“I thought maybe if I went with him I could keep him from drinking as much. Instead I became as addicted to the poison as he was.” Alice buried her face in her hands. “I am so sorry,” she mumbled, sobbing. “So very, very sorry!”
Barbara’s tears fell silently down her cheeks and she looked over at her sister.
Emily had remained still except to cradle her belly and croon softly. Now she got up and walked over to her mother, still humming, and took one of Alice’s hands and placed it on her rounded stomach. Alice looked up at her daughter and then gasped as she felt her grandchild kick.
Reaching up to stroke her mother’s bedraggled hair, Emily smiled softly and then wandered over to Sister Benedicta and sat next to her, cuddling under Sister’s comforting arm.
Eyes still streaming, Barbara took in her mother’s awestruck face.
“It seems Emily forgives you, Ma. I guess I do, too.” She felt a weight lift off her briefly, only to wrap itself around her again. For despite Sister Evangeline’s words, she could not forgive herself for failing to protect her sister.
~~~
It was several days later that they learned of Alice’s death. Leaving the convent she had headed toward the docks and stumbled into the path of a heavily laden drayage cart while crossing the railroad tracks. Mercifully, death had been instantaneous, as she had struck her head on the cobbles. Her suffering, at least, was over.
~~~
When she went into labor, Emily seemed to return to the present. Her voice rusty from disuse, she whispered, “Barbara!” before crying out as a contraction convulsed her body.
“I'm here Emily, I'm here!” Barbara twisted to face her sister, holding her hands and maintaining eye contact. “Do you understand what's happening, Emily?” she asked.
Emily looks down at her rounded belly and gasped out, “He gave me a baby. Oh! It hurts as much coming out as when he put it in there!” And then she shrieked as another pain ripped through her.
For a long while there were only Emily's eyes staring into hers, her hands gripped tightly, as Emily struggled through labor. Then Barbara heard Sister Evangeline cry out in triumph, “It's a girl! You have a daughter Emily.”
And Emily smiled, a peaceful, serene look flooding her face, and released Barbara’s hands to reach for the baby. Cuddling her, she touched her daughter’s forehead, nose, lips, and chin, then counted all the fingers and toes, stroking the downy head.
CHAPTER 5 – Judith
Judith Müller was almost nine when her mother died in childbirth. After several stillbirths, miscarriages, and two undersized infants who’d died, it was a miracle that the child, a boy, was healthy. Judith was entranced with the baby and immediately took over its care. Young Johann, named for his father, thrived. Johann Sr. had very little use for his children however, so when his childless sister Helga suggested she take the infant, who was fast becoming a charming and dimpled toddler, he shrugged and said, “Warum nicht?” (Why not?)
Judith quietly packed bags for herself and her brother. While her mother had loved and nurtured her, Judith had never known aught but indifference from her father. She assumed she’d continue to act as nursemaid for little Johann, and prepared to go with him to her aunt’s house.
She had put on her hat and coat and was waiting at the door with the bags while Tante Helga and her father said their goodbyes.
“Come for dinner Friday. Heinrich has some business to discuss with you.”
“Ja, danke,” he grunted his assent.
“What are you doing standing there?” demanded her aunt of Judith.
“I have our things and am ready to go.”
“You aren’t going anywhere! Your plain, miserable face would give me an upset stomach. You can stay here and keep house for your father.”
Shocked, her mouth hanging open as her aunt swept by, Johann in her arms, Judith never even got to say goodbye to her brother.
“Which are the baby’s things?” Judith pointed dumbly at the valise where she’d carefully placed the diapers and toys and essentials of baby care. Johann handed it to the coachman, gave his sister a quick wave, and closed the door. Then he turned and stared at his daughter, looking her up and down.
“She’s right, you know, you are as ugly as a mud fence. Since your aunt has your brother, you really are no more use here. The maid does a fine job.” A funny look crossed his face so quickly she wasn’t sure she’d really seen it but Judith had heard the noises at night.
“You already have your bags packed. Pick them up. I’m taking you to the convent. The Sisters of Mercy can have you.”
Johann flagged a hansom cab and swept her off to the convent where Sister Evangeline’s mobile features reflected as much shock and dismay as Judith felt.
“Here, I give you her dowry,” Johann insisted. “Now she belongs to you. Make her a nun, for no man will ever want her.” He wrote out a check and dropped it on the desk, then bowed curtly and strode out with nary a backward glance for her daughter.
Bewilderment was writ large on Judith’s face; she was so numb from the series of shocks she couldn’t even think. Had her father really just abandoned her? Given her to the convent to become a nun?
And what about her baby brother? She’d cared for him since he was born. Would she never see him again?
The fury on Sister’s face as she stared after Johann Müller faded into compassion as she looked at her newest charge. She swept out from behind her desk and enfolded the waif in her arms. That is what finally broke Judith’s shocked reserve and she collapsed in tears as Sister Evangeline guided her to a settee and held her while she cried out her hurt and pain.
~~~
In her quiet demeanor and self-containment, Judith appeared to be the perfect nun; however she had absolutely no vocation. Her stately composure and apparent self-confidence made her a magnet for other children in need of comfort. And as she grew older the solemn face her father had condemned as “plain” gave way to a quiet beauty, combining soft, even features with strength of purpose and resolve.
