by S. M. Bowles
“I know,” he shook his head. “You weren’t meant to know. It’s not the same for you as it is for us.”
Artur cleared his throat, “Well, now that we all understand one another, we need to get back to the immediate issue.”
Herrik shook his head, “No. No more tonight.”
Both Avery and Artur started to protest.
Herrik held his hand up to stop their barrage of disapprovals. “Please,” he said, “stop thinking about me for a moment and think about Emily.”
They both looked at me and for the first time since we arrived at Herrik’s apartment Avery and Artur seemed to realize that Herrik wasn’t the only one who had been through a lot that evening. They reluctantly agreed to meet again the following day, with clearer heads and calmer hearts.
Herrik insisted that Avery and Artur go their apartments and to take every precaution and make every assurance that they were safe before they laid down to rest for the day. When he finished giving his instructions he offered to walk me home.
“Maybe you shouldn’t stay here tonight,” Artur looked hard at Herrik as he helped me up.
He shook his head, “I’m not going anywhere. Everyone will be resting. Avery cannot stay with Emily and neither can you or Carah,” I frowned in distaste at the mention of her name. It didn’t matter what they had all told me, pledge or no pledge I did not like and I did not trust Carah. “Besides it’s very unlikely that anyone would be foolish enough to try again now that we are all on our guard.”
“There are no locks on your doors and you are just as vulnerable as any of us once the sun comes up,” Artur furthered his argument.
“You could stay with Emily,” Avery suggested. I blushed scarlet when he said it but delightedly so. “No one would ever expect it,” he said as if to justify the idea, “and the security for her apartment is better than any other in the compound. Besides you are safer with a hum…someone who can wake you if the need should arise.”
Herrik tried to hide his smile as he looked to me for an approval of the plan.
“Of course. Penny and I would love to have you stay with us,” I don’t know why I felt the need to add Penny to my answer but I must have wanted to make it sound more as though he was staying as our guest rather than as someone of intimacy.
“Good. Well,” Artur put his palms down on his thighs and hoisted himself from his seat, “Avery…”
Avery stood up and nodded to Herrik. Artur bent down and kissed my cheek goodnight, “If anything should happen, don’t hesitate – just leave. Take Penny and go,” Avery seconded what Artur had said. “Your life is far more fragile than any of ours. We can take care of ourselves, especially now that we are aware of the potential danger. As you’ve seen tonight we are far more likely to survive an attack than you might imagine.”
Though I had no intention of following his advice I promised I would do exactly as he said. “I will not put myself or Penny in danger,” I assured them each in turn.
Avery said a brusque goodbye and together he and Artur let themselves out.
We sat together on the chaise a moment longer, “It’s probably not a good idea for Penny to see you like this,” Herrik smiled and helped me to my feet.
I’m not sure why but knowing we were finally alone brought on a fit of anguish from me. Maybe I was just trying to be resilient in front of Avery and Artur or maybe the earlier strength I felt was some residual side effect from what I had taken from Avery and it had finally worn off. I couldn’t stop myself from crying out when I grasped Herrik’s fingers, “Oh, God Herrik!
He wrapped himself around me protectively. “Ssh,” he whispered, “you’re safe. We’re all safe now. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“I can’t!” I said. “I can’t,” over and over again. I had no idea what I was trying to say. I can’t believe you nearly died! I can’t imagine my life without you! I can’t not love you! None of it would come out in between my sobs and gasps for breath.
I looked up and when I did Herrik’s lips found mine. His kiss completely consumed me and instantly swept everything else away. My arms wound themselves around his neck and my fingers raced through his hair as I held him tighter and tighter. My body clung to his melting and molding itself against him in a spasm of passionate desire.
Herrik pulled back somewhat surprised by the apparent urgency I felt. He didn’t say anything but his eyes seemed to be questioning me. I just couldn’t wait. I couldn’t control myself. Something insistent, something undeniable was happening to me and with a fanatical determination I began stripping him from his clothes and covering his newly bared skin with kisses and caressing it with my fingertips as each article fell away.
He seemed nervous and timidly began to follow my lead by easing the straps of my dress from my shoulders. It was impossible to endure, impossible to wait while he delicately fumbled with the fabric exposing me inch by inch. I thrust his hands away and latched onto the gown and tugged it down to my ankles before kicking it aside.
“Please,” I begged. “I…I need,” my breath was coming hard and fast. I tried opening my mind up to him so he would know exactly what I was feeling and why it had to be…
Thank God he understood!
Herrik reached for me and ran his mouth up and down my neck, across my breasts. When I finally managed to strip him entirely he reached behind my thighs and lifted me off my feet as he thrust himself into me. I screamed in pleasure and pain and triumph as he backed me against the wall and I wrapped my legs around his hips. We began moving together in a mindless need for fulfilment.
All the years of yearning that I had suppressed, all the love and longing and passion hidden away so well that I didn’t even know myself that it existed washed over me. Feeling the two of us so perfectly united and sharing myself with Herrik unburdened me and freed me to enjoy all the sensations I had denied for so, so very long.
