by Claire Adams
I glanced towards the TV and then mutely shook my head, moving over to the bed so that I could sit next to him. After a moment's hesitation, I curled up on my side, putting my head in his lap.
Josh's brought his hand up to pet my hair, but he sighed. “Okay, that is going to distract me, unfortunately,” he said. He sounded regretful, but he gently removed my head from his lap. “I have a few more phone calls that I need to make tonight,” he said, already turning back to his computer screen.
“There's no such thing as a lazy billionaire,” I half-heartedly joked. All I got in return was a distracted smile.
“Josh, come on,” I sighed. “We only have one more night of our road trip. Can't you put off your work for one more night?” I sounded whiny and petulant, but I had to ask.
If I had my way, we would spend the whole night awake, talking and making love to one another until we were both too exhausted to go anywhere. Of course, then we'd have to wake up from the fantasy and come back to the real world. But I just wanted one more night of this. Was that so much to ask?
Josh sighed. “Kylie, I've got to make sure I've got everything ready when I walk into those meetings tomorrow,” he said. “That means making sure that my funds are liquid, plus preparing presentations. I also need to talk to the shipping company about my car and make sure that I can drive it out to the drop-off point tomorrow. And we'll both need to pack up our things and make sure we have everything we need out of the car.”
“Right,” I said hoarsely, hating the tears that I felt pricking my eyes. Whatever he and I had shared over this trip, it seemed like it had already evaporated.
Josh was staring keenly at me, though. After a long moment, he sighed and put aside his documents, closing his laptop. “Come here,” he said, opening his arms to me.
I crawled close to him and nestled into his chest, splaying my hand over his muscular arm. “Sorry,” I sniffed.
“It's okay,” Josh said softly, stroking my hair again. “You're going to have a great Christmas, though. You know it. You'll get to see your family, and the city will be all decorated. It's been a while since you had a cold, white Christmas.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, but my mind was on other things: the way my fingers traced patterns across his forearm, the way tiny goosebumps lifted in the wake of my aimless drawings. I was wet and needy, but I didn't feel like I could ask Josh for anything more. I had already imposed on him enough.
“I should let you get back to work,” I finally sighed, pulling away from him.
But Josh tugged me back. “I don't want to get back just yet,” he said. There was something else in his voice, but I couldn't decipher it.
He was warm, and he was comfortable, and I never wanted to leave the circle of his arms. We'd only been sleeping together for a few days now, but I was starting to realize that I had deeper feelings for Josh. Much deeper feelings for him. In fact, when I really thought about it, those feelings could be traced all the way back to when we were in college.
But I had never gone after him.
It was a matter of timing, sure. It seemed like whenever I was single, he wasn't, and whenever he was single, I wasn't. In reality, I probably should have broken up with my boyfriends sooner and gone out with Josh as soon as he'd been available.
But the main thing that it all came back to was fear. I was afraid of ruining my friendship with Josh and my friendship with Mandy. I was afraid of not being enough for Josh. Now, there was the class difference between us. Although I made a decent enough income, he was a billionaire, with a fancy sports car and a fancy home and everything else that money could buy.
Even in college, though, I'd been afraid. Josh was interesting. He was the kind of guy who knew what he wanted and went after it. He had hobbies, and he had talents, and I'd always felt kind of plain standing next to him.
Josh's fingertips trailed down my cheek, and I shivered, feeling as though I stood on the precipice right then. On the one hand, I wanted to cry and beg him to stay with me. On the other hand, I wanted this night to be special if it was going to be our last night together. I wasn't so foolish as to think that I could change his mind and make him want me in that way, but I could at least give him a night to remember.
I made up my mind in a split second and turned my face up for a kiss. Without hesitation, I climbed into his lap, one knee on either side of his hips. His hands came to rest on my thighs, and I trembled as they began to trace patterns against the material along my inner thigh, teasing me.
I pulled back to give Josh one last chance to go back to work, but I could feel how hard he already was, and I had a feeling he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his work even if he wanted to.
Sure enough, he was laughing as we pulled apart. “Well, that's one way to get my attention,” he said.
He looped his arms around my neck and pulled me close again, cradling the back of my head against his hand and tangling his fingers in my hair. He pulled at my hair and nipped at my lower lip, and I sank into the kiss, overwhelmed by feelings both internal and external.
I let Josh turn us over and lay me back on the bed. He undressed me slowly, eyeing each new piece of skin as it was uncovered, as though this would be the last time he saw me like this. And perhaps it was, indeed, the last time.
With that thought in mind, I drank in his appearance as he shed his clothing. When we were both naked, he knelt on the end of the bed, staring down at me, and as impatient as I felt, as badly as I needed to feel him inside me, I lay still, waiting for him, watching him. This was a view that I was going to miss: his firm chest, his long arms, those strong fingers. His cock, jutting up between his legs, already hard, with pre-cum beading at the tip.
I wanted to touch him. I wanted to taste him.
Finally, he seemed to get with the program, and he moved closer to me, covering my body with his own. Still, he did nothing more than caress me for a moment, stroking me all over as though he could memorize my curves by touch alone.
