by Claire Adams
I couldn’t forget about his bandaged hands and those sores that he had from shoveling horse shit the first few weeks before I had arrived home. I had never seen anything like that and at least now it made a little more sense why he had such sensitive hands. Malcolm didn’t look like he had worked much with his hands at all.
That moment with Garrett still seemed very much real in my mind. He hadn’t seemed like he was lying to me. The way he looked at me, the way his hands touched me, they had all seemed so genuine. I missed that feeling. I wasn’t sure what had been real between us and what had just been part of his game to occupy his time while he was on the ranch. Of course, I wanted to think that every moment we had spent together was totally real, but I wasn’t that naive.
Honestly, I tried not to blame Garrett, or Malcolm, too much. He was stuck with us and why not enjoy the time? He was a hot, young guy and he had been a perfect gentleman with me. He had even warned me on several occasions that he wasn’t going to be around forever. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling that what we had might have been the real deal.
When we were alone together, his looks, his touch, they all felt like reality to me. I knew that it was real for me, the time I had spent with him was totally real. I cared about Garrett, even loved him, and now he was gone and I was left on the ranch to pick up the pieces.
I hadn’t loved many men in my life, so it was just going to be difficult for me to work through losing him. But I was a strong woman, I knew that about myself and I knew eventually his memory would fade away and someone new would show up in my life. At least my mind knew all of that, the rest of me just had to catch up.
My self-pity party had gotten away from me, and before I knew it, I had cut up all the vegetables. I was dazed and totally distracted and it was a good thing I hadn’t cut off one of my fingers in the process. I gathered the bowls up and brought them to my mother as she made omelets for the men.
“Here you go,” I said as I started to head back to the kitchen.
“Stay. I could use an extra hand this morning. It takes me forever to make each of the omelets and the men can get to work quicker if you help me.”
Reluctantly, I found another pan and started to make omelets with her as the men came through the line. The ranch hands didn’t look all that excited to be up that early and I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed the newest man running in at the last moment before we stopped serving breakfast. He was out of breath and looked totally disheveled as he stood in front of us.
“I just don’t know how these guys all get up so early without an alarm,” he said as he chose his toppings. “Is there some sort of trick?”
“I don’t know,” I lied to the young man. “Maybe talk with George and see what he has to say.”
George was the new manager of the ranch hands. He had worked with us for about three months and had known Garrett, as well as the two men who had died. George was a quiet guy and not much to look at, but he was good enough at the job and the men trusted him. Trust was a hard thing to earn with the men who worked for us and it was the best indicator of if a new manager would do a good job. If the men trusted him, he was likely to be very successful in working with them. If they didn’t trust him, he was likely to decide to move on to a different job rather quickly.
There was a sadness that surrounded the ranch though, and nothing seemed to be lifting it. When Garrett had been in charge, he was always upbeat and happy in the mornings. His smile brightened the other guys up and his joking ways had them in a great mood every day. But with Garrett gone, as well as Ralph and Devin, the ranch was a solemn place. There hadn’t been laughter at our ranch in two weeks and I wasn’t sure if it would ever return.
As breakfast finished up, I decided to spend my morning with the horses. I hadn’t been taking care of them much lately and thought it might brighten up my own mood to clean up Bambi and maybe even see if my father wanted to take a ride out to the river with me. I enjoyed riding and at the very least I knew that was something I could do to make myself happy.
The photos I had taken were beautiful and the real estate agent we hired thought she would be able to sell the land for a much higher price than my father had originally intended to sell it to his friend. Of course, my father offered the land to his friend at the new price, but he declined. It turned out he had only been interested in it because my father was selling it so cheaply. Old man Joe had intended to resell the land at its rightful price and keep the proceeds for himself. Both my mother and I were furious over the details of what had gone on with old man Joe, but my father didn’t seem to mind at all.
“Buckjoy could use a little attention,” my father said as I walked into the barn. “He’s been pretty anxious this morning and a little down.”
“I’m sure he’d love it if you gave that to him,” I answered, although I knew he meant that he wanted me to spend time with the horse.
“No, I meant from you. I think he misses you.”
“Buckjoy misses Garrett and he’s just going to have to get over it because Garrett isn’t coming back. Plus, he’s a horse, Dad. How do you know he misses anyone?”
“He misses you,” my father said as he pulled Buckjoy out of his stall and walked him toward me. “Why don’t you take him out for a run? He needs to feel the air through his mane.”
“Dad, why don’t you take him out? I’m going to take care of Bambi today.”
I knew what my father was trying to do. He thought that spending time with Buckjoy would make me feel better. Well, he was wrong. The last thing in the world that I wanted to do was spend time with Garrett’s horse. I would just let my father take care of that horse from that point forward.
