“Yeah, and that’s exactly what I did.”
As I cast my eyes down at the Rhode Island paperweight on my desk, I wanted to reach for it and crash it through the window. “Hmm, all afternoon?”
I looked up just as he winced. “Um...” He cleared his throat. “Not all afternoon.” He fidgeted, diverted his eyes from mine, and nervously glanced around the room. I saw no sense in playing the usual cat and mouse game.
“I saw you at the mall with Vanessa. To be exact, I saw the two of you in the jewelry store looking at engagement rings.”
Gavin looked down at his scuffed up loafers and squeezed his eyes shut, as if he were in pain from the shoes cutting off the circulation in his toes. He looked at me sheepishly, his lips parted. “You saw us?”
“Did I stutter? Why did I have to find out like that? Couldn’t you have been honest? Couldn’t you have told me you made a mistake and that you really are in love with her? I’m not going to deny that it wouldn’t have hurt, but finding out this way ripped my heart out.”
Gavin slid to the edge of his seat and leaned forward blinking and squinting, as if the light in the office was suddenly too bright. He looked at me quizzically. “You think that Vanessa and I...that we were...that the two of us...?”
“Whatever,” I said sarcastically and folded my arms across my chest.
He stood, rubbed his eyes, then his forehead. He looked as if he were trying to rub out the truth when he abruptly began to laugh, while I was ready to beam him with the paperweight.
“Oh, honey.” He sighed, while walking around to my side of the desk. “Come here.” He put his hands on my shoulders and guided me to my feet. As his strong arms began to circle my waist, I quickly grabbed hold of his wrists and pushed him away.
“Aubrey,” he said, as he reached to touch my face.
Swatting his hand away I said, “Just get on with it!”
“Okay,” he said, putting his hands up in mock surrender. “First of all, I was never so scared in all my life, as I was this past week when I thought I had lost you. You have no idea,” he said, shaking his head.
Okay buddy, I think I do.
“I was afraid of seeing you today. Afraid you’d tell me that you changed your mind about us or that things were moving too fast and you needed some space. I didn’t know what to think. It was terrible not seeing you...not being able to talk to you.”
Okay, now I was frigging confused. Was talking in circles part of his MO when getting busted? Or was he was trying to tell me he wanted to marry the skank and keep me as some sort of booby prize? Like David, wanting to have an affair with Laura even though he was married.
“Vanessa and I have been friends for eons. She can be a little scatterbrained once in a while, but she’s got a good heart and she’s a wonderful person,” he said.
Here it comes, the BS I thought, he’s going to tell me he can’t make a choice between the spawn of Satan, who I seriously thought of throwing a bottle of holy water at, and me so he wants us both.
“She’ll always be my very good friend and yes, we were at the jewelry store, but it’s not what you think. I hope you’ll believe what I’m about to tell you.” He paused.
I tilted my face and rolled my eyes. “Well?”
“Okay, here’s the honest-to-God-truth.” He paused again.
I gave him a look that clearly stated I was going to smack him in the face if he didn’t get on with it.
“Remember our first meeting when we literally bumped into each other at the restaurant?”
My eyes narrowed as I folded my arms across my chest. “No, I don’t.”
“Oh, that’s right you were a little…um, never mind.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, from that day forward, a day hasn’t gone by that I don’t wake up without having a picture of you on my mind. In all honesty, I believe it was that very evening at the restaurant that I fell in love with you. That had never happened to me before--ever.”
Did he just say he was in love with me?
Gavin took hold of my hand. Something inside told me not to push him away. He brought my hand to his lips, kissed my fingers, and then laid my palm over his heart. My knees weakened. I felt lightheaded, but it wasn’t in anticipation of what Gavin was going to say. It was because I’d lived that exact same scenario many years before. It was because Matt’s actions were exactly the same, the day he proposed to me. Could it be that Matt…?
“Aubrey, I was so overwhelmed with my feelings,” said Gavin as he looked at me imploringly, “that I just had to tell someone. So I confided in Vanessa. Weeks had passed and she kept hounding me to tell you, but I was afraid it was too soon. On the day of the family reunion, after you brought Nicholas into the house to change, Vanessa got all over my case. She knew it was eating me up inside, and said it was time I told you how I felt. But I told her I didn’t want to spring something like that on you.”