For a moment it was unbearable, the pressure that was building up inside me and I cried out in a confused, maddening agony that suddenly erupted into a glorious feeling of sensual pleasure. My back arched to an impossible angle and I slowly, limply fell forward breathless and quivering across Herrik’s shoulder as he shuddered and heaved blissfully against me.
We clung together for several minutes before we gradually became aware of the world around us again. Herrik released my thighs and I put my feet down one at a time. I laid my head against his chest while he buried his face in my hair.
“Emily,” he kissed the back of my neck, “it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I…It should have been special…memorable. I’m so sorry,” his voice soft and full of regret.
I couldn’t imagine why he was apologizing. I reached up and took his face in my hands, “No…no…it was perfect!” I insisted. “It couldn’t have been any other way! It…I…I love you and…oh, God! I have waited so long to show you how I feel. It had to be now! It had to be like this! There was no way I could’ve held onto these feelings any longer!”
He smiled timidly then bent down and tasted my lips.
I smiled against his kiss, “We can try it your way next time,” I teased though I wasn’t sure it would ever be any different between us. Just looking at him made me want him all over again.
“It’s getting late,” he steered me back to moment.
I took a deep breath and sighed remorsefully, “Yes. Yes it is.”
“Gianni would be beside himself if he saw this,” Herrik held up the remnants of my dress and chuckled. “Come let’s get you cleaned up and I’ll see what I can dig up for you to wear until we can get you home.”
I followed Herrik to his bedroom and he helped me with everything I would need for my shower. When I was done and stepped back into his bedroom I saw the outfit he had laid out for me and slipped into it. I found him waiting for me in the living area. He didn't seem to hear my approach and I wondered what he was doing. He was just sitting in one of the lounge chairs in front of the fireplace staring into the flames. His chin was balance
d on the back of his hand and his eyes had a faraway look to them.
“Is everything alright?” I asked as I stepped up behind him and laid my hand on his shoulder.
He turned his head and kissed my fingertips, “Just thinking,” he said.
“Penny for your thoughts…” I offered my voice full of hope.
“Penny…actually I was thinking about Penny and how much we should tell her. But that’s not all,” he met my eyes, “I can’t help wondering what might have happened if I had made my decision sooner.”
“Decision?” I asked unable to discern what he was referring to. I came around the chair and Herrik pulled me down onto his lap.
“To send you back to your family.”
“Herrik! You can’t possibly still be planning on doing that?!”
“No,” he kissed me. “I won’t lie and tell you that I haven’t thought about it though. Every year that passed I told myself that it was time but selfishly held onto you. I knew you would never be content, never be…fulfilled here with me. I couldn’t imagine my life without you and now it’s too late. Not only are you are not safe here with me but I would never forgive myself if I let you go and something happened to you out there!”
“Herrik,” I wanted to contradict him, to tell him that, yes, I wanted to leave but only because I couldn’t bear facing him every day with all that was in my heart and knowing we could never be together.
“How could I have done this?! To you…to myself! Having you live with Penny, encouraging you to study with Artur, making you train with Avery and taking you out whenever I could to share all the richness of the arts with you. God himself could not have designed a more perfect woman for me,” Herrik laid his forehead against my chest as I stroked his hair and quietly listened to what sounded very much like a confession to me. “I meant what I said earlier, Emily, you are everything to me. I love you,” he looked up his eyes full of all the emotions warring inside of him.
“I have no regrets, Herrik. I am proud of who I am, who you’ve helped me to become. I love you for it and Penny and Avery and Artur, too!”
“Do you?”
“Of course I do!”
“But it’s only temporary Emily; it can only last so long and then…You don’t want a life like mine,” he sighed. I started to interject, “I’ve seen your thoughts, Emily, felt your hopes and dreams! And even if I hadn’t I wouldn’t let you make that choice. I would find a way to…to…discourage you!”
What could I say, there was nothing I could say. “Herrik, please, let’s not talk about these things. There are too many other things for us to worry about right now besides the future is something that neither one of us can predict.” I tilted his chin and kissed him.
He smiled weakly, “You’re right. Now is not the time but promise me…promise me that when it comes you’ll let me do what needs to be done.”
I thought about refusing but his expression was so earnest and full of love I would have said anything to make him happy, “I promise.”
“Thank you,” he took my hand and eased me from his lap. “I have to get a few things before we leave.”
I watched him go and waited patiently until he returned. It was only a minute or so later when he came back carrying a small bag of belongings. “Shall we?”
“Yes,” I smiled giddy at the prospect of having him spend the night.
“After you.”
The last of the light was fading from the garden and by the time we reached my apartment I knew Herrik was feeling the first effects of the approaching dawn so many stories above us. He looked weary and moved with a slightly sluggish air. I doubt anyone would have noticed the changes, they were so subtle, but I sensed that he needed to rest and after letting us into the apartment quickly ushered him down the hall to my bedroom.
Penny hadn't waited up for me and fortunately her bedroom was on the opposite end of the apartment so she didn’t hear us come in. I squeezed Herrik’s hand knowing we escaped the need for explanations for the time being and he smiled down at me. Once we were safely locked away I went to the curtains and pulled them all closed then turned on the light.
