by Janice Lynn
“And I thought you’d be the luckiest girl in the world to be here with my wonderful son,” Riley’s mom butted in, shooing them all further into the house. “Come on in so we can say a blessing for our meal.” The kids came running through with more packages. “Boys, y’all put those under the tree for now. We’ll open presents after we all have full bellies.”
“But, Nana!”
“Don’t Nana me. You heard me.” But her voice was full of love, rather than threat.
They were all being friendly, trying to include her, had smothered her with hugs and attention.
But Trinity felt the difference in Riley and knew she had no one to blame but herself. She’d known better than to come here, to become involved with him from the very beginning, and yet she had.
Because she had felt something when she’d looked at him that she hadn’t been able to resist and she’d made the mistake of falling in love with a man she could never have.
“Don’t pay them any mind.” A very tanned, very blonde woman who looked like she’d stepped off a vacation ad for Florida advised her. “The whole Williams clan are nothing but troublemakers.”
Trinity just blinked at the gorgeous woman.
“Hi, I’m Casey, Jake’s wife. You must be Trinity. Come and sit by me. I’ll protect you from the Williamses.”
“Hello,” Riley interrupted with a scowl, stopping Casey from taking Trinity’s arm. “In case you’ve forgotten, you are one of us Williamses now, too.”
The woman flashed pearly-white teeth that contrasted brightly with her tanned skin. “Happiest day of my life.”
Jake wrapped his arm around her waist and planted a kiss on the woman’s mouth right there and didn’t stop with just a quick peck either.
Blushing, Trinity glanced around, but no one was paying the couple any heed. Apparently showing affection was the norm at the Williamses’ house. No mistletoe required.
“Uncle Riley, will you sit with us?” the little boy Riley had called Timmy asked, jumping up and down near Riley as if he had ants in his pants.
“At the kids’ table?” Riley scratched his jaw. “Not this year, Timmy. I’ve brought a guest with me. She needs me at the adult table with her. I have to protect her from the big people.”
Not hiding his disappointment, the boy gave Trinity a disgusted look. “She’s just a girl, Uncle Riley.”
“Just a girl, he says.” Riley ruffled the boy’s hair. “I’ll have to remind you of that in a few years.”
Trinity found herself watching Riley’s family interact, watched the open affection, the laughter, the genuine gladness to be together, and she tried not to feel envious. She also tried not to feel guilty that Riley frowned more than smiled. She wasn’t the only one who noticed and, unfortunately, various family members would shoot them curious looks from time to time, but no one asked what the problem was.
They had to be wondering, though. Why would he bring someone who so obviously didn’t fit in with their wonderful lives? Why did it even matter? After all, she wouldn’t be seeing these people ever again. Riley wouldn’t want her to.
He’d given in to his nephew’s repeated requests to come and check out the new video game Santa had brought him or he’d just given up completely on her. Either way, he’d disappeared some time ago, which was probably for the best because something his brother had said to him had made him almost growl earlier.
In a room full of people, yet oddly alone at an open archway leading into the foyer, she took a sip of hot cinnamon apple cider, liking the mix of sweet and tangy flavors and wishing it would settle her nerves.
Wishing her insides didn’t twist, her mind didn’t doubt, her stomach didn’t roil. That she really was a part of this family and could go and play video games with Riley and the kids. Or even lounge comfortably with the crew that was settling in to watch a football game and talking back and forth about which team was going to win.
She wished she could be a glass-half-full kind of girl, rather than what stared back at her in the mirror. How did one go about changing one’s reflection?
She rested her head on the archway and wished she could blend into this love-filled family.
“She doesn’t seem to be having a very good time. Neither do you, for that matter.”
Ouch. Was she supposed to have been able to overhear Riley’s youngest sister? The pregnant one. She couldn’t remember her name. She’d met so many different people today. Easily more than forty, although it might as well have been hundreds for how they’d made her head spin.
“We are a bit much to take in,” Riley said defensively. Trinity’s heart lurched at his defense but then crumbled at his next statement. “But you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought her here today, but she doesn’t have any family and I didn’t want her to be alone. Not on Christmas Day.” He paused and she couldn’t hear what his sister said. “Maybe, but, regardless, I made a grave miscalculation where she was concerned. One I dearly regret.”
He wished he hadn’t brought her? Well, duh, of course he wished he hadn’t brought her. She was ruining his day with his family. What a Christmas-killer she was.
Determined not to dampen his day or this lovely family’s day any more than she already had, she forced a smile onto her face and joined the closest group of adults to her.
Somehow she’d fake her way through the rest of the day.
Christmas couldn’t end soon enough. Was she doomed to feel this way for ever?
Taking a quick glance toward Trinity as he pulled the car out onto the highway, Riley sighed. “You’re quiet.”
She’d been quiet most of the day. With him, at any rate. When he’d come out from trying to make up to Timmy for snapping at the boy, Trinity had joined a group playing cards. She’d laughed and had seemed to enjoy herself. Except when he’d come near. Then the silent treatment had rolled in.
“Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all.”
“Than to say something bad?” On the day after they’d first made love. Christmas morning. The entire day should have been filled with smiles and happiness. She’d clammed up and shut him out rather than embrace the goodness of what they could have shared on what was probably the only Christmas they’d spend together.
“You think I would say something bad?”
Why was it he stuck his foot in his mouth so easily where she was concerned? He loved her. He didn’t want to pick a fight with her. Not really. Or maybe he did because he felt so frustrated by the whole situation. At this point he wasn’t sure what he wanted.
“No, I don’t think you would say anything bad. What I think is that you’d sit quietly and answer a thousand questions as politely and concisely as you possibly could then go right back to being quiet, as if you’d taken a vow of silence rather than make any effort to make conversation.”
Her face flushed pink. “I made an effort to talk to your family.”
Keeping his eyes on the road and one hand on the steering-wheel, he raked his other hand through his hair. “I wanted you to like my family. To not have to make an effort to talk to them, but for it to flow naturally. I wanted them to like you.”
“I did like them.”
He heard her swallow and figured he’d said too much. That he should have held in what he wanted, because what he wanted didn’t seem to matter.
“Did they not like me?”
A damn of emotion broke loose within him and he failed to hold his irritation in.
“They knew something wasn’t right between us. I finally brought a woman home and they all kept asking me if we were arguing. I was embarrassed.” He knew he should stop, that he should just zip his lips and not say a word more, but his insides felt raw from walking on eggshells for most of the day. “And I guess we are, because from the moment I woke you up this morning you’ve been determined to fight with me. Thank God you only ruined my day and not my family’s.”
“I ruined your day?” Her hands were folded neatly in her lap and she stared straight ah
ead through the windshield, not even bothering to look his way.
This was the woman he’d made love to, the woman he had wanted to give a special Christmas to. Instead, everything had gone horribly wrong.
“I can honestly say this wasn’t how I envisioned us spending Christmas Day together.”
“I imagine not.” Now she glanced toward him, her eyes full of emotion that he wished was focused on the positive instead of whatever had occupied her mind all day.
“Which means what? That you’ve deliberately needled me because you didn’t want to go with me to my mother’s? That you’ve deliberately undermined our day together?”
Because he’d had that impression all day, but why she’d do that made absolutely no sense to him. No sense whatsoever.
“From the moment of the hospital Christmas party you’ve refused to listen when I tell you something about myself and you claim it means something else, something that’s what you want to hear. Then, when, like today, I’m not what you envisioned, you don’t understand why I’m not. Well, hello, Riley, but I am a woman with real needs and real wants and real desires. If I say I like something or don’t like something, guess what? That means I like something or don’t like something. And you want to know something else?”
“You’re obviously going to tell me whether I want to know or not.” He pulled his car into his driveway and parked beneath the covered awning.
“I don’t like you after all.” Trinity jumped out and headed to her car.
He felt a first-class jerk. How had the day gone so wrong? Why was he going after her when it would be better to just let her leave? They had no future. Yet he couldn’t let her go.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, putting his hand over the car door to prevent her from being able to open it.
“Anywhere you aren’t,” she spat at him.
“Trinity, why are you doing this?”
Her? Trinity fumed. He was trying to blame this on her? Him and his goody-two-shoes, perfect, rich, Christmas-loving family could just get over themselves. Okay, so she’d liked his family, had enjoyed playing cards with his sisters, mother and aunt, had found herself thinking that this was how families should be. How Christmas should be.
She’d longed to be a real part of his family, had been saddened that she would always be on the outside of such family moments, of real Christmas joy.
But that didn’t give Riley reason to blame her for the day going wrong. She’d told him she hadn’t wanted to go and he’d finagled her into doing so and then blamed her when things hadn’t gone as he’d hoped. Why was that her fault?
She’d taken blame For enough things during her life. For her mother’s problems. For her father leaving. For Chase finding her lacking. For Chase leaving her. She refused to take blame any more for not being what someone thought she should be.
“Because I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be with you. I didn’t from the beginning but I got caught up in this fairy-tale you tried to create. Well, guess what, Riley? Fairy-tales don’t exist. They don’t come true. Not everyone gets a Prince Charming or a happily-ever-after or even a pair of pink hightops. The whole concept of happily-ever-after is as fake as…as Santa Claus himself.”
“You really believe that?”
She nodded, saw the look of disgust in his eyes, the disappointment. No doubt she’d been one big disappointment for him. From last night through today.
“I also believe that I don’t want to see you any more. Just leave me alone, please. We’re finished.” She shoved past him and got into her car.
This time he didn’t try to stop her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THROUGH HER TEAR-CRAZED haze, Trinity realized she’d left her cat at Riley’s. How could she have forgotten Casper?
Then again, she couldn’t exactly be faulted for not thinking rationally. She’d just had a crazy few hours.
