by Jae
In the end, she discarded all but one thought: Steph wanted this. She deserved this. She had worked tirelessly for ten years to get to this point. No way would Rae destroy her dreams just because of her own insecurities. They would find a way to make it work.
“Wow, Steph!” She sent her a proud smile. “That’s wonderful!”
But instead of beaming and cheering, Steph looked as if she had gotten the worst news of her life.
Rae rubbed her back. “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll make it work somehow. I’m not giving up on us just because you might be on the road for part of the year.”
“That’s not it. At least that’s not all.” Steph hung her head. “I don’t think I can do it.”
“What? Of course you can! You’re going to be great!”
“That’s not what I mean.” Steph pressed her face against Rae’s shoulder again and whispered, “They want me to do the roommate jokes.”
Tension flooded Rae’s body. “Oh.” She had to swallow twice before she could continue. “How does The Tonight Show even know about them?”
Steph looked everywhere but at her. “Gabe posted the video on my YouTube channel, and I forgot to take it down.” She peeked up. “I’m so sorry, Rae. I’ll delete it right away.”
But, of course, the damage was already done.
Damn. It took some effort to unclench her teeth. “Well, it can’t be helped now. What did you tell them?”
“I tried to offer him different material, but he wasn’t interested. I got the feeling it’s the roommate jokes or nothing.”
Rae’s stomach churned. “Shit.” A roaring filled her ears. It sounded like the laughter of the audience when Steph had told those jokes about her. Could she live through those moments of feeling exposed again?
“Maybe I could rewrite the roommate jokes so they aren’t about you anymore,” Steph said, her tone hesitant. “I could make up a fictional roommate.”
“What about authenticity? You said good comedy is based on real life, not just making stuff up.”
Steph looked her in the eyes. Her gaze was sad, but fierce. “Me protecting you is very authentic.”
Warmth spread through Rae, settling her queasy stomach a little. “But what if he insists on the original jokes?”
“Then I’ll tell him no. It might not be worth it anyway,” Steph said. “This isn’t the 80s anymore, where one appearance on The Tonight Show would have made me a star overnight.”
“It would still be a big step, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Steph forced a brave smile. “But maybe I’m not ready for what would come after The Tonight Show anyway. Jokes about my bad taste in bedmates were a big part of my comedy routine. Now that I’m with you, I’ll have to come up with new material.”
Silence stretched between them.
No matter what Steph said to make Rae feel better, they both knew that this was probably the big break Steph had been hoping for, and she should grab it with both hands. Rae had expected her to. She realized now that part of her had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Steph to choose comedy over her. Maybe she still wasn’t completely over thinking she didn’t deserve happiness. But Steph believed she did—and she was even willing to sacrifice her dream for it.
A wave of love and gratefulness swept over Rae, driving back her fears. Her throat felt raw as she said, “I want you to do them. The roommate jokes. In a revised version or the original one. It doesn’t matter.”
“What? Of course it matters! I promised you not to use them on stage again.”
“That was before. I’m no longer just your roommate, so strictly speaking, those jokes won’t even be about me.” Rae let her hand trail down to Steph’s hip and squeezed gently. “Tell them you’ll do it.”
Steph’s expression was pained. “God, I want to. But I also want to avoid hurting you by bringing up bad memories from your childhood.”
Each word felt like a healing caress to Rae’s patched-up heart—and made her more determined not to let Steph sacrifice her dream for her. “It wasn’t only my childhood. I’m starting to understand that those jokes hurt mostly because of the shooting.”
“The shooting?” Steph echoed. “But I’d never joke about that. Never!”
“I know. It’s not about you. It’s about the press. In the weeks after the shooting, I couldn’t escape all the news reports. Again and again, they brought up everything I had lost…my eye, my job…Mike. They exposed it all to the public at a time when I felt most vulnerable. But the worst thing was that they made me out to be a hero, and that made me feel even worse because I thought I was to blame for Mike’s death.”
“You’re not,” Steph said firmly.
“I get that now. And that’s why I think I would be fine with you doing the roommate jokes. I’m in a different place now than I was two months ago. I no longer feel so raw. You taught me that I have no reason to fear being exposed or to hide in shame, not for my eye and not for anything I did the day of the shooting. I can deal with a couple of jokes, just like your family did.”
“Rae…” Steph’s voice was thick with emotions. “I can’t ask that of you.”
Rae lightly stroked her cheek with her fingertips. “You’re not asking. I’m offering. I trust you. I know you’ll find a way to tell those jokes in a way that is authentic yet won’t make me feel bad.”
“I will.” It sounded like a solemn oath. “But before we make that decision, we should really think this through.”
“What’s there to think about? You want this, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. But I want you too. I want us. And if I do The Tonight Show and my career takes off, I’ll probably be traveling all over the country. Maybe even all over the world.” Steph raised her gaze to Rae’s, despair written all over her face. “I’d have to leave you behind.”
Just the word leave made every muscle in Rae’s body tense. Her barely healed heart felt as if it would shatter into a million pieces if one more person left her—especially if that person was Steph.
