by M. T. Pope
“I think you need to pick up the phone and tell them you made a mistake.” I heard the threat in her voice and I felt things were about to get ugly. I was sick of the drama. Even if it were possible to change my mind, I wouldn’t do it. I was tired and I was looking forward to the break. I knew it was possible I’d get to boot camp and regret my decision but anything would have been better than the hell we’d been living.
Tiffany grabbed a vase off the dining room table and winged it at my head. It was a good thing I had anticipated the move or she would have knocked me the fuck out. I tried to talk myself out of getting upset because this was typical Tiffany behavior.
She stared at me, her eyes blazing a trail on my skin. “Fine, I hope you get shot right in your fat ass!” She walked out the door, slamming it behind her. She didn’t even bother to check to see if I’d gotten hit with any shards of glass. However, this tantrum was mild compared to some of our other battles and I thanked God for its simplicity. I could replace the vase ... and her too.
“Congratulations, sis, I’m proud of you.” James leaned into his computer screen and put his hand up against his monitor. I mimicked his actions, placing my palm against his. It was the closest I’d been to my brother in months. He was also military and doing a tour in Iraq.
“Thanks, I’m excited. I can’t wait to see Dad’s face when he sees me in my uniform.”
I noticed the flash of annoyance on my brother’s face. He wasn’t a big fan of my father even though he chose to follow his lead and join the military. But I understood his reaction. My dad didn’t approve of my life choices and had disowned me. We hadn’t talked in a few years but I was still hopeful he’d come around. James thought my father was an ass and had no qualms letting him know it.
“You don’t have anything to prove with him. If he can’t accept you for who you are, you don’t need him.”
This was one of the reasons James was my best friend. I could tell him anything and it never changed his opinion of me.
“I know, but you can’t blame a girl for trying. I miss him even if he is a jerk.”
“You ain’t never lied about that. It’s a good thing Mom isn’t around to see what an asshole he turned out to be.”
My smile lost a bit of its luster. I didn’t want to talk about our mother. She didn’t like being an army wife so she left. The problem was, she didn’t take me with her and I had to figure out where I fit in between my dad and my two brothers.
“Don’t be like that, Lauren, you look just like her.”
“Whatever.” I didn’t want to be reminded of how she looked; I saw it every time I looked in the mirror or when I accidentally came across her picture. Kissed by chocolate, I had the same slim, athletic build as my mother with light brown eyes and two piercing dimples.
“Why do you give Dad so many breaks and have zero tolerance for Mom?”
“At least he stuck around. How about that? Why do you insist upon defending her?” All my earlier elation disappeared and I was ready to quit my Skype conversation with my brother.
“Because every time I look at you, I’m reminded of her. If I hated her, I’d ultimately end up hating you.”
I never thought about it that way. James and I had a special connection unlike the one I had with my younger brother, Matt. He was more bullheaded like my father and wouldn’t know an original thought if it slapped him in the face.
“Fine, forgive me if I don’t share your sentiments. When was the last time you heard from Dad?”
“He sent me a postcard a few weeks ago but I didn’t respond. He’s retired now and thinking about settling down.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised by this revelation but I was. It was a damn shame I had to find out news about my father from my brother, but I refused to live a lie just to make him happy.
“It is what it is.”
“So what did your girlfriend say when you told her you were enlisting?”
“She pitched a bitch, threw a vase at me, and walked out. I haven’t heard from her since.”
“Good, you didn’t need her anyway. That bitch is crazy.”
James didn’t think Tiffany was the right girl for me and here lately I was starting to agree with him. He didn’t like her mood swings and thought she was bipolar but I didn’t want to talk about her either. I wanted to get back to happier thoughts.
“Have they said anything about when you’re coming home? I would think since bin Laden is dead, more troops would be coming home?”
“Naw, sis, just the opposite. We’re on red alert just in case someone wants to retaliate.”
“Well I hope the war is still going on when I get there. I can’t wait to have a weapon of my own.” I’d been shooting since I was twelve so I was anxious to show off my skills.
“Oh you’ll get a gun, believe that, but being in the army ain’t so much about shooting a gun. You got to make sure you have your mind right before you get here or you’ll be all messed up. The army gets in your head, that’s what they do, and if you’re fucked up to begin with, you can bet your ass they will find a way to use it against you.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you don’t think I have what it takes?” I was stunned and offended. I never expected criticism from my only ally and it hurt.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying you need to resolve your issues before you get here because if the army finds your weaknesses, they will use them against you, especially in boot camp. They figure if they weed out the problems early, it’s one less disability check they have to write later.”
For a second my computer went dark but a little red window appeared letting me know it was trying to reestablish the connection. This happened sometimes with Skype; it wasn’t perfect but it was the best game in town for video chatting.
“Damn, I thought I lost you for a minute.”
“I know right, it’s all good now. But I didn’t understand what you were talking about when you said issues. What issues? Being gay is no longer an issue.”
