I lift my head and look into his eyes.
“I’m sorry I have caused you so much trouble,” I whisper. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then eat, Mazy. We should be passing a ship real soon, but if you don’t get strong, I won’t be able to put you on it, so you can go home to your horse and cows and Granger.”
“Granger,” I whisper. “I wonder if he still loves me?”
“I am sure he does. How could anyone ever stop loving you, Mazy?” he groans.
I take in my breath with a feeling of determination.
“All right then, I will eat something. I think I want to go home.”
I think it makes Randolph sad when I say I want to go home, but he seems happy that I am willing to eat again.
Randolph patiently stuffs food into my mouth at every opportunity he can talk me into taking a bite. Little by little, I start to get my strength back and I start feeling better. Only there still is an emptiness that remains inside of me that I can’t seem to shake.
Randolph lets me wander the decks whenever I want to now. The crew thought I was dying and they are happy I pulled through. He does not worry that they will do anything to me anymore. They beg me to tell them more stories about my ranch and my adventures with Granger. Relating the stories makes me feel even more homesick. I am looking forward to going back, even though I know I will miss Randolph, once I leave.
“When I go home, I want you to write to me,” I tell Randolph. “If I never hear from you again, I will worry that something has happened to you, so you have to promise to write.”
I put my address on a slip of paper and hand it to him.
“Don’t worry, Mazy. I will write to you. I will send you things from the ports I go to, so you will know where I am and what I am doing,” he promises.
“Thank you, Randolph. I think I will miss you when I leave.”
“Not as much as I will miss you, Mazy,” he whispers in my ear.
A week later, we pass a ship, that Randolph knows the captain of. The Sea Witch stops and allows me onboard. Randolph gives me money so I can take the train home, once I get to New York.
“Don’t go near, your cousin Martin, when you get back,” he warns. “I am going to pay him a visit when I return, and he is not going to forget it for a long time!”
Randolph holds me in his arms like he really does not want me to get off the Blue Dolphin. He whispers how much he loves me and tells me to take care of myself. He promises he will write to me at every port. Then he his placing his mouth over mine like he never wants the kiss to end, and I almost tell him I don’t want to leave him. Only I realize I must. I have to go home and discover if Granger still loves me and how my family is.
Finally, he lets me out of his arms and they lower me in one of the rowboats and one of his men rows me to the other ship, where they lower a ladder for me to climb up to the ship on.
I had been with Randolph for two months, but it takes another four months to make the return trip back, because the ship that picks me up, stops several times along the way to pick up cargo and drop other cargo off. We stop for a week at each port, giving me the opportunity to go on land and buy new clothes, while the captain and his wife keeps a close eye on me.
I am given my own cabin because the Sea Witch is a larger ship than the Blue Dolphin. There are a few passengers on it beside me, so there is no fear of the crew bothering me. Since Lily, the captain’s wife, is on board, we become friends.
“Do you have any children?” I ask, wondering how she can be married to the captain and raise a family as well.
“We have four. Nathan stays home during the winter when the seas are rough, and every other year, I go with him during better weather, even though there are always dangers of unexpected storms at sea. However, I love the adventure of it all and I get to see a lot of the world. I have a nursemaid that watches the children when I am away. When the children get older, we will bring them along, and then I will get to spend a lot more time with my husband, and the boys will get to learn all about sailing a ship. All of my children are sons.”
“Then you have not regretted marrying a man of the sea?” I ask in awe.
“Never. Nathan and I love each other very deeply. I spent the first year of our marriage with him onboard. Then when I started carrying my first child, I stayed on shore. He made it a point to always come home a month before the baby was due so he would be there with me. If it is just a straight run, there are only about three months at a time that he is away, but when I come with him, he does more trading like now, so the trip lasts longer. Then he will remain home for a month before he leaves again. Sometimes it is very lonely, but it always makes the reunions more enjoyable when he comes home,” she smiles and then looks away a little embarrassed.
When we finally arrive in New York, I know I am going to miss her and I give her my address so we can write each other. We hug as I depart. The ship will continue on down the coast before it heads back out to sea again, after a month of remaining docked while the captain visits with his family.
I board the train. I cannot wait to get out of New York because only bad memories remain there. I am excited and frightened at the same time. No one knows I am coming. It has been a little over six months since I left, and I am not the same person I was back then. I wonder what Granger will say when he sees me again?
When I step off of the train, I have to take a stagecoach to our small town, and as I look out the window, and start to see everything that is so familiar to me again, my heart swells with excitement to be back again. Only there is a small nudging worry because I don’t know what Granger will say when he sees me again. The fact that I miss Randolph so much troubles me as well. I had known Granger a lot longer than I ever knew Randolph, so I don’t know why I am not as excited to be back where I can be with Granger again like I thought I would be?
I have to walk from town to the ranch because I don’t have a horse, but it is only three miles, so it is not that far to walk. I don’t have that much to carry, and even though I am wearing a dress, it does not seem that hard.
I hear a buggy pulling up beside me and hear someone say, “You need a ride ma’am?”
