“I’ve hardly had time for dating.”
“Queenie’s wedding was three months ago. That’s a lot of weeks to get back out there. And it’s the off-season.”
“I’m busy with the upcoming season.”
He coughs the word “bullshit” into his fist.
“Why are you on me about this?” In the months since Hanna put an end to what was going on between us, I haven’t so much as tried to go on a date. I realized, after the fact, that it had started to feel like an actual relationship. Which I guess made sense, since we were spending a lot of time together, and not just between the sheets. I miss having someone constant in my life, and for a while Hanna was that.
“’Cause you’ve been distracted all night. If you’re not dating someone, does that mean you’re setting up a booty call during your daughter’s birthday party?” Alex raises a brow.
I shoot him a glare. “Seriously?”
“Why are you being so secretive? Are you hooking up with someone the same age as Queenie or something?”
I nearly choke on my drink. “I’d have to be a special kind of stupid to date someone my daughter’s age. Like I need that level of drama in my life. And I’m not hooking up with anyone. Not anymore, anyway.” I glance around the room, searching for Hanna. Not that sleeping with her had any less potential for drama. But we’re mature adults. We knew what the limitations were. Although I’m having trouble coming to terms with those, apparently, based on the way I’m incessantly checking my phone.
He perks up. “Not anymore? So you were seeing someone?”
“It was casual.”
“How come this is the first I’m hearing of it?”
“Because we didn’t want it to be a thing.”
“Is she here tonight?”
“Why does it matter?” I need him to drop it.
“Because that would narrow it down by a lot.” He scans the room. “Wait a second, have you got a thing for Ryan’s Momster?”
This time I don’t manage to stop the scotch from entering my windpipe. I start coughing and tears spring to my eyes. “What the hell, Alex?”
He slaps me on the back a few times. “Shit. Sorry. It was a joke.”
I put my hands on my knees and try to clear my throat, which burns. Inhaling scotch is not advised. “Not funny, man. Not funny.”
I roll my shoulders back and pull on my tie. It feels really tight right now. Tight and uncomfortable. And my palms start to sweat.
“Jake, man.”
I give him the side-eye. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”
He pokes at his bottom lip with his tongue. He does it when we play poker and gives away his shitty hands every single time.
“She’s a good-looking woman.”
“Stop.”
“I’m just saying I can see the allure.”
“There’s no allure.” There’s plenty of allure, which is exactly the problem.
“Right. Okay. Well, in that case, maybe the next time we’re in Tennessee, Ryan should invite her to a game and I can introduce her to Karl Halpern, the owner of their team. He got divorced a few years back. You remember that, right? She left him for some guy she met in Paris.” He shakes his head. “He’s a good guy. It’s probably time he gets back in the game.”
“I don’t think he’s her type.”
“Really? Why not, Jake?”
“Drop it, Alex.”
“That’s what I thought.” He grins and takes another sip of his scotch. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
“It doesn’t matter because it’s over anyway. Our kids are married to each other. It’s too complicated.” It’s what I keep telling myself, anyway. “Don’t tell Violet.”
He scoffs. “I know better than to say anything to my wife. I love her, but she’s about as good at keeping secrets as a sieve is holding water.”
Five minutes later, I spot Hanna on her own, heading toward the bathrooms. I excuse myself and follow her, not needing to explain myself to Alex.
I manage to catch her on her way back out.
“Oh! Jake!” She nearly crashes into me. But to be fair, I was lurking in the shadows, which there are a lot of since the restaurant has low lighting.
“Hey. I’ve hardly had a chance to say hello tonight.” I steady her by putting a hand on her hip, but her eyes dart to the hallway and she steps back, severing the connection.
“I know.” She gives me a small smile and bites her bottom lip. Her eyes move over my face, but dart away before she can meet my gaze. “The girls have been keeping me busy.”
“Is everything okay?” It’s too dark in the hallway for me to see her face clearly, but based on her body language, things are definitely off.
