by T. S. Joyce
Chapter Fifteen
Nevada couldn’t get warm this morning. Her skin had been covered in chills from the moment she woke up. Not even Nox’s strong arm around her and his hot-as-coal skin against her back could warm her.
She also couldn’t help the soft snarl that kept scratching its way up her throat. It was a miracle she hadn’t woken Nox as she readied to go to her childhood home.
Her phone lit up. She’d been a clever fox and put it on silent so it wouldn’t alert her mate. It was a message from Mom.
If you do this, you can’t ever come back. You understand that, right?
Why do you want me to stay? Nevada typed out. The answer mattered more than anything. Send.
Because you’re a Foxburg. You will be the greatest shame of our family, and we will never live this down. You will unseat our place in this den with your selfishness.
Nevada winced at the pain those words caused in her middle. Selfishness? Mom wasn’t very good at being a mom. She never had been. She’d always been missing that tenderness that Nevada had yearned for. It was selfish of her to choose her own mate? To choose someone who didn’t make her feel alone and awful about herself? It was selfish to want kits with someone who would give them dandelions and plan prank days into their thirties? It was selfish to want not just a better life but a fulfilling one? She squeezed her eyes tightly closed, loosing twin tears to her cheeks.
That was enough.
That was the final hurt she would allow on her insides from her people.
Not after today.
Today would be the worst of her life. It was going to hurt, not just physically, but emotionally, because the people she’d so desperately wanted to accept her all this time would be the ones scarring her, shunning her.
But tomorrow? She was going to wake up sore and aching for what she lost…but she was going to wake up free to gain so much more.
Nox was freedom, and she was going to fight for him.
She shouldered her purse and looked at his sleeping form once more. God, she hoped he found her pretty after today. She hoped he held onto that ability to see her insides first and outsides second. She was about to go to her knees for a chance at a better life, and he was going to be very important in her learning to stand again.
He didn’t know it yet, but Nox was about to become the hero he swore up and down he wasn’t.
Dashing her knuckles over her damp cheeks to dry them, she straightened her spine and made her way past all the creaky floorboards and padded outside into the gray dawn light.
Her breath froze in front of her like the steam from a train as she made her way down the snow-caked sidewalk. It had been storming all night, and three inches of the sparkling, white powder was on the ground now. Above her, the clouds churned in discontent—fitting for the day.
She was going to do this, and she was going to be tough about it.
She’d prepared.
Nevada set the bag of first-aid supplies in the passenger’s seat and slid in behind the wheel. No one would touch her after this was done. No one would help her, and she wouldn’t heal very fast, so it was up to her to take care of herself. Nox couldn’t see her until she was mostly healed. She’d reserved a room in a hotel a few towns over for a few nights.
This was rock bottom—knowing she was truly alone right now. But this is what Nevada knew about rock bottom. You go over the edge of that cliff, or maybe you’re pushed. And at first, the fall isn’t so bad because you can see the water below. You know it’ll be over soon, and you’ll hit the waves and then break the surface, still alive, still breathing. But when things pile up, suddenly the bottom drops out and turns black, you just keep falling, and it’s not that exciting roller-coaster-feel in the pit of your stomach anymore. Its uncertainty and fear of the unknown. It’s fear that the fall will never end. And when you do finally see that bottom again, it’s covered in jagged rocks, and you scream because it’s terrifying. You’re falling too fast, and there’s no landing softly, no landing on your feet, and this is going to hurt. You curl in on yourself right before impact because there’s no way you’ll survive. And then…you hit, and it hurts, but you wake up lying on your back and looking up at that cliff you got pushed from. Your body is tired and it aches, but that pain means you’re still alive. And it’s up to you to get up from that rock bottom and start slowly climbing that wall again to get back where you were.
Or if Nevada was really determined and lucky, maybe she could claw her way to something even better.
Today was rock bottom.
Tomorrow she was going to dig her claws into that cliff face and pull herself up toward where Nox was waiting for her. And Nevada was proud of that. Nox had told her he saw steel in her, and now she believed him. Because she felt that steel in her. And the snarl in her throat said her fox felt it, too.
