I was pacing around the room. “I had to hear it from you. Ben had a theory, that’s all. Look, I’m exhausted and I still have homework to do, so you need to go.”
“Are we good now?” He had stood up and was tilting his head to the side in this adorable way.
“We’re good.”
Chapter 22
At our tutoring session the following Wednesday Callum was friendly but a little wary, and had even managed to remember his textbook for the first time. This meant we could sit further apart while working, disappointingly. We had a cumulative midterm on Friday so we did have a lot to work on, but I was still bummed. At one point I’d accidentally brushed his arm with my fingers while trying to explain something in the book and he’d carefully moved his arm back. He didn’t even mention a bet. I followed his lead and played it cool with him during our session, but as soon as I got home I called Tina in tears.
“Why was he so, I don’t know, polite today? Do you think he’s lost interest? Any advice for the lovelorn?” I said half laughing, half crying.
On the computer screen I saw her roll her eyes. “No, he has not lost interest, dummy. He is pulling back because you are technically unavailable and he doesn’t want to get hurt. Dump Bryce and Callum will be all over you.” After Callum’s handling of the fight she was on Team Callum.
“I don’t know if you’re right. Everything seems so tense between us. Sometimes he glares at me like he hates me or something.”
Tina gave me a look. “He does not hate you, he is just wound so tight around you he’s about to explode. I saw you guys in action at that party, remember? You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Everything boils down to that.”
“But what if I break up with Bryce, and then Callum doesn’t make a move? I’m still not convinced that I’m not just a challenge for him.”
“No risk, no reward: you know this. What about the next bet?”
“The midterm is this Friday and he hasn’t even mentioned a bet. I mean, we talked about it Saturday morning but then we kind of jumped the gun on it, so what now?”
“Text Callum to get that damned bet lined up. I’m staying right here to hear his response.” My nosy fairy godmother.
I pulled out my phone, feeling a tightening in my chest at the thought of writing to him. What a nutcase I had become over this guy! I couldn’t even begin to think of what to write. “I’m paralyzed here Tina. A little help?”
Tina thought for a moment and said “How about, ‘Bet for the midterm? I still want a guitar lesson.’”
“OK,” I said, typing nervously. “I will just die if he writes back something like he wants me to bake him cookies now.”
Tina snorted. “No risk no”—
I cut her off. “I know I know, I got it the first time.” I hit send.
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, me staring into space, Tina flipping through Instagram on her phone. I was too anxious to make small talk. Finally I said to her, “Look, you can’t wait all night. Maybe he won’t even write back. Ever.” I was feeling very sorry for myself.
Tina was just telling me to snap out of it when my phone rang. Callum’s name popped up.
“It’s Callum!”
Tina did her trademark bounce. “Answer answer!” she practically screamed.
“I’m turning you off.” Her mouth turned down and she got her puppy dog eyes.
I relented. “OK you can stay on but I am not putting him on speaker phone, and you have to be absolutely silent, got it?”
She bounced again and made the gesture of zipping up her lips with her hand.
I answered the call unsteadily. “Hey” was all I could manage by way of a greeting.
“Hi.” There was a pause.
Unable to wait it out, I blurted out “So did you get my text?” On the screen, Tina made an L with her fingers.
“Yeh. That’s why I’m calling.” Another long pause. Again I knew I should remain silent but I simply could not.
“Do you still even want to place a bet?” Tina threw up her hands in exasperation. I ignored her.
Callum chuckled but it was humorless. “I do, but I’m torn over what to pick as my prize.” I waited, my body completely tense.
He continued. “So I wanted to run a couple options by you. One is, that you cook me another paella dinner sometime.” I could feel the blood drain from my face. In another situation, a dinner would be a sweet idea but we were way past this and I would take it as a rejection, albeit a gentle one. Meanwhile, Tina was holding up a piece of paper that said ‘What’s going on?’. I ignored her.
I gave a neutral “uh huh” sound, and Callum resumed.
