She lifted her eyebrows. “And what is that, my lord?”
She already knew. He heard it in her voice. Heard that ache that echoed his own. That longing that would not be extinguished.
He slid his hand along her jawline, tracing the soft skin there with rough fingertips. He would never forget the feel of her, the smell, the taste. He didn’t want to.
“We have a few hours,” he said as he leaned forward to kiss the spot on her neck that made her finger clench against his forearms. “Why don’t we go up to my bed and purge all those desires?”
“I should be reviewing your lessons with you,” she said, but there was no dedication to that idea in her tone, only breathless heat as he let his hand drag along her spine and gently cup her backside.
“You can do it while I lick you,” he purred.
Her eyes went wide and then she nodded. He grinned and caught her hand, dragging her from the room. They scurried up the stairs together and into his chamber.
He’d never liked this room. Too fancy. But now it reminded him of Rose and all the time they’d spent here, tangled in his sheets, tangled in each other. This might be the last time they could do that if his cousin became too nosy.
And the ache that realization caused was deeper than it should have been.
He pushed her back toward his bed, his mouth hungry on hers. She mewled against his lips, arching as she struggled with his jacket, the buttons on his shirt beneath. He shed them both and spun her around, pushing her to bend over his mattress, grinding into her as he flicked her gown open and pushed it forward.
Now it was a race, and she staggered out of her clothing as he did the same. Only when they were naked did he stop and stare at her. She as a goddess with full hips, heavy breasts, thighs he could get a good hold on as he took her. She was meant to be painted, her image hung in the museums he’d sometimes snuck into back in London.
And for a short time, she’d been his.
“Lay down,” he ordered, his voice shaking as he wanted her to follow his order. She settled back, smiled at him and slowly parted her legs, revealing her slick sex.
“Touch yourself,” he whispered.
She bit her lower lip and whimpered out a sound of pleasure, but she did as he asked, sliding a hand down her body, parting her outer lips and stroking her fingers over the nub of her clitoris. He watched her for a moment, memorizing how she quickened her pace, how her back arched and her legs shook with only a few strokes.
She was going to come and he was going to taste it. He pushed himself between her legs as her first cries lifted, shoving her fingers aside and replacing them with his tongue. She jolted beneath him, her cries becoming harsher, louder, and her hips bucking hard against him. He sucked, he stroked, he drew out the pleasure as long as he could, until she was incoherently begging him to stop, to keep going, to take her.
He pulled her to a seated position, into his lap, and then he thrust up into her. She wrapped herself around him without hesitation, well trained after all these days of surrender. She met his eyes as he ground up, met his strokes as her pussy continued to pulse around him from her earlier orgasm.
He dug one hand into her hip, grinding their bodies harder against each other. With the other he drew her to his mouth. She kissed him with a groan, her tongue warring with his as she began to jerk in orgasm around him. It was too much, feeling her milk him with her pleasure. He choked out her name as he rolled her onto her back, thrusting once, twice, and then withdrawing to spend away from her.
He collapsed beside her on the bed, flopping an arm around her waist as he tried to regain sanity and control. She stole them so easily.
“You didn’t remember to teach me,” he grunted, looking up at her with a wink.
She laughed, the sound like music in the air around them. “I was too busy learning. You quite make me forget everything but you, my lord.”
“Good,” he said, leaning up on his elbow as he began to trace her sides with his fingertips.
“But since we have a moment before you try to convince me to forget the world again…” she said.
He laughed. “You are so demanding, Miss Higgins. After such an experience it may be more than a moment for me to recover. Are you trying to murder me?”
“You’ve found me out,” she teased. “I was sent here not to ready you for your role, but to eliminate you.”
“If Richard had arranged such a dastardly plan, I would applaud his methods.” He kissed her shoulder. “But what is it you want from me that will fill the time before I claim you once more?”
She sighed. “When your cousin arrives, it is the first step to your new future. I know you’re ready, but I…I worry about you, David.”
He tilted his head as he stared down into her face. He knew when someone was lying. It was a survival technique and one he had honed to perfection over his years on the street. Rose was telling him the truth. She did worry about him. She…cared.
She cared, and no one had ever truly done that in his life.
When he was silent for too long, she shifted closer to him, her fingers coming up to touch his chin. “You never told me why you wanted to do this, David. Because I know it’s about more than money or position. I know there’s more to the story. Will you tell me?”
“Rose—” he began.
She caught his arm to keep him from leaving the bed. “David, do it because sometimes it helps to say it out loud. Do it because I’m…safe. I’m safe to share this with.”
He closed his eyes. “Darling, you are anything but safe.”
He felt her tense at the statement, felt her withdraw as she moved her hand away. He should have let her go. Should have let this be the catalyst to their ultimate parting. Should have.
Didn’t.
“My mother,” he whispered.
She stared at him. “Your mother.”
“You told me that your work, your position, it helps to support your mother,” he said. “And I understand that because I also have responsibilities to my own. Ones that were forced on me, ones that I take willingly.”