She looks exhausted and nervous as hell. And her teeth keep finding her bottom lip, which is something she does when she’s worried. She did it a lot when we were discussing the guest list for the wedding—every time Queenie’s mom was brought up. And her own mother.
“Yes. No. Can we talk later? Maybe after the party?” She fiddles with her necklace, which happens to be the one I gave her at King and Queenie’s wedding.
I’m very accustomed to tackling issues head-on, rather than letting things fester. It doesn’t help either of us if I’m concocting scenarios in my head that may or may not have a legitimate basis. “Can we find a place to talk now? Even if it’s for a minute? I feel like you’ve been dodging me all night and I know things are different.” I motion between us. “But I think we need to figure out how to make this work. I still really value your friendship, Hanna. I don’t want to lose that.”
“In there?” She inclines her head toward the small room to the right, likely where intimate private dinners are held—when this place isn’t being rented out.
I follow her into the room and she tucks herself into the corner, out of sight from anyone passing by. I take a seat beside her.
She runs her hands down her thighs and exhales a long breath. And another one.
“Are you okay?”
She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I don’t understand what’s making her so emotional.
She reaches into her clutch, pulling free a tissue. She dabs at the corner of her eyes, stopping the tears before they can fall. She pinches the bridge of her nose, like she’s trying to use it as a stop button. “All the freaking hormones are making me ridiculously emotional.”
Aside from the wedding, I’ve never seen Hanna cry. But this seems different. She’s practically vibrating with anxiety. “It’s okay. You know I’m not afraid of tears.” I go for light, because I honestly don’t know what else to do.
“I know.” She tips her chin up and dabs at her eyes again. “Thank you. I’m sorry.”
“What are you so sorry about?” This is the second time she’s apologized in the past two minutes.
She takes another deep breath, and when her gaze meets mine it’s so…forlorn? Torn? Sad? Worried? So many emotions pass over her face, and I don’t know what to do with any of them because I have no idea what’s going on.
She clasps her hands in her lap. “There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’m just going to come out with it.”
“Okay.” I have to wonder if maybe she’s reconciling with her ex or something. Although I can’t see her doing that after the shit he pulled. Unless she’s sick? Or maybe she regrets putting an end to things? But I don’t know why that would make her this emotional.
She meets my questioning gaze. “Jake, I’m pregnant.”
I don’t say anything at first. I don’t know what to say. For a few very long seconds, the only sound in the room is Hanna’s unsteady breathing. And the laughter and chatter of the party happening down the hall.
The first question I ask is a stupid one. “How did this happen?”
She blinks a few times, fingers twisting in her lap. “I honestly didn’t think I could get pregnant. I haven’t had a regular period in two years. I�
�m so sorry, Jake. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I thought we were safe. I can’t believe I was so stupid.” Her bottom lip trembles and she raises her hand to cover her mouth and turns her head, fighting to keep her composure.
The last time I got news like this, I was in college. I was on track to get my degree and being signed to a team. I had my entire life ahead of me. I was going to live the dream. NHL career, making millions a year, traveling all over the country. Kimmie and I were going to wait until we were finished with college, get married, and move to whatever city I was playing for. We had it all planned out. And then I went from carefree college kid to soon-to-be father.
“Are you sure? I thought you said you were menopausal?” I don’t know what to do with this information. It all seems impossible, and I’m still in a state of shock.
“Perimenopausal. And I am.” She keeps twisting the tissue in her hands, shredding it.
Panic starts to set in, exactly like it did more than two and a half decades ago, when Queenie’s mother announced, tearfully, that she was pregnant. She’d been afraid and wanted to terminate. I’d told her we would make it work. That I would take care of both of them. She’d agreed, although she’d had reservations. Ones that didn’t wane.
And my entire life changed.
And now it’s going to change again.
“I don’t get how this could happen. And you’re positive it’s mine?”
