“But Izzy, we haven’t even eaten yet,” Mike protested from the grill.
Belle wrapped each grumbling child in their towels and was herding them through the sliding door by the time Tanner climbed out of the pool. And completely ignoring the protestations of everyone around her. His hand wrapped around her bicep. “Hey, give me a minute to dry off and then you can tell me what the hell is going on.”
Her red-rimmed eyes looked vacant and haunted. Just as she opened her mouth to answer, Ava spoke up. “Yeah, Mommy, we need to wait for Daddy.”
She pinned the brightest and fakest smile on her face Tanner had ever seen and turned to the kids. “Daddy isn’t coming with us this time, sweetie. He’s going to have a sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. Just like you guys get to do sometimes.”
His stomach dropped to his feet. What in the actual hell just happened? Ten minutes ago, she was fine. More than fine. She was his Belle. His greedy little vixen who loved to negotiate with him and tease him and…
“Belle, come on.” He failed to keep the panic from his tone and he cursed himself for it. “You need to talk to me. To tell me what’s wrong. Whatever it is, I can fix it. We can fix it. I promise. Just…talk to me, sweetheart.”
Wyatt and Connor came racing through the door at that moment, and Belle nodded in their direction, pulling her arm from his slackened grasp. “Ask your brother.”
She hustled the kids past his astonished mother and straight out the front door before Tanner could even begin to process what was happening.
Tingling heat spread through his entire body, and he stalked over to Wyatt and Connor. Ask your brother. That had to mean Wyatt. He was the only one that was a big enough asshole to ruin everything Tanner had rebuilt with Belle.
He grabbed the front of Wyatt’s blue and white striped t-shirt and practically slammed him against the brick wall of the house. “What the hell did you do?”
Wyatt’s face turned red with the pressure against his windpipe, and his words came out in gargles. A hand closed around Tanner’s forearm. “It wasn’t his fault.” Connor’s voice was calm and clear as always. “Tanner, listen to me. It wasn’t his fault. Let go.”
The words finally registered in Tanner’s brain as did his brother gasping for air. He released his hold and Wyatt fell to his knees, coughing.
Tanner pierced his hair with his fingers and breathed heavily. “Then whose fault was it? What the hell happened? And why is my wife driving away without me?”
Wyatt fished in his pocket, still breathing unevenly, and tapped the screen of his phone a few times before turning it over to Tanner. “She saw these.”
Tanner swiped to the left several times, scrolling through the pictures. No, no, no, and hell no. She couldn’t have. Dammit, he didn’t even remember half of the things displayed on the screen in front of him. And he sure as hell didn’t remember someone, anyone, other than Belle running her fingers through his hair.
That was theirs. That was sacred.
Every single thing he’d done, change he had made, and realization he’d come to amounted to little more than the smoke from a burning ember whipped away by the wind. He’d violated her trust far worse than he’d thought.
And it was real to her now more than it had been before. It wasn’t some faceless woman; it wasn’t something she could downplay in her own mind to make it feel better. She had seen practically every event as it unfolded, and it had broken her much more than just the vague concept had.
She left.
He dropped into the wrought iron patio chair, ignoring the water still dripping from his hair and trunks.
She left.
Belle had taken the kids and made sure he knew he wasn’t welcome to follow.
She left.
And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. For the first time in his life, there was something Tanner Carlisle couldn’t fix.
He propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. When he finally lifted his head, he was met with tears falling down his mother’s cheeks, an angry scowl from his father, and blatant panic written across Connor’s face.
“Are you just going to sit here like some pathetic asshole, or are you going to go get your wife back?” Dean called out from the other side of the pool with a smirk tugging at his lips. “’Cause I gotta tell you, brother, the part of the Carlisle family asshole has already been filled by Wyatt and he does a fine job of it, so you need to man the hell up.”
From his place on the concrete floor of the patio, Wyatt held his throat with one hand and flipped his little brother off with the other.
Tanner’s mouth fell open. It must have just dipped below zero in the depths of hell because his baby brother was actually making sense.
He stood up abruptly, knocking over the chair as he did. “I’m going to need to borrow a car.” He looked down at his bare chest and sopping trunks. “And clothes.”
***
He knew better.
He knew he shouldn’t have left.
And now he was sitting in the hospital room, holding Belle’s hand, willing her to open her eyes. They said she was fine. They said after three units of blood, the surgery had ended beautifully. They said her vitals looked perfect. But the enchanting light brown eyes he loved remained closed and he felt like his lungs were as well.
His phone dinged an alert. Every thirty minutes, Tracy Carlisle updated him on the twins and asked how Belle was. And every thirty minutes, he had nothing to report. His head hung between his shoulders.
She was gonna be mad as hell that he was here, but there was no way he’d be anywhere else. Even if she screamed, cried, or threw something at him, he wouldn’t leave her side ever again.
He knew he shouldn’t have left.
A finger twitched in his grasp and his head shot up. Her long lashes fluttered once. Twice. Belle’s eyes darted around the room before her brow drew together and the heel of her palm pressed against her forehead. “Ow.” She moaned and closed her eyes again.