“Yeah, I know, but just because those rules have changed, don’t be surprised if everyone doesn’t embrace them. Look how long it took to abolish segregation, that’s all I’m saying. You can’t come in waving a sexual equality flag and not expect to get some flack about it.”
“Well this is my pussy and I can give it to anybody I want to.”
“I hate it when you speak to me like that. Jeez, I don’t even want to think about you having a pussy let alone using it. You’re my baby sister, for Christ’s sake. All I’m saying is be careful about who you trust with your personal information. The army dismissed a lot of people because of their sexual orientation but they ain’t gonna apologize for being ignorant. Their job is to tear you down by any means necessary so they can build you up the way they want you to be. Don’t give them any ammunition to use against you, that’s all I’m trying to tell you.”
“Damn, you got it sounding like a cult.”
“I ain’t never heard it called that before, but the army does brainwash you into believing certain things. They call it stinkin’ thinkin’. They have a hard job taking a group of strangers from all walks of life and teaching them to live like family and die like soldiers. Trust and believe the bonds you make in boot camp will last a lifetime. You are going to be spending a lot of time with those folks so bring your A game and you’ll be all right,” he said, laughing.
“Yes, Big Brother Capitaine.” I saluted my monitor and even though I was joking, I appreciated his honest advice.
“What are you going to do about your apartment?”
“I was going to let Tiffany move in while I was gone but the bitch might get a wild hair and set my shit on fire!”
“You said a mouthful. Lock it down or put your things in storage is your best bet; it’s what I did. Listen, I got to go. Let me know where you’re stationed and I’ll make sure to drop you a line. For me, one of the hardest things to get used to was being cut off from everything I knew. I’ll
make sure you get a package every day if I can do it.”
“You’d do that for me?” I felt my throat close as a small lump rose in it. I knew James loved me, but it meant so much more now.
“Of course I would, but I’ve got to get ready for the morning. Love ya, sis.”
“I love you too. And, James ... Thanks for being my brother.” I ended the call with a big-ass smile on my face. James was twenty-seven, just two years older than me, but he acted like a much older man. He was such a loving person, I wondered why he never married. He’s good-looking, kindhearted, and had a great head on his shoulders. I would never butt into his business, but if he ever wanted to talk about it, I promised myself I’d always be there to listen the same way he was there for me.
Chapter 2
Anji Foster
As I sat in church, I made mental notes of all the things I would never do again once I left Jackson, Mississippi. At the top of the list was weekly Bible Study. Don’t get me wrong, I was just as religious as the next person, but enough was enough. I thumped Bibles with the best of them and I needed to have something else drilled into my head besides hell and damnation. I was ready to experience some of the fun things in life without peeping over my shoulder to see if God was going to set fire to my behind. I would never bake another pie for the church raffle or volunteer to be a judge for another bake-off where I had to lie just to protect somebody’s feelings.
I was not going to hold another ugly baby and call it cute. Or consider Wal-Mart an “outing” worthy of getting dressed up for. And I would never, ever, ever wear another dress that came down to my calves. This was my short list of “won’t dos” but the list was growing the longer I thought about it.
I was looking forward to a clean break from small-town living. I’d come back to visit, of course, but I never planned on living there again. My friend Rita claimed I’d changed, but I called it growing up. If I stayed in Jackson, my dad would forever keep me a child. I didn’t have any marketable skills or talents so I had limited options available to me. I knew his views on the army and I was certain he would never approve of my desire to enlist. He didn’t believe in killing even if it was for our own country. But my dad had a long list of stuff he didn’t believe in. I could have argued with him until I was purple, but he would’ve used the Bible against me and made me feel like a heathen for even considering enlistment.
After church service, I caught up with my friend Rita before she got in the car with her parents.
“Rita, can you do me a big favor?”
She looked around to see who was watching before she responded. “I guess so, what is it?”
“Nothing major. I just need you to give this note to my dad tomorrow while I’m at the fair.”
“Why can’t you give it to him yourself?” Rita was nice as she wanted to be but could be dumber than a box of rocks sometimes.
“Because it’s a surprise. Will you do it for me?” I was nervous. I needed her help but I didn’t want to answer any questions.
“Yeah, sure.” She stuck the note in her pocketbook.
“Promise me you won’t forget to give it to him and you won’t peek in it?”
“I promise.” She giggled as she waved at me and climbed in the back seat of their car.
“Bye.” I waved back. Part of me was sad that, come morning, I would be leaving her behind too, but the feeling didn’t linger long. I chose to believe I wasn’t leaving her so much as I was moving forward without her.
If everything went as I planned, tomorrow, instead of going to the fair, I would catch a bus to St. Louis and join the army. I’d already qualified; I only needed to sign my paperwork to make it official. I refused to spend the rest of my life in Jefferson County with a population of fewer than 10,000 people. I tried talking to my father but he simply didn’t want to hear it. He told me I needed to pray to the good Lord for deliverance. To this day, I didn’t know what he wanted me to be delivered from but I was determined not to find out.
