Surely she wasn’t pregnant. She couldn’t be. Not after one time. One time where she wasn’t even trying. One time with a stupid broken condom. One time where maybe only a tiny portion of semen actually made it to home base.
There were women who tried for years to get pregnant. Women who planned and calculated their cycles, so they had sex at the optimum time to get pregnant. Women who couldn’t get pregnant at all.
Why should she be the “lucky” one to get knocked up over a stupid mistake? Heck, it wasn’t even a mistake, they had done everything right!
No, she couldn’t possibly be pregnant.
24
Carter had no idea what had happened that morning. He had thought they were fine. She was making eggs, he was making coffee. They were fine.
Then they weren’t.
It had started last night, right after the accident. Carter couldn’t blame Jordan for being put off by his reaction. He had just been so damn panicked!
Rule number one for all professional athletes: protect your man juice. So many women out there used it as the perfect way to get you for the next 18 years. Carter had certainly had his fair share of women try it on him. After he’d caught the first woman retrieving a used condom out of the trash can on her way out, he’d switched to flushing them down the toilet.
When he’d seen that broken condom his mind had just snapped. He hadn’t thought about Jordan, and how he had only hours before, been thinking about having kids with her. He’d just panicked.
He remembered the terrified look on her face as he’d gone on. It filled him with bitter regret. She had probably been just as scared shitless as he was—and if the worst happened, she’d be the one taking the brunt of it: getting pregnant, giving birth, raising a kid. Technically, all Carter would have to do was sign a check each month.
That thought put a bad taste in his mouth.
Obviously, if Jordan was pregnant he’d want to do more than sign a damn check. He would want to be a part of the kid’s life. He sure as hell wasn’t going to be like his own father. Now that the panic was over, now that the coast was clear, he had time to think about it. Even though he wasn’t even remotely ready to be a father, even though he’d only known her for a short while, if there was anyone he had to have an unexpected baby with it was Jordan.
But she was on the pill, so the coast was clear as far as that went, right? They weren’t 100% effective but pretty damn close from what he understood. A tiny, primal part of him was almost disappointed. He thought of Jordan pregnant with his baby. An animalistic pride ran through him. There was no one who could hurt or touch her—not when she was the mother of his child.
But Carter had been the one to hurt her. First, by terrifying her when she was probably at her most scared and vulnerable, then by attacking her with the one thing she was most proud about. Carter understood full well how much her accomplishments meant, that she had worked hard in law school and was ambitious. He just didn’t understand how she could put that above what he thought the two of them were starting to have with one another.
If anything, this week had started to reveal that she was the one for him. He had an idea that she was going down that same path. Then bam, law school comes calling and she drops everything and runs off.
Would this be what it’s like if they got married? Her putting her career above him? Above their kids? On the other hand, Carter had a grueling career as well, one that had him on the road half the year, but he would have dropped everything if she asked…if it came to family.
None of that mattered now. She was gone. He would give her time to cool off, then work on getting her back. He certainly wasn’t giving up this easily.
It had been a miserable rest of the week. He’d found the present he’d purchased for her still in the bedroom. Obviously, in her hurry to get out, she’d overlooked it. Or maybe she’d purposefully left it behind?
He’d waited a day to call. She hadn’t answered. She wouldn’t respond to his texts. She wouldn’t call or text him. She had completely shut him out.
Were things really that bad between them?
The fight they’d had in the kitchen didn’t seem like something that they couldn’t overcome. Maybe he should just drive out and face her in person. He had an idea that she would hate that.
He was irritable and frustrated with no outlet for his angst. The funny thing was, Jordan would be the one he’d pick up the phone and talk to about it under any other circumstance. There was no one else.
His teammates just wouldn’t get it. Heck, they’d probably laugh at how whipped he was.
His manager, Miles, was great when it came to coaching baseball and even offering good life advice, but Carter wasn’t sure he wanted to unload a bunch of relationship shit on the man.
His mother? That was a laugh. She’d probably be relieved.
He didn’t even think about Bobby Joe.
No one.
Jesus, the thought was depressing.
25
She had been living in denial.
Carter had called and texted. Of course, he had called and texted.
She’d been avoiding his phone calls and texts, not wanting to deal with him without knowing for sure. Could they go back to where they were? Would he even want to after she’d ignored him for so long? Would their lives be completely changed forever? She hadn’t wanted to think about it. So she’d ignored him. Eventually, he had taken the hint.
And Jordan had waited.
She’d delayed confronting it. Jordan Douglas, who planned her life to a T. Jordan Douglas, who dealt swiftly and deftly with anything that got in the way of her goals. Jordan Douglas, who had given up a good man—a wonderful man—because she couldn’t face the truth.
Jordan Douglas, who had dropped the ball.
She’d gone on too long, living on a hope and a prayer. Because fate couldn’t possibly be that cruel. It wouldn’t come along like a thief in the night and completely and totally blindside her and all her carefully laid plans…would it?