When I was done I whirled about and found that Herrik was standing right behind me. He had a strange look in his eyes that I didn’t fully understand. “May I?” he asked as he began to unbutton the shirt he had lent to me.
“So soon?”
“No, just this,” he smiled, “for now. I want to feel you when you lie down next to me. I want you to be the first thing I feel when I wake,” he ran his fingers up and down and around my navel.
We helped each other from our clothes then Herrik drew back the covers and together we crawled into bed and coiled ourselves around one another.
“I love you,” he whispered and kissed my temple.
“Take me somewhere,” I mumbled as I nestled against him.
“Where would you like to go?”
I closed my eyes and yawned, “Somewhere warm and soft and happy.”
I felt myself swaying, back and forth, back and forth. Herrik’s strong arms were wrapped around me and dappled sunlight was shining down on us. There was a light breeze and the leaves were rustling above our heads. When I opened my eyes I got the sense that it was springtime and the world was just coming into bloom. We were lying in a hammock tied between two slender birch trees. There were a pair of squirrels nearby, chasing one another and the birds were singing. In the background was a soft, tinkling brook or stream that added to the chorus and united itself with the other sounds.
“Perfect,” I took a deep breath and let myself drift off while Herrik stroked my arm with the tips of his fingertips.
It was hard to wake up the following morning but Herrik was insistent. He kept nibbling my ear and whispering my name, “Emily…come on Emily…it’s time to get up.”
“Five more minutes,” I mumbled.
“Uh, uh…we have a lot to do today. Try and wake up…please,” he ran his teeth over my neck and urged me further from sleep.
“Ugh,” I moaned grumpily at first but when I opened my eyes and saw him smiling across the pillow at me I lost all my anger.
He leaned over and kissed me, “Good morning!”
“Good morning,” I kissed him back.
His lips lingered against mine and it sent a wave of heat rushing through my body. Herrik must have sensed it and sitting up he eased the covers down until we were both completely exposed. I felt him admiring me and blushed at the appreciation in his eyes.
“You’re so beautiful,” he caressed my hair then my cheek. I tried to sit up so I could participate but Herrik had other ideas. He gently put his hands on my shoulders and laid me back down then began a fervent exploration of my body.
Tauntingly, teasingly with lips and tongue and fingers he roved over every square inch of my skin watching the flesh ripple with goose bumps wherever he strayed.
“I love this,” he said as he kissed one of my nipples, “and this,” he ran his tongue around my belly button, “and this,” his fingers played along the inside of my thigh.
I bit my lip to keep from laughing when he tickled me or from crying out at the desperate desire I suffered from wanting to be with him again.
He was devilishly calm though and determined it seemed to make me wait. Herrik eased my legs apart and I buried my face in my pillow as his tongue found its mark and caressed me just to the point where I thought I would climax without him but he abruptly pulled away.
I nearly cried at the sudden denial but then, oh, finally, I felt him hard against me and I reached down and urged him inside.
“Oh, Herrik,” I breathed.
His strokes were long and leisurely, gently in, not quite all the way, then slowly, oh, so slowly out. My hips tried to hold him, to take more of him than he was giving but he wouldn’t allow it. He was enjoying it far too much, the torture he was putting me through. It made me peevish and resentful. I tried to force myself not to give in, to forget how enticing it was and to not let h
im know how delirious he was making feel.
Unfortunately my resistance only intensified the wondrous sensations he was creating and my struggle was short lived. I sat up no longer willing to be passive and dragged him down on top of me. I rolled him over so I could control our progress. For a brief moment I tried to be patient and to give him some time to savor the experience but my body was moving of its own volition.
Herrik raised one of his fingers to his lips and ran his tongue all around it. Then he surprised me and after a brief search found what he was looking for. He matched his rhythm to mine and stroked me as I brought him in and out, in and out. It felt unimaginable and my yearning amplified to a near unbearable point. I leaned back and braced myself, thrusting, thrusting. He grasped my hips and like a signal we both cried out in frantic fulfilment.
“Emily? Are you alright?” Penny lightly knocked on the door.
Herrik and I both snapped out of our carnal haze.
“I’m fine,” I chuckled unable to think of anything whatsoever to say.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep.”
“You got in very late last night. If you’re hungry I can make some breakfast.”
I looked at Herrik wonderingly. He nodded, “Sounds great. I’ll be right out.”
We flung ourselves out of bed and hurriedly cleaned ourselves up and got dressed. I finished before Herrik and went to the door intending to go straight to the kitchen to see if there was anything I could help Penny with. When I opened it though my heart fell to my feet because she was standing right there poised to knock again.
“I was going to ask what you thought you might like to eat…oh,” she glanced over my shoulder to where Herrik was standing tucking his shirt in.
Penny’s face fell in shock.
“It’s not what you think,” the words rushed out.
“Not what I think?! It had better be what I think and about damn time, too!” her expression went into a wild, confused, happy smile.
