by Emma
It's the best fish you can have and I've told them we want a
really good one.'
i was looking forward to it, but when it arrived that
evening i took one mouthful and decided i didn't like lobster
after all. But I couldn't tell Harold - he'd already made sure
that all the fish was cut up and everything was right for me
33
on my plate. i can't say that i liked people to cut things up
for me i when i was blind. i appreciated it if they told me
where things were on my plate. Using the plate as a clock
made it quite easy: peas at twelve, chips at three and fish at
nine. But Harold enjoyed cutting everything up for me so i
let him do it.
'Do you like it?' Don asked.
'Y-yes. It's ... very nice.' Don knew from the way i said it
that i wasn't awfully keen. Harold, on the other hand, was
absolutely delighted.
'Do you like it, Sheila? i knew you would. I'm so glad i
ordered it for you. Perhaps we could have another before we
go. 5
'0h! Y-yes, Harold. It's - er - very nice.'
Betty was silently munching away. i think she'd caught
the intonation in my voice. i went on eating lobster. On and
on. It never seemed to come to an end, lobster every
mouthful. i must have had three giant lobsters on my plate.
It almost made me feel Ill. i only ate it to please Harold and
had to remember, at every mouthful, to say how really
delicious it was and how pleased i was that he'd ordered it
for me. It wasn't until a few hours later, when Don and i
were alone, that he told me.
'You didn't like the lobster, did you, Sheila?'
'No, not really, but i couldn't disappoint Harold, could i?'
'I know, but i felt very sorry because he kept giving you
pieces of his lobster. He thought you were enjoying it so
much, he hardly had any himself. He gave you nearly all his
and he pinched a bit ofrbetty's plate for you as well.'
'Oh no!' i said. 'Why didn't you stop him?'
'Well, petal, i couldn't. It gave him so much pleasure to
see you eating it.'
That was Harold.
'Here's the book shop, Sheila.'Harold held my arm a little
tighter. 'Mind the step, it3s a big one. Now then, where do we
go? Ah, here's your display of books and a scat. There you
are, you sit down. I'll take your coat.' He took my coat ofT
and went to find somewhere to hang it.
34
'I think Don and I will go and have a look round the shops,
Sheila,' Betty said. 'You'll be all rightl"
'Yes, I'll be fine, Betty.'Knowing that Harold would stay.
Don and Betty went offto do the shopping, and Harold was
soon back with the manager of the shop.
'Here we are, Sheila. I've found the manager for you.'
Introductions over, the signing session began. Harold
stood at the back of the chair, occasionally patting me on the
shoulder and asking me if all was well.
'Do you want a cup of tea?' he asked me.
'Not at the moment, Harold.'
'Well, if there's anything you want,just ask me. I'm here at
the back of you.'
'Thank you, Harold.'
'Is the old lad okay?' he asked, looking down at Bracken
who was curled up under the table fast asleep.
'Yes, he's fine.'
'Do you think he'd like a bowl of water or should i take him
for a walk?'
'No, don't worry, Harold. He'll be quite happy under
there.'
Bracken appeared to be sleeping but now i realize he was
waiting. Most of the people who came up to have their books
signed popped their shopping bags down on the floor and this
was what Bracken was waiting for. While i was signing books,
he was rummaging into everybody's shopping basket to see if
there was anything interesting there. And hefound something
very interesting in one lady's shopping bag: a loaf of bread.
One of those big long French loaves. i was so busy signing
books, i didn't realize until Harold tapped my shoulder.
'Sheila,'he whispered,'the old lad, he's got a loaf under the
table and he's eating it.
'What!' i said, dropping my pen and book on the table.
'Good grief! Bracken, leave it alone!' i managed to salvage
half the loaf from him, picked it up and put it on the table. 'Is
this anyone's bread?' i called.
One poor lady waiting in the queue looked horrified.'lt was
my French loaf,' she said.
35
'Oh gosh, I'm awfully sorry, the dog's eaten it.'
'Don't worry,'she said. 'It'll do. i didn't want the whole of
it anyway.'
I was amazed as she took it off the table, wrapped it up in
some paper and put it back in her bag. 'It'll do me for tea,'
she said, and offshe went.
That's Yorkshire people through and through. Practical
to the last, unperturbed by anything and always friendly.
After the signing session Betty insisted we go back for a meal.
A Yorkshire meal is what we midlanders and southerners
would probably refer to as a banquet and, sure enough, it
was. Everything had been prepared. In the corner the table
was groaning with the weight of the food: flans, trifles, cakes,
sausage rolls, fresh ham, pickles, lettuce, tomatoes ... it was
a beautiful spread. Betty set to making me a cup of tea while
Harold put the plates out. We'd no sooner started eating
when a knock came at the door. It turned out to be a delivery
man.