She’d had sex, amazing sex that had proved at least on one count Chase had been wrong. She wasn’t frigid. She might not be a dynamo in bed, but she at least now knew what all the fuss was about.
She’d met Riley’s family. She’d liked them, regretted that she’d probably never see again the wonderful women she’d come to know.
She’d realized she was in love with Riley and then proceeded to fight with him all day.
Christmas. What a blasted day! A day when everything seemed to always go wrong. Only could she really blame everything that had gone wrong today on the holiday?
She’d expected everything to go wrong and had pretty much rejected his sweet, thoughtful gifts. He was right.
She’d been the problem.
How could she have been so blind?
How could she have dirtied something so good? Because Riley was good to her. Good for her. He’d genuinely liked her. Genuinely wanted her. Thinking back to how he’d looked at her, how he’d held her and touched her, she had to wonder if maybe he genuinely loved her.
She’d acted immature, scared, prickly. All because she’d fallen in love and didn’t want to be hurt again. In the process she’d been the catalyst that had set the disastrous domino effect into play.
Today she’d been a one-woman demolition crew.
She would see him again. He had her cat. They worked together.
But before she saw him again, she needed to get her head straight. Needed to figure out who she was and what she wanted.
She went up to her apartment, still lost in thought about what she needed to do next. Was she woman enough to trust Riley? To trust in him? Because if she wasn’t, then she just needed to let him go, let this be the end rather than continually looking for problems and dragging him down in the process.
If she was woman enough to trust him, if he’d forgive her for today, which was questionable, then what? Where did they go from there?
Distracted, she unlocked her apartment door and stepped inside, only to rub her eyes in disbelief at what she saw.
A nine-foot tree dominated her living room.
A gorgeous tree decorated with twinkling white lights and silver and glass ornaments.
Perhaps he’d meant the angel ornament he’d given her at breakfast to go at the top, but she didn’t see how as the tree was amazingly decorated. At the top, brushing against her ceiling, was the silver star they’d seen at the shopping mall. The one that was so reminiscent of the one from her childhood classroom when Christmas had been magical to her.
Riley paid attention to details.
She walked over, touched a clear plastic ornament. A princess ornament. The entire tree was decorated with various princess paraphernalia. Cartoon princesses. A pumpkin coach. Tiny glass slippers. A magic wand. A crown.
A single medium-sized package was under the tree.
How had he done this?
When had he done this?
Last night. When she’d woken up and he hadn’t been there. He’d been here. At her house. Decorating. Trying to bring the magic of Christmas into her life.
He’d played Santa.
A tear slid down her cheek.
She plopped down on the floor, picked up the package. A tag read, “Don’t open until December 25th”.
Being careful not to tear the paper, she undid piece of tape after piece of tape. A shiny silver box was inside. She lifted the lid, moved away white tissue paper.
Her eyes widened at what she saw. “Wow.”
She kicked off her shoes. Holding her breath in anticipation, she slipped her foot into one pink hightop and admired the perfect fit. Oh, yeah, the man paid attention.
“I had to guess your size.”
“Riley.” She spun towards the door. Her open door. She’d been so distracted when she’d stepped inside that she hadn’t closed it. He stood there, filling up the doorway with her cat in his arms.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but the door was open.”
Her cheeks flushed. With joy that he was there. She didn’t need the magic of Christmas in her lif
e.
She needed Riley, because he made every day magic.
He was magic.
“You’re not interrupting. Not really.” Not at all. Never had she been happier to see anyone. Would he think her crazy if she ran and threw herself at him? Wrapped her arms around his neck? Her legs around his waist?
“I brought Casper.” He glanced around, looked awkward then set the squirming cat down. Casper took off towards the tree, intent to check out the new items invading her space.
They both watched the cat sniff and check out the tree, the open package, and then settle into the box lid as if it was the most comfortable of beds.
Riley put his hands in his pants pockets. “I won’t keep you.”
He turned to go. Every fiber of her being screamed to stop him. To risk everything and fight for this man. Whatever came, pain, loss, suffering, a single moment in his arms was worth taking that risk.
“Please do,” she called out to his retreating back.
He turned, his forehead wrinkled. “What?”
She stood, took a deep breath. “Please do keep me, Riley.”
She wanted him to keep her for ever.
“I don’t understand.”
She took a step towards him then another, until she stood right in front of him, one shoe on, one shoe off. She stared up into his beautiful blue eyes.
“I want you to keep me, Riley. For ever.”
He regarded her for a moment. “What are you saying, Trinity?”
“That I’m an idiot who is so scared that you won’t love me, that you will leave me, that I’ve made it impossible for you to love me and all too probable that you’d leave.”
“You pushed me away.”
She nodded.
“Why?”
“Because I was scared of how I feel about you.”
“Which is?”
“I feel as if I can’t breathe when you aren’t around.”
Some of the tension around his eyes started to ease. “And?”
“And as if I can’t breathe when you’re around because you take my breath away.”
