by Maya Banks
Her eyes were dry. She wouldn’t cry. Not over him. Her only consolation was that she hadn’t humiliated herself even more by blurting out her feelings.
J.T. shut the door so he could dress. He was standing in his office in the middle of the day, naked and still wearing a used condom.
He reached down to pull it off and froze when he saw the traces of red on the outside of the latex. Blood. What the fuck?
His gaze flew to the desk but all he saw was the faintest smudge of red. God, had he been that rough? Had he hurt her?
But then he registered how tight she’d been. How unsure she’d been as he positioned himself to take her. And her gasp of surprise when he thrust that first time.
Nausea rolled in his stomach. Jesus Christ. She’d been a virgin.
He closed his eyes, and then remembering he was still naked, in his office, in the middle of the day, he let out a curse and yanked his clothing back on.
A virgin. God. He’d taken her virginity, something he had no right to do, and not only that, he’d insulted her. He’d all but called her a whore. Not that he’d ever hurt her like that, but he might as well have said it out loud. All that shit about not wanting a quick fuck.
No, he didn’t want a quick fuck with her. He goddamn wanted more. But she didn’t. This was all a game to her. He couldn’t ever see her settling with a small town, hokey cop in a place that had caused her nothing but grief. Why the fuck had she even come back?
Lucas was going to kill him.
J.T. groaned and rubbed a tired hand over his forehead. He’d promised one of his best friends that he’d look out for his kid sister and protect her from men who thought she was an easy mark. He swore long and hard again. Easy mark? She’d been a goddamn virgin, and he’d been the one who treated her like she was a carbon copy of her mother.
Way to go, asshole.
Chapter Five
If J.T. had wanted Nikki to disappear, he’d certainly gotten his wish. She was no longer there every time he turned around. It was a week later before he realized he’d stopped hiding in hopes that he would see her, but no matter where he went, the café or Tucker’s, his house or his office, there was no sign of her.
A midweek conversation with Jasmine yielded nothing other than Jasmine calling him a dumbass and hanging up in a huff.
Where was she?
He couldn’t very well keep an eye on her if he never saw her.
“You’re a stupid son of a bitch,” he muttered. He’d hurt her. He still flinched when he remembered the look in her eyes. He’d been such a bastard.
Of course she wasn’t lining up to seduce him. A woman like her didn’t need to wait around on a man like him.
But she had waited, and he couldn’t figure out why. Why him? She had to have had men dying to take her out in college.
Even as he thought it, an image of her mother came readily to mind. And the expression on a much younger Nikki’s face the night he’d had to tell her that her mom wasn’t coming home.
That night had been a catalyst for so many things. He’d taken Nikki to his home so she’d have a place to stay until Lucas got into town. He hadn’t wanted her to be alone in the house she’d grown up in. Not when her mother’s boyfriends paid call at all times of the night. When they discovered Tricia gone, who was to say they wouldn’t turn their attention on Tricia’s teenage daughter?
Nikki hadn’t reacted with surprise to the news that her mother had skipped town with a new boyfriend and left Nikki to her own devices. It was that stoic acceptance that made J.T. grieve for the little girl trapped behind Nikki’s abrasive façade.
It made perfect sense why she was still a virgin. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out she wouldn’t want to be tarred with the same brush as her mother.
What didn’t make sense was why she’d chosen him to be her first.
He swore and pounded his desk with his fist. Then he glared at the window unit that had quit earlier in the afternoon. Damn repairman was supposed to have been here hours ago. He was tired of sitting here sweating his ass off with the ridiculous hope that Nikki might burst through the door with her million-dollar smile and those big blue eyes shining with mischief.
Instead, all he could remember was the hurt shadowing those gorgeous eyes. Hurt that he’d been responsible for.
Toby stuck his head in the door. “J.T., you might want to head over to Tucker’s.”
The urgency in Toby’s voice spurred J.T. to action. He quickly stood and strode toward the door, his hand automatically checking his weapon at his side.
“What’s up?” he demanded.
Toby gave him an uneasy look and J.T. knew. He sighed. “What’s she done now?”
Toby grimaced. “There’s a disturbance. Uh, Tucker said Nikki is pretty drunk.”
