by Kris Bryant
She took my hands and squeezed them. “Now we go to the funeral, we celebrate Nana, and we get up tomorrow and continue our lives. We never forget though. None of us could forget that sassy woman.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you need to mourn, too.”
“Nana was an extraordinary woman. I’m just glad she was responsible for raising two strong women.” She swayed my hands back and forth with hers until I smiled.
“Okay. Let’s go do this. It’s time,” I said.
We went downstairs, where I sat and ate for the first time in three days. I couldn’t eat a lot, but it was enough to appease my family.
“I need to call Brook.” It was the first time I’d thought about her as a person and not the reason I missed Nana’s death.
“I talked to her. She knows you aren’t going to be in all week. She’s made other arrangements.”
That wasn’t the point. I knew she was worried about me. I remembered the look on her face when she talked to my mother. I’d seen concern, fear, sympathy and something I thought was love. “Where’s my phone?”
“It’s charging in the living room. I turned it off because you were getting a lot of messages and it was distracting.”
My mother, the control freak. I took a piece of toast with me and hunted for my phone. I turned it on and waited. I had thirty-eight text messages from friends, but I was most interested in the ten from Brook.
I’m so sorry. I know how important Nana was to you. Are you okay?
And seven more messages of the same. There was a selfie of Noah, who also told me he was sorry and that he missed me. I teared up again. I missed him. I missed them both. It seemed like weeks had passed, but it had been only three nights and four days. I didn’t know what to say to Brook, but I needed the connection.
Hi. I’m sorry I haven’t responded. It’s been crazy over here.
That wasn’t entirely true. The last thing I wanted was for Brook to think I was weak or that I was avoiding her. I looked at the time. Shit. Brook was probably in a meeting. I checked my email and gasped when Brook called me twenty seconds later.
“Hi. Are you okay?”
My lip trembled when I heard her voice. It was low and sweet and made the ache in my heart and in my stomach throb. I didn’t realize how much I needed her until right then. I took a deep breath to steady myself.
“I decided it was time to get out of bed. The funeral is today.”
“I know. We’ll be there.”
I bit my lip to stop from crying. “You don’t have to. Don’t pull Noah out of school.” I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice. What I wanted to say was yes, be there for me. Let me lean on you.
“I’m really sorry this happened. I know what a strong role model Nana was to you, and I’m just sorry I never got to meet her.” She sounded so sincere.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there for you and Noah this week. I should be better by Monday.”
“Don’t even worry about that right now. You just take care of yourself, and we’ll figure out things here.”
“Thank you, Brook.” I hung up before I even gave her a chance to say good-bye. I was too close to tears again and was trying to be strong. I needed to be strong. Mom was right. Nana would have none of this weakness and would scold me if she were here. That made me smile, picturing her scowling at me, her lips pursed, and that judgy “tsk tsk” sound she made. I missed her so much.
“Honey, why don’t you take a shower and get ready? I brought some clothes from your place. Brook let me in. I left the bag in your bathroom.”
My parents had kept my room the same, even though I hadn’t lived there in six years. I was never allowed to have posters or holes in the wall, so it looked like a guest room with a shelf of awards I won in high school for sports and academics. I kept all my photos and cutouts taped to my vanity mirror.
I looked in the bag and found clothes, some makeup, and hair product. It wasn’t everything I wanted, but it would work. I was ready to go home. The shock of Nana’s death was starting to wear off, and the reality of life without her was setting in. I had to keep going. I peeled off the clothes I’d been in for three days and stood under the water a good five minutes before I even thought about soap.
* * *
I stood in the receiving line next to my parents, even though I wanted to sit down and avoid everyone. The more people I saw from Nana’s life, the sadder I got. I didn’t start crying until I saw Brook, Noah, David, Camila, and Erica enter the church. They made their way down the line, solemnly and respectfully. Brook reached for me, and I melted in her embrace. I tried to be quiet, but it was so hard. She held me tighter and wouldn’t let me go. Noah clutched me, clearly confused at my sadness. I held him close while Brook held me. We were delaying the line, but I didn’t care. Some guests opted to bypass me to get to my parents, which was fine.
“Be strong, Cassie.” She held my face in her hands and looked at me. I saw fierceness. She was protective of me, and that almost made me smile.
I nodded at her, then squatted to see Noah. “Hey, buddy.”
He still looked confused. “I miss you, Cassie.”
“I miss you, too.”
“When are you coming home?”
That innocent question hit me right in the gut. He considered me a part of them. I nodded at him. “Soon. Probably Monday. School starts back up then, right?”
“Yeah, but I want to show you how good I am at Mario. Can I come over Sunday?”
“Honey, let’s give Cassie some time, okay? She’ll let me know when she’s home, and when she’s ready, you can spend some time with her.” Brook gently pulled him back. She gave me a quick nod and moved to give her condolences to my mother and father. Camila hugged me tight, as did David. Erica was dabbing her tears when she got to me and hugged me hard.