“The other option has the virtue of continuity with our previous bets.” There was a long pause. My heart was in my mouth. Was he going to ask for a blow job maybe, or??—
Then Callum said it: “That would be a home run.”
I was so silent that Callum asked, “Jenny are you still there?”
“I’m here. Just listening.”
“Well, what do you think?”
Oh no I wasn’t going to be pushed out on a limb like this. “I’m fine with either.” I said coolly, quite proud of myself for keeping it together so far.
But Callum persisted. “But which do you prefer?”
“It’s your bet. So the question is which do you prefer?” Why was he putting me on the spot like this?
There was a silence that seemed long. I had stopped breathing. Finally he spoke again. “Jenny, fuck, you know which one.”
“Do I?”
He ignored that. “You need to say it, say you want that, or it can’t happen.”
Defeated, I let my guard down. “Fine. Home run. I pick home run.” I practically shouted out the last two words, and then I hung up. Tina, who had been trying to follow the one-sided conversation with some frustration, mouthed, “Oh. My. God.”
I shook my head at her, but she blew me off.
“Are you freaking kidding me? This shit is so hot I can’t believe it!!”
I was doubtful. “It sounds kind of sordid, though, doesn’t it? I mean, we are going to have sex on a bet.”
“It would be yucky,” she admitted, “but because it’s you two, and you’re unable to express your feelings like normal people, it’s just incredibly sweet.” I rolled my eyes at her.
I barely saw Callum in the days following, but I sure saw Bryce, a lot of him. He was waiting for me after class, carrying my books, buying me lunch at the cafeteria. It was cute but kind of intense too, in a clingy way. And Bryce didn’t do clingy well. On Thursday he had taken me out for dinner. Afterward we climbed in the back of his SUV and I gave him a perfunctory blow job before saying I had to get home early to study for the midterm.
Bryce whined like a baby. “We have got to finish what we started at that party. I’m dying here.”
“Bryce I just blew you, life isn’t that bad. Look, my period started today, so nothing is happening tonight anyway.”
At the cafeteria the next day Bryce was especially affectionate, sneaking up behind me as I stood in line for food and kissing me on the neck. I had been thinking about Callum and those kisses on my neck felt good, like a massage. I had this odd lapse where I thought for a moment it was Callum kissing me. I closed my eyes and smiled in spite of myself, before registering with disappointment that it was Bryce doing the kissing. I looked around guiltily and saw Callum a few feet away. His face was pale and his eyes were furious. As I watched him, he deliberately turned his back on me and went to his usual table. I pulled away from Bryce, the nice sensations of the kiss evaporated. This situation was crazy, I felt guilty for being with Bryce in front of Callum, and guilty for being with Callum behind Bryce’s back. I stole glances at Callum a few times during lunch but he never looked in my direction and seemed to be chatting casually to his friends. He had obviously recovered, but I still felt a sense of foreboding, as if I’d screwed something up with him.
Callum arrived in Calc t
hat afternoon as Ferguson was handing out the exams so he moved swiftly to his seat without a glance at me or hand on my desk. I focused on the exam which was quite challenging. When I was finally done, just as class was ending, Callum was already gone.
Tuesday Ferguson was handing back the midterms. I couldn’t believe the moment had finally come. The weekend had seemed to drag on forever. We’d had an away game on Friday night, followed by a party. On Saturday I decided to stay in and work on an English paper rather than go to yet another party. The truth was I was getting a little bored of standing around drinking beer out of plastic cups, gossiping, and fending off Bryce’s advances. My period was all that was holding him off at this point. I had to cover for one of the other swim instructors on Sunday which meant two sessions back to back, and I was thankful for the extra work. I’d hoped Ferguson would have the exams graded by Monday but because they were longer than usual he’d said they’d be ready Tuesday.