Now I was the one rubbing my forehead. I thought back to that conversation and had first thought that Gavin was trying to find a way to tell me he had made a mistake and wanted to be with Vanessa. Wonderful, I didn’t know how I was going to explain his torched Christmas tree, skis, roller blades and...
“I didn’t know how you really felt about me,” he said. “I didn’t want to push it. I was afraid I might be moving too fast, and that I’d scare you off. The last thing I wanted to do was risk losing you. But last Sunday, after I’d finished catching up on some work, I called Vanessa. I told her I had made up my mind, and that evening I was going to tell you how I felt. She was excited for me. I had asked if she wanted to tag along with me to the jewelry store. Guys don’t really know much about engagement rings, but I’d already picked one out and wanted her opinion.”
I drew in a sharp breath. “Engagement ring?” Déjà vu was taking its toll on me. Matt and Gavin were becoming interchangeable. I tried to remain focused, and at the same time scolded myself for all the negative thoughts I’d had since that day at the mall. Just what the hell was I thinking? I could have avoided creating the whole ugly mess had I just told the man I loved him.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, lowering my gaze and feeling as if the word idiot was flashing across my forehead, while still dizzy from the similarities that kept popping up between the only two loves of my life.
“Aubrey?”
Looking up into Gavin’s eyes, he cupped his hand over mine. His fingers trembled. “I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, you know that.”
“True. Not many guys would choose ‘Somewhere in Time’ as their favorite movie.”
He blushed. “That’s how true love should be. You should be able to look into the eyes of the person you love and see your own soul, and have that certain connection that defies all normal attraction. It’s that special feeling inside that makes you feel as if you’ll wither and die if you can’t be with that person. Those are all the feelings I have for you.”
In my entire life, I’d never heard words so beautifully spoken with such love and sincerity. Gavin stared back at me through misty eyes and dropped to one knee. I felt slightly unbalanced as he dug into the pocket of his sports jacket and pulled out a tiny blue velvet box. He opened it. Inside, was a brilliant princess cut diamond set in platinum, so beautiful it took my breath away.
“Aubrey, I love you. Marry me.”
My eyes stung with tears, my heart raced, and at the same time, I was at a loss for words--but why? And why hadn’t I been able to tell Gavin I loved him? The life I could have with him was all that I had dreamed of, and the love he’d shown me was what I’d yearned for ever since it was taken away when Matt died.
The thought crossed my mind that perhaps I couldn’t answer because I was in shock over Gavin proposing to me the exact way Matt proposed, which led to the same crazy thoughts I had throughout our relationship. Were Gavin and Matt really the same person?
I stared down at Gavin, still on one knee. Was Gavin the one who was asking me to marry him or was Matt the one talking? How could I
ever be sure? And did I really fall in love with Gavin or did I fall in love with my husband all over again?
My mind was spinning like a funnel cloud picking up bits and pieces of all their similarities, the poem recited by Gavin that Matt actually wrote, Gavin dreaming about being on Matt’s boat and knowing the name, Mother Paula’s prediction, Aunt Millie’s words from beyond the grave…it was all so confusing!
“Yes!” came a shout out of nowhere.
Gavin and I turned toward the doorway. Laura walked in bouncing up and down on her designer stilettos with Ashley and Melanie doing a jig in my office.
“As maid of honor I get to pick out my dress, right?” Laura asked, as she stopped bouncing.
“No,” I told her.
Gavin got up off his knee. “Are you saying no to my proposal?”
Laura, Ashley, and Melanie stood still glaring at me, waiting for my answer, when Fendworth walked up behind them. “What’s going on?” he asked. A noticeable sound of crinkling cellophane, and a lone Oreo dropped to the floor, rolled between Laura’s legs, and stopped at my feet. I wondered if my life could get any stranger, when the phone rang. As I answered it, I looked at Gavin. His face wilted with disappointment.