Sister Evangeline had tried over the years to overcome with love and kindness the terrible blow Judith had received from her family, when she was so thoroughly rejected by them. No one had ever come to see her, and when enquiries have been made about visiting her baby brother, they had been firmly refused; Judith was forbidden to even attempt contact.
Sister Evangeline could not understand how anyone could do that to a child, much less reject any family member so thoroughly, but these were clearly cold people. To her way of thinking, Judith was better off without them.
~~~
Although she would sometimes smile at the children’s antics, Sister had never heard Judith laugh. And then Barbara and Emily joined the group. Barbara didn't laugh either.
Sensing kindred spirits, the two girls were drawn to each other despite their different circumstances. Barbara looked up to Judith as an older sister and Judith took both girls under her wing and nurtured them. At their ages, a single year’s difference in age conferred a great deal of authority.
But as they became friends, sharing with each other and discussing things to which no one else was privy, that year disappeared and the two became inseparable. Judith shared Barbara’s obvious concern and care for her younger sister Emily, and the three girls now shared a room.
And then one day Sister actually came upon them laughing quietly at the antics of some of the younger children. Her heart lifted in hope as she offered a prayer of thanksgiving for this minor miracle.
~~~
The nuns at the Our Lady of Mercy convent had provided Judith an excellent education and given her a great deal of love as well. She had arrived with far more education than most of the girls would ever enjoy, and had naturally slipped into a position as teacher’s helper.
Sister Bridget, herself highly educated, worked with Judith to encourage her in her own learning. She was adept at mathematics, and rather excelled in teaching. But even if she had wanted to ta
ke up teaching as a career, the current Board of Governors would not consider investing in an orphan. Money is tight, they would have said. It is enough just to feed and house these unwanted creatures.
~~~
While Sister Evangeline had long been in charge of welcoming new residents, for many children, especially the non-Catholics, the sight of a nun’s habit was unnerving. Of course once they overcame their shyness, most of the children flocked to sister, recognizing her as their protector.
Judith had slipped into the role of confidant for many of the children. Her calm and relaxed composure provided solidity and strength for the bewildered orphans who found their way into the home. That dispassionate demeanor hid a wealth of passion and caring which she spilled out onto the girls and even onto those nuns with whom she interacted regularly. Another child greeting them, one who was clearly comfortable with the adults, helped ease the transition, and Sister welcomed the assistance.
~~~
When Barbara had arrived at the orphanage, she could barely read or write. But Sister Bridget had spent extra time with her and soon she had not only caught up with, but surpassed most of the girls in the school room.
Having learned from her mother to sew quite beautifully, Barbara was soon helping re-fashion the clothing that came in as donations from the Saint Francis parishioners. Now she also learned penmanship, and developed a very fine copperplate handwriting. When Mother Agatha saw how beautifully she wrote, Barbara was invited to work part time in the office, assisting Mother with her correspondence.
Judith was also glad to have Barbara’s assistance with the children, helping them learn their letters.
~~~
Following Judith’s example, it became Barbara's role to nurture the new youngsters as well and help them settle in and feel secure, the way Judith had helped her. With Barbara as a helpmeet, the two girls took a lot of the burden off Sister Evangeline, who was also responsible for the day-to-day welfare of the children, trying to meet their emotional needs besides filling their bellies and informing their minds.
Between the two of them, Sister Evangeline had joked with Sister Benedicta, she hardly needed to work anymore. Which was a good thing, as she had been elected Mother Superior when Mother Agatha decided to retire, passing the baton of administration on to her.
After years of wrangling with various Boards of Governors and maintaining control of the convent, with the able aid of Sister Evangeline, Mother Agatha now retired into a life of prayer and quiet contemplation and was enjoying the peace.
~~~
And then Judith turned sixteen.
CHAPTER 6 – Emily
Despite her youth, Emily took to mothering naturally, cradling her daughter, feeding her, and learning to care for her. In this, Judith had proven to be a huge asset, with her prior knowledge of infant care learned from rearing her infant brother. She trained both Emily and Barbara in everything from nursing and diapering to bathing and dressing, and cautioned them to remember to carry a newborn to support its head and neck.
“And be sure to burp her frequently when feeding,” Judith cautioned.
For a while it looked as if Emily had rejoined life, as she focused on caring for her little daughter, but she still couldn’t focus in the classroom and her distraction proved contagious. Finally Emily was simply assigned to the Nursery where she helped care for the other infants entrusted to the orphanage. Emily remained relatively lucid when working there, although still saying very little. But she would sing and croon to whichever child she was caring for.
And she insisted upon having her daughter baptized as soon as possible, choosing the name “Emilene Amelia.”
“The ‘Emilene’ part is for me, her mother, so she always remembers me, but different because she is her own person. The ‘Amelia’ is for you, Sister Evangeline, since you have been like a fairy godmother to all of us.”
Sister Evangeline was startled—Amelia was her secular name, from before she took holy orders.
No one knows how children find these things out, but the girls in the house knew the secular names of most of the nuns despite the fact they were never used now, at least not publicly.