“Hey there, beautiful,” he whispered softly and reached for the remote affixed to the hospital bed. After pressing the red button to summon the nurse, he hit the two buttons that threw the room into near darkness. “Is that better, sweetheart?”
She nodded slowly and then winced. “What happened? Where are the babies? Why aren’t you with them?” Tears collected in her eyes, and she shook her head slightly. “They aren’t…”
He reached up to smooth her hair from her face and brushed away the single tear tracking down her cheek. “They are fine, sweetheart. My mom is with them. They are breathing on their own and are shocking almost all of the NICU staff with how strong they are for such tiny babies.” He grinned and winked at her. “I told them that’s what happens when their mom is from New York.”
Belle relaxed back into the bed with a small smile. “Did Noah come out wearing a business suit so he can join you in the board room in the next three to five years?”
Some of the tension eased from Tanner’s shoulders. If she was making fun of his MBA, she must be doing okay.
The nurse bustled in the room, flicked on the dimmer light, and began fiddling with the IVs and fluid bags attached to Belle. Tanner stood and moved to the foot of the bed, leaving her plenty of room to take care of his wife.
“How are you feeling, Mrs. Carlisle?”
“I’m fi—”
“Her head hurts,” Tanner interrupted, determined not to let her downplay anything in an effort to get to the twins faster. “And don’t lie, Belle. I see it when you move your head, and it was even worse when the bright lights were on.”
She rolled her eyes with a huff. “Okay, fine, yes. I have a little headache.”
The nurse chuckled in response. “Let me get you something to help with that. And how about something to drink?”
Her tongue darted out to touch her lips, and she nodded. “My mouth is really dry.”
A heavy weight settled square on Tanner’s chest, making it h
ard to inhale. He needed to tell her. She needed to know. But she was going to be devastated. He closed his eyes and straightened his shoulders. She needed to hear this and hear it from him.
The nurse came in and out of the room a few more times bringing ice chips, a few cans of ginger ale, cups, and straws.
On the last trip, she arrived with a syringe that she injected into the IV tube connected to Belle’s hand. “Just a little something for that headache.” She winked before exiting the room and pulling the door halfway closed behind her.
He sat on the bed beside her again, pouring a small amount of the soda into a cup for her. “Here ya go, sweetheart.”
After a few small sips, she smiled. “Next time we will have a much less eventful birth, okay?”
An iron fist closed around his heart. “Sweetheart, what do you remember? Of the surgery, I mean.”
Her lips drew down at the corners, and she rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling like she was trying to pick out the memories. “I…I remember telling you to go with the twins. And…I think I remember seeing them for just a second. Oh!” Her hand flew to his. “Twenty fingers and twenty toes, right? I remember worrying about that.”
He laughed and hoped it sounded genuine to her. “Yes, I told you they are healthier than any thirty-two week preemie babies have a right to be. Twenty fingers, twenty toes, four eyes, four ears, two noses, two mouths. All present and accounted for.”
Belle sat up a little in the bed and put a hand against his cheek, her expression sober and her gaze locked on his. “Something happened. Something you’re not telling me.”
He nodded and covered her hand with his. “Yeah, there is. Belle, things didn’t go as planned.”
“Just tell me, baby.” Her voice was strong, but fear was written all over her face.
Tanner pulled her hand from his face and held both of hers firmly in his grasp. “A-after we left, me and the babies, you started bleeding. A lot.” He shook his head. “The doctor called it something I can’t remember or pronounce. But she said they had to give you blood transfusions a-and they had to put you under general anesthesia and…” His voice caught in his throat as the words the doctor spoke replayed through his mind. “They had to do a hysterectomy, Belle. It was the only way.”
The chestnut eyes Tanner loved so much grew wide before they filled with tears and she leaned against his shoulder, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He held her for a long time, running a hand down her silky chocolate brown hair.
Finally she pulled back and stared at him, her face filled with desolation. “You should marry someone else. Someone who isn’t broken. Someone who can give you more kids.”
He cupped the sides of her face. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever even think that, ever again. Belle, don’t you understand? You almost died. I almost lost you.” He choked on the last few words. “Nothing in this world would matter to me if you weren’t by my side. Do you hear me? Not a damn thing.”
Tanner held her close to his chest. “Sweetheart, I don’t know if I could remember how to breathe without you.”
For a long time they both clung to each other, grieving the loss of the future they had planned. Finally Belle pulled away and looked in his eyes with a small smile. “Nobody leaves?”
“Damn straight, sweetheart. Nobody leaves.”
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Izzy
The slamming of the car door made her jump. She grabbed another tissue and rolled her swollen eyes. Why did he have to be so freaking persistent? The least he could have done was to wait until the kids were asleep. They didn’t need to hear this.
She sat on the side of the bed, overcome by the same memory that haunted her for more than twenty years. The taillights of her father’s car pulling out of the driveway appeared in front of her eyes and her mother’s shrill screams echoed in her ears.
