by Jae
“Is that why you never brought anyone home?” her mother asked, again using that damn therapist voice.
“No.” At least it wasn’t the only reason. “Bringing someone home to meet the family implies a level of commitment that I don’t want. That’s why I don’t do it, if you need to know.”
“Until now.” Steph could practically hear a smug grin spreading across her mother’s face.
“I told you, this is different.” Wasn’t it?
“Of course. So does your friend have any special dietary requirements?”
“Food,” Steph said firmly. “And by that, I mean food intended for human consumption, not a pile of rabbit food.”
Her mother sighed. “We’re having dinner catered again. Claire insisted on a honey-baked ham with a sweet potato casserole and bread stuffing for Lana. You and your friend can have that too.”
“Oh yum.” Steph’s stomach rumbled. “I knew there was a reason I liked Lana so much.”
“The food will be delivered around two. Try to be on time, okay?”
Steph flicked her gaze upward. Jeez, be late once and you’ll hear about it forever. “We’ll be there before two. Rae is super reliable, so she’ll probably be raring to go at one.”
“Good. See you on Christmas, then. Oh, and please send me an email with a couple of suggestions for a little something your dad and I could get your friend for Christmas.”
“Will do.” Steph’s annoyance faded. For all her flaws, her mother had her good sides too. “Um, Mom?”
“Yes?”
Steph hesitated. She hated asking her parents for money with the passion of a million suns. But if she bought Rae the present she had in mind, she wouldn’t have enough money left for her share of the utility bills. “If you don’t have a Christmas present picked out for me already, um…money’s always good, you know?”
Her mother made a resigned sound, as if she hadn’t expected any better from Steph. “Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Of course we have a gift picked out already.”
Yes, of course. It was only Steph who left the gift shopping until the last minute. Maybe Claire was right, and she really should become a little more organized.
“But if you need money, why don’t you just say so?” her mother added.
Steph bit her knuckles until her teeth had left two rows of indentations. The urge to say, Never mind, and end the call was overwhelming. But then she either had to stick Rae with her part of the utility bills or show up to Christmas dinner without a present for her. She swallowed her pride. “I…I need money.”
“How much?” her mother asked in that disappointed-parent tone that Steph hated even more than the therapist voice.
Steph quickly calculated how much Rae’s present would cost. “Two hundred, if that’s okay. I’ll pay you back next month.”
“I can send you more,” her mother said.
“No, thanks. Two hundred is enough.”
“All right. I’ll transfer it right away.”
Steph struggled not to let her humiliation show. “Thanks.”
They ended the call, and Steph tossed the phone to the foot of the bed. God, the things we do for love. Um, not love. Friendship, she firmly corrected herself. But she knew Rae was worth it. She could hardly wait to see her face when she unwrapped her present.
At half past one on Christmas Day, Rae clutched the two bags of presents, hers and Steph’s, on her lap. Why on earth had she agreed to join the Renshaw family dinner? She would stick out like a sore thumb among these rich people who were probably all very much in touch with their feelings. But now it was too late to change her mind because they were already in the car, on their way to Beverly Hills.
Without warning, Steph pulled over into a gap between two parked cars on Rosewood Avenue. “You know what? This is silly.”
The sinking feeling in Rae’s stomach became a spiraling sensation. She craned her neck to make out Steph’s expression. “Um, what’s silly?” Did Steph regret inviting her along for Christmas dinner?
“Me driving,” Steph said. “It’s still light out, so why don’t we switch, and I’ll drive home later? I know being in the passenger seat makes you nervous.”
Was it so obvious that she was nervous? “Thanks, but your Mini has blind spots the size of a whale. Besides, um…” Should she admit it? Rae gave herself a mental nudge. “It’s not being in the passenger seat that’s making me nervous.”
“Oh. Despite everything I might have said, my parents really aren’t that bad, you know?”
“They won’t think I’m your girlfriend, will they?” Rae asked.
Instead of reassuring her immediately, Steph pulled back into traffic. “Would it be so bad if they did?” she asked quietly.
“No, of course not. I didn’t mean it like that. Any of your future partners should consider themselves lucky.” The thought of Steph with some woman or man made Rae grip the bags of gifts more tightly.
Steph let out an unladylike snort. “We both know that’s bullshit.”
Rae turned in the passenger seat as much as possible so she could see her better. Since the weather was gorgeous, Steph had put down the top of her convertible, and now her hair blew in the wind. Rae couldn’t help admiring how carefree and beautiful she looked. For a moment, she nearly forgot what she’d been about to ask. “You keep saying you suck at relationships, but you know what? I’m beginning to doubt that.”
“That makes one of us,” Steph muttered. “Why would you think that?”
“You’re considerate, loyal, and fun.” Rae struggled not to blush at handing out compliments. That wasn’t usually her strong suit. “Not that I’m a relationship expert or anything, but I’d think those are traits people want in a partner.”
Steph shook her head. “Trust me, all those traits go right out the window once I’m in a relationship. I’m really not a good girlfriend.”
“Have you even been in a relationship?”
“Define relationship,” Steph said.
“That’s a no, then.”
