by Emma Tharp
"Thanks for the advice, Dad. Do you want a scotch?" I stand up and make my way to the kitchen before he even answers.
I'm not sure what to do, but I know a drink is what I need.
Eighteen
Minnie
Reaching across the seat, I grab another tissue and blow my nose. It's irritated and raw from all the crying I've done on the four-and-a-half-hour drive.
Sitting outside the hospital, my chest fills with dread. I don't know what I'm walking into. Even though Chris and I are getting a divorce, I’m not happy that he’s hurt. I know what it will do to Judy if something happens to Chris. She only has two children, but she's closer to Chris than his older brother.
I peek in my rearview mirror and am startled at the purple pooling under my bloodshot eyes and the blotchy redness of my complexion. It was impossible for me to stop crying the entire way here. Not only because of what I'm walking into, but what I just walked away from.
Connor was so upset. I hurt him. I couldn't convince him that I wasn't returning home because of my feelings for Chris, but my sense of obligation to his mother. He couldn't see past his anguish. I didn’t have enough time or energy to help convince him of the truth.
I sent him a text five minutes ago when I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, but he hasn't returned it. I truly hope he does. Imagining Connor giving up on us now breaks my heart. Ripping away the bond that we've built, that we've always had, would be devastating.
When I'm done here, I'm going straight back to Bluff Harbor to talk this out with Connor. I only hope he'll give me the time of day. I'm in love with him, and he told me he loves me, too. That’s what I hold on to as I get out of the car and make my way inside.
The slick, icy ground has me walking tentatively, like an elderly person. I wish Connor were here so I could hold on to his arm. He was so good at steadying me. I refuse to let the tears fall again and trudge forward.
Once inside, I go to the elevator banks and up to the fifth floor. Dread settles like a rock in my belly.
Judy is sitting in the waiting area. She looks so small and fragile, hunched over in her chair with her head in her hands.
"Judy." I rush over and kneel in front of her.
She sits up, blinking. "Minnie, you’re here."
Wrapping my arms around her, she begins to sob on my shoulder. I let her cry, releasing all her fear and anguish in my arms.
I've spent many afternoons at her house, crying on her shoulder. She'd always listen to me complain. I never would go into depth about all of the problems Chris and I had, but she knew things weren't good between us.
When her sobs slow down and eventually stop, I take the seat next to her and look into her dull, watery eyes. "Where is Rick?" I'm surprised I don't see her husband sitting next to her.
"When Chris got out of surgery, he went home for a nap. It's been a long day for both of us."
I nod in understanding. With Rick being on oxygen thanks to his COPD, he gets tired out easily. "Well, what's the news? How was surgery?"
A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips. "Surgery went very well. They were able to release all of the pressure on his brain. The damage wasn't as severe as they initially thought."
Relief has my shoulders sagging and muscles relaxing. "That's great news. Will he make a full recovery?"
"The doctors are very optimistic. After surgery, when he woke up, he was groggy, but spoke and moved his fingers and toes. All very good signs."
"Wonderful," I say and mean it.
"It is. I'm still worried because the doctors say he has a long recovery ahead, but when we got here early this morning, we weren’t sure if he was going to make it." Her body trembles at the memory.
I take her hand in mine, imagining the fear that must’ve overwhelmed her when she heard the news about Chris. "That must've been so scary. It's every mother's worst nightmare, getting a call that your child has been in an accident."
"It was terrible. After our Christmas festivities, he went to a friend’s party and had a few drinks." She shakes her head and closes her eyes, tears start to fall. She wipes them away with a wadded-up tissue that was in her hand. "I don't know what he was thinking, because he didn't leave that person's house until three in the morning. It was icy and he was drunk. He hit a tree."
Even though Chris made poor choices when it came to our relationship, I've never known him to drink and drive. Clearly, things are going downhill for him if he resorted to that. "That's terrible. But at least surgery went well and he's going to be okay."
"That's right. I need to focus on the future and helping him rehabilitate. His room is down the hall if you'd like to go see him." She points to her left.
Should I? I don't think I want to see him. He was so selfish in our relationship. And now he's made a reckless decision to get in the car under the influence of alcohol. He could've killed himself or someone else. When I decided to file for divorce, I didn't think I could be more disappointed in him. Looks like he had to prove me wrong yet again. "No. I'm not going to go see him. I'm here for you, though." I squeeze her hand. "Do you need anything? Coffee, food, a break? If you need to leave and go home, I can stay. That way if anything changes, I'm here."
There's disappointment in her eyes, but she shakes her head. "No, I don't need anything. But you're sure you won't see him?"
"I can't, Judy. It doesn't feel right."
Her eyes search my face like she's attempting to read my mind. Maybe she was holding on to hope that me coming here would somehow bring Chris and me back together, but that’s never going to happen. "My son hurt you deeply, didn't he?"
I didn't think I could cry anymore, yet tears stream down my cheeks. "Yes. I tried to work it out with him, but it was all too much. I couldn't do it anymore."
"I knew things weren’t always good between the two of you, but I didn’t realize how bad they had gotten. I'm sorry that he wasn't good to you. It's not my place to apologize for him, but I need to say it anyway. You're a wonderful person who deserves all the happiness in the world. I hope that one day you'll find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I'm only sorry that it wasn't my son."