But now her period refused to come.
She had at first gone through a litany of ridiculous excuses for it. Maybe being sexually active after such a long dry spell had somehow messed with her hormones and caused her cycle to be re-wired. Maybe the stress of worrying had screwed things up down there. Maybe she was going through really early menopause.
Then the second day had passed. Nothing.
Now, it was officially two weeks after “the incident,” and she was standing in a CVS drugstore staring at way too many options for pregnancy tests.
The incident.
She was laughing hysterically inside. “The incident” was what had indirectly led to this mess in the first place. Said “incident” being that damn ball. Once again she found herself wondering what her life would be like if she’d simply held her glove a bit lower, or higher. She could actually picture the ball falling onto the steps of the stadium, bouncing down to the crowd of hopefuls below her, and her, returning to her seat, giving a mea culpa shrug to Ben as she grabbed her hot dog and finished watching the end of the game.
But now she was standing in the middle of a CVS looking at pregnancy tests.
She picked up one. A plus sign. She didn’t like that. Plus signs were good…hopeful. She didn’t want hopeful. This was not a hopeful situation. She put it back.
She picked up another. It was generic, cheaper. After all, she had student loans to think about. And if it was indeed positive, she’d need all the money she could save. Diapers were expensive. She felt her breath coming in faster. Formula was expensive. She’d read somewhere that it cost almost $20,000 just for a baby to be born. That was almost as much as a semester of law school. Breathe.
On the other hand, did she really want to trust her entire future to a generic pregnancy test? Breathe!
She put it back.
This one. Two blue lines. That was good. Straightforward. Not hopeful. Not reproachful. Just one line or two. Basic math. One. Two.
One.
Two.
Breathe!
Good God, she was going to faint in the middle of CVS with a damn pregnancy test in her hand.
She put it back.
Breathe!
Come on girl.
She wanted to walk right out. Put it off for just a little while longer. School had started. She had cases to brief. She had an issue of the law review to put to bed. She had a class rank to maintain.
Pregnancy was not part of the plan.
Breathe!
She breathed. She grabbed it. The blue lines. That was good. Not hopeful. Not reproachful. Neutral. One. Two. No. Yes.
She marched it up to the cashier. No eye contact. Cash payment. Out the door. Into the car. Back to her apartment.
One. Two.
No. Yes.
She sat on her bed staring at it. April was in the living room, obliviously reading a casebook with her headphones on. Oh, how Jordan envied her.
It sat on the bed across from her like some nemesis. James Bond and Dr. No. Superman and Lex Luther. Holmes and Moriarty.
Mother and child.
She choked back a sob.
Don’t go there, Jordan.
She didn’t even have to pee! It was like life was taunting her all the more. She rushed out to the kitchen to fill a tall glass with water, chugging it down, then refilling it and chugging it all over again. She stared at April on the couch, completely unaware of the aura of chaos that was going on around her.
Then she felt it. She needed to go. Badly.
She ripped open the box. Christ, why hadn’t she read the instructions before gulping down so much water! She rapidly ran through the instructions.
…Hold in stream…
…Tip pointed down…
…Wait three minutes…
Three minutes?!
Three minutes to find out if her life was ruined? It seemed unnecessarily mocking. On the other hand, hadn’t she waited two whole weeks hoping and praying it wouldn’t have to come to this?
Three more minutes wouldn’t matter.
Her bladder was giving her no choice. She ran to the bathroom and read the directions on the box extremely carefully.
Then she waited.
Shit! Her phone was in her bedroom. She looked at the time as she raced back to the bathroom. 4:43. Okay 4:46. That’s when she’d know for sure. Three minutes.
At exactly 4:46 p.m. her life could be changed forever. It was such an arbitrary time.
4:44
4:45
4:46
Maybe wait one more minute just in case.
4:47
She picked up the stick.
One.
Breathe.
Two.
Oh no.
Breathe!
Oh no, no, no.
Breathe dammit!
Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe!
She became aware she was hyperventilating.
She threw open the door and ran out to the living room where April was still studying. She looked up in surprise at Jordan racing toward her like a maniac.
April pulled the earbud out of one ear and gave Jordan a startled look. That’s when she noticed the rapid rise and fall of her roommate’s chest. She threw her casebook on the sofa, pulled the second earbud out and rushed to her.
“What’s wrong, chica?” she asked, looking her in the face with concern.
Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe!
“Okay, okay,” April said calmly, catching on. “Calm down. Breathe. Breathe.”
Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe!
“Just calm down,” she coaxed. “What’s going on?”
That’s when April looked down and saw the stick.
“Oh,” she said looking at it. Then she looked closer. “Oh…oh!”
Not helping.
Breathe breathe breathe!
April realized she was making things worse and tried bringing Jordan back down again.
She mimed a calming breath, her hand waving in front of her chest with a flair.