From here on, she was shedding the skin of her past, and she was going to make a future with the man she loved.
The trip to her parent’s house was a short one, only fifteen minutes to the old cream-colored Victorian house set outside the city limits just beyond Foxburg. Acres of woods surrounded her childhood home. There wasn’t a tire swing in the front tree or handprints in the concrete. The house was pristine, just as it had been every day growing up. She and her siblings hadn’t been allowed to let it look “lived in.” Mom and Dad needed it spotless at all times for den meetings. They were perfect, after all. The perfect family with perfects kits who would find perfect mates someday and populate the next generation with perfect offspring.
She’d been such a thorn, such an outsider. She almost snorted at how uninviting the house looked. Nox would never settle for pristine. His mess matched hers. If she wanted to draw big rainbow dicks in sidewalk chalk all over their driveway, he wouldn’t just allow it, he would laugh and join her. If she wanted to paint their house fuchsia and grow dandelions in the front yard, he would help, and he would water those weeds.
She allowed a smile. One hour and this would be done. She could be brave for such a short amount of time.
Cars and trucks and SUVs were lined up along both sides of the circle drive. From the look of it, the entire den had shown up for her public shaming. God, foxes were assholes. If she had kits with Nox instead of cubs, she was going to teach them to be kind, generous, and accepting. She was going to do everything different and make sure they knew they were loved, every single day. And she had no doubt in her mind that Nox would do the same. Oh sure, they would likely be little monstrous brawlers if his genetics had anything to say about it, but they would be good inside like their father, too. She would make sure of it.
Her siblings and parents lined up on the wraparound front porch as she got out of her car, each with matching scowls as their gold eyes tracked her progress.
“H-hi, family,” she gritted out as she came to a stop in front of the porch stairs.
She wanted to meet their eyes so badly, but couldn’t. Someday she would be able to look everyone in the eyes. That was her personal goal, but she was on the first legs of her journey, and she wasn’t going to be hard on herself. Not today.
“I knew you were going to be an epic disappointment,” Jack said, looking down his nose at her.
Clenching her fists in anger, Nevada snarled up her lip and lifted her gaze to Jack. “Yeah, I’m not here to trade insults. I’m here to cut myself off from the den.”
“You’re not seeing it correctly,” Mom said. Her hair was perfectly coifed, and she wore a plum-colored business suit, as though she’d dressed for the occasion. “You aren’t gaining freedom today. You are being punished and shamed.”
“I see it differently,” Nevada murmured. Her voice shook, but at least she was talking, and that was a tiny victory in itself. “You see shame. I see freedom.”
Mom’s lip flickered up in a hate-filled snarl, and then she jerked her chin toward the woods where the snow was covered in paw prints and where dozens of red foxes stood waiting between the trees. This was going to hu
rt. One hour. One hour. Fuck. Nox was right, cursing helped, so she repeated it in her head three more times. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Don’t just scar her a little,” Mom said. “I want her mauled for her insolence. I want her mauled for risking the entire den’s exposure. I want her mauled for turning down matches, refusing to conform, and for stepping out of line her entire life. I want her never to be able to look at herself with pride.”
“Mom,” Leslie murmured, the first tinges of horror tainting her face.
“Hold your tongue or you’ll be next,” Mom spat out at Leslie, her eyes flashing the color of pure gold. She lifted her voice. “Let this be an example to any of you who decide to step out of line and betray your people! There will be no leniency!”
Chest heaving, Nevada bit her bottom lip hard to stop her tears from welling up in her eyes. She didn’t belong, didn’t belong. “You’ll have to live with yourselves for what you do today,” she called. Damn her voice as it still shook like a leaf. “I hope you have nightmares about what you do. I hope your sins eat you alive. I hope you feel poisoned by the memories of what you’ll do to me. But know this. Whatever you do? You aren’t really touching my soul. You’re nothing, and my life will be happy. I won’t think about you.” She slid her pissed-off glare to her mom and dared her, “Maul me. I’m still going to be free, and you’ll be trapped in this empty, boring life where you’re all exactly the same, faceless foxes. Unsympathetic, uncaring, unfeeling, brutal. I’m going to be different, and I’ll be happier for it. No matter what you do, you can’t take that away from me. Mark me, but hear my words. If you ever come after me again, my mate will fucking murder you, and I won’t lift a single paw to help you.”