CHAPTER 7 – The Board of Directors
Since its inception, the orphanage had had a policy of retaining the girls until they attained at least eighteen years of age, unless specific arrangements had been made for them sooner. Many of the girls, for instance, went into service in the finer houses, where they generally lived in. In fact, Mercy-trained girls were highly sought after.
Other girls, who were apprenticed to shops, remained at the orphanage, working by day and returning each evening to rejoin what family they knew. As they became more independent, some married while others became highly regarded employees. All of this, including how long they stayed in residence, remained at the discretion of the Sisters.
But in 1867 a new Board of Governors was installed which made some draconian changes, including lowering the age of independence to sixteen from eighteen. This meant a number of the young ladies would no longer be eligible to remain within the confines and protection the Sisters of Mercy.
By now Mother Agatha had retired and Sister Evangeline had been elected Mother Superior in her place. And Mother Evangeline was, frankly, disgusted with this turn of events.
The Order, the Franciscan Sisters of Mercy, had been operating independently for over a century with a Board only nominally responsible for building upkeep and essential supplies, as a charitable entity within the local archdiocese. Now, suddenly, the Board was presuming to take charge of affairs outside its purview.
She sent a letter to the head of their Order, in Rome, requesting clarification of the changes being demanded by the Board. Meanwhile, she began her preparations to protect the young women affected.
To this end she decided to contact her brother, Francis, who was always extolling the wide open spaces and opportunities to be found west of the Mississippi. He’d found great happiness in a small town called Green River, in Kansas, as the priest for the parish of St. Mary on the Hill. Rubbing her temples to ease the tension, she carefully penned a letter, requesting his advice.
His answer came sooner than she’d expected and made her smile. Even better than she could have hoped!
Next, Mother Evangeline invited Sisters Benedicta, Francis, and Bridget to join her in her study. She also asked Sister Agatha, formerly Mother Agatha, to please offer her counsel as well.
CHAPTER 8 – Sharing Concerns
Father Francis Robert Flanagan and The Reverend Mr. Joseph Adam Peterson had become close friends in the years they’d tended their flocks. They shared many of the same issues of sinners, penitents, and faithful; but even more importantly, their congregations shared the same issues of weather and health, crop failures and animal welfare, and basic survival in their daily lives.
While they had been known to discuss, or even argue, theology, they agreed the details might be less meaningful than the overall message to Love Thy Neighbor. Knowing there is strength in numbers, two heads are better than one, and there is comfort to be had in the old sayings, they frequently conferred on issues that affected the town and surrounding countryside. One of these issues was the return of men from the brutal War Between the States which had finally ended, and the expansion of some of the farms and ranches, with a resulting inflow of a large number of people, mostly men, mostly unmarried.
Theirs was a small town filled with good people. It was not that most of the incomers weren’t good at heart, but some of these cowboys were looking for entertainment of a sort that the townsfolk of Green River, Kansas, would not abide.
The good father had the door open before Reverend Peterson had finished raising his hand to knock.
“I could hear those boots of yours clomping up the walk. Come on in!”
Changing his motion, the pastor moved his hand out to shake and it was heartily grasped as an arm swept around him, ushering him into the parsonage of St. Mary’s on the Hill.
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Settled in the parlor with coffee and sandwiches, Father Flanagan brought up the topic they’d met to discuss.
“Based on the confessions I’m hearing from these young cowboys Charles Barnett’s been bringing in, it’s about high time some of them were married.”
“I agree with you, Francis! Even with all the widows and daughters in town, I don’t think there are enough females in the area of marriageable age to cope with this expansion.”
“And I’m agreeing with you one hundred percent, Joseph. But let me share with you a letter from my sister Amelia.”
“That’s the one who’s a nun back east?”
“Yes, goes by Sister Evangeline—no, wait, that would be Mother Evangeline! She’s now head of the convent.”
“I’m impressed, Francis! So what does she have to say?”
“Here, read it for yourself.” Father Francis reached into his pocket and withdrew an envelope which he handed to Pastor Joe, who unfolded the letter within and began to read:
Dearest Francis,
I trust this finds you well. Our parents send their love and hope you may have heard from Ignatius, who has been dilatory in writing them. And we both know he hasn’t written me since I joined the convent. But you two were always partners in crime and despite your calling he has always looked up to you (heaven knows why).
The Reverend Joe looked up. “Is your sister implying you had a less than saintly youth?”
Francis grinned unrepentantly. “Probably much the same as yours, Joe.”
Smiling, Joe continued his reading.
I have been concerned of late for several of our older girls. As you know it has always been our policy to keep the girls here until they found employment or were married. Since the young women mature at different rates, while most are employed by the age of sixteen, some have not left our house until they were eighteen. Some have never left, but stayed on as staff to help the younger children.
Now, however, we have a new Board of Governors which, in its “wisdom,” has decided her sixteenth birthday marks the final day a girl may remain with us. While I have done my best to argue against this policy, we have a small group who may find themselves out on the street if another plan is not put in place.
Mail Order Barbara (Widows, Brides, and Secret Babies Book 14) Page 2