He pushed carefully inside of me, moving slowly and allowing me to adjust. There had been very little foreplay, but there was very little foreplay needed at this point. My body knew how to respond to his. I was wet and needy, and I easily accommodated him deep within my folds.
His cock throbbed with heat, and I felt an answering heat build inside of me. I clung to him, feeling those tears from earlier stinging my eyes. But I closed my eyes, refusing to let them fall.
This was nothing like the fucking that we'd been doing. It was slower and sweeter, our bodies moving in perfect unison with one another. We fit together, somehow. Like it was meant to be.
Except that it wasn't.
There was a melancholy to it, in the way that Josh cupped my cheek and stared down into my eyes. In the way that I trembled as I rocked in time to meet his thrusts. His tip dragged against my skin, pulling sweet sighs from my lips. It was as though our bodies were saying a soft goodbye to one another.
Josh caught my gaze and held it as he started to move more quickly, pounding rapidly into me. I struggled to meet his thrusts, too caught up in the sensations, my desire building rapidly until it was all-encompassing. I dug my heels into the mattress and pressed my hands up against the headboard, muscles twitching with the need to come.
“That's it, baby,” Josh hissed, watching my expressions, realizing how close I was. “Come for me, baby.”
It was all too much to bear, and I came, falling through waves of lust for what felt like an eternity, vaguely aware of Josh finding his own climax just after mine.
I caught him in my arms as he made to pull away, holding him close for one more second, knowing that as soon as I released him, the moment would be over. He'd go back to work, and although we might cuddle that night, although we might have sex in the morning as well, this chapter of our relationship was over.
I felt an incredible sense of loss, even though we'd technically never been anything more than friends.
Friends with benefits, just like you asked fo
r, I reminded myself regretfully.
Sure enough, Josh rolled to the side, grinning at me. Then, he pushed himself upright and grabbed for his phone and his computer. I rolled away from him and got myself beneath the blankets, turning my back to him as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Josh
The next week was a whirlwind for me. Mark had me scheduled for a lot of meetings with various people at Biogen Tech, as well as with a few other investors who had shown an interest in the company. The company board had decided that to assuage everyone's fears that someone might want to take over the company, they were going to divvy up the investment opportunities.
The only thing that remained was figuring out how we were going to divvy up those opportunities.
I still felt some vague stirrings of regret when I thought about how I'd cut short the road trip just for this, but I was surrounded by like-minded individuals, working hard to come to terms on a deal so that we could all go home for the holidays. It was exhilarating, and I knew that if I'd blown this off, I would have regretted that, too.
What I really wanted was to call up Kylie and let her know how everything had gone, but I figured that she was probably busy with family time. Plus, I doubted she wanted to hear about it.
Eventually, I made it back to LA, which is where I was sitting that morning, two days after Christmas.
I grinned as I reread the fax from Mark. It was my copy of our contract, which laid out the full terms of my investment. I would get in before anyone else did, and I, along with some other venture capitalists whom I had met during my trip to Biogen Tech's labs, would control the bulk of the most useful classes of shares. Essentially, we owned the company, but since none of us knew anything about genetic engineering, beyond the basics, the scientists were secure in the knowledge that we wouldn't try to steal their findings. It was a win-win situation.
My personal phone rang, and I frowned at the unknown number on the caller ID. Then, I gave a mental shrug and picked it up. “Hello?”
“Hey, Josh.”
I was surprised to hear Mandy on the other end of the line. I couldn't remember her ever calling me before. Usually, she messaged me online when she wanted to meet up with me. Otherwise, it was usually Kylie who arranged for the three of us to get together.
“Hey, Mandy,” I said slowly, wondering why she was calling.
“Hope you had a good Christmas,” she said. “How did the business thing go?”
“It went really well, actually,” I said, still trying to think why she might be calling me. “Is everything okay with Kylie? Did she make it back to LA okay?”
I hadn't heard anything from her since we'd parted ways in Lincoln, beyond a simple “made it” when her flight got in and a “Merry Xmas” on Christmas.
It wasn't a surprise, when I thought about it. We were going to have to work hard to figure out how to be friends again, after being something more for that brief stretch of time. In fact, I'd wanted to chat with her a number of times since I'd returned to LA, but I hadn't been sure exactly what to say to her.
“Kylie's fine,” Mandy said, putting my mind at ease. “Or at least, as fine as she can be, given the circumstances.”
“What circumstances?” I asked, feeling confused.
Mandy sighed. “I don't understand you, Josh. You've wanted Kylie for years, and now that you finally got your chance, you just walked out on it. How do you think that made Kylie feel?”
“I didn't walk out on anything,” I snapped.
I wasn't sure why I felt so defensive, although perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I still felt guilty about having ditched Kylie midway through our trip, even though I knew that it was well within my rights to do so. I'd more than made up for it in booking her flight to New York and back to LA.
“You didn't walk out on anything, huh?” Mandy asked, and I could picture her rolling her eyes. “The two of you finally get some time alone, and you finally start to realize that just maybe you each wanted something more than friendship. And then bam! You decide that some business thing is more important than whatever it is the two of you are building.”