J.T. bit out a curse even as he started for his car. Toby was right behind him.
At first, J.T. wondered if this was just another ploy on Nikki’s part, her calling his bluff on locking her up overnight. But when he walked into Tucker’s a few minutes later, he quickly hung up that notion.
In a word, Nikki was plastered. And he’d never seen her drunk. Hell, he’d never even seen her take a sip of alcohol.
She was on top of the bar, ignoring Tucker’s pleas to come down. She wore a tight miniskirt that afforded anyone in a three-foot radius a prime view of her underwear. He only hoped to hell she was wearing underwear.
Her midriff was bare as her tank top rode higher, brushing the undersides of her breasts. She was most definitely not wearing a bra.
She teetered precariously on three-inch heels, and no less than four sets of hands reached up to steady her. A peal of laughter escaped her as she dodged and continued gyrating atop the bar in time with the blaring country music.
She looked like she was having the time of her life. Only J.T. could see the pain flashing in her eyes.
Then one of the guys reached up and yanked at her hand. She tumbled down with a surprised yelp, right into the asshole’s arms. He grinned and plastered his mouth to hers.
She began to struggle and kick wildly, but the guy wasn’t inclined to let her go. If anything he tightened his grip. Her whimper of fright spilled out. It was all J.T. could hear. No music. No loud conversations. Just her sound of fear.
J.T. exploded into action, shoving men out of his way as he closed in on his goal. Tucker gave J.T. a relieved look as he saw him.
Without a word, J.T. reached out and snagged her wrist. He pulled, but the guy holding on to her was reluctant to let go. Until he saw J.T.’s uniform. His compliance wasn’t enough, though. J.T. wanted his blood.
He decked the guy right in the jaw, and he went down, almost taking Nikki with him. J.T. grabbed her and hauled her against him. He shoved her behind him as he waited to see if he’d have any more trouble out of Mr. Obnoxious.
Satisfied that he was out for the count, J.T. turned to Nikki. Her usually clear blue eyes were cloudy with confusion and the haze of too much alcohol.
“Are you all right, honey?” he demanded as he touched her cheek in a gentle gesture. To his horror, her eyes filled with tears. Hell.
He pulled her into his arms then looked over her head to Tucker. “How long has she been at this?”
“A few hours,” Tucker said. “Only got bad about a half hour ago.”
“Thanks for calling,” J.T. said with a nod. “I’m taking her home.”
“Give Lucas my regards when you talk to him,” Tucker said. “Tell him he won’t have to worry about Nikki coming in here again.”
“No, he won’t,” J.T. said shortly. “She’ll be back in over my dead body.”
Tucker nodded his satisfaction, and J.T. gathered Nikki under one arm, pressing her against his side. He urged her from the bar, keeping her in the protective shelter of his embrace until they were outside.
When he got to his car, he opened the back door and gently helped her in. She offered no resistance and crawled onto the seat, lying down and c
urling her knees protectively against her chest. He stood there looking at her for a long moment, his jaw clenched until he thought his teeth might break.
J.T. turned and nearly ran into Toby.
“I’ll head back over to the station,” Toby said. “You go ahead and take her home.”
J.T. nodded. “Thanks, man.”
“You bet.”
J.T. walked around to the driver’s side and got in. They rode to her house in silence. He glanced over his shoulder in the darkness to see if she was sleeping, but she was just lying there, her gaze fixed on some distant object. He sighed and turned his attention back to the road.
A few minutes later, he pulled up outside her house and cut the engine. He got out, opened the back door and reached in to pick her up. She offered no resistance and lay limply in his arms as he walked to her front door.
Hell, it wasn’t even locked.
“We’re going to have a talk about your safety measures,” he grumbled as he elbowed his way inside.
Her silence was starting to unnerve him. For a girl who always had something to say, this prolonged no-talking thing was starting to bug the shit out of him.
He laid her on the couch and knelt down beside her. He touched her cheek and ran his finger down to her lips.
“Are you okay, honey?”
Again her eyes filled with tears. One popped over the rim of her eye and slipped down, colliding with his finger. Damn.
