by Emma Louise
“Girl”—she sighs deeply—“we need to get your head out of your ass somehow.” There’s no sharp edge to her tone now, just concern for me.
“That is not a lie,” I mutter quietly. “Lunch today, after your class? I’ll give you all those details you wanted.” I bribe her, knowing how much she loves to gossip. Rina teaches a very popular pole dancing class at Flex.
“Now you’re talking my language,” she says, causing us both to laugh lightly. The tension from earlier completely forgotten.
“I better go. He should be back any minute.”
“Babe, just relax. It will be whatever it ends up being. Just roll with it,” Rina advises before she ends the call.
Yanking the tie on my robe open and letting it slide to the floor, I step under the hot water. Rina is right. I’m being an idiot, and I have to learn to let things happen.
Lucas has treated me with nothing but respect these last few days. Not to mention how insanely good the sex is.
I want to see where this goes. If it ends up just being a weekend full of junk food, laughs, and orgasms, then that’s okay. If it ends up being more, that’s good with me too. It will have to be.
I don’t hang around in the shower, hoping that I'll be out and dried off by the time Lucas is back. I’m disappointed to find the apartment is still empty when I'm dressed and ready for the day almost thirty minutes later. The silence is disconcerting. I’ve gotten used to him being here the last few days.
I make myself busy by cleaning up the mess we’ve made of my bedroom this weekend. Turning to drop the stripped bedsheets into my laundry basket, I notice the two take-out coffee cups sitting on my dresser. There’s a white paper bag with my favorite bakery’s logo there too. How long have they been there? And why would he buy two coffees and leave them here? If he didn’t plan to stay, wouldn’t he have taken one for himself?
I approach slowly, not willing to let my mind jump to the obvious conclusion. Picking up one of the cups, I turn it slowly in my hand. Sweet cheeks is scrawled on the side. It’s barely lukewarm.
My heart races as realization sets in. Deja Brew is just down the street, so these have been here a while. Long enough for Lucas to have been here and for him to overhear me being a complete bitch.
Setting the cup back to the dresser, I rush out of my bedroom, praying that he’s still be here so I can explain. Even if he’s angry, even if he thinks I’m a stuck-up bitch, he needs to know I didn’t mean it.
But I’m not that lucky. My still, lifeless apartment tells me I’m too late.
The panic I felt when I thought he might possibly still be here is replaced with a rush of sadness. I was so convinced he was going to walk away from me, and it turns out I was right.
Except, this time I have nobody to blame but myself.
CHAPTER SIX
LUCY
TWO MONTHS LATER
“You sure you’re okay with being there today?”
“I’ve told you already. I’m happy for them, Pop.” Adding another coat of mascara, I don’t turn to face my best friend where she’s leaned against the door of my bathroom. I don’t need to look at her to feel her intense eyes on me, waiting for me to crack.
Today is TJ’s wedding day. He surprised us all when he proposed to Breeze as soon as they returned from their trip to Europe. Well, that’s not entirely true. I wasn’t surprised. I heard it in his voice that day at Chase’s birthday party. He loved her and couldn’t wait to have forever with her and Abel.
I’m truly happy for them. Not that any of my friends seem to believe me when I tell them that.
“You say it, and I want to think you’re telling me the truth, Luce, but you’ve been off for months now,” Poppy says softly. She’s not wrong, even if she’s not entirely right either.
Turning away from the mirror, I move closer to one of my very best friends. “Pop, hand on my heart, honest to God,” I tell her solemnly. “I’m happy for the both of them.” I can’t say I was always happy for them. I can admit to feeling jealousy in the beginning, but you only have to see them together to know they’re meant to be. Whatever TJ and I had was insignificant by comparison. I’ve come to realize I was clinging to the fantasy of what TJ and I could have been, not what we actually were.