Steph shrugged. “It’s hard to sustain a relationship when you’re on the road all the time.”
Rae looked at her, knowing there was more.
Steph made a right onto Beverly Boulevard before she answered. “Yeah, okay, I didn’t really try. It was fun to be free to hook up with whoever I wanted while I was touring the country. I didn’t even need to make up excuses for why I wouldn’t call, because they knew I’d be off to a new city the next week.”
“Was there never anyone who made you want to call?” Rae found herself asking. She wasn’t usually one for relationship talk, but the urge to understand Steph better was unexpectedly strong.
“No,” Steph said immediately. “The people I had flings with on the road met me as a comedian. That was mainly what they saw me as, and that’s all I tried to be with them. They wanted to be with the entertainer who cracked jokes all the time, so that’s what they got.”
“Hmm.” Rae smoothed out a wrinkle in one of the bags on her lap. That sounded kind of lonely. The people who hadn’t seen the complex woman behind the act didn’t deserve her.
Steph braked at a red light and looked over at her. “What about you?”
“I don’t want you to crack jokes all the time,” Rae said, deadpan.
Steph reached across the middle console and flicked Rae’s thigh with her index finger. “I know that. Don’t avoid the real question.” She rubbed her face and chuckled. “Christ, I sound like my parents. Just pretend you’re already in their house and answer anyway.”
Rae stared at the license plate of the car in front of them. “Yeah, I’ve been in a relationship.”
“A relationship?” Steph echoed. “Singular?”
The driver in the car behind them started to honk as the light turned green and Steph didn’t clear the intersection.
<
br /> She flipped him off and stepped on the gas. “You don’t mean you’ve only been in one relationship…do you?”
Rae’s defensive instincts rose. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“No, of course not. Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise. It fits you. You’re clearly a one-woman woman.” There was something like admiration in Steph’s tone…or maybe even a hint of longing or envy. “I bet you were together for quite some time.”
“Fifteen years.”
Steph glanced at her with wide eyes, then back at the road. “Wow. That’s…” She whistled quietly. “What happened? You don’t just walk out after fifteen years together…do you?”
“Yeah, you do. At least Lise did.” Rae couldn’t stop a bitter tone from entering her voice.
“Lise,” Steph repeated as if tasting the name. “Did she cheat?”
“No. Nothing like that. She…” A hard knot formed in her stomach.
Steph reached over and softly touched her knee.
Rae realized that it had been quite some time since any of Steph’s touches had startled her, even when they came from the left. It was as if her body had lowered its shields around her and accepted her hand as part of itself. Okay, now you’ve officially lost it, and you haven’t even tried her parents’ vegan eggnog yet.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Steph said.
“It’s okay. I’m over it.” And maybe, for the very first time, that was the truth because she realized she hadn’t even been thinking about Lise right now. “Lise moved out four years ago.”
“Just like that?”
“No. We talked a lot…argued a lot the year or two before. Well, she talked. That’s the thing. She said she couldn’t be with me anymore because I didn’t talk to her.”
Steph frowned. “But she must have known you weren’t exactly a chatterbox when the two of you got together.”
“She said I was different then,” Rae said. “That my job changed me.”
“Do you think there’s some truth to that?”
“Yeah. I mean, like you said, I’ve never been a chatterbox, but I’m sure being a police officer enhanced that tendency.”
“How so? I mean, don’t cops have to be good at talking to people?”
“Sure. I was fine talking to people as part of my job. But talking about myself and my feelings…” Rae shook her head. “Cops see that as a weakness. Lise never understood why I didn’t talk about how my day was. I wanted to keep her away from all the ugliness I saw at work, and I guess in the process, I stopped talking to her altogether. I forgot how to open up and talk about my feelings, and Lise got sick and tired of having to drag things out of me. I don’t blame her.”
Steph looked over, then returned her attention to driving as she made a left onto Santa Monica Boulevard. “Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s obvious you’ve worked on yourself. You’ve got no problem talking about your feelings right now.”
Rae opened her mouth to reject that notion, then snapped it shut. Damn. Steph was right. She was talking about her feelings—without having to be dragged into the conversation screaming and kicking. When had that happened?
Steph laughed. “What’s going through your head? You should see your face! You look like you just found out you have a kid you didn’t know about!”
Before Rae could come up with an answer, Steph turned right onto a quiet street lined by tall palm trees. Stylish mansions and sprawling one-family homes were set back from the street behind iron gates and towering hedges. One of the gates stood open, and Steph navigated her Mini Cooper up a long driveway flanked by cone-shaped bushes.
For the second time in as many minutes, Rae was speechless. She stared at the snow-white two-story mansion rising up in front of her. “This is where you grew up?”
“Yep.”
It couldn’t have been more different from the RV and the tiny houses in which Rae had grown up. There had never seemed to be enough space for all the people who moved freely in and out of her parents’ home, while the Renshaws’ mansion looked as if you could get lost on the way to the bathroom.
“Don’t worry.” Steph chuckled and took one of the bags from her. “I know my way around. You won’t need to leave bread crumbs to find your way out,” she said as if guessing Rae’s thoughts. “Just stick close to me.”
