“All the time?” she probes.
“No, and honestly the feeling has weakened slightly. The day after was when I was at my worst, when I couldn’t believe it happened. And that entire day I lived under a dark, black cloud. At random moments, I feel like I’m under that black cloud again.”
“Look at how much you’ve relayed to me. You’ve confided in me and talk quite eloquently about your feelings. You’re much stronger than you think. You’re not weak because you cry. Crying is a necessary step in the healing process. The human psyche is much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, Fallon. I see how you fight to not have this define your life, which is admirable. You’re very self-aware already, and I can offer you methods and tools to break the ‘dark cloud’ cycle you mentioned.”
Tucking my legs under my behind, I seek a more comfortable position. “But I think it’s easy to tell my story here because I’m not afraid of your reaction.”
“Whose reaction are you specifically afraid of?”
“My parents. It will hurt them.”
“It might hurt them more if you keep it from them. Parents always want to nurture their children, no matter what age. Give them a chance to help you.”
Silence stretches around us.
“And who else’s?”
“Luca’s.”
“Tell me about Luca.” She turns back one page of her notebook. “You’ve mentioned him several times.”
I twist my teacup and expel a loaded breath. “What do you want to know?”
“Who is he?”
Sucking in my lower lip, I wonder how to answer that. “He’s… It’s complicated, but he’s my ex-boyfriend. He’s the love of my life. The one that got away.” I fought my feelings and pushed so hard that I allowed him to get away. In reality, I still don’t know if I could ever accept his line of work, but I’ve definitely entered grey territory, and I’m beginning to understand that he’s certainly not the bad guy in all of this. Law enforcement has let me down, and I let Luca down, and now he shut the door on us for good.
“But you still talk to him?”
“No, not really. I pushed him away after the rape.” This is the first time I actually mention the word ‘rape’.
“Why are you surprised?”
“What?” I ask with a frown.
“You had a surprised look after you said that you pushed him away.”
“Oh, I was shocked that I said the word ‘rape’; that’s the first time I’ve stated the word out loud.”
“How do you feel now that you’ve said it?”
“The same. I don’t feel any different.”
“Exactly. The word itself won’t hurt you. Neither will confiding in people.”
“I know.”
“Do you feel anxious lately?”
“Definitely.”
“Okay, I want you to start writing down your feelings daily. We don’t have to discuss everything you write down if you don’t want to, but it could help you to organize your thoughts. Do you exercise?”
“I run, that’s it.”
“Ever thought about attending yoga classes? Yoga calms people and releases stress and anxiety.”
“I have actually, and I will. There are classes at the gym near my apartment.”
She closes her notebook and places it gently on the table next to her chair. “Great. I would like to see you once a week, unless you want to increase the frequency?”
Time went fast. “No, once a week is fine.”
She hands me her business card. “If you ever feel like you need to talk to me and can’t wait until our session, I want you to call me. Do you have any other questions?”
That’s nice. I would’ve thought she wouldn’t want to be bothered outside of office hours. “Thank you. No questions at the moment.”
“Same time next week, Fallon?”
“Sure.” Getting my coat from the couch, I head toward the door and we part. To be honest, Wade was right – I do feel slightly better after confiding in her.
I can’t hide from my demons. I need to deal with them or else they’ll become a shadow I can never outrun. Although a yoga class is a great idea, it will not reduce my anxiety as long as Ashton is still a free man, so Wade drives me to Lake Forest after my session.
***
Wade drops me off in the driveway of my parents’ quaint, white two-story house, and I smile as I pass the well-trimmed hedges along the porch.
My mother blocks the doorway. Her entire face lights up, and she opens her arms when she sees me.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Sweetheart, I’m so happy you came.” She holds me by the shoulder and tenderly cups my cheek. “You look good. No bruising or swelling anymore around your nose.”
The physical scars of my attack might be gone, but my invisible, raw emotional scars run deep.
My mom tugs me in to escape the cold winter air of December. “Come inside.”
I enter the house feeling the sense of security my parental home has always given me and follow my mother into the kitchen which smells like freshly baked pastries.
She’s been cutting vegetables for a casserole because green peppers, carrots, and cauliflower are scattered on the kitchen island. “Make some tea, sweetheart. I got you Lady Grey. You look pretty in those black jeans.” She picks up her knife and slices the carrots.
“Thanks, Mom.” I walk up behind her and hug her again, wondering whether I should take Sylvia’s advice and confide in my mother. “I’ve missed you.”
She pats my hands around her waist. “We always miss you too, sweetie.”
“Where’s Dad?” I’ve been avoiding my father since the hospital, and I’m sure he’ll want to talk to me privately. I’m positive my father is going to pound me with questions about Collopy’s attack and my sudden connection to Wade.
“Cooped up in his office. Your father has a conference call with one of the senior lawyers at the firm. A big case, apparently.”
“How did you do it all these years with him working odd hours and even on the weekends? Didn’t it ever bother you?” I think back about how Luca’s business trips would annoy me at one point in our relationship.