“Althea, hello,” I said, worried at what she might tell me.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but I thought you’d want to know that Otis had come out of his coma. Doctors said he’ll need a pacemaker but he’s doing fine.”
I raised my eyes toward the ceiling. “That’s wonderful news Althea. Thank you for calling. Please let Mr. Davis know I’ll stop by the hospital this afternoon. I can’t wait to see him.”
“Mr. Davis is in the hospital?” Gavin asked, with much concern.
I nodded, as I hung up the phone. Laura, Ashley, Melanie, and Fendworth, unaware of what had happened, bombarded me with questions concerning Mr. Davis’s health. I’d felt relieved to have their focus on Mr. Davis and not on me, as I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about Gavin’s proposal.
Thirty-four
Like glistening jade jewels, droplets from the chilly October rain dotted the large fuzzy leaves on the potted geraniums sitting on the deck outside the French doors. The sun’s strong rays of heat had lost its grip on the New England coastline, as the northeastern winds traveled across the ocean.
Friends and relatives were due to arrive at my house for Nicholas’s seventh birthday. His actual birthday was two days before, a sleepover party with eight very rambunctious boys. I couldn’t have done it without Gavin’s help. He’d kept the boys busy playing games. A favorite was “treasure hunt” that Gavin created. He wrote out all the clues, and drew out a map for the boys to search for a box he’d buried outside in the sand. Nicholas’s face beamed, as he and his friends ran out in the dark with flashlights to search the beach for buried treasure.
As I stood at the cook top in the kitchen stirring a packet of raspberry Jell-O into a bowl of steaming hot water, I looked up into the living room. Jeb was seated on the chenille sectional watching a TV program. Gavin and Nicholas sat on the floor and varoomed “Hot Wheels” cars up, over, and under everything, including the coffee table and Jeb’s feet.
Although it’d been weeks, a twang of guilt sill gnawed at me for thinking Gavin had thrown me over for Vanessa. I knew I’d never doubt him again.
“No Jeb, that’s upside-down,” Nicholas said. He gently took the TV remote from Jeb’s knobby arthritic fingers, his knuckles like knots on a rope, and placed it back in Jeb’s hand, right-side-up.
Nicholas was too young to understand Alzheimer’s. However, Gavin and I had explained it was an illness. That Jeb was sometimes forgetful and forgetting could mean that he’d get mixed up, occasionally. That very morning Jeb had wandered out of the house. We found him down the block barefoot, his feet turning blue. He was scared not knowing how he had gotten there. Gavin soldiered on and led Jeb back to the house, while reassuring him everything was all right.
We both felt relieved when Jeb finally agreed to live with Gavin, but we haven’t been able to get him to talk about his disease. Gavin had said that when he was a boy, his mother told him not to judge his father too harshly, and that he’d grown up practically on his own on the mean streets of New York, a place where fear is buried and weakness never shows.
“I pressed every button and I still can’t find Flash Gordon,” Jeb carped in frustration.
“Dad, they don’t have that program on TV anymore. How about deep sea diving?” Gavin asked, while switching to the Discovery channel. Jeb scratched his white stubbly beard, while contemplating his decision.
I’d thought long and hard as to why I couldn’t accept Gavin’s proposal at first. I was in love with two men, only one was a spirit living in another world. Thoughts like that would have once seemed crazy, but after witnessing what I had, I truly believed Matt led me to find Gavin. And maybe, he’d put thoughts in Gavin’s head to bring us closer together. Yet, I still couldn’t discount the possibility that they could in fact be one in the same person, but only time would tell and I had the rest of my life to find out for sure.
As I looked at my engagement ring, it sparkled bright like the future Gavin and I were planning. Although we went so far as discussing whether we’d have children, I couldn’t give him a date on when we’d marry. I was still a little afraid. I kept thinking about the innocuous little expression of “wife and mother” and that it had never applied to me, because a choice had been made for me between having my husband and having my child, and that I could never have both. Taking that risk again seemed scary.
“Honey, could you check on the pork?” asked Gavin, as he took the glass of iced-tea off the coffee table and gave it to Jeb.
