by S. M. Bowles
Though most of my days were quite full there were occasions when I had a few too many hours to myself. Those were the times I found myself thinking and wondering about life and what was going on in the world beyond the compound. I would miss my family and my friends and long for a chance to see them again or to at least to know that they were well. Sometimes the melancholy would settle in and stick with me for several days and it would distract me from all the other things I should have been doing.
I was in this particular state of mind one morning while Artur and I went over some French pronunciations. He did his best to get me to focus but it was of very little use. Every time he asked a question I took longer and longer to answer. It turned into a particularly frustrating lesson for both of us and when he realized that he was on the verge of losing his temper Artur said that we should change gears. He suggested I go to the gym so Avery could try to work the cobwebs out of my head.
I sighed and agreed and after I gathered my books and papers Artur walked me to the front door and said goodbye. When I stepped outside though, I realized that Avery wasn’t there. I waited several minutes expecting him to return then decided to head back in to let Artur know that Avery wasn’t around and I wasn’t sure what I should do.
“Hmm,” he said, “he must be tied up somewhere. I’ll walk you to the gym and have Carah meet us there.”
“Ugh, Carah,” I said it to myself but that didn’t keep Artur from seeing my sentiments so clearly written on my face.
He looked at me curiously, “What was that?” he asked.
“Hmm, oh, nothing,” I smiled.
“Right,” Artur raised his brows, “Well, you’d better hurry, Carah’s waiting for us.”
“Already?” I moaned.
“That was where she was when I asked if she wouldn’t mind working with you.”
“Do you think Herrik will be there?”
Artur stole a glance at me, “Now why would you ask that?”
“I don’t know…I thought…well, I saw them together once and I thought…”
Artur laughed out loud but didn’t answer.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” Artur laid his hand on my shoulder as we walked. “Herrik is not there and he and Carah are not…together; not that I should be telling you but I don’t want any rumors or misconceptions getting around.”
“I wouldn’t have told anyone anyway. I don’t li…” I bit my tongue.
Artur stopped short, “That is an opinion you had best keep to yourself.”
“I’m sorry,” I bowed my head regretfully.
“Don’t be,” Artur sighed, “but do try and remember who you are and where you are. It’s safer to keep those views very well guarded.” I looked up my eyes full of worry. “Oh,” he smiled weakly, “I didn’t mean to frighten you. You know Herrik would never let anything happen to you. You are one among many though; different and more easily misunderstood. You have nothing to worry about but that is no reason for you to be careless and indifferent towards the feelings of others.”
I thought I understood what Artur was suggesting but by then we were at the gym and there wasn’t an opportunity to say anything more. Carah was in the far corner near one of the mats waiting for us and motioned to Artur as soon as she saw us.
“Have you seen Avery?” Artur asked when we were near enough.
“No. But there’s been a steady stream in and out of Herrik’s apartment all morning. Perhaps he’s there,” she shrugged indifferently.
“You should put your things away,” she nodded me towards the locker room.
Artur said goodbye and told Carah that if Avery hadn’t shown by the time we were done that she should walk me back to my apartment.
“Yeah, sure,” she rolled her eyes.
Carah didn’t waste any time once I was done changing. She centered me on the mat and circled me once or twice. “It’s been a while now hasn’t it? I always forget what a little thing you are. Not much to you at all,” she chuckled. She reached out to try and squeeze my bicep but I batted her hand away. “Quick as ever though! What have you and Avery been working on lately?”
I started to explain what we’d gone over during the past few weeks but before I could stumble out a sentence or two Carah went on the attack. It caught me off-guard and as I dodged and tumbled out of the way of her blows I tried asking her to give me a moment; to explain that I wasn’t ready.
She just snorted, “Anyone that wants to harm you is not going to give you a moment to ready yourself to fight back!”
I knew she wasn’t trying to hurt me; just testing my defenses so I cut my pleas short and tried to go on the offensive between checking and defending her blows. A moment later she managed to reach out and slap me across my face.
“Ah!” I cried out and raised my hand to cheek. It brought tears to my eyes and I felt myself trembling with anger.
Full of determination I ran at Carah but she tripped me before I could raise my fist to strike her. She tossed her head back and laughed as I fell face first on the mat. “You’d better learn to master that anger little lady!”
I charged again and this time she threw her arm across my chest and I felt my legs slide out from under me before I landed flat on my back.
“She knows,” I suddenly realized, “she knows exactly what I am going to do. She can either see it or sense it.”
I was panting and forced myself to take a deep breath before shoving myself back to my feet. I closed my mind and wiped my expression clean. Carah shook her head at me, “Avery's tricks, huh? It’s a start,” she archly stated and changed her stance.
Rather than attacking or responding I stood firm and fixed my gaze on hers while I waited patiently for whatever would come next. She inched towards me and made a few exploratory swipes that I completely ignored.
“Behind,” my mind preempted.
I whirled around and thrust my palm out striking Carah squarely in the chest. She shook her head in disbelief.
“I see,” she scowled.