Opening the oven, she takes out a tray filled with a batch of croissants, which smell mouth-wateringly good. “Well, sweetheart, it’s because of your father’s hard work that we could afford the life we’ve given you. That came with missing him sometimes while other husbands were at home, but I knew your father needed the challenge his work provided. And he knew I wanted to be a homemaker. Every relationship requires some compromise.”
“But compromise can be difficult.” I lean back against the island.
“When you love each other, the effort will be worth it.”
That’s probably true, but sometimes even the pull of a deep-seated love can’t overcome the biggest hurdles. If only love could fix all the problems in the world. If only my love for Luca would just go away because I’m terrified that I will miss him for the rest of my life.
Down the hall, I hear the door closing, and my father darkens the kitchen doorway.
“Hi, Dad.”
Wrapping one arm around my shoulder, he pulls me to him and places a kiss on my forehead when I close the distance between us.
“Sweetheart.” His eyes follow my mom busying herself. “Something smells good, Elise.”
“I made her favorite croissants with honey butter,” she answers without swiveling around.
He lowers his voice. “I want to talk to you alone. When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow night. I’m having lunch with a friend first. She’ll be here at noon.”
“I have to work tonight. You and I need to have a chat tomorrow after lunch.”
I nod, unsure if I’m going to confide in my father tomorrow, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
After devouring two croissants, my father disappears into his study again, and my mother and I settle around the kitchen table to finish our tea.
; Worried lines crease her eyes. “Are you feeling better?”
No.
“Yes.” I don’t want to share the burden of my rape with my mom because seeing her concern hurts me. “It was just a scare, but I’m doing much better now.” I amaze myself at how good I’ve become at lying to people around me.
***
The next day, Camilla shows up at exactly noon, and I drive us into town with my mom’s car.
The barista hands me two warm, aromatic chai tea lattes, and I slide next to Camilla at the corner table of the busy Starbucks. We’re with our backs against the wall, facing the door.
Taking the lid off my cup, I scoop out the whipped milk because it’s delicious. “Where are you staying now?”
“I’m registered under another name at a hotel in The Loop.” Her eyes scan the place repeatedly.
“Do you think you were followed?”
Her shoulders pull up. “Don’t know. But it’s just a matter of time before they find me.”
“You have no idea what the Syndicate wants from you? Why not just talk to them? You worked for those guys for months, right?”
“Are you kidding me!” The two ladies at the table next to ours jerk their heads to her, so she lowers her voice. “If it was just Adriano looking for me, I wouldn’t be suspicious, but it’s the Capo crimine; that can’t be good.”
“I guess not. Are you positive you can’t think of anything?”
She slashes a hand through the air. “Nothing about why they would want to talk to me.”
“Can’t you call Adriano?”
“Did you call Luca when you were in trouble?”
“Point taken,” I retort dryly. “However, now I would call him. I didn’t contact him back then because anger and hurt clouded my judgment. Maybe Adriano can help you? Look, if I thought that Luca would answer my call, I would contact him for you, but we’re not on speaking terms. He was livid last time we spoke and told me point blank to never ask for his help.” I tug at the button on my jeans.
Her gaze follows my hand. “Everything okay?”
“I’ve gained a little weight because I eat a lot of cake lately so my jeans are tight.” I smile.
“Good, you were too thin anyway.” She returns my smile and downs a big gulp of tea before continuing. “I don’t know what to do. My money is running out. I need a job, but I’m a little scared to return to The Loop.”
I frown in confusion. “But why are you scared if you don’t even know the reason behind their search? I mean, you worked for them, and you and Adriano clearly have a history.” I’m missing something here.
Camilla leans forward with her elbows resting on the table and drops her head in her hands.
“Cam, what are you not telling me?”
“Promise me you won’t tell Luca if you ever speak to him.”
“Yes, I promise.”
“I might’ve done something really stupid,” she mumbles with eyes closed. “I might’ve planted a device at the house that night we escaped which caused a lot of damage to their headquarters.”
Touching her biceps, I silently demand her to look at me. “A bomb?”
“Not quite a bomb.”
“Did something explode?” I whisper in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“So a bomb.” I clench my jaw. “Why? And how did you even get that device? No wonder you’re on their shit list.” Her repentant gleam softens me.
“Ever heard of Club 7?” she asks.
“Yeah, the dance club.”
“It’s a bit a more than a dance club. It’s…”
“Tell me.”
“A sex club and a fight club.”
“Okay…so?”
“Well, I was associated with that club. I worked there, and I might’ve stolen some things from there. I wanted to head back to Club 7 to hide from the Syndicate, but the hostess is my friend, and she warned me that DeMiliano and Montesi had visited the club.”
“Montesi is Adriano’s surname?” I feel a pinch in the back of my throat because Luca is visiting a sex club.
“Yes.”
“But again, why did you plant it? And where?”
“By the hedges outside. I can’t tell you everything right now, F—”
“Stop. If you can’t confide in me, then I can’t help you at all.” I’m sick and tired of always being in the dark. I realize how frustrated Luca must’ve been all those months because I’m becoming irritated during just one conversation. He was actually very patient with me.