'Come in,' Betty said. 'Come in and have a cup of tea.'
He was introduced all round as Bill and he had hardly sat
down before Betty put a cup of tea in his hand. Harold
grabbed a plate and sized up the table. 'Now, old lad, what
are you going to have to eat?'
'Eee, I'vejust had me dinner, Harold.'
'Never mind your dinner, look at this lot,' Harold said.
It was always a challenge to him to make people eat as
much as they possibly could, and he and Betty would have
been mortally offended if anyone had gone in and gone out of
their house without having a good meal. Sausage rolls and
ham were piled on to Bill's plate. Cakes and trifle followed.
The poor man could hardly move, let alone continue his
round, by the time Harold and Betty had plied him with food
and tea.
It was when the alcohol started to flow that i became
worried. Harold took a bottle out of the little cupboard in the
kitchen that was stocked full of whisky, home-made wine,
beer - anything you care to mention - and looked eagerly at
Don, grinning.
36
'Now then, old lad' (Harold calls anything male'old lad').
'What are you gonna have to drink?'
'Oh no, Harold, i mustn't. Got to drive back.'
I knew it was fatal. i tried to get up and make a dash for
the car but i didn't make it in time. Put Harold, Don and
alcohol together and it has a similar eftect to throwing a
gallon of petrol on a dying fire. i remember one Christmas well,
Betty and i remember one Christmas and we're the
only two who do - we spent up there.
For days after we'd
arrived home, Don would ask me things like, 'Who bought
me that tie, petal?'; 'Where did this bottle of whisky come
from?'; 'What did we do on Christmas Eve?'
37
CHAPTER FOUR
'I'M SURE SHE'S going to have them tonight,' i said to
Don.
'No, she won't. Now go back to sleep.'
'I can't.' i sat on the edge of the bed. i was waiting for
Buttons to have her first litter of puppies.
'They're not due yet,' Don told me.
'I know, but it's no good. i can't rest. I'll go down and sit
with her.' i sat with her that night and the night after, but
nothing happened.
The puppies had been due on Emma's birthday, the i6th
October, and, as luck would have it, a friend of mine,
Caroline Whitlock, was staying with us. Caroline breeds
chocolate Labradors and knows all about delivering puppies.
When she arrived at tea-time on the Wednesday i was
in a state of nervous exhaustion.
'Oh, Caroline, I'm so pleased you've arrived.'
'Why?' she said. 'Has she had her litter yet?'
'No, that's just the point. Come and have a look at her.
Tell me what you think.'
Buttons was sitting in what is called our Dog Room, which
is a type of utility room offthe kitchen.
'Yes, i think she's going to have them tonight,' Caroline
told me.
'Mm, I've already spent two nights sitting waiting.'
'You are a silly.' She smiled at me. 'I told you she wouldn't
have them till i arrived, didn't i'.-'Now what we'll do is take it
in turns. If she hasn't had any puppies by bedtime, we'll split
the night up into shifts.'
'That's a good idea. At least i can get some sleep.'
Buttons produced her first little chocolate puppy at halfpast
ten. It was quite simple: she just had the puppy. She
38
looked at it a bit strangely at first, with a quizzical look on
her face as if to say, Where did that come from? But she soon
settled down to nursing it. She'd had two puppies by the time
Caroline went to bed. i stayed up until one o'clock when the
third puppy arrived, a little yellow one. Two chocolates and
one yellow. When i dragged myself out of bed at six o'clock
in the morning, i wasjust in time to see the last puppy of six
arrive - another yellow. So we had four chocolate and two
yellow puppies. No matter how many litters i witness being
born, the miracle of new life never ceases to amaze me. They
were beautiful. Little Emmas.
i spent Thursday morning ringing everyone to tell them of
our happy arrivals. Most people were queuing up to come
and have a look at them, especially those who had ordered
puppies. Deirdre was the first one on the scene that evening,
bringing her two children, Scan and Katherine. Deirdre was
to have a chocolate male puppy from the litter, unbeknown
to John, her husband. That first night she and the children
stood watching the puppies snuggle up to Buttons and
listening to their little squeaking noises.
'I can't wait to take mine home,' Deirdre said. 'Won't it be
lovely to have a puppy about the house?'
They'd never had a dog, but the children had always
wanted one. They were almost grown up now, teenagers in
fact.
'What about John?' i asked. 'Have you told him yet?'
'No. I'm not going to say anything to him. Every time i
mention us having a dog, he says no, they're too much of a
responsibility and he might let me have one sometime in the
future.'
'Oh dear, i don't know whether I'd risk that.'