“Cass, I’m sorry. I loved the stories you told us about Nana.”
She made me smile. One of the nights at the cabin while we were drinking wine around the fire, I’d told them about the time she got us kicked out of the grocery store, their grocery store, because not enough lanes were open. And the time she got banned from the PTA after arguing on my behalf with one of the parents about equality in sports.
“Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me,” I said.
She nodded and started crying again. “I’ll talk to you later.”
My eyes were on Brook the entire time before the funeral started. She looked at me twice, her guarded expression hard to read.
My mom leaned over and whispered, “I can’t believe the Wellingtons are here.”
“Why not?” I was taken aback.
“I mean, they didn’t even know Nana,” she said.
“No, but they know me, and I know you don’t think they’re my friends or that employers and employees can be friends, but we are. The Wellingtons are good people.”
She reached for my hand. “I don’t mean that in a bad way, sweetie. I just meant it’s odd to see them at such a personal event.”
“They are wonderful to support me. Us.”
“It’s time to sit, ladies.” If nothing else, my dad’s timing was good. My mom and I weren’t headed for a fight, but we were in a highly emotional state.
Mom kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
I took her hand, and we sat in the first pew before services began. I was heavily armed with tissues in preparation for everyone telling their stories about Nana. I wasn’t prepared to give any type of eulogy, but both my parents did. My dad’s speech was clever and touched on the happy moments with Nana, but it was my mother’s eulogy that broke me.
“My mother not only raised me to be strong, but she helped raise my daughter to be strong, too. I never realized what my mother went through until I became a mother. It’s the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. It was a beautiful thing watching my daughter and my mother create an unbreakable bond. With my mother behind me, supporting me, supporting our family, I was able
to make my dreams come true. Late nights and early mornings were tough on the family, but she was always there to lend a hand. She was brave, compassionate, and my true north. I’m going to miss her terribly, but I know she’s looking down on us, will always be looking down on us, guiding us in our hearts.”
That’s when I lost it. I never knew my mother paid attention or understood the relationship I had with Nana, but she did. My father scooted over and held me. I was too exhausted to be strong, so I leaned against his chest and cried. When my mother sat down, she reached for me, and I didn’t hesitate. With Nana gone, even though my mother had caused me a lot of heartache, I knew it was time to forgive her. Time was precious.
“That was beautiful, Mom.”
I was calm the rest of the service. My parents had a wake afterward, and their house was packed the entire time. I sneaked off to the kitchen for a quiet minute.
“How are you holding up?”
I turned to find Brook standing three feet away from me. Her eyes told me everything. I might never hear the words I wanted to hear, but she was here for me because she cared. My emotions were too raw to have an adult conversation with her.
“This destroyed me,” I said.
She reached for me, and I cried in her arms for what felt like forever. People coming into the kitchen turned immediately around to give us privacy.
“I know it did. I’m so sorry, Cassie. I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet her or spend time with the both of you,” she said.
I pulled back because I really needed to stop. “I’m so tired of crying. I can’t possibly have any more tears, you know?” I dabbed at my eyes and nose and tried to smile at her. “Wait, where’s Noah?”
“I left him with Mom. She’s been spoiling him all week, so there’s no rush for you to get back to him. Just take whatever time you need, okay?”
I felt like our night together had been eons ago. “I really need to get back into the swing of things. Next week I need to head to her lawyer’s office for a reading of the will, but I don’t think it’ll interfere with Noah’s school.”
She held my hands in hers. “Whatever you need, okay?”
I nodded.
She put her forehead against mine and pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “I’m going now. Let me know when you’re home again.”
“Thank you for coming.” I watched Brook slip out the side door. Her support gave me strength to finish the day and deal with all the people who offered their condolences. So many people had loved Nana. She would forever be part of me and always in my heart.
Chapter Twenty-four
I’m ready to get back to work.
I almost followed it by saying “Boss,” but I was afraid the word would be misconstrued as rude. It was early Sunday evening, and hopefully I wasn’t putting a cramp in Brook’s alternative plans for daycare. I knew Camila looked after him all last week.
Are you sure? Are you home?
I am—to both. Hi.
Hi. Want to come down for a glass of wine? Noah’s working on his homework, and the both of us would love to see you.
It was going to take me a few minutes to try to look normal and get the puffiness out of my eyes. Give me twenty?
Take all the time you need. Let yourself in. We’ll see you soon.
Instant butterflies. Even through all of the hardships of the last week, my heart still fluttered when Brook gave me attention. My foundation was broken, and Nana’s passing had scarred me, but my heart was still beating, and it sped whenever I interacted with Brook.
I decided on a pair of jeans, a loose sweater, and my Ugg booties. I threw my hair up in a bun, added Visine to my burning eyes, and walked into the house. Noah was at the kitchen table finishing his homework, and Brook sat beside him typing away on her laptop.
“Hi,” I said. I’d missed her pale-blue eyes and her smile and everything about her.
