I thought differently from others. I didn’t act, react, or process things in the same ways. I felt anxious and haunted. So much so, I sought comfort anywhere I could. I counted things—anything from sidewalk cracks to steps to the strokes of my hair and taps of my fingers, trying to bring order into my disordered world. I had all sorts of triggers for panic I didn’t understand. Like Annalise, I only liked the right side of things, including my body, and thought my left side was out to get me. Worried thoughts and images bombarded my brain. The effort and vigilance required to keep them away was often (and still is) a never-ending battle. I was terrified of being alone.
I lived differently from my friends too. I grew up poor (and still am). Like the Meriwethers, the cord to our TV is duct-taped to the wall so it doesn’t fall out. Our dining room table is held together by ratchet straps because we can’t afford a new table. We’ve lost one house to a puff-back (an explosion of woodstove and furnace), another to a devastating fire, and yet another—built from scratch after our home burned down—to foreclosure after the housing crisis of 2008. Still, like the Meriwethers, we picked ourselves up and moved on.
There are many similarities between Annalise and myself, the most prevalent being that I grew up wondering why I’d been born different. Why others’ lives seemed so normal when mine was so hard. I was so convinced fate had it out for me, for years I truly thought I was cursed. What I didn’t realize as a child but understand now as an adult is this:
I hadn’t only been born a child of fate, I’d also been born a child of dreams.
With Annalise’s story, I wanted to show other children (and adults) like me, that no matter what is stacked against you, no matter what terrors you’ve experienced or how odd and lonely you feel, it is your unique differences that bestow the most powerful strengths upon you—not despite your trials and differences, but because of them.
Thanks to all I’d survived and lost, something new was forged within me. A golden flutter of hope with a powerful magic of its own—the call of the wonderful dream of being an author. Because no matter what was happening in my life, I always had this big imagination; the ability to easily fall in and out of worlds. As a child, I loathed my strangeness. As an adult, I celebrate it. Because, dauntless dreamer, my strangeness led me to you.
So, to the one reading now who’s spent too many days on the outside looking in; the one who feels like no matter where they go, sadness and ill fate follows; the one with wild dreams in their heart, fairy tales in their soul, and books in their hands; the one whom others do not understand, I’ve come to tell you a secret you desperately need to hear:
You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are precious. You are magic.
I see you just as clearly as I see the dream waiting for you along your chosen path. And even if you can’t see this dream now, the secret is to believe with your entire being that there is a table in a green meadow, with a place set with your name, waiting through an open door ahead.
You see, I have it on good authority that the Spinner of Dreams has something wonderful in store for you. Now, dreamer, go out and find it.
I believe in you.
Resources
Suicide Prevention
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the United States:
Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Contact their free crisis hotline: 1-800-273-8255
Contact their crisis text line: text TALK to 741-741
Suicide Prevention and Support in Canada:
Website: www.crisisservicescanada.ca
Contact their free crisis hotline: 1-833-456-4566
Contact their free crisis text line: text CONNECT to 686868
International Worldwide Suicide Crisis Hotlines:
www.suicidehotlines.com/international.html
Mental Illness Support
Anxiety and Depression Association of America:
www.adaa.org
Mental Health America:
Anxiety Disorders:
www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/anxiety-disorders
Depression:
www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/depression
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH):
www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml
Panic Attack Hotlines:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) free helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
MentalHelp.net: 1-800-64-PANIC (72642)
Autism Spectrum Disorder Information
www.autism-society.org
www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-asd/index.shtml
Acknowledgments
Hello, dear reader, I am so glad you’re here. Before I get into thanking the exceptional dreamers who’ve helped me with Annalise’s story, I must thank the most important dreamer of all: you. Without your love of reading, professional dreamers and books wouldn’t exist. So thank you for jumping into my imagination and helping my dream of spinning stories come true.