“Whooo, Whoooo” She breathed, deep and slow, trying to get Jordan to follow her lead.
It was calming. Kind of what they might teach in lamaze class.
Not helping.
Breathe breathe breathe!
“Okay, just sit tight,” April said, leading her to the couch as she ran into the kitchen.
Jordan could feel herself getting panicky and faint at the same time. Why couldn’t she stop breathing so heavily?!
April came back with a plastic grocery bag.
“Breath into this,” she said, placing it over Jordan’s mouth.
Jordan watched the white plastic inflate and deflate, in front of her face. Her breathing slowed down. She felt herself relaxing. This was helping. Having April next to her, rubbing her back was helping. Slowly but surely, her breathing became regular.
Eventually, she was calm enough to remove the plastic bag. April sat next to her on the couch, looking at her with some serious concern on her face.
“Please, just don’t ask,” sighed Jordan, wanting to avoid the obvious question that they both already knew the answer to.
April just nodded, rubbing her back some more.
They sat there like that for a while until Jordan couldn’t take it anymore. She had to spill the beans to someone. Obviously, it couldn’t be her parents…yet. Obviously, it couldn’t be Carter…yet.
“Okay, yes, it’s Carter Fox’s” she said. It felt good to let it out. Of course, it would have felt better to not have to say it at all, but now that it was out there she could deal with it.
“Hmm,” April said, nodding. She waited a minute. “So…what are you going to do?”
Jordan gave a sharp laugh. “I have no friggen clue. I mean, I just found out!”
There was another moment of silence.
“I mean, I know I have to tell him,” she said, sighing.
“How do you think he’ll take it?” April asked curiously.
“I don’t know,” Jordan said frowning. “I mean he was just so…crazed when the condom broke. Like it’s the last thing in the world he wanted.
“I mean, I get it.” She turned to look at her roommate, getting heated. “Does he think I want a baby? I’m still in school for crying out loud. I’ll be out to here”—she brought her hands out in front of her in a wide arc—”by the time I start at Morris. Pregnant and unwed.” She started laughing.
“Then, after only a few months, I’ll have to take time off to actually give birth. ‘Oh hey, thanks for hiring me, sorry I have to take three months maternity leave…for a baby I didn’t plan for…by a guy I’m not married to…a guy who’s totally out of the picture.’ ”
“You don’t know that,” April said. “Maybe he’ll step up to the plate.”
“Yeah,” Jordan said, staring at the wall in front of them. “A nice fat check every month.” She gave a wry laugh. “I guess if I have to get knocked up, there are worse people in the world to have as a baby daddy.”
“So…you’re going to keep it?”
Jordan blinked. She’d been so focused on her current state she hadn’t thought of her options. Of course, they weren’t just her options. She couldn’t do anything until she told him, but that was a conversation she wanted to put off. At least until she’d had time to process everything.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I have to tell him first. That’s only fair.”
April nodded again and resumed rubbing her back. “So when are you going to tell him?”
Jordan stared at the wall. “I don’t know.”
26
Finally, Carter had something to take his mind off Jordan Douglas.
Baseball.
It was late February and spring training had officially begun. The Sluggers were in the Grapefruit League, which meant he was headed over to Florida f
or the next month and a half. Tropical weather, beaches or lakes within driving distance, hot girls in bikinis even at this time of year. Normally, Carter would have eaten it up.
They were playing the Baltimore Orioles in Sarasota. Right on the beach. Last year this time he had been scoping out honeys in the stands who were a little too enthusiastic to simply have a love of the game. This year all he could do was compare them to Jordan.
He shook that thought off. For the life of him, he couldn’t understand why she hadn’t at least called or texted. He didn’t want to think it was over between them, at least not without a formal goodbye. In fact, he refused to think it was over between them. When he got back to Houston, he would work on getting her back.
And he had every intention of getting her back.
For now, he’d let her have her law review duties and final exams.
For now, he would focus on his second love: baseball.
Truth be told he loved spring training better than the regular season. The pressure was off. No pennant to vie for yet, no in-division ranking to keep an eye on with anxious determination. Just pure baseball. He got a chance to nostalgically appreciate fresh blood trying to move out of the minors and into the majors. He could sympathize with their ambition.
Yes, a month away from Houston, from Texas, from Jordan, was just what he needed.
He had caved.
A few team members had booked a hotel room at the Ritz. Obviously, they had invited the Sluggers’ famous home run hitter to join in the fun. It certainly helped entice the clique of New College of Florida coeds to join them for some after-game fun. After all, the Sluggers had won 4-2 against the Orioles today.
What better way to put Jordan out of his mind than loud music, free flowing booze, and distracting eye-candy? Carter had immediately been on board.
Now that he was there, the reality was far less appealing. In fact, it was damn depressing.
Carter sat in an armchair in the suite watching his younger, less inhibited, teammates play the mating game with a few girls who were just barely old enough to drink.
Home Run: A Texas Heat Romance Page 13