Just looking at Buckjoy had my mind flooded with memories of Garrett. I saw Garrett’s amazing smile and the way he had taken such good care of the horses that night of the storm. There were so many things that I missed about Garrett and looking at Buckjoy made them all come flooding back into my mind.
“All right, but I think he likes you better than me,” my father said as he walked out of the barn with Buckjoy behind him.
I didn’t think Buckjoy liked me better than my father. The horse probably just associated me with Garrett and was hopeful he would be back soon. But eventually Buckjoy, as well as the rest of us, would just have to learn to live our life without Garrett around. That was the reality of the world we lived in. Garrett was gone, in his place was a fancy-dressing, rich guy named Malcolm and I didn’t think Buckjoy would have liked that guy any more than I would.
I saddled up Bambi after giving her a good bath. It was still early enough in the day that I could have gone out to the river, but decided against that. Instead, we rode up north to the big barn that was at that end of the property. It was there that I had hid out with the ranch hands after the murders had happened. That was the only place I could go where I didn’t have a memory of Garrett standing next to me, or at least I thought it was the only place I wouldn’t think about Garrett.
Everything I saw and did at the ranch seemed to be covered with a memory of something funny Garrett had said to me. I was constantly inundated with memories of a kiss we shared, a witty remark he said, or something else that had happened between the two of us. It was so hard to be on the ranch and have to deal with those memories.
Even though Garrett hadn’t been to the barn up north, I sat there and still couldn’t get him off my mind. That night replayed in my head and I remembered the sadness on Garrett’s face as he stood over the two men who had been shot. I would never forget that night as long as I lived. No matter who Garrett really was, on that night I saw how much he hurt when those men were murdered, and I could only imagine the guilt he felt because of their death. I closed my eyes and his face came into full view for me; he was officially everywhere and I hopped back on my horse to head into the main ranch again.
It was going to take a lot of distraction for me to finally get over Garrett and that meant I needed some sort of project on the ranch
to keep me busy. I didn’t care what it was; I just needed something to keep me busy. Somehow, I had to forget about the man that I had loved.
Chapter Fifteen
Malcolm
“It is with great pleasure that I announce the return of our beloved CEO, Malcolm Edwards,” my company VP said in front of a packed auditorium of our employees. “This man has proven what dedication he has to our company and to you the employees. He gave up his own freedom to keep us all safe and we will forever remember that. Thank you, Malcolm, and welcome home.”
The crowd cheered and stood up as I made my way from the side of the stage up to the podium. I hadn’t wanted to make such a public appeal to my staff; if it had been up to me I would have just sent out an email and called it a day. But Casey insisted that everyone needed the positive energy of an event and I was too exhausted to argue with him.
I was still in total shock that Frank had been murdered and I wasn’t going to have to testify. It was crazy how things had finally turned out and I had a really hard time wrapping my brain around it all. If I could have stayed in bed and watched movies for a month, it would have made me much happier than showing up to work and giving a huge speech for all the employees. I hated public speaking.
After more than a year in hiding and preparing to testify against Frank Gordano, one of his rivals had successfully murdered him in his jail cell. My information, the case we had against him, none of it mattered any more. Even the remaining people that were loyal to Frank were now on a hunt for his killer and didn’t care one bit about me. It was over in the most un-climatic of ways and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Instead of getting justice for what Frank had done, I was left with an uneasy feeling and the disappointment of knowing I had given up a year of my life for nothing. Well, not for nothing. Obviously, my life had been in danger during that year. But it still felt like a lot of wasted time when there was no tried to go to and no closure for everything I had gone through.
As I addressed the crowd, I knew they weren’t there to listen to me whine about where I had been or the things I had given up for them. They wanted to get back to business as usual and that’s what I wanted for them too. The uncertainty of my disappearance was over and everyone could just move forward with their jobs and their lives now.
“Every one of you is special to me. I know that it was a difficult year and the uncertainty was very hard on you all. To get everyone back into the swing of things I’m going to be giving out bonuses to all employees.” The crowd started to go crazy. “These bonuses are because I care about you and your dreams. Use them for something fun, something that will better your life, or make your family more secure; but whatever you do, enjoy this offering as my gift to you.”
I could hardly hear myself talking as the crowd cheered and began chanting my name. They were excited about the money bonuses, but there was more than just excitement in the air: my employees were happy that I was home. The happiness in the air was so welcoming and something I would certainly never forget.
When I had first started my company, I couldn’t have imagined a moment like that ever happening for me. I had one pilot and one plane that I had financed with my local bank. My vision wasn’t to build a large corporation, only to have a small business that would actually pay my bills.
Luck played a big role in my successes over the years, but so did the hard work and dedication that I had for my company. I had given the last ten years of my life to my company and that was the only reason it was thriving like it was on that day. I had worked so diligently to hire the best of the best and to build a company that we could all be proud of and as I stood on that stage that was exactly what I felt: pride.