“Language!” Mom demanded.
Nevada lifted her middle finger and finished, “I’ll let the Son of the Cursed Bear have you. You think you’re cutting me off from the den? Hell no. This is my choice. I’m cutting myself from you. Let’s get this over with. I have shit to do.” She pulled her sweater over her head as she made her way through the crunching snow toward the foxes in the woods.
When she looked back over her shoulder, her siblings and father were making their way somberly down the stairs and following her, but Mom was gripping the railing, arms locked, eyes blazing, body shaking with fury. Good. She shouldn’t feel like she was winning. Something had happened during Nevada’s speech. Her voice had become steadier, more growly. It didn’t shake anymore. She was meeting their eyes because she believed her words. She was going to be better off without them.
One hour.
Nox, I’m sorry. I’m coming back to you. Everything’s fine. Fine. Fine. Everything’s fine.
She was shaking now, from adrenaline and fear. As tough as she wanted to be, this would hurt. And she wasn’t going quietly either. Nope. She was going to fight back because she couldn’t live with her new, stronger self if she didn’t.
Nevada kicked out of her boots one by one and left a trail of clothes behind her, uncaring about the dozens of pairs of eyes that tracked her progress into the woods. Come on, Fox, we have work to do.
She pitched forward and gave her body to the snarling animal in her middle. Her fox took off at a sprint, but she wasn’t running away. She was leading the others to the exact spot she wanted this to happen. It had been her favorite place as a child. It was a clearing she would sneak to when life was heavy, and she would lie in the grass and count the stars.
It was snowing again, big flurries falling all around her and settling on her thick coat. Behind her, she could hear the excited yips of the hunting foxes. Hunting her. Bloodthirsty little beasties. Vyr was right about them being lethal. Wild foxes didn’t have pack mentality like this, but shifter foxes were a different beast altogether. She ran through the unmarred, fresh snow, her paws crunching in the white stuff. She hoped she could make it to the clearing before they attacked. She could recognize their yipping voices in this form. Leslie, Jack, Mom, Dad, Darren…
There it was. She could see it straight ahead, the clearing where she had spent so much time alone. This would be her last time alone here. It would be her last time alone ever. That thought made her braver, so at the mouth of the clearing, she spun and faced them with her lips curled back to expose her teeth, her front end lowered to the snow. Nevada snarled a challenge. She was ready. Who’s first?
It was Jack who barreled down on her. Perfect. She could see the sea of foxes converging on her, but at least she could brawl the brother who had pushed her around all these years and made her feel worthless. She ran at him and met him, clashed so hard it nearly knocked the wind out of her, but she didn’t back down. Not an inch. She clamped her teeth onto his neck and shook her head as hard as she could to do maximum damage. And then the den fell on her.
Pain.
Pain was everything.
Pain was her whole life in this moment.
She felt ripped to shreds. Like she wasn’t even in her skin anymore. Iron filled the air. Red painted the snow. Not only hers since she fought like she never had before, but it was a hundred to one. There was a part of her that grew terrified because her face was hurt, bitten into, but they weren’t stopping. Maul her. Mom’s order rattled around her head like a ghost dragging chains.
Did maul her mean kill her?
She couldn’t see the clouds anymore. Couldn’t see the sky or the trees. She couldn’t see anything but red fur and razor-sharp teeth.
But she could hear. It started as a rattling, soft sound and got louder by the second. The earth shook with something she didn’t understand. And then a deafening roar of a grizzly bear shattered the battle sounds of the foxes. It filled the air like a hurricane wind and promised blood, promised death.