Hanna flinches. “You’re the only person I’ve slept with, so yes, it’s yours.”
I run a hand through my hair. “I just…how is this even possible? You said we were fine to go without the condoms.” I wince at my accusatory tone and try to dial it back. “Are you sure you’re pregnant and it isn’t just some hormone glitch?” I don’t know why I keep asking idiotic questions, apart from the fact I can’t believe this is happening. Again. Maybe she’ll give me a different answer if I keep asking the same questions. Like miraculously she’ll say she’s kidding. “Please tell me this is your idea of a bad joke.”
“Do you really think I would be sitting here, telling you I’m pregnant for shits and giggles?” she snaps.
I’m aware that Hanna does not, in fact, have a morbid sense of humor. But this is taking me right back to when I was nineteen and Kimmie had forgotten to take her birth control for the better part of a week. I would have worn a condom if I’d known, but I hadn’t.
And once again, I’d thought we were safe, only to find out we clearly weren’t.
“I was done doing the raising a kid thing. Freedom was knocking at my door.” I drag a hand over my face, remembering the conversation we had all those months ago when this thing between us started. “Queenie just got married. She should be the one getting pregnant, not us. And we’re not even an us.” I keep pointing out the obvious, and Hanna seems to shrink into herself and get her back up at the same time.
Her expression is flat. “Trust me, I’m as shocked as you are.”
I glance at her stomach. There aren’t any outward signs to give away the fact there’s a baby in there. “How far along are you?”
She rubs her temple. “If I had to guess, I’d say I’m about twelve weeks, but I won’t know for sure until I see my doctor.”
“So you got pregnant the weekend of Queenie and King’s wedding?” I run my palms down my thighs, which are now sweaty, along with the rest of me.
“It seems that way, yes.”
“We only went without a condom that one time,” I mutter. Hanna and I were always careful. In fact, it’s the only time I’ve gone without a condom since Queenie’s conception.
Before I can admit that it’s an idiotic thing to say, Hanna scoffs and says, “Well, Jake, we both know that’s all it really takes, don’t we?”
I don’t bother answering that, since it’s clearly full of sarcasm. And horrifyingly accurate. “When did you find out about this?”
“The cream in my coffee tasted off this morning, and then the same thing happened when I was with the girls at our spa day. I figured I was run down, or maybe coming down with something, but Violet made a comment about knowing she was pregnant when dairy tasted funky. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but I’ve been sleeping so much lately. And my stomach has been off. I thought I was nervous about seeing you, which I was, but then I realized that there might be more to it.”
“Wait, you found this out today?”
“This afternoon. I took a test.”
“Well, that’s a whole lot of irony that you find this out on my daughter’s damn birthday.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Wait. Weren’t you with the girls all afternoon? When would you have time to take a test?”
“Lainey’s been trying to get pregnant, and she’s been carrying around tests with her. She gave me one, and I went to the bathroom…and it came back positive,” Hanna explains.
“Lainey and Violet know you’re pregnant?” That’s not ideal. Especially considering the conversation Alex and I had about his wife’s inability to keep secrets.
“And Stevie.” She holds up her hand to keep me from interrupting. “But they don’t know it’s yours. I told them I was casually involved with someone, and they assumed whomever it was is from Tennessee. I made them promise not to say anything because I wasn’t sure what to do.”
I remember what it was like when Queenie’s mom walked out on us when Queenie was only three months old and all of a sudden I was on my own, raising a kid. All the sleepless nights at twenty were hard enough. The idea of having to do that now is mind-boggling. “Do you know what you want to do?”
Her brow furrows. “Do as in…?”
“How you’d like to move forward? What your plan is? We’re in our forties.” And I’m back to stating the obvious. “Are you going to keep it?”
She recoils, as if I’ve slapped her, which tells me everything about my tone. “I don’t expect anything from you, Jake. I’m not asking you to take this on with me. I’m telling you because you need to know.”