These people weren’t just random employees that worked for me. Many of them had been hired by me directly and had worked with me for the last five to ten years. I knew their families, I knew their passions, and I was proud to have them on my side.
In the last few years I had lost touch with what truly mattered and I hadn’t kept in close contact with many of my employees. Instead of keeping that personal feel that I loved when I started to build my business, I had started to worry more about how much money I could make.
That greed had almost been the death of me and it had caused the death of a man I considered my friend. When I had returned home, I heard that Thomas Randal’s family had filed a wrongful death lawsuit against me and it hurt me all the way down to my core. He had been my friend as well as my coworker, and I did feel responsible for his death. It was going to be really difficult to fight a lawsuit when I thought they were exactly right to blame me.
When I was finally able to leave the stage, and make my way back to my office, it felt good to have some peace and quiet. There were so many things about my life that I wanted to do better now that I was back. My employees’ happiness had been first on the list, but there was so much more to come.
My job as head of the company wasn’t just about making money. I had to do a better job of participating in the culture of my company and really making a difference in the lives of people who worked for me. One of those people was my assistant, Jennifer. She had sacrificed a lot while I was gone and I was eager to share some news with her about a new position I was moving her to.
“Hey, Jenn, could you come in here for a minute,” I said through the speaker that went directly to my assistant’s desk.
Jennifer had worked with Casey while I was gone and I had heard she was indispensable to him. She knew my thoughts and actions better than I did, so once I was gone, she was able to work closely with Casey and ensure that the company continued to run smoothly, despite my long absence.
“What can I do for you?” Jenn asked as she walked into my office.
Her hair was pulled back into a bun and she had on a very classy-looking, blue suit. She was the picture-perfect assistant and I was crazy for even thinking about letting her go. But what I was about to do was for her good and not my own. For once in my life, I was going to start doing things for other people and not just for myself.
“Shut the door and come sit down,” I said with a stern look on my face.
She did as I asked and then sat nervously in the chair across from me. I got up and went around to the other side of my desk so we could talk better. I had heard some amazing things about what she had done while I was gone, she had acted more like a chief financial officer than a secretary.
“What are your ambitions here at Edwards Aviation?”
“Um, what do you mean?” she asked nervously.
“I mean, what do you hope to do here in the future? Do you have ambitions for Casey’s job, my job? What is your dream?”
She seemed extremely cautious as she looked at me and thought about what it was she really wanted to do. Jennifer was young, probably only about twenty-two or twenty-three. I knew she had a degree, but I wasn’t even sure what it was in. She had to want something more from her employment than to be a secretary to me all her life.
“Well, I have liked working with the finance department and helping Mr. Zane while you were gone. It was exciting, but I love my job and wouldn’t want to leave it. I enjoy working for you, sir.”
“How about this,” I started to say as I tried to keep a straight face. “We are growing fast and will need some new leadership soon. I’d like you to work side by side with Mr. Zane and learn the overall workings of the organization. Then in a few months, we can visit again and see what you’re best at and maybe move you to a new position.”
“Um, sure. I could work with him on my breaks and lunchtime, maybe even after five o’clock. That would be fine.”
“No, you do not understand what I’m saying. I’m actually moving you into a different position. For the time being, I’m not sure what it will be called, but your full-time job is going to be learning how to run the company from the perspective of each executive. Of course, this will be a very time consuming position and very hard, so I’ve taken the liberty of giving you a ra
ise.”
I reached onto my desk and handed Jennifer an envelope that had her new salary information on it. My face was stuck in a permanent scowl as I tried desperately to hold back my excitement for this new opportunity I was giving Jenn.
“No, this is too much…” Jenn started to say as she looked in the envelope. “I can’t take this.”
“Oh, you can and you will. You worked tirelessly while I was gone and you did it on a secretary’s salary. You deserve this and I’m back dating the salary to last year so you will get that on you next check. I want you to stay. We need a strong, smart woman like you in our leadership.”
“Mr. Edwards, I don’t know what to say,” Jenn cried as she got up and hugged me.
“Say yes,” I smiled back at her.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she screamed.
“Now go see Casey and he’ll get you all set up with your new office.”
It felt good to be doing good things around my company and for the next few months that was all that I occupied my time with. I let Casey and Jennifer take on the day-to-day tasks of running the company and I made it my mission to set up our internal programs that would help employees and built my company into something I could be proud of.
I had hoped all of the good deeds I was doing would fill the emptiness that I had been feeling since getting back from Montana. But even four months later, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sarah. I had picked up the phone on several occasions to call her, but then decided against it. After four months, she was surely over me. I had lied to her, slept with her, and then left without notice; there just was no coming back from something like that.
Even if I wasn’t going to have Sarah, I did still miss the great scenery and relaxation that I had in Montana, and one afternoon I decided to take a look at property there. Perhaps buying a vacation home in the state would give me a hideaway that I could rejuvenate myself from.