“Unless…” Hope vibrated through Steph’s voice. “I’m getting way ahead of myself here, but if I really manage to become a bit of a celebrity, won’t I need a bodyguard? And you know, there’s really only one person I’d want to guard my body.” A hint of playfulness made its way into Steph’s voice.
Rae kissed her lightly. “And you know I’d guard that gorgeous body with my life, but I don’t think that’s the solution. There’s a reason why I had to give up being a police officer. I have a huge blind spot, and that would put you in danger if I were your bodyguard. I won’t risk that.”
Steph sighed and held on to Rae more tightly as if not ready to let go.
“But maybe you’re on to something with that thought. If I could find a way to make a living while traveling with you…” Rae played with a strand of Steph’s hair.
For a while, they clung to each other while trying to come up with an idea.
“What if you…?”
“What if I…?”
They spoke at the same time, then stopped and laughed.
Steph gestured at her to go first.
“There’s a security guard training company in Burbank that is looking for instructors. They have facilities in multiple states, and some parts of the guard training are completed online. Maybe I could freelance for them.”
Steph studied her. “Is that something you’d be interested in?”
Rae nodded. “Back in October, when I first started working at The Fun Zone, I wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility of teaching other people.” Her chest expanded under a deep breath. “But now I am. I just don’t know if they’d have enough work for me to make a living from it. At least not at first.”
“Well, if you freelance, you could do other things on the side.”
“Such as?”
“L
ana is going to work with Grace Durand, who recently established her own production company. And since Lana is now on Team Rae too, I bet she’d be willing to introduce you.”
A chuckle escaped Rae. “Um, sorry to burst your rose-colored bubble, but I don’t think I meet Hollywood’s beauty standards.”
“Pah, what do they know?” Steph cupped her face in both hands. “You are beautiful. But I wasn’t actually suggesting that you become a movie star. I know producers are always looking for people with a police background. Maybe you could set yourself up as an adviser to film sets, and I could try to do shows close to wherever you are working.”
Rae would have never thought of something like that in a million years, but it definitely sounded interesting. Maybe she could do a bit of both. “That sounds great. God, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
All remainder of tension drained from Rae’s muscles as their lips met in a long, tender kiss.
Untold minutes later, Steph pulled back slightly. Her nose twitched like a dog’s catching a scent trail. “Is that coffee and toast I smell?”
Rae laughed. “You’ve got a one-track mind.”
Steph had slipped her hands beneath Rae’s T-shirt while they had been kissing, and now she lightly scraped her fingernails up and down her back. “You’ve got no idea.”
Rae shuddered. “You could always remind me.”
“And I will,” Steph said, her usual confidence back in her voice. “After coffee and food.”
Laughing, Rae picked up the tray and followed Steph back to bed.
EPILOGUE
Rae put the swimming goggles on and looked at herself in the mirror of the Renshaws’ guest bathroom. The suction from the rim pulled down her left lower lid a little, emphasizing the difference between her eyes. Slowly, she turned toward Steph, who leaned against the closed bathroom door and watched her. “What do you think?”
“Hot.” Steph grinned and made a sound as if she were striking a match. Her gaze trailed up and down Rae’s body. “You look totally hot.”
Rae couldn’t help chuckling, and part of her tension eased. “Ditto.” The sight of Steph in her black bikini—cut high at the hip so her killer legs appeared even longer and sexier—made her wish they had stayed home instead of spending the day with Steph’s family. They hadn’t spent a lot of time in their apartment in the past two months. Since Steph’s set on The Tonight Show, she had been booked by several big clubs in New York, while Rae had trained future security guards there. Now they were back, Steph for the comedy festival and shows at The Improv, The Comedy Store, and The Fun Zone and Rae to work on the set of Central Precinct. “But I wasn’t talking about the bathing suit. I meant the eye.”
“That’s part of you, so it’s hot too.” Steph pushed away from the door and wrapped her arms around her.
Her warm skin touched Rae’s, making her think of much more pleasant things than her eye.
Steph stroked slow circles between her shoulder blades. “Even if your eye pops out—and I don’t think it will—I promise no one will stare at you. But if it would make you more comfortable, I can tell my family to get lost while we use the pool.”
Rae shook her head. “Thanks. But I think I can do this.” Truth be told, she had felt ready months ago, but with everything that had happened since then—preparing for The Tonight Show, the anniversary of the shooting and Mike’s death, Steph’s birthday, and starting a new career—she hadn’t made it into a pool yet.
“You can.” Steph squeezed her softly, then stepped back. “Let’s go. I can’t wait to see you swim.”
“It’s not that interesting. Doesn’t compare to watching you on The Tonight Show or in all of those big clubs.” Rae was still bursting with pride.
“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that. Watching you power through the water, those sexy muscles bunching…” Steph let out a little growl. “Maybe I should tell my family to get lost. They can have the pool back in August, when the two of us are back on the road.”
Rae chuckled. “Nah. It’s okay.” Deep down, she knew that getting over her fear of the prosthesis slipping out and people catching a glimpse of her socket was as important as getting back to swimming. “They’re your family, so that means they’re Team Rae too, right?”
