus of the book.
What have been some of your favorite or most memorable interactions with readers of this series?
When I’m working, I’m in a bubble and forget that other people are eventually going to be reading my work. Sometimes a stranger will e-mail to let me know how much they enjoyed one of the books and the bubble pops. It’s a wonderful surprise and means a lot to me.
Has writing this trilogy changed you in ways you didn’t anticipate when you first started writing? If so, how?
I’m a very different writer now than when I began the first book, A Bad Day’s Work. Back then I had the luxury of writing only when I felt inspired. Now I’m much more disciplined and keep to deadlines. It can be difficult with humor. Being funny even when you’re depressed or anxious is a challenge.
Where do you think your sense of humor comes from?
Most of it I have no control over. A sense of humor is probably something that we’re all born with to various degrees. If anything has influenced me, I’d say it was watching tons of old screwball romantic comedies and even sitcoms like WKRP in Cincinnati.
Have you always been a fan of mysteries? What are some of your favorite characters or series?
I’ve been reading mysteries for as long as I can remember. I’m a huge fan of Ross Macdonald, and his work inspired Going to the Bad more than anyone else’s. Most of his books involve characters’ long-buried secrets coming back to haunt their children. I doubt I was as masterful at constructing my plot, but he was definitely my inspiration.
You used to work as a community relations manager at Barnes & Noble. How did this experience influence your decision to start writing? What are some of your favorite bookstores?
I always wanted to write a mystery, but it wasn’t until I began working in the bookstore that I committed myself to making the attempt. Working in the presence of so many books inspired me, but the authors who came to the store also played a big part in my finishing. They were all very supportive and encouraged me in ways I’ll always be grateful for.
I love Barnes & Noble for obvious reasons. I’m sad that they carry less stock than when I worked for them, but I understand the business pressures that led them to make those decisions. In Southern California, where I used to live, I love Book ’Em Mysteries in South Pasadena and Mysteries to Die For in Thousand Oaks. The owners really know their customers and do a fantastic job serving them. In New York, the Mysterious Bookshop is like coming home to the mother ship.
What are you working on now? What can readers expect from you now that the Lilly Hawkins trilogy is complete?
Right now I’m working on a fictional book about a pandemic flu like the one in 1918. I’m also plotting a humorous mystery for children set on an island off the Georgia coast.
Someday there is a fourth Lilly Hawkins book I’d like to write. Since all the books take place in roughly a day, I think it would be fun to write one set on Lilly and Rod’s wedding day. It would be a disastrous turn of events, but they’d eventually get to the ceremony and live happily ever after.
ENHANCE YOUR BOOK CLUB
1. Nora McFarland was inspired to start writing based on her own experience of being a shooter for a local television station. In the biography section of her website, www.noramcfarland.com, she writes: “I recognized almost immediately that the job was a perfect setup for a mystery. Shooters, as they’re called in the industry, work grueling hours at a frantic pace and report on everything from heinous crimes to bizarrely comical feature stories.” Devise a character and a setting for a mystery based on your own personal experience. What would be your character’s name? What kind of mystery would your character solve?
2. Spencer Quinn, New York Times bestselling author of the Chet and Bernie mystery series, called Nora McFarland’s second novel, Hot, Shot, and Bothered, “fun, funny, tautly suspenseful, and very smart. Lilly Hawkins, the heroine, is irresistible. I couldn’t put it down.” Write your own blurb for Going to the Bad and share it with your book club members!
3. Play a game of “Two Truths and a Lie” at your book club meeting. Have each book club member prepare three statements about themselves—two that are true and one that is a lie. In any order, share your three statements with the group and then vote on which statement is false. This classic ice-breaker will test which book club member is the best detective!
NORA McFARLAND has worked for CNN and is a former community relations manager for Barnes & Noble. She has an MFA from University of Southern California’s School of Cinema and Television. She lives in Macon, Georgia.
www.noramcfarland.com
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Also by Nora McFarland
A Bad Day’s Work
Hot, Shot, and Bothered
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2012 by Nora McFarland
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Touchstone Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Touchstone trade paperback edition August 2012
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Designed by Renata Di Biase
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McFarland, Nora.
Going to the bad : a Lilly Hawkins mystery / Nora McFarland.—1st Touchstone trade paperback ed.
p. cm.
“A Touchstone book.”
1. Hawkins, Lilly—Fictitious character—Fiction. 2. Photojournalists—United States—Fiction. 3. Women photographers—Fiction. 4. Murder—Investigation—Fiction. 5. Family secrets—Fiction. I. Title.
Going to the Bad Page 27