“Tell me about her,” she said softly.
He pictured his mother, drink in her hand, hair wild as she sang on the tables for the men in the hells. Went away with them to back rooms. He hadn’t understood what she did there until he was older.
“She wasn’t always as she is now,” he said. “When she met my father, she had a respectable position in his family home. A chambermaid with hopes of moving up in the world, I think. But he…” He pursed his lips. “He seduced her with promises of a life. He took her and used her.”
“But he did marry her,” Rose said softly.
“I have no idea why he did,” David said, sighing. “She loved to go on about it like it was romantic, that they’d run off together, drunk on whisky and passion, and married. He married her, but he still abandoned her. And me. He threw us away.”
Rose bent her head. “I understand that. I think you know.”
“I know you do. Now I know. At least that man who hurt you, who used you, didn’t also destroy you. My father’s family did. She was given a bad reference, my grandfather made sure she’d never work in any good house again. And so she…she had to do things in order to keep us fed, put a roof over our heads.”
Her lips parted. “Oh. Oh, David.”
He nodded. “She never got over it, I don’t think. No, I know she didn’t. She always tried to put on a good face about it. But she drank to forget and to do what she needed to do. As soon as I was old enough, I started out on my own, determined to help her escape that life. And I did. She has a spot at a nice boarding house. I can buy her a gown now and then. She’s never hungry.”
“And if you take on the role of viscount, have any success in it, then you can protect her even more,” she said softly.
“Yes,” he said. “I can buy her a place of her own, maybe even give her this place. Ironic since I’m fairly certain it was where my grandfather and father kept their mi
stresses over the years.”
“I’ve guessed the same given the location and the fact that your cousin felt it could be used in secret,” Rose admitted. “But it’s a lovely house and I think she would be happy here.”
“I hope so.” He leaned back on the pillows and stared up at the ceiling above for a moment. He could stop now. She had her answer. Only it wasn’t he whole one. It wasn’t all the truth, and he wanted her to know it all. “There’s more to it, though.”
She leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. He folded his arms around her, stroking her hair over and over to comfort her. To comfort himself.
“What more?” she asked.
“I met my father once,” he said. “When I was about eight. I don’t know why he came to see us, but when I came into the room his face fell. I felt his disdain for me in every fiber of my being. He and my grandfather would have hated me for taking their place. Both of them would have hated if I succeeded at it. So the other part to your question of why I’m doing it is revenge. Pure and simple. I want to take what that man had, make it my own and know that he’s turning in his grave.”
She lifted her head and her gaze slid over his face. She was reading him, just as she had the first time they met. He felt just as uncomfortable in the exercise now as he had then, though perhaps for different reasons. He had hated her judgment in those first moments they met.
Now he feared it. Because how she saw him meant something to him.
“I can see why you would feel that way,” she said, her tone soft, gentle. Soothing. “After all you watched your mother endure. After what I guess you have endured yourself, judging from your scars and the way you took care of yourself before Richard found you. Revenge must seem like it would be very sweet.”
He wrinkled his brow. “You think I’m wrong on that score?”
She sighed. “I think at first it will be. When you succeed—when, David, not if—you’ll crow to yourself and curse your father’s name. But I think that will fade with time. It will become less satisfactory to you. You cannot live your life to please someone else, but you also cannot live it to defeat them. David, what I hope for you, what I long for on your behalf, is that you take this new opportunity, this new life that you are choosing to create, and you live it for yourself. Succeed because you deserve the good things this new chapter could bring for you.”
He stared at her. He’d considered taking the title only on the terms he’d already described. Never had he considered it as a benefit to himself. As a choice he could make so he could change his lot because that was what he wanted.
And yet, lying in the arms of this woman he never would have met but for his cousin and this title, having her words of encouragement and change echo in his mind at all times…there was a flare of hope at what she now said. He’d grown tired of living on the street, of scraping for all he had, of facing danger every time he made a move.
Was she right that this new life could be more than a long ruse he perpetrated on Society? Could it become something he enjoyed? When Rose said it, it almost felt like that was possible.
He touched her cheek, stroking her skin until her eyes fluttered shut with a tiny sigh of pleasure and surrender. He leaned in and brushed his lips to hers, this time not with driving passion, but with something sweeter. Something powerful that he didn’t feel he could define. And yet he needed to know something, the answer to a question that now echoed in his mind.
He drew away from her lips just enough that he could speak. “Am I like him? Am I like my father? Am I like the man who hurt you before? Am I taking advantage of you? Will you regret me in the end?”
Her eyes flew open and she drew back, staring at him in shock. “David…”
“I need to know,” he said softly.
She tilted her head, and then she said, “No. Never. You and I, we both know the situation of our lives. You’ve never made me promises you can’t keep or asked me to offer something that I couldn’t share. You aren’t anything like your father or that other man in my life.”
He almost sagged in relief from the absolution she offered him. And yet there was something still unsatisfactory in her answer. He had never made promises. He had never asked her for anything. That felt, in this moment, like a failure. Because by not asking, he would never know if there could be more.