“Don’t call me honey,” she said hoarsely. “I’m not your honey. I’m not your anything. I’m nothing to you. Just an easy lay.”
He damn near exploded. Only the fear of scaring her kept him from losing his cool entirely.
“Don’t you ever call yourself an easy lay,” he ground out.
She shrugged. “What else would you call someone who all but forced you to have sex with her?”
Sarcastic and acerbic. It was always how she’d dealt with situations that left her at a disadvantage.
“I have a lot I want to say to you, Nikki, but damn if I’m going to do it when you won’t remember it the next morning. So what I’m going to do is get you undressed and in bed. But tomorrow? We’re going to talk, and I don’t give a damn if you have the worst hangover in history. It won’t get you out of this.”
She gave him a faint smile. “Sometimes when you talk to me, it’s almost like I belong to you. It’s nice.” Then her smile faded. “But I’ll never belong to you. I don’t belong to anyone.”
She closed her eyes but not before he saw the renewal of moisture.
His chest heavy and aching, he picked her up again and carried her into the bedroom. She didn’t stir as he undressed her then tucked her carefully into bed.
For a long moment he stood at her side, staring down at her in confusion. She spoke of belonging to him, of wanting to belong to him, as though she held deeper feelings, beyond a crush or sexual attraction.
Had he gotten her intentions wrong all along? Was the brazen, sex-kitten act just a cover-up for deep-seeded insecurities? Okay obviously the sex-kitten act was a farce.
She saved herself for you.
If it were any other woman, he’d read a lot into that fact, but with Nikki, he’d never been sure of anything. She moved too fast, made his head spin and generally kept him in a state of befuddlement.
What if she did want more? What if it wasn’t all a game? What if he’d fucked it all up before he realized he’d even had a chance?
He lowered his head and kissed her temple, letting his lips linger there for a long moment.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “So damn sorry.”
After touching her cheek one last time, he turned and walked out of the bedroom toward the living room. He’d crash on the couch, and then tomorrow he’d find out what the hell had prompted tonight’s uncharacteristic drunken binge.
Even though he had a bad feeling he knew.
Chapter Six
Nikki woke to a pounding head and a tongue that was dry and swollen, sticking to the roof of her mouth like fly paper. She was naked. In her bed.
Shame crowded into her mind until she wanted to scream. So much for not being her mother’s daughter.
She fought to try and remember what happened last night. She remembered drinking too much and having to force herself to swallow the nasty crap. The rest of the evening was fuzzy, though she did remember being pulled off the bar by a guy she’d never seen before.
Fear took hold. Please, please don’t let her have had a one night stand with him.
She scrambled out of bed, inspecting it for signs that she hadn’t been alone in it. Her stomach lurched as she hurriedly dressed, and she had to breathe deeply to keep from having to hang her head over a toilet.
She brushed her teeth then doused her face with water until some of the cobwebs cleared. Then she ventured out of her bedroom, afraid of what she might find in the living room.
When she saw J.T. sitting on the couch, TV remote in hand, she sagged in relief. No matter what he might think of her, he wouldn’t have allowed anything to happen to her.
He turned to stare at her, his expression indecipherable. Unable to hold his gaze, she ducked and headed for the kitchen.
“Oh no you don’t,” J.T. said as he strode after her.
He touched her shoulder then let his fingers slide over her skin before turning her around to face him.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, though his expression told her he knew damn well how she felt.
“Like shit,” she said bluntly.
He nodded. “I’m not surprised. That was one hell of a drunk you threw last night. Want to tell me what’s going on?”
She almost laughed. Would have if it wouldn’t have split her head wide open. She shrugged indifferently. “Nothing’s going on. Just decided to give the public what they expect.”
His eyes glittered dangerously. “And what do they expect, Nikki?”
She shrugged again, and his hand tightened on her shoulder. She was pissing him off. Not that it was anything new.
“Drunken whore. Like mother, like daughter.” She would have shrugged again, but his grip prevented her.
He cursed under his breath, but the words still stung her ears. “You’re not a whore or a drunk, Nikki. Why the fuck would you want people to think you are?”
She lifted a brow and stared straight back at him. “What else would you call a quick fuck?”