A layer of foxes was knocked clean off her with one massive swipe of a paw. Long, curved claws barely missed her belly as Nox blasted her attackers into the woods like they weighed nothing. He was frenzy. He was fury. His hackles were raised, and his massive body was flexed and powerful. He was so fast as he bit and clawed and swiped. He didn’t stray far from her when he chased. A few paces, then right back to standing over her. She was frozen in shock. He was really here, really going to war with the den for her.
Her Nox. Hers. Her man might be damaged and a loner, but he had her back. Always. And she had his.
Nevada pushed herself up onto all fours, splayed her legs, and ignored the pain of her muzzle as she bared her teeth at the foxes ducking in and out, testing them for a weak side. Too bad for them there wasn’t one. Nox was a monster. Her monster. He didn’t back down, didn’t back up. He pushed forward, no matter how many teeth touched him.
And when those foxes wised up and attacked at once, covering her and Nox completely, for a moment of terror, Nevada thought they would lose. She thought they would lose this battle, lose each other, lose their future, lose everything.
Right up until the point a big, meaty, shiny black hand squeezed the neck of a fox on top of Nevada and chucked it into a tree. The silverback blasted his fists onto the ground, peeled his lips back over impossibly long canines, and roared.
Holy shit. Torren had come, and that meant…
Nevada jerked her attention to the clearing behind her where a wave of heaviness was crushing her cell by cell. Nox and Torren were brawling, but Vyr was walking slowly toward them, head held high, eyes like silver fire, face contorted with rage. “Stop hurting them,” he said in a soft, lethal voice.
Some of the foxes looked uncertain and scattered, but most were too deep in war and bloodlust to realize the danger they were in.
“I said stop!” Vyr yelled. The power of his words formed a crack from his feet that split the earth wide open. Panicked, Nevada scrambled to the side so she wouldn’t be swallowed by the break in the ground. Others weren’t so lucky. Some foxes fell in.
Nox was on the other side with Torren, but with one fiery look, he shook off a pair of foxes and bolted for Nevada. He charged and then jumped over the splitting earth. He landed bad, sinking his cla
ws into the edge, half his body in the hole. It was getting wider and wider, and now there was fire. Vyr was lighting this place up. Plumes of black smoke billowed, and trees burned. Foxes were scattering, and Nevada was yipping at Nox. Pull yourself up, pull yourself up, hurry!
With a grunt, Nox’s massive grizzly pitched upward and gathered Nevada under him just as a stream of fire blistered her skin. It was over quick, but Nox tensed and grunted in pain.
No, no, no!
“Vyr!” Torren growled out in that deep, rough voice of his silverback. “Enough!”
“Hear me!” Vyr yelled. “This isn’t your territory anymore. These are my mountains now. Nevada Foxburg is under my protection. Even look at her again, and I’ll light your fuckin’ den on fire and devour every last one of your ashes. I am The Red Dragon. Bring trouble, and I’ll expose every dirty, violent, dark corner of your shifter culture and will make it my personal mission to destroy every fox den from the inside out.”
His words rang with such honesty, all Nevada could do was lay under Nox’s protective body and watch the Son of the Dragon claim the territory.
And then he did something horrifying. As Torren yelled, “Nooo!” Vyr crouched and leaped into the sky. In an instant, a monstrous dragon with scales as red as fire and wings ripped at the edges like some battle-hardened gargoyle lifted into the air, beating his wings so hard to get airborne the snow was blown away. The hurricane-force wind made Nox and Nevada skid thirty yards into the clearing before they jerked to a stop.
The foxes were on the run, but Vyr didn’t seem to care about their surrender. He opened his mouth lined with rows of razor teeth and blasted a stream of fire and lava into the woods.
They should run, but she and Nox just stood there staring at the sky, completely frozen. Torren walked slowly on all fours and stood beside Nox, watched the Red Dragon right along with them. Perhaps their instincts were broken, but they didn’t move to escape. The boys were beat, cut, bit, dripping red, and she knew she didn’t look any better. Her muzzle hurt so bad her head spun and her eyes watered. Panting and shocked, she leaned against Nox’s leg for warmth and strength. His fur was coarse, just like he’d said. Coarse to her soft, just like them. They were different in ways that complimented each other, but similar in ways that mattered—a perfect match.