Poppy watches me closely before she speaks, no doubt looking for any hint that I might be lying to her. “If it’s not the wedding, what is it? What's wrong? And don’t tell me it’s nothing. You’ve been avoiding Elliott and I for a long time. Too long. Did we do something?”
How do I tell my best friend, one of the sweetest people to walk the earth, that seeing her so happy and in love is like a kick in the teeth when my own love life is a complete disaster? How do I tell my two closest friends that instead of being happy for them, I’m jealous? That when we all get together the envy eats at me more and more every time?
And all of that was an issue before the disaster with Lucas. I’ve kept that to myself out of pure embarrassment. Yet again, I'd failed with a man. After a week of trying to get in touch with him, I gave up. He wasn’t interested in hearing from me, and I couldn’t put myself through the rejection again.
Seeing the concern on Poppy’s face, I realize I was wrong to put distance between us. If I don’t get a handle on myself soon, I’m going to end up old and alone. And loneliness isn’t something I enjoy all that much.
“We miss you,” she adds, and it’s like a kick in the teeth. Another reminder that I fucked up.
“God, Pop! Twist the knife a little, why don’t you?” I joke, grabbing my chest in mock pain.
“Don’t do that. Don’t try to make a joke out of it,” she scolds.
“I promise. It’s not about TJ. Or Scott,” I tell her, deciding to at least try to put her mind at ease. I want her to enjoy today, not spend it worrying about me. “I met a guy. It didn’t last long, and it didn’t end well.”
“Oh, Luce,” she exclaims softly, but I don’t think I can deal with talking about it right now.
“It’s fine. I just needed a minute.” I need to tell her everything. She and Elliott are the best friends I’ve ever had, and they deserve me to be honest with them. I have a feeling I’m going to need them more than ever soon anyway.
“You, me, Elliott, drinks here next weekend?” I offer, trying to buy myself some time. I know I have to speak to them, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t use a reprieve before I actually have to do it. “I’ll tell you all about it then, okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees after a long moment, giving my hand a soft squeeze.
“Now, you get home to your guys. You have a wedding to get ready for.”
“You’re sure? I’m worried if I leave it much later, Keir will get the boys dressed himself, and we both know how that will end,” she jokes, cracking the tense atmosphere of the last few minutes.
“Get out of here.” I smile, knowing she’s full of it. She knows Keir will look after their two little boys with no problems.
“See you later, then.” She gives me a swift hug before she leaves.
I sag against the vanity and drop the fake smile I wore for Poppy. The one hiding the cracks that have only been getting wider over the last two months.
Despite a whole lot of effort, I can’t stop my eyes from drifting down the drawer of my vanity unit. The drawer that holds a ticking time bomb.
My hand trembles as it reaches out to pull the drawer open. I don’t take a breath as I grab the thin cardboard box, turning it over in my hand. My fingers toy with the broken seal.
Eight days.
Eight days. That’s how long this has been taunting me, daring me to finish the job and rip the rest of the box open.
Eight days, and each and every one of them have been nothing short of torturous. Every day I’ve come in here and picked up this stupid box, and every day I’ve been too much of a fucking coward to do anything with it.
Enough is enough.
I rip the box open and remove the contents, letting the box fall t
o the floor. I turn the foil wrapped stick over in my hand and take a steadying breath. Using my teeth to pull the foil apart, I slide the plastic stick out and grasp it in my hands.
It weighs nothing, yet the weight of everything it represents is staggering.
Before I can talk myself out of it yet again, I rush toward the toilet and yank the plastic lid up.
I don’t think.
I don’t question myself.
I just do what needs to be done. What needed to be done days ago.
I replace the cap on the pregnancy test and leave it on the counter, facedown.
Washing my hands, I quickly get the rest of my stuff ready because I need to leave soon.
I ignore the test, leaving it untouched until it becomes unavoidable. Inevitably I run out of time, and I have no choice but to check it.
I don’t need to, though. I already know the answer. This is just the confirmation.
“Get a fucking grip, Luce,” I tell myself as I take the five short steps toward the counter.