To show my deep appreciation, I’m sending you, by way of a rare bit of magic, your most favorite-of-all dessert, care of Mister Edwards and Mister Amoureux’s new sweets shop in Carriwitchet. It may come in disguise—delivered by a loved one or dropped off at your local grocers to throw off the Fate Spinner’s spies—but rest assured, when next you’re eating your most favorite treat, it was handcrafted by the foxes just for you.
While you’re waiting, I have one more surprise you might enjoy: the true tale of where The Spinner of Dreams began. . . .
When I was twenty-two (which adds up nicely to four, thank you very much), I was “accused” by a person in a position of authority of being a “dreamer”—as if this was a dirty and scandalous term! She went on to say, with a sneer no less, “Dreamers never amount to anything.” The nerve, right?!? Well, with my chest burning with outrage, I looked her proudly in the eye and said, “Yes, actually, I am a dreamer,” which got me in a fair bit more trouble, but I won’t get into all that. The point is, never be ashamed of being who you are or speaking your truth, because one day you might be given a public platform (ahem) in which to tell the cad who besmirched the good name of dreamer, “Yes, I am a dreamer who gets paid to dream. Oh, and by the way, I’ve put you in a book as an evil enchantress, so there.” *blows raspberries*
Now that you’ve been thoroughly thanked and the raspberries have all been blown, let the thankfulness party begin!
Endless gratitude to my powerhouse agent, Thao Le, for continually looking out for me, giving me sage advice, having amazing instincts, and championing my work. I’m so lucky to have you!
Many thanks to my lovely and generous editors, Emilia Rhodes and Elizabeth Lynch, for standing behind Annalise’s story and helping to make it shine. I’d also like to thank the whole HarperCollins team for supporting this book of dreams from the beginning and helping it to shine—my big dreams all began with you!
Many thanks to the cover artist, Julia Iredale, for creating the most magnificently magical, fairy-tale-like cover imaginable (seriously, isn’t it jaw-droppingly gorgeous?)! And a huge thank-you to Jensine Eckwall, the brilliant artist who created the internal artwork for The Land of Yesterday as well as The Spinner of Dreams; you always know how to make my books come alive.
A thunderous thanks to my all-mighty critique partners—delivered unto me by angels—I couldn’t do any of this without your input, cheering, off-ledge-talking, big-hearted souls:
To Hayley Chewins, my sweet, magical, so-beautiful-she-shines friend. Not only did you keep my spirits up while writing this book, which was often emotionally trying and mentally hard to write, you gave me just the right praise, suggestions, and guidance necessary to get this story (and my head) where it needed to be to continue. I am *so* lucky to have found such a kindred and talented critique partner, one who I’m honored to call friend. Thank you.
To Jennifer Hawkins, my soul and orange Starburst sister, thank you for your brilliant mind, fierce heart, and continued support. I value you and your friendship dearly (enough to suggest the thing, then do the thing, if not a bit differently than first suggested. *wink*)
To Cristin Bruggeman and Jessica Leake, your input and thoughts were invaluable, and I thank you both dearly. To Shveta Thakrar, I can’t thank you enough for jumping in like a superhero at the finish line and saving me and Annalise! To Ron Walters, Mara Rae Rutherford, Karen Mahara, Cindy Baldwin, Samantha Clark, and any others I may have forgotten (Big Canadian, sorry if I forgot you!) who read any part of this story or had eyes on the author’s note, all of you spun something special into this book and I’ll always be so grateful to you for that.
Immense gratitude and love to the Electric Eighteens, the most talented, hilarious, and eclectic group of writers ever! I seriously wouldn’t have survived my debut year or the writing of this book if it wasn’t for the EEs. Heartfelt thanks to each of you nerds!
And now, on to my family—aaaand I’m already crying. Sweet Lord, Kristin, calm yourself! One-two-three-four, and breathe:
For my grandma Frida, who always had her nose in a book and a dream in her heart. You taught me how to be strong. How to be brave when the lights went out, even when you’re scared of the dark. I wish you were here with me now so we could laugh about how alike we are, and so I could thank you for every night you read me to sleep and stroked my hair when my face was wet with tears, for every monster you chased away with a fantastical story or soft, sweet song. I don’t think I ever told you what that meant to me. Thank you for instilling within me my love of reading and encouraging my unconventional imagination. For teaching me how to dream. Thank you, Gran, for infinite everythings. I love and miss you more each day.