“Do you?” I asked heartened by what I had just done.
She responded with a series of blows and somehow my mind anticipated every one of them and my body reflexively evaded them all. Carah was surprised and quickly grew frustrated with her inability to land a hit. I felt elated and emboldened. I adjusted my guards so I could slip in an occasional attack of my own.
I didn’t notice but our sparring drew a handful of observers and they watched and nodded appreciatively at our display.
“Now!” my mind shouted and I felt myself launch a terrific jab that caught Carah in the mouth. Her lips slid across her teeth and a trickle of blood appeared and ebbed from the corner of her mouth. She glanced around at all the anxious faces that saw the fateful blow.
“You bitch!” she wiped the blood away with the back of her hand.
The intensity of her anger terrified me and all my defenses seemed to fall away. The next thing I knew she had me by my throat and pinned to the mat. I raised my hands and clenched her wrist as I tried to fight her off. I felt like I was going to pass out; there were tiny balls of light flashing behind my eyes and I was gasping for breath.
For half a second the world went black. I closed my eyes and slowly opened them. I shook my head dazedly and when I caught my breath and glanced around I saw Carah kneeling on the floor with Avery standing behind her; one hand clutching her hair and an arm wrapped around her throat. Herrik was holding his hand out to me to help me to my feet. He was smiling and I couldn’t imagine why.
“Nothing’s wrong, nothing happened. You need to show them that you’re alright,” I heard his voice in my head. “Smile, stand up, dust yourself off and shake hands with Carah.”
Avery helped Carah up and nudged her towards me. Smiling I approached her, “Thank you for the lesson,” I held my hand out and reluctantly she gave it a rough shake.
The small crowd dispersed seemingly indifferent to any of what had just happened.
“Wha
t were you thinking?!” Herrik growled at Carah once everyone was beyond earshot.
“I…I…” Carah looked shamefully away. “I lost my temper,” she turned to face me, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I offered unsure of what else to say.
Herrik looked me over, “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” I assured him.
“I’ll walk you home.” He turned back to Carah, “One hour,” he pointed to his watch.
“Of course,” Carah seemed to understand without any further explanation. She pivoted then left.
“I have to get my things,” I quietly told Herrik as she walked away.
“Avery,” Herrik motioned him to the lockers.
“Of course,” he answered and hurried off to fetch them.
Herrik wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me away. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yes, Herrik. I’m fine.” I tried to sound bright and cheerful. It wasn’t easy though. He made me terribly nervous for some reason. So much so lately that I deliberately avoided him whenever possible.
He looked disappointed and forlorn as we walked toward the garden. I was surprised when rather than taking the path that led to my apartment he brought me toward his own rooms. Herrik must have known how unsettled I was and once we were inside he had me take a seat on one of the chaises.
“I’ll be right back,” he said then walked away. A moment later he returned and handed me a glass of water. I gingerly took a sip as Herrik sat down beside me.
I was filled with trepidation, “Please don’t be angry with me,” I whispered unable to imagine any other reason he would have brought there.
“Now why would I be angry with you?” he asked.
I could feel his eyes on me as I sat there and stared straight ahead, “Because…because…” I couldn’t think of any reason why other than that I had upset Carah.
“May I?” Herrik asked.
I wasn’t sure what he was asking and cocked my head towards him questioningly. He raised his arms and took my face in his hands. My fear melted at his touch. I nodded assent and closed my eyes. I felt the light pressure of his thumbs on my temples and shuddered as the mornings events replayed in my mind for Herrik to see and understand.
Afterwards Herrik sat back and sighed thoughtfully, “This is not going to be as easy as I hoped is it?” he glanced sideways at me. I didn’t understand or know precisely what he was referring to. I studied his features and waited for him to elaborate. His eyes had a faraway look to them and he seemed to be considering a great deal. He sat like a statue for several minutes while I wondered whether or not there was something I should say or do.
“Herrik?”
He was reluctant to answer for a moment, “I’m sorry for the way Carah acted today,” he apologized. “She has never been comfortable with the idea of integration and having you and Penny here, with us, it’s…it’s…”
“Insulting,” it was the first word that came to mind and I immediately regretted saying it.
He opened his mouth to deny it, sighed and admitted, “Yes, somewhat.”
“She hates me.”
“She doesn’t…she…”
“It’s OK I don’t like her either.”
“I wouldn’t say that out loud,” Herrik smiled wryly. I timidly smiled back. “It has more to do than that she just doesn’t like you. But that is not what I brought you here to talk about.”
“Oh?” my anxiety returned with a vengeance.
“Artur came to me this afternoon and Penny has asked more than once.”
“Have I done something wrong?” I fretted wondering why they would go to Herrik instead of speaking to me first.
“No, why would you think that?” he asked completely confused.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve been a little less…attentive than usual during my lessons and sometimes I don’t help Penny as much as I should. Are they angry with me?”
Herrik had a curious expression, something between a smile and a frown, “No,” he chuckled, “Penny and Artur are not angry with you. They are angry with me.”
“With you?! Why?”