Closing my eyes, I pick up the test, knowing deep down that this is the moment that my life will be forever changed.
Breathing deeply, I turn it over.
Pregnant.
CHAPTER SEVEN
LUCY
“This place looks amazing.”
“Uh huh,” I murmur, my mind too preoccupied to pay much attention to what’s happening around me.
“Yeah, the dancing monkeys really set it off.” Elliott deadpans from the seat next to me. That gets my attention.
“Monkeys? Where?” I ask, looking around the open backyard of TJ and Breeze’s house. They’re getting married next to the lake. There aren't many people here, just family and a few friends. There’s a gazebo set up near the dock, the wooden frame decorated with light pink organza and beautiful white daisies.
It’s relaxed and informal, exactly how I expected it would be.
“What’s up with you today?” Elliot asks, ignoring my question.
“Nothing. And before you start,” I continue, putting my hand up to stop her from interrupting me. “I’m happy for TJ, for both of them.”
“So it’s about your mystery man?”
“Poppy can’t keep anything to herself, can she?” I huff, even though I'm not even a little shocked that Poppy somehow found time to fill Elliott in on the crap going on in my life.
“Nope,” she says, grinning at me.
“Hey, did you get a look at Bree’s brothers? Yeesh!” Elliott asks, dropping her voice as leans closer into me.
“Not yet, what did I miss?” I ask, looking around trying to spot them. I was introduced to her sister, Avalon and her family, but the brothers have been inside the house. “There’s two of them, right?”
“Yeah, and they’re both hot.”
“You do know you’re married, right?” Elliott’s husband practically growls from the seat next to her.
“Married. Not dead, Duke.” She leans in and plants a kiss on his unamused cheek.
“Who’s not dead?” Keir asks as he takes the vacant seat next to me.
“All the women here checking out Bree’s brothers,” Duke says, causing El and I to giggle at how pissed off he sounds.
“Can’t say I blame them,” Poppy mutters as she joins us. “I love you, babe, but they both look pretty freaking good in their tuxedos. Especially Asa,” she says, braving the wrath of her very alpha-male husband.
“Shouldn’t you be off doing best man duties somewhere?” I ask Keir, hoping to distract him from what Poppy is saying. TJ and Breeze decided they didn’t want a big formal wedding, so they’re just having Keir, TJ’s twin brother, as the best man. Avalon, Bree’s sister, is her Maid of Honor, and she’s being given away by her oldest brother.
“I should be, but he’s snuck off somewhere with Bree. He wanted a few minutes alone with her before the chaos of the day took over.”
“I bet your mom is thrilled with that.” Duke chuckles. Knowing Diane Harmon, she’s somewhere in that house losing her mind over TJ and his unsurprising refusal to do anything the traditional way.
“She’s in there ranting to anyone who will listen. Why do you think we escaped out here?” Poppy adds, again making us all laugh. The guys make small talk for a while, and it’s just what I need. A few minutes where I’m not obsessing over the fact that I have a positive pregnancy test in my purse.
How am I supposed to tell the father when I have no idea how to contact him? At this point, do I even want to tell him?
It’s been two months since he walked out of my apartment without giving me the chance to explain myself. My texts all went unanswered, and the two phone calls I tried to make were sent straight to voicemail.
I know when to take a hint. Lucas was done with me, and although it hurt, I got it. I probably would have reacted the same way if I had been the one overhearing that shit.
I tried to call him this morning just before I left my apartment, but the call yet again went to his voicemail. The sound of his deep, rumbling voice telling me to leave a message sliced through me. Is it possible to miss a person's voice when you only had it for a few days?
Now I have to find a way to make him listen to me. I’ll never be able to live with the guilt of keeping this to myself. I plan to find him and tell him he is going to become a father in just a few months, and then it will be up to him if he wants to be involved. I’ll find a way to deal with being around him. If he doesn’t want any part of his child's life, I’ll be okay.