To Hugh and Mark, for all the times when I was young and wild and made you bananas, and for never giving up on me. For not judging or questioning my odd choices. For just loving me and being my rocks and safe place, for giving me room to breathe, experience, live, to figure out how to be me. Thank you, always.
To my eccentric brood of offspring, the rare magic I had within me all along, thank you for teaching me how to better love the world, my friends, my family, and myself. For bringing me wildflowers and sticky kisses, for challenging me, for being my friend when I needed one most, for gifting me the best parts of my life and letting me into your world, for showing me what it truly means to love. I love you more than words and stars, and even when you don’t believe in yourself, please know that I will always believe in you. Whatever dream you decide to follow, I’m behind you, cheering you on.
To Bob, the road has not been easy for us, has it? And it often hasn’t been kind. We have been knocked down more times than anyone I know; but we’ve always gotten back up. Thank you for holding my hand through the worst of times and walking with me through the gates of Dreamland. I know the Spinner of Dreams has something special in store for you, too.
To every member of my family, thank goodness for the Carlsons and Hansons, eh? We’re an eclectic bunch of Canadian Danes and Swedes, and I love you all!
To my dear sweet cinnamon-roll child, Annalise, the friend I needed as a kid and found as an adult, thank you for having the courage to break free from your cage and chase a fluffy white cat in a monocle and top hat after your dream. Thank you for choosing me to tell your story and sharing your heart with me. For reminding me of all I’ve overcome, and that kindness and empathy, to others and to oneself, has the power to tame monsters and transform even the darkest of worlds. I would happily follow you and your great hand anywhere.
Thank you to Fate for pushing me down so many times that a passion strong enough to fight back kindled inside my belly and burned hot enough for me to rise.
Thank you to Dreams and Muse for not giving up on me. Even when I didn’t think I was worthy. Even when I didn’t think I was strong. Even when I quit and gave up, always, you were right there in the poets and butterflies and crows, watching over me. Thank you for trusting me with this ancient and delicate magic, for giving me a glimpse of the meadow and Dreamland just beyond the golden-winged door.
Finally, thank you to all those who, despite all odds, dare to dream. Without your courage and will to break free from your fate the world would fall into ruin.
All hail the dauntless dreamers—and may the magic of dreams be yours!
About the Author
Author photo © Melissa Mullen Photography
K. A. REYNOLDS is a poet and author from Winnipeg, Canada, currently residing in the wilds of Maine. Her superpowers include daydreaming, smiling, and saving spiders from certain peril. When not typing, hiking, or caring for the elderly, she enjoys swapping bad jokes with her numerous offspring, herding various furry beasts, and reading strange and colorful tales expertly crafted by other imagination astronauts in love with words. Visit her at www.kareynoldsbooks.com.
Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.
Books by K. A. Reynolds
The Land of Yesterday
Back Ad
Copyright
THE SPINNER OF DREAMS. Text copyright © 2019 by K. A. Reynolds. Illustrations copyright © 2019 by Jensine Eckwall. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
www.harpercollinschildrens.com
Cover art © 2019 by Julia Iredale
Cover design by Jessie Gang
Library of Congress Control Number: 2019933064
Digital Edition AUGUST 2019 ISBN: 978-0-06-267401-2
Print ISBN: 978-0-06-267395-4 (trade bdg.)
1920212223PC/LSCH10987654321
FIRST EDITION
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
www.harpercollins.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd
Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower
22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor
Toronto, Ontario, M5H 4E3
www.harpercollins.ca
India
HarperCollins India
A 75, Sector 57
Noida
Uttar Pradesh 201 301
www.harpercollins.co.in
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand
Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive
Rosedale 0632
Auckland, New Zealand
www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF, UK
www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
www.harpercollins.com
The Spinner of Dreams Page 26