“Penny came to me and told me that you have spent too much time cooped up here and that you need some fresh air, a change of scenery and some society other than...” Herrik cleared his throat, “She asked me if she could take you out.”
My eyes lit up, “You mean out-out?”
“Mmm hmm,” he nodded. “I told her no.”
“Oh,” my face fell.
Herrik laughed, “That was quite a change in expression!”
It sounded teasing and I couldn’t hide the pain it caused. I stood up anxious to get away from him and the mocking tone in his voice, “Well, thank you for letting me know that I won’t be going anywhere,” I said and started walking toward the front door.
“I’m sorry,” Herrik stepped in front of me before I could reach for the knob. I was too frustrated and upset by what he had said to meet his eye. He ducked in front of me and forced me to look at him. “I’m sorry,” he said again, “I didn’t mean to sound so…so…”
“Cruel, insensitive…hurtful!” I suggested.
“I didn’t mean to be any of those things. I said no,” I started to interrupt, “uh, uh, listen. I said no and then Artur came to me with the same complaint.” I tried speaking again but Herrik held his hand up, “Let me finish,” he checked his tone, “please let me finish.” I sighed and somehow managed to let go of my anger, “Thank you,” he went on, “Artur told me that you have been distracted. That you have not been studying and that the lessons you are learning you are not retaining.” I looked shamefully away rather offer an excuse.
“He thinks your schedule has become too repetitive and it would be a good idea for you to leave the compound once in a while to break up the monotony of your days. Between him and Penny, well, they were very convincing so I guess I have no choice. I suggested Avery…” I cocked my head and nearly blurted out a refusal of the proposition I thought was forthcoming, “but Artur doesn’t feel he would be a suitable companion. We’ve already ruled out Carah,” Herrik gave me a cynical little grin, “and Penny, well, if anything out – of - the – ordinary,” Herrik stretched the words out in emphasis, “were to happen I’m not sure she would be the best suited to handle it.”
“I understand,” I sighed feeling that Herrik had just finished justifying why I wouldn’t be allowed to leave.
“So that’s it. You’re just going to give up. You’re not going to suggest any other alternative?” He sounded disappointed.
I shook my head, “There doesn’t seem to be any.”
“Really? Well, then I guess I won’t cancel my plans with Artur tomorrow and take you out like I intended.”
I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly, “You…you were planning on taking me out?” I stuttered in disbelief.
“Well, I thought about it, yes, but since you’ve lost your interest.”
“No,” I shook my head with vehement regret, “no! I want to go! I do! I just…I didn’t think…you never leave the compound!”
“That’s exactly what Artur said and why he insisted that I be the one to take you once he convinced me that you needed a break from all this.” A huge smile lit my face. I was overwhelmed with excitement at the prospect of leaving the compound. “So you do want to go out?” I nodded enthusiastically. “Well then it’s settled. Tomorrow at 6.”
“Ooh, we have dinner at 6. Can we leave just a little later?”
“6 am,” Herrik corrected.
“We’re leaving in the morning?”
Herrik laughed out loud, “Yes,” he said his voice full of humor, “in the morning.”
I didn’t understand what he found so funny but at that point I really didn’t care. “I’m going out!” I thought to myself.
Herrik said a warm goodbye to me then called to Avery and asked him to walk me home. He pointed to his watch in emphasis and I smiled back absolutely
overjoyed.
When I got home Penny met me at the door, “You’re home early,” she sounded surprised and tilted her head at me.
“Herrik wanted to see me.”
“You’ve been with Herrik?”
“Mmm hmm,” I nodded and wondered if she already knew.
“And what did he want to see you for?” Penny asked sounding full of curiosity.
“He wanted to let me know that you’ve been worried about me.”
“Did he?
“Yes. And apparently Artur has the same concerns as you.”
“And what might those be?”
“That I could use a change of scenery mostly.”
Penny’s smile widened, “And what was his solution to this dilemma?” She began leading us towards the living room so we could sit and talk.
“Well, he said he wasn’t sure what to do. He thought about letting me go with Carah or Avery but Artur said that neither of them would be very good company for me. Then he mentioned you but felt that in the unlikely event that something…unusual happened…”
Penny sighed deeply, “I see. So you’re stuck here is that it?”
“Actually,” I felt the color rush into my cheeks and it took me a moment to tell her that Herrik’s alternative was that he would take me out.
“Really?! Well, that’s wonderful! Did you make plans?”
“I don’t know what our plans are,” I sighed, “but Herrik said he would come by first thing tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes,” I said frowning.
“What is it?” Penny asked.
“I always thought…well, I guess I am just wondering…Herrik can’t go out in the daytime, can he?”
Penny laughed a little.
I was completely confused, “What?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” she smiled, “you’ll see soon enough. But in the meantime…you have an afternoon to yourself. Let’s not spend it sitting around here waiting for tomorrow. I saw them installing a pinball machine in the game room earlier this week,” Penny’s voice was giddy with excitement.
“Pinball? Really?” I couldn't help laughing at the idea.