The voice sounds familiar and I turn to look. I see a young man and a woman in the buggy, and at first, I don’t recognize him. Then he looks closer at me.
“Mazy?” he questions, and I realize it is Granger.
“Granger!” I cry, and he jumps down and swings me in his arms.
“So you decided to come back then?” he asks.
“It wasn’t easy getting here,” I tell him.
“I thought you had decided to be on your own…” he pauses and looks down at my stomach. “Weren’t you carrying a little one?” he asks suddenly.
“I lost the baby, Granger,” I tell him in a low voice.
“Is that why you decided to come back?” he asks.
“I never wanted to leave in the first place,” I tell him. “What did Marvin tell you about me when he came back?” I ask suddenly.
“He told me that you didn’t want to go back with me. He had given you money and you had decided to make it on your own without me. It sounded just like something you would do Mazy, only I wondered if you would leave Rocket behind like that and not even tell me goodbye. Is that what you did?”
I suddenly look up to the woman in the buggy, who has been watching us all this time. I notice that she is with child, as she rests her hands on her stomach. Granger sees me looking up at her.
“Excuse me for my bad manners, Mazy. This here is Ruth. I met her in New York. I was devastated, when I discovered you didn’t want to come back with me, after all I had done for you. You never were going to marry me, were you, Mazy?” he said quietly.
“Martin took me and had some rough men of his put me on a ship. They tried to rape me, Granger, but I managed to get away. Only one of them ended up catching me and handing me over to the captain of the Blue Dolphin. I have been at sea all this time. I lost th
e baby during a storm and then Randolph, the captain of the Blue Dolphin, managed to stop a ship going in the other direction and put me on it so I could return home.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Mazy. I wish I had known. But you were always trying to do everything on your own. You didn’t even want me coming to New York with you. So I figured what Marvin told me was the truth. Ruth and I are married now, and as you can see, we are expecting a child of our own.”
I look from him to Ruth. She has a worried look on her face, but I smile at her.
“You got a good man there,” I say. “I know he will treat you right.”
“You want a ride?” Granger asks, glancing from me to Ruth.
“No. I think I will walk. What about Rocket? Did you take care of him for me? You know I never would have left without him, Granger. I would have said goodbye to you first.”
“Like you said goodbye to me when you left for New York?” he asks.
“I’m sorry for the way I treated you, Granger. I told you I wasn’t worth it. I’m glad you found Ruth,” I say, putting on a smile.
“Rocket is at your place, so you don’t have to worry about him any,” Granger says. “It has been nice seeing you, Mazy. Butch has always liked you, maybe…”
“Goodbye, Granger,” I interrupt. “It is nice meeting you, Ruth.”
I step back as Granger gets back up in the buggy, and looks sadly down at me. I don’t know what he is thinking. I don’t want to know.
CHAPTER NINE
My mother almost falls over in a faint when I walk in the door.
“Mazy, good Lord, where did you come from?”
I throw my arms around her neck and we sit down while I tell her everything I have been through so far. Only I don’t tell her anything about Randolph except that he was the captain of the ship I was on. She tells me if we were closer to New York, she would press charges against Martin, but I tell her that Randolph is going to take care of Martin when he gets back to New York.
I go in and change my clothes and go out and saddle up Rocket. I can’t wait to get on his back and ride forever.
“I won’t be back tonight,” I tell my mother. “I think I’ll camp out at the branding shed.”
“You know Granger got married,” Ma says.
“Yes, I met him and his wife on the way out here,” I tell her. “I never really loved Granger anyway, Ma. You know that. At least, his following me to New York helped him find a wife that deserves him.”
“Just so you know,” she murmurs. “I didn’t want it to be a surprise if you were expecting to meet him out there or something.”
“No. I am fine with it,” I lie. “I just want to go to the old places. It’s been so long and I want to be with Rocket.”
“Well you take care, while you are there,” she tells me.
I climb up on Rocket’s back. He seems to remember me, but he acts sort of green since I have not ridden him for a while, and I am not sure if Billy could have even handled him if he tried to ride him. Rocket gives a couple of hops before he finally starts to settle down, and then I let him have his head and run him in the direction of the branding shack.
The shack stands eerily in the distance as I nudge Rocket forward. Too many ghosts, I think, but it is the only place I can be alone. I open the door and look around, as all the old memories hit me in the face and almost knock me over.
“Granger told me you were back, and your Ma said you came out here,” I hear a voice behind me.
I turn and see Butch standing in the doorway.
“What are you doing here, Butch?” I ask. “You don’t even know me.”
“I’ve met you, but Granger was being so possessive he wouldn’t let me near you,” Butch says.
“Maybe you should go to New York and look around,” I say, as I sink down on the bed. “Take your brothers with you and you can all find wives,” I mumble.
“What happened between you and Granger? I thought he loved you? He’s been loving you ever since I could remember. I tried to talk him out of trying to get you. Then I met you too, and I knew why he wanted you,” Butch says quietly, as he comes and sits on the bed beside me.