'It's the only way,' Deirdre told me. 'Just to appear one
night with one. He won't make me bring him back, i know he
won't. He'll love him just as much as we will.'
Over the next few weeks i had to be very careful when
John came round that i didn't mention anything about the
ptippy Deirdre had ordered. The puppies grew not so much
into little Emmas as into little bundles of terror and mischief.
39
i
They almost ate me out of house and home and there
wasn't much housework done in that time. i spent most of
it sitting with the puppies getting to know their characters,
watching them turn into expressive creatures. i became so
attached to each and every one of them that it was
heart-breaking when they had to go. But i was very
fortunate in the fact that all the litter had been spoken for
by people i knew, barring one and she was going to be a
guide-dog. i was really thrilled about that. The GuideDogs
for the Blind Association breed a lot of their own
puppies. Their brood bitches are kept as pets by various
people who live around the Training Centres, and they
usually go there to have their litters. Sometimes they need
extra puppies and it was at this time they were looking
around, so i was able to let them have one of Buttons'
puppies. They don't just take any Labrador puppy, of
course. Derek Freeman, who looks after all the breeding
and puppy walking side of the Guide-Dogs, chooses his
stock very carefully. He wanted to see the pedigrees of both
mum and dad - Bracken being the father - to examine
them not only for type and temperament, but to see if there
were any hidden diseases, such as what we call PRA
(progressive retinal atrophy), a disease which attacks the
retina of the eye. As the dog grows older, it gradually goes
blind - not the sort of thing you can aftord to have in a
working guide-dog. But both Buttons and Bracken came
from impeccable stock and so their puppy was accepted.
i was very excited the day that i was taking the puppy to
the Training Centre. i hadn't been to the Leamington Spa
Guide-Dog Training Centre since i came home with Emma
so i knew, for me, it would be a very emotional experience.
Betty, my friend from round the corner, had offered to drive
me down, not only because she's very good in that way but
also because she was interested in seeing the Guide-Dog
Training Centre too.
It was a beautiful sunny day when we took the puppy
down, and the autumn leaves were still on the ground. It
had been sunny the first time when i went for Emma in
40
July i966. i looked with keen interest as we drove through
Leamington itself.
'What's that road called?' i asked Betty. (i don't have
distance or detailed vision so i couldn't see the street
names.)
'That's The Parade,' she said.
'Emma and i used to walk along there. Across the lights,
across the crossing and then into a park. Can you see a park
up there?'
'Yes, it has flower gardens in it.'
'That's the one. Well, you go straight past The Parade,' i
told her, 'straight down Warwick New Road and you'll see
the Centre.'
It brought back so many memories. i could even remember
how many down kerbs it was from the Training Centre
into The Parade in Leamingto
n Spa. That's the sort of thing
you have to remember as a blind person ... how many
roads you've crossed and where to turn left or right. But it
was many years since i last said 'Forward' to Emma. The
Training Centre itself was a beautiful place. Up the drive
and on to the Tudor style house, into the reception hall
where i stood all those years ago, shaking in nervous
anticipation. This time Betty and i stood there, the little
puppy clutched in my arms. She was my oftering to them.
My exchange for Emma. She was six weeks old, and was to
be collected from the Training Centre by her puppy walker.
She would spend a year learning the basic training before
going back to the Centre to be taught to be a guide-dog. It
would be quite a time before i knew whether she had
actually passed her final test or not. i just hoped she'd make
someone as a good a guide-dog as Emma had made me.
Derek was there to meet us and, as he knew that it was my
first sighted visit to the TrainingCentre, he ofrered to show me
round. First ofall the kennels, full oflovely Labradors living in
comfort. I've never seen such beautiful kennels and I'm sure i
never will. Then the house itself, where i saw the lounge that
Emma and i used to sit in night after night. It was all so
different from how I'd imagined it as a blind person, and odd
4i
i
i
to actuall.~, see where the doors were and where the radio sat on
the shelf, but no,,s- they had put a clock on the mantelpiece.
'You didn't have that there,' i said, 'not in i966.'
'No,' Derek laughed. 'We didn't. We put it there for the
ticking.'
'What do you mean?' i said.
'Well, it's a good piece to listen to, so that you can
orientate yourself i-,i the room.'
'Oh, yes, that's a good idea.' i realized I'd stopped
thinking as a blind person. i didn't have to use my cars any
more when i went into a room. 'Can i go and have a look at
the bedrooms?' i asked.
'Yes, of course. You know where they are, don't you?'
Yes, i remembered. Through the lounge door, turn left,
find the mat at the bottom of the stairs - and up i went. It was
so much easier with sight. i didn't have to feel for the mat. i