Now as Ferguson moved around the room, my heart was pounding, my palms sweaty. I wanted to look back at Callum but felt too shy. Callum had slipped in after class started, giving my desk one rap with his knuckles as he walked past. I looked up but he was past me before I could make eye contact. I twitched and knocked my binder on the floor.
As I leaned over my desk to pick it up, Drew whispered, “Geez you seem so nervous. You always get an A, you gotta chill out.”
I flicked him a look and tried to get my agitation under control. “I’m actually nervous about Callum’s exam as much as mine.”
Drew looked surprised. “You guys are pretty intense. You reamed him out the other day over the notes, now you’re all strung out about his grade.”
Luckily Ferguson handed back Drew’s exam then so I didn’t have to be under the scrutiny of the classroom’s resident stoner couples therapist.
I was still waiting for my exam when Ferguson gave Callum his without a word. I looked behind me but Callum was looking down, collecting his things. Frustrated, I turned back in my seat to face forward. The suspense was killing me, but only for a moment. Callum was soon standing next to my desk, and without a word he placed his exam on it, the grade visible on the top. A-.
I slumped, stunned. I felt almost numb, which was good because it meant I couldn’t cry. But then it hit me that not everything was all about me and our bet, and I was being selfish. This was about Callum, and from almost failing last year he had an A- on the midterm, which was an excellent grade. So I steeled myself and nodded, looking up at him to smile and say “Nice job”. It was a brittle smile but it was the best I could manage. He just gave a brief nod and headed out.
I got my exam back and walked out of the class feeling utterly dejected. Instead of heading straight back to my locker, where I knew my friends would be expecting me, I slipped down a quiet side hallway and, leaning against the wall, slid to the ground to think for a moment. I hadn’t realized until I saw Callum’s grade quite how much I had counted on those bets, how in my mind I had been assuming that his winning them was inevitable. The bets had allowed me to do all these things without having to risk my feelings. I acted as if it was a dangerous game but in some ways it had been very safe. But I wanted Callum too much to act passive anymore. I remembered the time we’d fooled around after the oil change and realized I could do this again. Before I had time to change my mind I sent Callum a text.
A-, A: no difference really.
My fingers tingled and my heart was pounding. There it was: I was truly telling Callum I wanted him, bet or no bet. I was proud of myself for finally owning up to my feelings.
I was still sitting on the floor of the hall, waiting for a response from Callum, when Mr. Ferguson came by.
“Oh hi Jenny,” he said distractedly. “Nice job on that exam.”
I politely said, “Thank you”, expecting him to keep walking. But he paused.
“And you’re clearly doing a great job tutoring Callum. He’s on his way to an A in the class himself.”
I shrugged. “He is pretty easy to tutor now that he’s making an effort.”
Mr. Ferguson nodded. “I can tell. That is what made this exam a bit disappointing.”
I raised my eyebrows. “An A- is a great grade.”
“Oh sure,” Ferguson agreed, “But it was so odd. Callum’s exam was perfect, but on the last question, which as you know is always an easy one on my tests, he simply skipped it entirely and drew a smiley face. That’s what brought his grade down to an A-.”
I turned white as I listened to this. Ferguson must have noticed because he watched me closely as he continued. “It was like he purposefully sabotaged his own grade. Any idea why he might do that?”
I shook my head no, but my stricken eyes must have made it obvious that I did have some idea.
“Well I must get to a faculty meeting,” Ferguson said, moving away.
I just stared at my feet. So Callum had intentionally lost the bet, rather than sleep with me. I felt as if I’d been kicked in the stomach, the rejection hurt so much. I sat for a moment, rocking back and forth, and thought I might throw up. I scurried to the girls’ bathroom further down the hall. It was empty inside, thankfully, and I didn’t even shut the door of the stall as I dry-heaved over a toilet. Nothing came up and I didn’t feel any better. Splashing water on my face with trembling hands, my hurt started to be subsumed by another emotion: fury. How dare he force me to agree to the bet, then reject me? What kind of game was he playing? Had this been his plan all along?