He accepted, without question, that there couldn’t be.
She touched his lips gently with the tip of one finger. “You are running away into your head,” she said. “And I only have you for a little while longer. Please come back to me.”
He shrugged away the worries that plagued his mind, the discomfort at what he had and hadn’t risked. With a soft sigh, he caught her hips and dragged her over him, then cupped the back of her head to draw her in for a kiss. But even as she arched over him, even as she drew him inside her body and began to move, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d made a mistake.
Not in starting this relationship, but in making sure that it would very soon have to end.
Chapter 8
Rose tried to hide her nervousness as she watched David and his cousin standing together in the parlor. Mr. Shaw had arrived half an hour before, and ever since the two men had been interacting. All of them knew it was a test, but so far David was passing it with flying colors. He had properly addressed his cousin, called for tea, managed to endure small talk and answered questions, all as a true gentleman would.
Moment by moment, Rose could see Mr. Shaw’s hesitations fading. See him becoming more and more impressed by David’s transformation in the two weeks Rose had been working with him.
“Obviously there are a few more things to say, to do,” Mr. Shaw said before he clapped David’s shoulder. “But I’m shocked to say that you are ready.”
David smiled, but Rose saw the flicker in his eyes. He would surrender so much of himself in order to take on the mantel of his father’s title. So much that was good and fine and wonderful. So much that she loved.
She blinked at that thought. Loved? But she couldn’t shove the errant word away, couldn’t ignore that it had come to her mind. And the reason she couldn’t was that it was so true. She did love this man. Truly, deeply, completely. It had happened day by day, confession by confession, touch by searing touch.
And now that she had admitted it to herself, the future seemed to collapse in on her because it wasn’t one they could ever share.
“What is your suggestion, Miss Higgins?”
She blinked as she realized Mr. Shaw was speaking to her. She refocused to find the two men were looking at her, Mr. Shaw with expectation and David with worry.
She shook her head. “I am so sorry, but I admit my mind had momentarily taken flight. My suggestion?”
Mr. Shaw nodded. “No need to apologize. I was just speaking to my cousin about marrying swiftly.”
Her lips parted and she stared first at Mr. Shaw, then at David. He looked sick.
But Mr. Shaw didn’t seem to sense the change in the room and continued to talk. “I think it would be wonderful for his chances for acceptance in Society if he did so. I was asking if you had suggestions for any eligible ladies whose families might be open to such a union. David has a title and fortune to trade, after all.”
It was as if the man had reached into her chest, put his hand around her heart and was now squeezing. Rose blinked at the tears that suddenly stung her eyes and tried to maintain some modicum of decorum.
“I think you are right,” she choked out, and she wasn’t lying. Mr. Shaw was utterly correct that a swift marriage to a lady of unimpeachable character would do wonders for David’s future in the ton. “Er…”
“I’ve put you on the spot,” Mr. Shaw continued with a shake of his head. “I apologize. I was not expecting to come here to such a transformation of my cousin, so I didn’t write to you ahead of time with the question. Still, a few names come to mind. Lady Phillipa, the daughter of the Marquess of Grantham, is one. Oh, and what is the name of the Earl of Har
rington’s middle daughter? She came out last Season.”
The rush of blood in Rose’s ears was so loud that she was surprised she could hear Mr. Shaw’s question. “Lady Elizabeth,” she whispered.
“Yes, Lady Elizabeth! They both fit the bill, I think. Their families are spotless in their reputations, but also in some discreet need of funds. I think you once worked with Lady Elizabeth, did you not?”
Rose nodded. “I did. And they are both good suggestions.”
“Cousin,” David said, his voice rough as he stepped forward. “We ought not—”
Mr. Shaw held up a hand. “Before you start to protest, both young ladies are lovely and you would have to like them before you were pushed down the aisle. But Miss Higgins would be the first to tell you that a good marriage would be the cherry on top for you.”
She ducked her head and refused to look at David in that moment. If she did, she feared both men would see her heart. That would have far reaching consequences.
“Perhaps I could generate a small list of possibilities,” she said.
“Oh yes, do that!” Mr. Shaw said with a clap of his hands.
“Well, if you will excuse me, I will go work on that while you two continue your evaluation.”
She didn’t wait for a response from either man, she just turned and all but fled the room. But as she hurried up to her chamber, the tears began to fall. She’d known she would walk away from David. But she hadn’t counted on the feelings that now brewed inside of her. Nor on the idea that if his cousin had his way, he would marry immediately.
And that would absolutely close the door on a future she never should have dared to dream about. So she had to stop dreaming and return to reality.
Right now.
David strode up the stairs, hands shaking, as he headed for Rose’s chamber at the far end of the landing. He looked around, knowing Richard had just gone in to refresh himself, but still concerned that he would see. Once satisfied they would not be discovered, David knocked on her door.
My Fair Viscount: (The Scandal Sheet Book 4) Page 6