“This was a serious business matter,” I said angrily. “You know how important my job is to me. I thought you understood that. Anyway, I didn't walk away from anything. Kylie said from the get-go that this was just a friends with benefits deal. It was all about having a little fun and taking care of needs when we didn't have anyone else to rely on.”
Mandy groaned. “Josh, how long have you had feelings for Kylie? And how long has she had feelings for you? There are 10-plus years of unsatisfied feelings between the two of you guys. Did you really think that you could just be friends with benefits? I don't care what Kylie said to you; you must have known that that wasn't what was happening. Or else you're delusional.”
“I don't see where it's any of your business anyway,” I said frostily.
“Hmm, maybe because the two of you are my best friends?” Mandy asked drily. “Or maybe because I carefully orchestrated this plan specifically so that the two of you would finally get your heads out of your asses and sort yourselves out, but here we are, and you two still don't have your shit together.”
“What do you mean, you orchestrated this plan?” I asked suspiciously.
“I didn't get Kylie's parents to cancel on coming out here, but I was the one who suggested the road trip,” Mandy said. “And I was also the one who suggested that Kylie invite you along. I made sure to give the two of you plenty of time alone in Vegas, and you know what? It worked. You slept together. Once that had happened, I packed my things and left you even more alone so that you could really figure yourselves out. But of course, you had to go and fuck things up. Now, you're just chickening out.”
“I'm not chickening out,” I snarled. “And I don't need you interfering in mine and Kylie's relationship. If it was meant to be, it would have happened by now. Like you said, it's been a long time of me having feelings for her, and she's not interested in me in that way. I've come to terms with it.”
“Fine,” Mandy said. “If you're so chill and uninterested, I dare you to see Kylie again. Soon. Jasmine is going to be holding a New Year's Eve party, and I think you should be there.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don't think that's a possibility. I have a long business trip to Hong Kong coming up in January,” I told her. “I'll be leaving on January first. And I'm not about to attempt that long of a flight with a hangover. Maybe some other time.”
“There you go again,” Mandy grumbled. “Hiding behind your work.”
“I'm not hiding behind anything,” I said. “I like my job. What is it about that that you and Kylie don't seem to understand?”
“You're such a coward,” Mandy said. “It's one thing to like the work that you do and to do a good job of it. It's another thing to be a workaholic. And it's another entirely to put your work in front of other things that you would rather have in your life, all because you're too scared to fess up to the feelings that you have for someone. Even though I'm telling you that Kylie has those same feelings for you.”
I sighed, not sure how to reason with her anymore. “Mandy, look. You don't understand the situation. It's personal, and it's private. Between Kylie and I. Do I have feelings for Kylie? Sure. But Kylie has made it very clear that we're not going to act on those feelings, and I have to respect that. And I'm not going to throw away everything that I've worked for in my life just because I have feelings for a woman. This deal with Biogen Tech is important to me, and the Hong Kong deal is important to me as well. I'm sorry that those plans don't fit into whatever scheme it is that you're hatching, but this is the real world, not the fantasy world that you've made up.”
“It's not a fantasy that you and Kylie should be together,” Mandy said peevishly. “The two of you are perfect for one another, and we all know it.”
“I didn't even plan to go on that road trip,” I told her, starting to get incensed. “Kylie dra
gged me along, forced me to take us in my car, and asked me to please plan the route and the hotels and all the other details. I didn't have to do that. But you know what? That's what friends do. Kylie and I are best friends. And it's going to stay that way.”
Mandy tsked. “I can't believe a self-made billionaire is so scared of a few feelings. I expected better of you, Josh.”
Before I could respond to that, she hung up on me, and I was left listening to the dead line. I wanted to chuck my phone against the opposite wall, but I knew better than to do that. Instead, I set it carefully down on my desk and placed my palms right on the edge of the mahogany wood, trying to ground myself there.
The thing is, I didn't know what I was angrier about: Mandy's manipulation or the fact that she was right, at least on some level. I did want Kylie, and I could tell from the way she acted once we had agreed to be friends with benefits that she had some sort of feelings for me as well, feelings that ran deeper than friendship.
But that didn't mean that we were meant for one another. That didn't mean that things were destined to work out between us. That just meant that we were two people with feelings for one another. And that was only natural, given how long we'd been best friends.
But these feelings came along even before you'd been best friends for long, my subconscious reminded me.
I quelled that thought. Even if it was true, there was nothing I could do about it. Like I'd told Mandy, I was headed out of the country on January first, and there was no way I would be able to make it to Jasmine's New Year's Eve party.
I spared a thought to think of Kylie at the party, though, feeling strangely wistful. Kylie liked to dress up for New Year's Eve, and over the years, I'd seen her in a number of drop-dead sexy outfits on that occasion. My favorite had been the year that she'd worn a tight, black, gemstone-encrusted dress that glittered when she moved, accentuating her curves, and left her hair in long, loose curls that cascaded down her back. She'd had an ethereal beauty to her that night, and I hadn't been able to tear my eyes away from her.