I don't share with her that I did find happiness, but might’ve ruined it all by coming here today. Instead of saying anything, I pull her in and we hold each other, crying on each other's shoulders.
Nineteen
Connor
No longer good company, I made the decision to pack up my car, say goodbye to my mom and dad, and leave Bluff Harbor to head back home. That was two hours ago.
I couldn’t even last half a day there without Ellis around. It was too much for me, sitting around, wondering what she was doing and if she’s coming back.
I realized it when I was pouring my dad his scotch. I didn't even want one. At first, I thought alcohol would be the answer, but deep down I knew it wasn't. What I really need is time alone to reflect.
Ellis just sent me a text that she made it to the hospital safely. The roads are slick. It was a relief hearing that from her, but at the same time it was like a jab to the stomach. Chris is a master manipulator and I'm worried that by being with him when he's vulnerable, he will somehow win her back.
I type out a quick reply to Ellis to let her know I'm glad she's safe. I am. But I don’t think a long text thread is a good idea. But I also don’t want to be an asshole and ignore her.
Grabbing my bag out of the SUV, I head inside. I’m struck by how dark, cold, and unwelcoming my house is. I turn on some lights and start my coffee pot.
Emptying my bag, I put away my toiletries and start a load of laundry. Anything to keep busy and not think of how lonely my home is.
In the kitchen, I pour myself a cup of coffee and have a seat at the kitchen table.
Now that I'm back home, I need to figure out what to do with this extra time. There are a few projects that I've been meaning to get done at the office that I can take care of. Two rooms need to be repainted, and I b
ought light fixtures that have to be installed. I’ll start all of that tomorrow. Anything to give my mind something else to focus on.
A knock at the door has me out of my chair. I’m not expecting anyone.
It’s Liz, standing there with her curly blonde hair piled on top of her head, her face done up in makeup. She never leaves the house without it and would get up first thing in the morning to put it on. Rarely have I seen her without it. She looks pretty, like she always does. She's holding a small cardboard box in her arms. "Hey, Connor, is now a good time?"
Stepping aside, I make room for her to enter. "Sure."
She hands me the box and I set it on the counter. It’s light and at first glance, I only see a couple of T-shirts of mine she liked to wear. "In my haste to leave, I took a few things that were yours. I wanted to get them back to you."
"Thanks, but you could have kept the clothes.”
She waves her hand. “No. I don’t need them.”
“Okay. Would you like a cup of coffee? I just brewed it." I'm not sure what prompts me to invite her in to stay. Maybe it's because I get the sense that we both need the conversation. When she left, it was very abrupt.
She gives me a small smile. It's nice to see. When she walked out, she was a ball of anger. "That would be nice."
She has a seat at the kitchen table while I pour her a mug of coffee. I add two spoonsful of sugar, the way she takes it.
"Thanks," she says, eyeing me as I set the mug in front of her. "Did you have a nice Christmas?"
"Yes. How about you?"
She shrugs. "It was good. Did you get to spend it with your family?"
I nod, going along with the small talk. "I did. They were happy to see me. What about you?"
"I spent it with my family as well. It was nice, with the exception of Tammy's kids." She gives me a knowing smile.
Her sister’s boys are crazy and rip through her mother's house with no regard for anyone else, while her sister sits in the recliner with a glass of blush wine, ignoring them completely. I chuckle. "Sounds like a blast."
"It was pretty good." She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear that’s fallen loose from her bun and lets out a long exhale. "I wanted to stop by to tell you that I'm sorry about the way I left."
"You had every right—"
She holds up a finger. "No. We were together a long time, Connor. You weren't expecting me to walk out the way I did. I didn't give you any warning or even attempt a conversation."
"You're right. I wasn't expecting it. But things hadn't been good for a while. I could sense that, yet I didn't do anything about it."
She cups the coffee mug in her hands and stares down at the black liquid. "I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I left. It was the right thing for me to leave. I'm just not proud of the way I did it."
A heaviness sits on my chest. "I'm sorry that things didn't work out between us, Liz. You're amazing and deserve a man that will make you happy. I'm sorry that I wasn't that man."
She sniffs and wipes her nose. "Thank you for that. I forgive you. The reason I had to go was because I realized you never felt for me the way I needed you to. And now that I know that and accept it, I can move on. I hope you can move on, too, Connor."
Ellis's face flashes before me and the ache in my chest grows. I was moving on, but now it might all be ruined.
Liz stands and moves toward the door. I follow her.
Her eyes wander around the house. Not so long ago it was her home, but there's no regret in her eyes. "Take care of yourself, Connor."
"You, too."
We don’t shake hands or hug. She simply walks out the door.
I breathe deeply and make my way to the living room, slumping down on the couch. I’m relieved and a little sad. It was good seeing Liz, because now I have a sense of closure. The chapter of my life with her is completely over.
Now, more than ever, it’s time to figure out what it is I truly want and need.
Deep down I know exactly what that is, I just don't know if what I've done is unforgivable or not.