“Cassie!” Noah raced over to me and hugged me.
“Hey, buddy. I see you’re busy with homework.”
“It’s not bad. Math problems,” he said.
I cupped his face and refrained from kissing his cheek. I’d missed them so much.
“Hi. Can I get you a glass of wine?” Brook had stood when I entered the kitchen but allowed me a moment with Noah first. I looked at her red lips and licked my own. I missed tasting her.
“Sure. That’d be nice.” I was nervous to be here. So much had happened in the span of a week. I felt like a stranger, yet like I belonged. I didn’t know how to act around Brook. I smiled and took the glass from her hand, making sure our fingers didn’t touch. I needed to prove to her that I could handle a professional relationship, hell, even a friendship with her.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. Thankful that school doesn’t start for another two weeks so I have time to adjust to things.” I sat across from them. “Let’s see what you’re working on.”
“I’m almost done. We’re learning how to multiply.”
“But you’re six. Your teacher is assigning multiplication?” I was surprised. When I was six, we concentrated on not eating crayons and paste.
“Do you have math homework at your school?”
I nodded. “I do a lot of algebra to help me figure out how plants breathe.”
Noah laughed. “That doesn’t make sense. Plants don’t have noses or mouths.”
I stole a glance at Brook, who wasn’t as tense as she was when I first showed up. She was watching Noah and her gaze moved to me. The look was intense, like she had something to say to me but couldn’t. It was obvious we had unfinished business. Neither of us moved. Not until Noah repeated himself and nudged me with his elbow.
“What?”
“How do plants breathe if they don’t have noses or mouths?”
“It’s not really like how you and I breathe, but it’s kind of the same process. Leaves have tiny holes that you can’t see, and they breathe in bad stuff and breathe out good air. It’s called respiration. One day you’ll learn about it in science class,” I said.
“Oh, okay. I’m done, Mom. Can we play a game real quick before bed?”
Brook quirked her brow at me. “I guess so. What do you want to play?”
“Mario Kart. I’ll get it set up.”
Brook made him put his homework in his backpack before he raced to the living room to start the game. It was just us for a few minutes.
“Your grandmother’s service was very nice. She had a lot of friends,” Brook said.
I smiled sadly. “Most of them were from bingo and from the neighborhood. She had so much fun with them.”
Brook squeezed my hand but pulled away before it meant more than a supportive gesture. I nodded and stood, needing space from her.
“I’m ready, Cassie,” Noah shouted.
“On my way.”
Noah and I plunged into the game. I was thankful for thirty minutes where I wasn’t thinking about Brook, or Nana, or what I was going to do with the rest of my life. At least I’d bridged the gap with my parents, and we were talking again. This morning I’d had a decent conversation with my mom that lasted longer than five minutes.
Brook appeared in the doorway. I hadn’t realized she’d left the room. “Okay, Noah. Five more minutes.” Her phone rang, taking her from the room again.
“I almost beat you,” he said.
I ruffled his hair. “You sure did. Come on. Let’s turn this off and get ready for bed.”
“Are you staying the night?”
My heart fluttered. What did he know? Did he know what happened at Mountain Ridge? Did Gwen say something? “No. I’ll be at my place. Why?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure. You’re sad, and you should be somewhere that makes you happy.”
I teared up. He was such an intuitive kid. “Thanks, buddy. But I’ll be fine upstairs. Plus, I know where you are, and if I need you, I’ll find you.”
He hugged me and darted off upstairs. It felt strange to be alone down here. I waited
for three long minutes before deciding to leave. I’d see Brook in the morning.
I’m sorry I disappeared. Work. Where’d you go?
My heart skipped at Brook’s message.
Upstairs. I figured you had things to do. I’ll be down in the morning. I’m ready for structure.
I saw bubbles appear, then disappear, then appear. It was driving me crazy. Two minutes later, I finally got her response.
I understand. Good night, Cassie. Try to get some sleep.
My heart sank. Okay. Thanks again.
I turned my phone off, put it on the charger, and decided to binge-watch. I could ignore life for one more day. I could ignore the pinging in my heart, the heaviness in my chest for one more day.
* * *
“Good morning, Cassie.”
Brook breezed into the kitchen dressed in her black suit and cream-colored blouse. She placed her bag on the counter and fixed a cup of coffee.
“Good morning.”
Noah was right behind her, fully dressed and ready to eat.
“Are we going in early today?”
“Yes.” Noah and Brook answered in unison.
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at them.
“I have a meeting at eight, but I need to get in early to prep for it,” Brook said. She kissed the top of Noah’s head and told us to have a good day. She was gone before I even had a chance to tell her to have a good day, too. I sighed.
“Are you hungry?” Noah asked.
“Since it’s a new year, let’s go to McDonald’s.”
“I’ve never been. Do they have breakfast?” he asked.
“They have some of the best breakfast foods. I survived college on McDonald’s breakfasts.”
“But you’re still in college,” he said.