She’d always said she wouldn’t make their mistakes. She’d sworn she would never let her children deal with the same demons she had. She’d trusted Tanner to stay faithful, to be a better man.
But it was too late for those things now. Clearly history was going to repeat itself, but she didn’t know if she’d have the strength to make it through it again.
Her heart pounded as she heard the heavy footsteps on the stairs. Long before she was ready, there was a light tap on the door and it slowly swung open. Tanner stood just inside the doorway wearing gray athletic shorts and a tight, faded blue t-shirt with some indie band logo on the front that she’d never seen before.
The realization that when she drove away she took the duffel bag that held his change of clothes hit and she felt her cheeks warm. Obviously he’d borrowed something from one of his brothers.
“I didn’t know.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “Wyatt showed me, but sweetheart, I swear I didn’t know. I don’t remember what happened.”
Lifting her hands helplessly, she said, “But it happened, Tanner. It happened and you can’t undo it.”
She stood up and pointed at him. “You made the decision to drive out there, you made the decision to follow him to the bar and drink way more than you should have,” she choked back her tears, “and you made the decision to put your hands and your mouth on someone else.”
Izzy wrapped her arms around her midsection. “And now I’m making the decision that you need to leave.”
Tanner closed the door with a quiet click before he stormed over to her. He grabbed the tops of her arms and held her tightly. “No. Hell, no. It doesn’t end like this. You don’t get to walk into my life and make me the happiest man in the world for more than a decade and then throw it away because I screwed up one time. No, Belle. It isn’t going down like that.”
Mustering all the strength she could, she looked into his blue eyes, drowning in fear and panic and tears. The ones that still could see through to her soul, no matter how much she tried to fight it. “There was one thing. One thing, Tanner, that was special. One thing that was just ours…just mine.” She shook her head. “It’s not mine anymore. You’re not mine anymore.”
His nostrils flared, and he pressed his forehead against hers. “The hell I’m not. I’ve been yours since the very first day I saw you and I’m going to be yours until I take my last breath. Please. Please, I’ve never begged for anything from anyone, but I’ll beg if that’s what it takes. Just please don’t make that decision now.”
She offered a hollow, haunted laugh. “And when should I make that decision, Tanner? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month?” She shook her head.
“Saturday. Just wait until Saturday.”
Izzy pulled out of his arms. She couldn’t be that close anymore. She couldn’t feel his skin, his warmth, or the agonizing pain radiating off his body for another second and hope to have any sort of defense. Running a hand through her hair, she took three large steps away. “What’s so magical about Saturday?”
If it were possible, he looked even more devastated when she walked away from him. “Our date. Our last date.”
She rolled her eyes again and leaned her head back. “And you really think that this…this date,” her heart cracked when he winced at the derision in her voice, “is really going to change anything?”
“I think I promised you forty-three days of change. Forty-three days to prove how much I love you and how sorry I am that I screwed up the single best thing that ever happened to me.” He paused for a minute and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “And you said you’d let me try.”
She lifted her shoulders slightly. “But that was before…” The images on Wyatt’s phone, long red fingernails intertwined through Tanner’s hair, danced in front of her eyes and stole the air from her lungs. “Before I knew. Before I saw.”
Tanner matched her three steps and fell to his knees in front of her just like he did when he first came home, confessing his transgression. And just like then, her fingers itched to play with every strand of his still damp hair. The desire causing the ne
west wound to her heart begin to ache even more exquisitely. His hands landed on her hips and he held tight. “Please, Belle, just give me until Saturday.”
Her heart and her mind locked in a bitter war. As certain as she was that her heart would never again be whole, the very idea of Tanner’s absence from her life made it valiantly urge her to say yes. Ava’s piano recitals with each of them sequestered on opposites sides of the auditorium. Noah’s baseball games seated at least five rows apart. Graduation. Weddings. Grandchildren. Every single important event yet to happen in their lives, done as two separate, broken people. A far cry from the happily ever after she’d always envisioned.
“Okay.”
The single word, barely more than a whisper, made Tanner’s head snap up. “Okay?”
She could do little more than nod in response, her brain screaming that he clearly could not be trusted.
He stood up quickly and cradled her face in his hands. He brushed his lips across hers softly, hesitantly. “Thank you, sweetheart.” And then just like that, his hands fell away and he left her standing in their bedroom, peeling out of the driveway minutes later.
Her fingers touched her mouth, feeling as cold and vacant as her heart. Izzy fell onto the bed and let go of all the tears she had been holding back, wondering if it was the last time he’d ever kiss her.
***
Izzy folded her arms across her chest and glared at the doctor. She was tired, hungry, and annoyed by the staples still in her stomach eight days after the C-section. The nonsensical comments coming out of the man’s mouth weren’t helping her attitude in the slightest.
“I really don’t care what you think, what the averages are, and what your stupid studies show,” she seethed, her voice low and menacing. “My children are not going to have any impairments or disabilities and you can take every pamphlet and paper and shove them up your pompous, insensitive—”
He held a hand up in surrender. “I’m simply informing you of probabilities and your options, Mrs. Carlisle.”
Meant to be Kept Page 19