“I didn’t mean it the way it came out. And if it’s my kid, I’m obviously going to take a role in his or her life.” And how am I going to manage that? Hanna lives a five-hour plane ride away.
“If it’s your kid? I haven’t been with anyone except you,” she practically spits at me.
I’m about to respond when Hanna raises a hand to stop me from saying something stupid. Again. “I need to see my doctor before we start talking about how this child is going to be raised. Even if I’m through the first trimester, which I think I am, I’m high risk and there’s a chance I could still lose this baby.”
“But your plan is to keep it?” Do I want her to keep it? Why am I asking her these questions when I don’t even know the answers myself?
“Barring any complications, yes.” She reaches for her necklace and fingers the rose gold heart. “I know this is very unexpected, but this is the last chance I’m going to have. I didn’t even think I still had a chance. I know there are a lot of potential complications, but I’m going to go through with the pregnancy, high risk or not.”
I don’t even know what the risks are. Does this pregnancy put Hanna in danger? And if something happens to her, then what? I could be looking at the same scenario as last time. Except potentially worse if something bad happens to Hanna in the process. “Do you want me to get you in to see a doctor here? I could arrange something for tomorrow? I could call the team doctor.”
She shakes her head. “I’d rather see my own doctor. She knows my history.”
“Right. Okay. Should I fly back with you? Do you want me there?” Judging by the look on her face, the answer to that question is no.
The sound of voices coming down the hall alerts us that this conversation isn’t as private as we’d like it to be.
“Should we find a more private place to talk this through?” I ask. My head is a swirling mess of memories and worries. The last time this happened I ended up losing my girlfriend, my career, and becoming a single dad. It’s a giant mindfuck I don�
��t know how to handle.
“I’m staying at Ryan and Queenie’s. Do you want to come back there?” She exhales a tremulous breath and checks her phone. “It’s after eleven. It wouldn’t be a stretch for me to say I’m tired in say, half an hour?”
“And I’ll leave with you.” I need some kind of plan and a minute to get my head around this whole thing.
“Okay.” She pushes to her feet, running her hands down her thighs and then motions to her face. “Do I need to manage this? Does it look like I’ve been crying?”
“No. You look beautiful as ever.” It’s probably the first thing I’ve said to her that hasn’t made her cringe.
She gives me a small smile. “Now you’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Untrue. You’re always stunning, Hanna.” Out of habit, I place my fingertips at the small of her back as we step back out into the hall.
At the same time, the door to the men’s bathroom swings open and out steps Bishop.
He raises an eyebrow. “Seriously? Why is it every time there’s an event the two of you disappear together? You know you’re making it impossible for me to ignore this.”
“We were talking, just like last time,” Hanna says.
He rolls his eyes. “Uh-huh. You know, if you two are hooking up, can you please keep it on the downlow and keep me out of it? Like King’s family isn’t messed up enough as it is without you two making him and Queenie stepbrother and sister.”
And with that he turns around and stalks off.
Hanna’s eyes go wide with horror. “Oh my God, Jake. What the hell are we going to tell the kids?”
CHAPTER TEN
What’s the Plan?
Hanna
THE NEXT HALF hour is the longest of my life. To say Jake’s reaction is not what I anticipated would be an understatement. I didn’t think he’d jump for joy, but I also didn’t expect . . . that. Or maybe I’m hypersensitive. I don’t know. But it makes the time between telling him and leaving the bar tense.
“You okay?” Ryan slings his arm over my shoulders and pulls me into his side. In his other hand is a White Russian.
The thought of dairy makes my stomach turn, which is sad because I usually love all things dairy. Especially ice cream. “Yeah, just tired. You know how I am about flying. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure.” I hate that I’m lying to him. Still. Again. But I can’t stand the idea of ruining Queenie’s birthday with this kind of news. Not that it’s bad news, exactly. It’s just a shocker is all.
A KISS FOR A KISS Page 8