“It’s for your own safety.”
I mutter, “I’ve heard that before.” But I do believe her. “What do you need, Camilla?”
“Money.”
Holding her eyes, I suck in my lower lip and decide to help her since I do have the money Luca gave me, and I could never live with myself if anything happened to her because I refused to help her. “Fine. I can give you a thousand, but use it smartly, and you have to stay in touch with me. How can we arrange that?”
“I’ll get us disposable phones.”
Of course, disposable mobiles. Unlocking my screen, I hand her my phone. “I’ll transfer the money tonight. Type in your account number—Wait! I shouldn’t transfer because then we’ll leave an electronic trail the Syndicate can easily trace.” So many aspects to consider if you want to lay low.
“Yeah, cash would be better. I’ll repay you, every cent, I promise.”
“Give me your phone.” She hands it over, so I program my therapist’s address. “Meet me at this address next Monday.” She nods in agreement, and I hop off the chair. “I can get you five hundred now. That should get you through the week at least. Let’s go to the ATM, and then I’ll drop you off at the train station.”
***
A wave of apprehension takes flight in my stomach when I step into the quiet house after returning from the station. “Mom, Dad?” I hang my jacket and purse on the coat rack and head down the hall into my dad’s study.
“Oh my god!” I clamp my hand over my mouth as a shockwave of panic hits me, and I’m going to be sick.
CHAPTER 23
Luca
I enter the house, which is filled with soldiers and all three of my Capi, and I ascend the stairs to the strip club on the second floor. Alessandro and Robert, Capo number two and number three, stay downstairs with their soldiers, and Adriano follows me.
Why is it so busy?
The cut on my upper arm is healing nicely already after only one week, but it will leave a new faint scar on my skin.
“What’s everyone doing here?” I ask Adriano as I open the door to the room we both haven’t been in much lately. I couldn’t stand being in this house, my private room, without Fallon, and I’m sure Adriano’s visits have decreased because he misses Camilla.
“Apparently James told the other Capi to come have fun for a night.”
Cocking my head, I reply, “When?” James never gives out these kinds of orders to the Capi; he rarely speaks to the other two Capi. Ordinarily, most communication lines go through me or Adriano.
Adriano shrugs, and we take a seat on the rounded burgundy sofa in the center. I’ve never seen this room this busy. Soldiers and members are everywhere, and I’m sure most of them don’t even know who I am.
Skye is dancing to the soft music with a member at the bar but is staring at me, so I wink at her. The soldier is groping her under that ridiculous short skirt she’s wearing, and she’s obviously displeased that she started it up with him. My guess is that she didn’t expect to see me. I laugh when she blatantly shoves him off and eagerly closes the distance between us.
“Great. Your fan girl is coming.” An unknown woman plops down on Adriano’s lap.
“You seem to have a new fan girl too?” Eyeing the Italian girl with short chestnut colored hair, I grin at him, and he smirks back. He knows exactly what I’m thinking. He is just as sick as I am because that girl bears an uncanny resemblance to Camilla.
“Shut up. I’m going to fuck her
brains out while imagining it’s Cam’s sweet little ass.” He squeezes her ass, making her shriek in delight.
“How nice,” I counter mockingly and then realize I shouldn’t judge him because I’ll probably do the same with Skye. She’s a brunette, and I have a weakness for brunettes with long hair and amber eyes. A weakness for one in particular, but I shove her out of my mind.
“Luca.” Skye joins me while Camilla’s twin tugs Adriano to one of the private rooms. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Missed me?” I joke. She leans sideways and presses her breasts against me while I sit back.
“Want to have some fun?” she asks seductively.
Her hand slides up the inside of my thigh, and I grab it to cease her movement. “Not here.”
She twists her fingers in mine and guides me to the private room and onto the edge of the bed.
Immediately, she starts unbuttoning my pants, and I fall back on the mattress, gazing at the ceiling while an unidentified sensation – not pleasure – settles heavily on my soul.
“Hmmm, Luca—”
I order, “Don’t talk.”
Jesus fucking Christ! Can I not just enjoy this without thinking of her?
A heavy knock on the door has me sitting up hurriedly and adjusting my boxer briefs as Skye rises. “Yeah.”
Adriano throws the door open with his phone in hand. “Sal summoned us. I thought you would want to go right away.”
After tucking in my dress shirt and adjusting my clothes, I leave without saying anything to Skye.
A bit of hope sparks my question. “Did he mention anything about Ashton? Does he have him?”
“He’s not a man of many words.” Adriano shows me his screen with only ‘come’ written in the text from Sal.
***
“Sal,” I greet as Adriano and I enter the familiar surroundings of his underground office, and he stands up to meet us midway while Santino shuts the door. How can this guy work here? The absence of windows and this horrible artificial light feel suffocating every time I come here.
“Gentlemen, I just discovered I’m surrounded by incapable and untrustworthy people. One of the club members has been aiding Banks while they were specifically instructed to inform me when Ashton contacted them.”
For Luca (Chicago Syndicate Book 2) Page 16