For once, I wanted to go to the movies without running into at least ten people who knew the first, last, and middle names of my parents. I wanted to enjoy a meal in private without everyone on the block knowing what I had to eat, and I wanted to kiss a boy who hadn’t already kissed half of my friends or wasn’t related to me. I wanted to go someplace where a trip on the information highway wasn’t affiliated with shopping at Wal-Mart.
Even though I planned to shed many of my antiquated thoughts and ideas at the bus station, I had no intentions of changing the core of who I was. I was excited and nervous but I was looking forward to what my tomorrows would be like.
As I packed what little clothing I wanted to take with me, I was nervous. It wasn’t much because where I was going, I would have no need for long dresses and short, stubby heels. I was gonna get me some booty shorts I saw on television and a slinky top I could wear without a bra. I curled my copper-colored hair, something I only did on holidays. I normally wore my hair in a ponytail but tomorrow was a holiday as far as I was concerned. I was moving on to what I hoped would be exotic people and places.
“Anji, turn that light out and get some sleep. You have to get up early in the morning and I don’t want no mess out of you,” my father shouted from outside my door. For a second I thought he was going to try the knob but I relaxed when I heard his steps moving away from my door.
“I’m going now. Good night, Dad.” I wasn’t expecting to get choked up when I said good night, but I did. I wanted to fling open the door and wrap my arms around my dad while I showered him with kisses, but I knew he would suspect something if I did. So I rocked myself to sleep with visions of the things I’d get to see and do running through my head.
We boarded a motor coach from St. Louis to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. There were seven guys and three women and I thought I was in hog heaven. Already the odds of finding a man were in my favor as I eyed the candy in front of me. The guys were kinda cute but they weren’t for me. If they were on the same bus as I was, they had to be small-towners too and the man of my dreams was from the city.
There was an excited buzz on the bus that was hard to ignore, but I did my best to appear to be unaffected by it. I refused to get caught up in the conversations and eventually fell asleep. I woke as the bus pulled up to what would be my home for the next ten weeks.
“Wow.” The base was bigger than I had imagined. I wasn’t dumb, nor was I naïve, but I’d never seen such organized madness in my entire life.
“Good afternoon and welcome to Fort Leonard Wood. I would like to personally thank each and every one of you for giving back to your country. This is the reception area and the first stop on your journey. When you exit the bus, I will need for each of you to line up on the right and wait for further instructions. Make the most of this experience.”
I was impressed with the welcome, and felt encouraged by the decision I made. This place was a beehive of activity and it seemed like everyone was going in different directions, but there was a method to the madness. I tried to keep my mouth closed as we were shuffled from one post to another, collecting our gear, but there was so much to see I kept forgetting.
It didn’t take long before my enthusiasm began to wane. The gear we were given was heavy, forcing me to use muscles I didn’t even know I had. I kept waiting for someone to show us where we could stow the gear but they kept giving us more stuff. I didn’t want to complain but I was beginning to get annoyed. I tried not to let my irritation show but my face read like a road map. As organized as they were, it seemed ludicrous to me that they didn’t plan better to accommodate for all the things they decided we needed to have. I felt more like a mule instead of a woman, and I was not a happy camper!
Our first break came at lunchtime. I was starving and looking forward to having an opportunity to relax for a moment. Up until this point, I thought most of us were too shell-shocked to talk so after we grabbed our trays, a few of us started getting to know each other. With a full belly, I began to unwind. W
e’d been so busy, I hadn’t had the time to worry about how my father reacted to my leaving. I didn’t want to hurt him but I knew he would never understand my reasons for leaving, so I didn’t try. However, when the realization of what I’d done finally sunk in, I almost started to cry. I was his only child; what was I thinking?
“Are you okay?” a woman next to me inquired.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just feeling a little homesick.”
“Girl, we just got here.” She chuckled.
“I know. Crazy ain’t it, but I’ve never been away from home before.”
“Well you better figure it out quick because the last thing you want to do is have someone riding your ass about it.”
I was slightly offended by her language but she was right. I didn’t want to be a Debbie Downer especially on the first day.
“Thanks.” No matter the delivery I understood what she meant so I tried to pull myself together. I was ready to find my bed and stretch out. They couldn’t possibly have anything else to give us so I was ready. If I’d known ahead of time what was coming, I might not have been so eager to get to it.
“No problem. My brother is in the army so he pulled my coat about a few things.”
“Oh yeah, well when are we going to be able to put away some of this stuff?” I was looking twice at my newfound friend. If she knew some of the ropes, she might not be a bad person to have around.
“I hate to bust your bubble, but I think we’re going to be stuck carrying gear the entire time we’re here.”
“Are you serious? That bag is heavy.” I hoped my friend was pulling my leg but she wasn’t laughing and I started to get worried.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Where did you think you were going, a country club?” She laughed but if she was trying to be funny, I didn’t get the punch line. I saw no benefit to toting the added pounds and it kind of soured my first impressions of the military life.
“No, but I don’t see the point of carrying that big old bag.” I felt myself getting angry.