Looking at my friends sitting around me, I know I'll be more than okay.
Dropping my hand to my mostly flat belly, I take a moment to revel in the thought of my baby inside me. It might not have been planned, but it feels so incredibly right.
Pulling out my phone, I check to see if there’s any response to the message I left earlier. Of course, there’s nothing. Lucas isn’t going to make this easy on me, I just know it.
The background music that’s been playing quietly stops, and the small crowd falls silent. I didn't even notice TJ has taken his place under the gazebo. I might not be harboring feelings for the man anymore, but even I can appreciate the way he fills out the tux he’s wearing. I’ve been telling everyone that I’m fine with us being friends, and I really do mean it. Seeing how nervous he looks as he waits for his bride tells me all I need to know—he’s head-over-heels in love. I always knew that when he fell, he’d do it hard. Breeze is a lucky woman.
Keir puts a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder, leans in, and says something quietly that makes them both laugh. TJ turns to look down the makeshift aisle just as Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles starts to play. See, nothing traditional about this wedding. I have to stand on tiptoes to see the bride above the small gathering of people behind me. She looks beautiful. A white lace dress trails behind her. Her pink hair is in a loose bun, white daisies added here and there. She’s got Abel, TJ’s son, propped on her hip, and he’s making a desperate grab for her necklace. She can’t stop his little hands because her other arm is linked with someone else.
When I get a look at the man walking Bree down the aisle, time stands still.
The music fades.
The crowd vanishes.
My vision tunnels in on his face, and I squeeze my eyes closed, hoping like fuck I'm imagining things. Shock wracks through me. Lucas is not currently walking Breeze down the aisle. It can’t be him.
Unfortunately, Lucas is still there when I open my eyes, and all the air I’ve been holding onto escapes in one long rush. Blood thumps through my ears as my heart races out of control.
He’s standing right there.
Stopping at the end of the aisle, he says something to TJ, and then he gives his sister a kiss on her cheek. He whispers something to her, and she laughs lightly, looking up at him with a wide smile on her face as he gently wipes a stray tear from her cheek.
His sister? This is too fucked up, and my brain is scrambling, struggling to understand what is right in f
ront of me.
Lucas. Breeze Lucas.
It's his last name.
He’s not my Lucas, the hot as sin guy I spent an amazing weekend with.
He’s Asa Lucas. Soon to be brother-in-law to my ex-boyfriend.
Asa Lucas. The father of my unborn baby.
And he doesn’t even have a clue.
CHAPTER EIGHT
ASA
“You better take good care of her,” I say, taking my precious little sister’s hand and placing it in TJ’s.
This shit sucks. When did my baby sister suddenly become old enough for marriage? Hell, I’m thirty, and I'm nowhere near ready for that shit.
“Mom and Dad would be so proud of you, little Breeze,” I tell my sister, knowing it’s been on her mind that she’s getting married and neither of them are here for this milestone in her life.
“You think so?” she asks, a small tear making its way down her cheek.
“I know it.” I nod, holding back my emotions. “Now go get married before your guy loses his patience with me.” That gets a small smile from her.
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Turning to take my seat in the front row, I see a flash of a familiar face. It can’t fucking be, can it?
It is. Lucy is here. Sitting just a few feet behind me.
Her eyes lock on mine, and she looks as shocked as I feel. Her pretty face is white, like she’s seen a ghost. Suddenly aware of where I am and the fact I’m standing here like an idiot, I break my gaze away from hers and take my seat.
I hardly pay any attention to the vows being said. All my willpower is drained trying not to turn around and look at her.
What the hell is she doing here? My mind races as I try to process the situation. Seeing her is so unexpected that I didn’t pay any attention to who she’s here with. “Hey, you know the brunette sitting back there?” Leaning closer to my younger brother, Beau, I drop my voice so nobody can hear me over the sound of the officiant as he speaks. He looks around in the direction I just nodded.