“Of course,” I said with a wink. The seasoned pork roasting in the oven was another of Gavin’s specialty recipes, as was the pan of parsley and rosemary seasoned buttered potatoes. As I pulled the roast from the oven to check the temperature on the meat thermometer, a smile crossed my face while thinking about the night before.
Nicholas was asleep and Gavin and I decided to watch a movie. As I stood at the microwave making popcorn, he came up behind me, his warm chest against my back. Wrapping an arm around my waist and lifting my hair, he kissed the nape of my neck, nibbled my ear, my cheeks. He steered me into the dark living room, his mouth warm and familiar, as he pulled me to the couch. He laughed as I fell on top of him, and felt his heart thumping in his chest. He pulled my t-shirt over my head; his skin was hot against mine, our kisses passionate.
“Our hearts know each other,” he whispered, and I felt a tremble run through to the core of my soul. Gavin made me feel safe and his love had no boundaries, just like Matt’s love.
Jeb interrupted my daydream, as he snuck up and gave me a hug. His unshaven face felt like wiry wool brushing my cheek. “Sure smells like the Thanksgiving turkey’s just about done,” he said.
“Jeb, we’re not celebrating Thanksgiving today,” I said as I slid the roast back into the oven.
“We’re not?” he asked. His cloudy gray eyes seemed far away, as he looked into the living room at Gavin and Nicholas. They were playing with the interactive dinosaur and scaring the crap out of Bugs, a black and white Mini Lop rabbit with adorable droopy ears. The rabbit was Gavin’s birthday gift to Nicholas. He claimed he could train Bugs to use a litter box. Ha! I’d thought. Surprisingly enough, Buster had taken a liking to the little guy, although I didn’t trust leaving the two alone.
Jeb suddenly recoiled, and jabbed a finger into the air. “It’s Nicholas’s birthday!” he proclaimed with triumph in his eyes, as he walked back into the living room.
The whole house filled with the delicious aroma of sweet basil, oregano, and rosemary seasoned pork. Every year, Matt’s parents would drive in from New Jersey to attend Nicholas’s birthday. They’d stay the week to visit. However, my mother-in-law had emergency gallbladder surgery and said they’d make the trip in a couple of weeks.
Everyone arrived by
chance at the same time with birthday gifts in hand. As my father walked in, Jeb instantly recognized him, which made me feel better for Jeb. My parents made themselves at home in the kitchen, flipping the seasoned potatoes over with a spatula to brown roast the other side.
I had a feeling my father mistakenly added starch instead of fabric softener to the wash, as the creases on his blue jeans looked sharp enough to cause paper cut. Mother was dressed in a beautiful beaded long Bohemian top with bell sleeves over an ankle length skirt, and looked like an Indian princess. Her dark hair hung in two long braids. The ends resembled shiny black tassels.
“They’re almost done,” my father said, as he pitched a fork in the air. A half-eaten potato stuck to the tines.
“Is there room in the oven for this? It just needs to be heated,” Laura said, as she set a casserole dish of baked apples, cinnamon, and raisins on the top of the stove. She was dressed very cosmopolitan in a pair of navy slacks and romantic white blouse with Victorian ruffles at the cuffs. Her long platinum hair fell in soft ringlets around her shoulders. She had brought her nephew, Alex. He’d been to the house before and was Nicholas’s age. It was good to have them hang out together while the grownups visited.
Gavin had passed out sodas and drinks, while everyone milled around in the kitchen. My parents chattered on about the grand opening of “Good Vibrations,” while Laura and I stood at the sink pulling Romaine lettuce leaves apart and rinsing them under cold water.
“I can’t believe it’s October,” Laura said, as she dropped the wet lettuce leaves in the colander to drain. “Just think, the last time I went on a date was August twenty-eighth, the evening David got busted by his wife, and we got busted by the cops. What’s amazing is that, by spending time with myself, I’m actually investing time in learning who I am. Who knows, my next date could be with an ordinary guy with an ordinary job, who drives an ordinary pickup truck.”
“So, you want me to see if Gavin has any buddies that could be possible dating material?”
ONCE UPON ANOTHER TIME Page 31