Then I remembered, mortified, the text I had sent him. Which he had yet to reply to. Oh hell no. The ball was so not in his court anymore. I pulled out my phone and shot off another text to him. My fingers were trembling so much it took me three tries to get it right.
Scratch that. Fuck off.
Still feeling devastated but glad I had reclaimed some of my dignity, I dried my face and walked out to the parking lot, composed. Lacey was just pulling out in her car. She rolled her window down.
“What are you doing right now? Come lie by my pool.” The last thing I wanted to do was be around anyone, but now that I was well and truly done with Callum, I decided to throw myself wholeheartedly into this crowd, starting with Lacey.
I nodded, but said, “I don’t have a suit with me.”
Lacey grinned. “Then you’ll have to wear the red one I tried to get you to take a while back.”
I climbed in, Lacey promising to drive me back to collect my car later. I should have just driven my car then but I wanted to get off the school grounds as quickly as possible.
We’d barely left the parking lot when Lacey said, “Are you OK? You look upset.”
I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t, so I simply said, “I’m sorry, Lacey, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. It’s not about Bryce, its stuff outside of school.”
I smiled at her as brightly as I could, but she wasn’t buying it. She stared at me hard, eyes narrowed. “I know something is going on but if you don’t want to tell me, fine.” I just left the hostile silence between us, too upset to come up with a convincing alternative story.
We were walking up Lacey’s driveway when Callum texted me.
????!!!!
“Who was that from?” Lacey asked, curious.
“My dad,” I lied. I turned off my phone and followed Lacey inside the house.
I took a dip and was lying in the water on the top step of the pool a little while later, keeping my eyes closed to avoid talking with Lacey. If she asked, I would explain that my red and teary eyes were a result of the chlorine. I heard a commotion from inside the house, but I was too dazed to pay any attention. The front door slammed and then Lacey came storming back out to the patio, livid but triumphant. I watched her, figuring she’d gotten in a fight with her mom or her brother. Her dad wasn’t around enough to fight with.
She was visibly seething, her fists clenched together by her sides. “He has a lot of fucking nerve!”
I sat up, concerned. “Who was it?”
/> Callum. Fucking. Caldwell.”
I jumped at her announcement. “What was he doing here?” My voice sounded harsh to my ears.
“He was looking for you. I told him you weren’t here and to get the fuck off my property. Now, is there something you want to tell me?” She was like a wrathful goddess in her knitted bikini, beautiful and without mercy.
Chapter 23
I sprang up from where I had been lying by the pool, finding my own anger and ignoring her question.
“You what? Someone came to see me and you sent them away without asking me? How dare you interfere. This has NOTHING to do with you, you controlling bitch.” I was snarling at her, and was as close to physical violence as I’d ever been in my life. I saw a look of hurt cross her face but I was too pissed to care.
She started to say something about his not having the right to speak to me but I was already running toward the side gate, trying to get out to the front yard and the street before Callum left. I yanked the metal latch on the gate, pulled it open and hurtled across the green grass, barefoot. My heart leapt as I spotted Callum in his car, his forehead resting on the steering wheel. Lacey was screaming at me, “Jenny, wait,” but I ignored her. The gate slammed shut behind me. Callum must have seen me out of the corner of his eye because he suddenly looked up. I stood there on the sidewalk a few feet from his car, panting, dripping wet in the bikini, barefoot. I hadn’t even grabbed a towel. He wound the passenger window down. His eyes flicked down, blazed, and then darted back up to my face. His expression was a mixture of pain, fury, and longing. I could read his expression because it mirrored my own.
“Get in. We need to talk. Now.”
“I am in a wet bathing suit.”
“Believe me, I’m aware of that.”
“I need to get my things.”
“Fuck your things. Get in the car now.”
As if on cue, Lacey’s front door opened. She stepped out, flung my book bag and various articles of clothing onto the lawn, and slammed the door.
Tutor Me Page 18