“Right.”
Hand in hand, they made their way through the Renshaws’ house and across the patio. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and May Gray had long since dissipated, so the shiver that went through Rae had nothing to do with the temperatures as they made their way toward the pool.
Steph’s parents were sitting beneath the poolside pergola, chatting with Claire and Lana, who had recently returned from their honeymoon tanned and with happy smiles. Now they were cuddled up together on one of the double lounge chairs.
When Steph and Rae approached, they all looked up, acting so casually that Rae knew Steph had instructed them not to stare, no matter what might happen.
Everyone but Lana was heeding orders. Steph’s sister-in-law playfully raked her gaze up and down Rae’s body. “Hot.”
“Hey!” Steph and her sister said in unison.
Claire bumped her wife with her shoulder, but Rae could tell that she was teasing, not truly jealous.
“What?” Lana said. “Just because I’m happily married doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good-looking woman in a bathing suit.”
“What a happy coincidence. Look what I’m wearing.” Grinning, Claire gestured at her own bathing-suit-covered body.
“Oh, I noticed. Believe me.” Lana’s gaze was a lot less playful and a lot more sensual as it slid over Claire.
Steph groaned. “Guys, you’ll put Mom and Dad into therapy if you don’t cut it out.”
“You’re one to talk,” Claire shot back. “It took you five minutes to get out of the car because you couldn’t stop kissing.”
It had really been a pep talk from Steph, interspersed with kisses, but Claire didn’t need to know that.
Steph shrugged. “Come on.” She tugged on Rae’s hand. “Let’s get in the pool.” At the edge of the pool, she turned to face Rae and gently kissed her. “Ready?”
Rae nodded.
“Then have fun.” Instead of walking down the steps and wading into the water, Steph sat on the edge and dangled her legs into the water.
Rae tilted her head and gave her a questioning look through the lenses of her goggles. “Aren’t you coming in with me?”
“Nope. I might drown because I’m too busy ogling you.”
“I’d rescue you.”
“I’ll join you in a second.” Steph shaded her eyes with her hand and looked up at her. “But I think you need to do this yourself first.”
She was right, and Rae loved her for intuitively understanding. She nodded and turned toward the pool.
The May sun glittered on the turquoise water. It looked so inviting that Rae could no longer understand what she had found so threatening about this situation. She checked the fit of her goggles one last time and tightened the elastic. One last glance back at Steph, who nodded encouragingly, then she waded into the pool and dove in.
The water embraced her like the hug of an old friend she hadn’t seen in a long time.
She kicked her legs and cut through the water in steady overhead strokes. Her body immediately remembered the familiar rhythm and took over until she didn’t have to think about finding the right angles anymore. Four strokes, breath, four strokes, breath.
When she got closer to the other end of the pool, she hesitated. Should she try a flip turn? But what if she did it too hard and the goggles slipped off and the prosthesis—? She stopped herself. So what if that happened? No one here would respect her any less if they caught a glimpse of her empty eye socket.
An arm length from the wall, she ducked her head and curled her body. Both of her feet hit the tiles
and propelled her forward. Yes!
It wasn’t the most elegant turn ever, but she had done it, and neither her goggles nor the prosthesis had slipped.
Water churned as she kicked it up a notch, her arms and legs catapulting her through the pool. She did lap after lap until her muscles burned.
When she finally stopped and floated on her back, Steph’s head bobbed up next to her. Her normally tousled hair was slicked back, emphasizing the beautiful lines of her face. “How was it? The goggles look like they held up pretty well.”
Rae reached up and touched the left lens. “They did. The last few laps, I even forgot to worry about them.”
“Great. I hoped that would happen. You looked really awesome. Tell me again why you’re not competing in the Olympics?”
Both treading water, they had reached the deep end of the pool, away from the Renshaws.
Rae turned her back toward the tile wall and faced her. “Because I like my life exactly the way it is.”
Steph gripped the edge of the pool on either side of her and leaned in to her until Rae felt the heat emanating off her body even through the water swirling around them. “Yeah?” she whispered, her mouth only inches from Rae’s.
“Yeah,” Rae murmured, her voice hoarse. She glanced from Steph’s lips to the pergola and back. “We’ll really put your parents into therapy if we don’t stop this.”
Steph gave an impish grin. “So what? They have great connections in the therapy world.”
“Hmm, true. Well, in that case…” Still treading water, Rae bridged the gap between them and kissed her but kept it short and tender. This was a thank-you and an I love you. There would be time for passion later. Hopefully, not too much later.
If you enjoyed The Roommate Arrangement, check out Jae’s romance Just for Show, the book in which Steph’s sister Claire hired struggling actress Lana to be her pretend fiancée…and ended up falling in love with her.
ABOUT JAE
Jae grew up amidst the vineyards of southern Germany. She spent her childhood with her nose buried in a book, earning her the nickname “professor.” The writing bug bit her at the age of eleven. Since 2006, she has been writing mostly in English.