J.T.’s face darkened in fury. He spun her around and all but shoved her out of the kitchen and back into the living room. He sat her on the couch and plopped down beside her.
“Cut the crap, Nikki. You were a virgin. I was your first.”
She couldn’t breathe. It hurt too much. She hadn’t wanted him to know, hadn’t wanted him to have that kind of power over her.
Then he cupped her cheek, his touch so gentle, she wanted to cry. He nudged at her chin until she was forced to meet his gaze.
“I hurt you, honey, and I’m so damn sorry. It shouldn’t have been like that. It should have been special, not a quickie on my office desk.”
“It was my choice,” she said defiantly.
“But why was I your choice?”
She refused to look at him even though he held her chin as he stared at her.
“Nikki, look at me,” he ordered.
She let her gaze flicker back to him. “Does it matter? I didn’t even think you’d know. And who would believe I was a virgin anyway?”
“I would,” he said quietly. “And damn it, Nikki, you should have told me. I could have hurt you badly. If it had been someone else, someone who didn’t have your pleasure or best interests at heart, it could have been a lot worse.”
“But it wasn’t,” she said. “Everything was just fine. My first time was all I could hope for, and now I no longer have my pesky virginity to worry about. I can lose the hang-ups over who the first guy will be and go out and have fun.”
J.T. frowned, and he gripped her shoulders and shook her slightly. “Ca
n you be serious for two seconds here? This isn’t a game. I know damn well you don’t take sex that lightly. Why are you acting so goddamn flip?”
Pain centered in her chest and spread at an alarming rate. Rose up her throat until she couldn’t breathe. “I was being serious,” she whispered. “There was only one man I wanted. I thought…I thought he would be different than all the others. I thought he could see past who my mother was and see me. But in the end, I was just another quick fuck. Nobody important. Certainly no one he’d ever settle down with.”
J.T. looked as though she’d just slapped him. He released her chin and stared at her with a combination of shock and horror. And she hadn’t thought she could hurt any more than she already did.
She rose abruptly from the couch, folding her arms protectively across her middle.
“I want you to leave, J.T. We have nothing more to say to each other. You won’t have to worry. I’ve gotten the message. I won’t be stalking you anymore.”
He was on his feet in two seconds, pressing into her space. She backed warily away.
“Now you wait just a damn minute, Nikki,” he growled.
They were interrupted by the doorbell. She turned swiftly to answer it, relieved to be saved the confrontation. What else was there to be said? He’d made his point. She got it. No need to beat her over the head.
She yanked open the front door to see Zane standing there, hands shoved into his pockets.
“Hey, Nikki,” he said in a gentle voice. “I heard you had a rough night.”
To her eternal disgust, she burst into tears.
Zane pulled her into his arms. “Hey now, it’s okay. I’ll take you out to the ranch. Jasmine was worried about you.”
She nodded against his chest.
“J.T. still here?” he asked.
She pulled away and scrubbed at her face. She started to ask how he knew J.T. was here, but then she looked beyond him to see the squad car in her drive. Great. Now the whole damn town would know he’d stayed over. Not that she gave a shit, but J.T.’s reputation would suffer, no doubt.
She turned in time to see J.T. walk up behind her. “You should get your car out of my driveway,” she said acidly. “Whatever will people think? You can’t have everyone thinking you’ve been a round with the town whore.”
J.T.’s face whitened, and anger glittered in his dark eyes. “That’s enough, Nikki.”
She turned back to Zane. “Can we go?” she pleaded. She didn’t want to stay here another minute.
“Sure,” Zane said. “Go on and get in the truck.”
“Wait a minute. You’re not going anywhere,” J.T. said in a frustrated voice. “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”
She ignored him and walked at a fast clip out to Zane’s truck. As she got in, she could see the two men talking and then J.T.’s nod. A few seconds later, Zane slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine.
He gave her a look of sympathy then reached over to squeeze her hand. “It’ll be okay, Nikki. You can stay out at the ranch as long as you need to.”
“Thanks, but there’s no need,” she murmured. “I’m leaving Barley.”
Chapter Seven
J.T. sat in his office, his sweltering office, head in his hands, elbows propped on his desk. Nikki had been holed up at the Sweetwater Ranch for two