Twenty
Minnie
Pulling into Connor's parents’ driveway gives me the first reason to smile today.
Yesterday, I stayed with Judy for several hours until Rick, her husband, came back to the hospital. When he arrived, she assured me that it was okay for me to leave.
It had been a long day, probably one of the longest of my life. I checked into a hotel to sleep, even though I very much wanted to drive back home to see Connor. With a headache from hell, I knew I needed to get some rest and not risk the four-and-a-half-hour drive back to Bluff Harbor.
This morning I got up at the crack of dawn, showered, and got right back in my car to get home.
Connor's parents’ place is my first stop. His SUV isn't here, but I am still going to knock on the door and see if I can find out where he is.
Even though it's freezing, my hands are clammy as I knock on the door.
Heavy footfalls make their way to the entrance. It’s Keith, Connor's dad.
His eyes light up as he takes me in. A big, handsome smile spreads across his face, so similar to his sons. "Minnie Ellis. It's nice to see you."
I give him a lame little wave. "Hi, Mr. Doyle. Good to see you, too."
"Come on in," he says, gesturing his hand toward the living room.
"Is Connor here? I need to talk to him." As much as I'd like to catch up with the family, I’m on a mission. I have a relationship to try and salvage.
"No, I'm sorry, he's not."
"Do you know when he'll be back? Or where he is? It's important that I speak to him soon." I can hear the anxiety in my voice.
He rubs his fist on his chest. "I'm sorry. I don't know when he'll be back in Bluff Harbor. He decided to drive home yesterday."
Yesterday. After I left, he left, too. I didn't think my heart could break any more. "Okay. I'm not sure what Connor told you, but I hurt him and that's probably why he left. I need to make things right with him. Could you please give me his address? I need to go see him."
"I think that's a good idea. Wait just one minute and I’ll jot down his address for you."
He brings me a slip of paper with the address on it. I hug him, and he wishes me luck.
I don't like to speed, and prefer to get to my destination safely, but today I'm going as fast as humanly possible. My thoughts are scrambled. Will he even invite me inside for conversation? Or did I hurt him so badly that he won't give me a second chance? His father acted like I was doing the right thing by going to see him. That gives me hope along with the memory of what we shared over the past week. It was such a short amount of time, but that doesn't matter. The foundation we built through the years was so strong that seeing him again and being with him was like picking up where we left off. Only this time it was better.
I make it to Connor's house in less than two hours. Pulling up in the driveway, I'm relieved to see his SUV.
He's home.
It's a beautiful white, two-story Colonial.
My heartbeat pounds so hard, I can almost feel it in my head. It’s such a rush of energy, I don’t want to waste any time. I get out of the car and make my way to the door. Standing there, I shift my weight from one foot to the other and raise my arm to knock. I pound it three times.
I wrap my arms around myself and wait. The only sound is the wind rustling through the trees. There’s no movement in the house, no creaking floor boards or footfalls. What if he's out with someone else? It doesn't matter. I'll just get back in my car and wait. I can be patient.
Turning, I take a couple steps away from the house when I hear the door creak open. "Minnie?"
He’s still upset if he’s using Minnie again. It hurts, but I need to keep going. I’m his Ellis and I want him to remember why. "Hi," I say, my voice a few octaves too high. "I was just in the neighborhood…"
The sight of Connor standing in front of me makes my skin tingle. I bite at my lip as I watch him watching me.
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He stands so tall, even in sock feet. His body is toned and defined and his jaw is strong and masculine. Everything about him draws me in. The spark between us hasn't dimmed in the day that we've been apart, at least not for me.
"I was hoping I could come in for a few minutes so we could talk," I say with apprehension in my tone.
Fresh tears sting my eyes as he stands, staring at me expressionless.
It feels like a full minute passes before he swings the door open, allowing me inside.
We’re in a big, bright kitchen, the kind you see in architecture magazines with the nicest appliances, cabinets, and countertops. What I wouldn't give for a kitchen this size.
"Have a seat," Connor says, pointing toward the solid wood table. "Can I get you anything?"
You. That's all I need. "I would take a glass of water."
Connor reaches into his cupboard and pulls out two glasses. He fills them with water and brings them to the table, setting one in front of me. He takes the seat across from mine. "You came a long way." He gives me a pointed look that's a little cold and distant.
"I did. I drove back to Bluff Harbor this morning. I went to your house and your father told me that you left. I came right here."
He raises his brows and has a sip of water. It's quiet in here. Too quiet. "How's Chris doing?"
"They think he’ll make a full recovery. The surgery helped."
He studies me carefully, but he’s still so distant. "It's good to hear that he's going to be okay. But…" He shifts his gaze to his glass and then back up at me with renewed intensity. "I still find it hard to believe that you went back to him when he hurt you so much."
"I didn't," I counter. "When I got to the hospital, I talked to Judy. She told me he was going to be fine. I stayed with her until her husband returned, then I left."
This seems to perk him up slightly. His eyes widen and brows draw together. "You never saw him?"
There's a small window here and I'm not going to waste it. I move to the chair to sit next to him. "Nope. You made me realize my worth. You helped make me whole again and healed me. I knew I deserved better than what Chris gave me."