That was exactly what Rae was planning. She clutched her bag as they climbed out of the car and made their way to the portal-like front door.
When Steph rang the doorbell, it was her sister who opened the door. “Merry Christmas.” Claire tapped her elegant silver wristwatch as if it had stopped working. “Wow, alert the media! Stephanie Renshaw is on time.”
“I’m actually early, sis. Merry Christmas.” Steph bumped her sister aside and pulled Rae into the house.
Rae tried very hard not to stare slack-jawed at the chandeliers on the high ceiling. A stately staircase with garlands wrapped around the banister led to the second floor, and Rae wouldn’t have been surprised to see Steph’s parents descend in a silk ball gown and a formal tux. She smoothed her hand over her navy chinos and light blue dress shirt. She hoped she wouldn’t misjudge the distance and knock over any of the expensive-looking porcelain statues, vases, and mostly hideous Christmas decorations that filled the foyer.
Steph discreetly circled around to Rae’s left and slid her hand onto her arm. “Am I okay on this side?” she asked so quietly that her sister couldn’t hear.
Rae exhaled. “Very okay. Thanks.”
With Claire trailing behind them, Steph led her into a huge dining room with a table long enough for ten. Silverware and gold-rimmed china sparkled beneath another chandelier, but no one was sitting at the table, nor was there any food to be seen.
Lana uncurled from an armchair and walked toward them with a welcoming smile. In a flowing, chocolate-brown skirt and an ivory-colored wrap top that emphasized her ample curves, she was dressed nicely, yet comfortably. She was also barefoot, Rae noticed, which immediately put her a little more at ease.
“Hey, you made it.” Lana embraced her future sister-in-law warmly and then tugged on Steph’s T-shirt with the painted-on tie. Since Steph had to head to her gig directly afterward, she was wearing her comedy outfit. “Cool shirt. I would steal it from you, but I don’t think it would fit me.” She chuckled, apparently not at all self-conscious about her full figure.
Rae had instantly liked that about Lana the first time she had met her.
Lana turned toward Rae and gave her a slightly shorter hug, ignoring the bag that Rae kept pressed to her chest as a shield. “Hi, Rae. Good to see you again.”
Rae stood still and patted her back once. “Um, hi.”
“Oh, Stephanie, you’re here already.”
Rae took the new voice that filled the room as an excuse to take a step back from Lana. She watched as Steph greeted the woman who could only be her mother. The resemblance between her and her daughters was uncanny. They all had the same slender figure, gray eyes, and blonde hair, but Dr. Renshaw wore hers in an elegant chignon. In a lavender pantsuit, she looked as if she were about to head out to a business meeting or a therapy session, not spend Christmas with her family.
How could the irreverent, casual Steph possibly come from such a posh family?
“And you must be Rae. Merry Christmas.” Steph’s mother studied her with an intent gaze, then lightly took hold of Rae’s shoulders to greet her with air kisses.
Rae somehow managed not to squirm out of her grasp. “Merry Christmas. Nice to meet you, Dr. Renshaw. Thanks so much for having me.”
“My pleasure. I’ve heard so much about you, I couldn’t wait to meet you.”
Rae arched her brows and looked at Steph. What had she told her mother?
Steph held up her hands and sent her sister an accusing glare. “Not from me. I
didn’t tell her a thing.”
“It was more what you didn’t say that was so interesting,” her mother said.
“Mom, it’s Christmas. Leave the psychobabble at the office.”
“I wasn’t about to…” At her daughter’s gaze, Dr. Renshaw nodded. “Well, then you’d better call me Diane, Rae.”
Rae bit her lip. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that, but she nodded politely.
“Where’s Dad?” Steph asked. “Sneaking some ham in the kitchen while no one’s looking?”
“Your father doesn’t eat meat; you know that,” her mother said. “Besides, the food isn’t even here yet. He’s outside, lounging by the pool. Why don’t I take this,” she took the bags of presents from them, “and you go keep him company? I’ll call you when the food arrives, which should be any second.”
Of course the Renshaws would have a pool—and it was large enough to swim laps, not just splash around a little. The sun sparkled on the turquoise water. As Steph led her through a set of French doors into a resort-like backyard with a beautifully landscaped garden, Rae felt an instinctive pull toward the oval pool. God, if she had grown up in this house, she’d have never gotten out of the water.
“Good thing I’m holding on to you.” Steph laughed and squeezed Rae’s arm. “You look like you want to jump right in. You could, you know? If you’re not too full after dinner, that is.”
Rae tore her gaze away from the pool. “Nah. I didn’t bring a swimsuit.”
Steph flashed her a wolfish grin. “Oh, I wouldn’t mind at all if you’d wear just your birthday suit.”
“I bet.”
“Seriously, I’m sure you could borrow a suit, or we could come back if you ever want to have a swim in a private pool. You look like you swim.” Steph brushed her hand along Rae’s shoulder.
The fleeting touch made Rae tingle all over. Her cheeks warmed. “I used to, every day before work, but it’s been a while.”
“Not since…?” Steph gestured toward her left eye.
Rae nodded.
“Would it harm you if chlorinated water got into your socket?”