“I didn’t appreciate your brother enough, Butch. I was young and stupid and a virgin. I just didn’t know until it was too late if I even loved him or not? And now I still wonder.”
“Well, I was totally bowled over when he comes back from New York with a wife. I thought he would bring you back as his wife.”
“Guess he got tired of waiting for me. It is just as well, anyway. I never deserved the kind of love your brother had for me. His kind of love sort of scared me anyway. It was…” I can’t continue, as my voice cracks.
Butch takes my hand and pats it.
“I think he got married so quick after you left, because he couldn’t stand losing you. Only he never thought you were coming back. When I saw his face today, I knew something had happened. Then when he told me you were back, I knew why he looked that way. I think he still loves you, Mazy.”
“Hush up! Don’t you say that. He loves Ruth. He married Ruth. Don’t you ever tell her you think he still loves me. That would break her heart!”
“Seems to me, you are the one who has the broken heart,” he says softly, giving my hand a squeeze.
“I treated him mean. I deserve it.” I say.
“Not to hear him tell it. He liked all your spit and grit. He told us about how he made you pull the thorns out of his bottom, and then you tried beating him up in the mud. I think that is what he liked about you the most. You never let anyone stomp on you, or you were stomping right back.”
I think about how I tried to stomp on Martin and it had backfired on me.
“Can I call on you, Mazy? I want to get to know you better.”
“Don’t you start it now, Butch. I have had enough of the Snider bunch. I should never have gotten tangled up with Granger as it is!”
“Then just let me be your friend,” he says. “Nothing much else for me to do, seeing as how there seems to be a shortage of women around these parts,” he chuckles.
“If you become my friend, I would end up having to see Granger again. I don’t know if I can deal with that for a while.”
“Well, I won’t invite you over to our place, if you don’t want to run into him. In fact, I won’t tell anyone I am your friend. I’ll just meet you when you are out on your horse, or we could come here to visit.”
“You’ll just be disappointed, like Granger was,” I tell him. “I don’t have time for a man right now.”
“You didn’t have time for a man when Granger was on your tail, either,” he tells me. “You are not getting any younger, you know. You might change your mind when you find out how fun it can be,” he smiles.
“Why don’t you build a fire,” I say, as I lay back on the bed and put my hands behind my head. “You want to be a friend so bad, might as well make yourself useful,” I laugh. “Fall is hitting us already and it is getting pretty nippy, it seems.”
“Sure thing,” Butch says, as he goes over and starts building a fire. “Tell me about your adventures. Granger tells me that you got shanghaied or something.”
“I suppose you could call it that. I was just lucky that the captain of the ship was friendly.”
Butch comes back over to the bed and sits on the edge as I start to talk slowly. I need to tell someone, other than my mother. I never really told Ma the whole story though. It would be too shocking to her, I decide, but I don’t really care about Butch. He may end up telling Granger though, but I realize I really don’t care. After all, Granger got married almost as soon as I disappeared.
When I am through, Butch gives a little whistle.
“Sounds like you love the captain,” he says quietly. “Why’d you come back, Mazy? You should have stayed with him.”
“I can’t be a captain’s wife. I am a ranch girl. I would miss my horse and the cows,” I say sadly. “Only I have to admit, I sure miss Randolph too.”
&n
bsp; “You want me to stay here with you tonight? You shouldn’t be out here all by yourself, the way you are feeling. You leave Randolph to come back to Granger and discover he is married. That must have hurt pretty much.”
“I deserved it,” I whisper.
“No, you don’t,” he says, as he settles down beside me. “I’ll keep you company and you won’t feel so lonely.”
He moves a little to get comfortable and I move over closer to the wall to give him more room.
We lay there quietly beside each other. I have said all there is to say and now I am stuck back in a world of confusion. I am Torn between wanting a man and not wanting a man. I close my eyes and start to dream of Randolph and I can feel the ship rising and falling beneath me. I can hear the waves crashing and smell the salt sea breeze. Now I am missing that as much as I missed the ranch while I was away.
I wake with a jerk and realize I am getting cold. The fire has gone down and I have to crawl over Butch in order to take care of the fire and go out and grab the blanket from behind my saddle. When I come back in, Butch has his eyes open.
“I thought you were taking off and leaving me,” he says, as he looks up at me.
“Yeah. That is what I am good at, I guess,” I murmur, as I push him over against the wall, and lie back down, putting the blanket over us.
Butch pulls me against him under the blanket.
“You feel cold,” he says.
I think that is just an excuse to put his arms around me. But I feel comfortable as I lay my head on his chest. Maybe I need a friend, I think. However, I don’t think Granger’s brother is the best choice.
“Remember that time Granger brought you over while we were breeding the mare?” Butch mumbles in my ear.
I sort of nod my head.
“Hell, we were all so hard, any one of us could have serviced that mare, from the way you were watching it. It just blew us all away, to see the look on your face!”
“That was when I was dumb and stupid, not to mention inexperienced,” I tell him.
Spit and Grit Page 12
