by S. M. Bowles
When we got home my dad opened my door for me and I slowly stepped out of the car. I spun around and around as they all looked expectantly at me. I just shook my head no. My dad wrapped an arm around my shoulder and led me towards the house. He let us all in and together we went from room to room in an attempt to reacquaint me with the life I had supposedly once lived there.
It was exasperating and when it was over I told them all that I thought I might like to go to my room and lie down for a while. Evan offered to bring me upstairs and I happily agreed.
Over the next few months I was told story after story and shown picture after picture but nothing ever came of it. I started to become resolved to the fact that I would never get my memory back. I couldn’t recall anything from my youth, had no idea what had happened to me and where I was and who I was with and how I had spent the past 7 years of my life.
Evan had been home from college when the call came with the news that I had been found. He was getting ready to head back, though, before his entire first semester went to waste. As the day drew near I began to consider whether or not I should think about college or a job of some sort. I knew I needed to do something or I would just go crazy from all the care and concern my mother was smothering me with not to mention all the appointments to specialists she thought I should see and inevitably dragged me to.
I had never finished high school though, and never taken the SAT's. I wondered if I could pass a college entrance exam and what exactly I would like to study if I could. Then I started testing myself online hoping to get a better idea of what I knew and what I was suited to. Surprisingly I seemed to know a great deal.
"Huh," I thought, "where did I learn all this?"
It made me wonder what else I might know. I tried languages and learned that I could read, write and speak French quite fluently and seemed to know a smattering of 3 or 4 other languages. Then I wondered what else I could do. On a whim I decided to ask my mother if she would take me to the local music store.
We wandered around for a few minutes and I absently caressed a number of instruments. Nothing felt quite right to me until I ran my fingers across one of the electronic keyboards that was on display. There was a stool obviously placed in front of it for anyone who wanted to sit and test the sounds. I sat down and instantly knew where to poise my fingers and begin. Smiling I started striking the keys and marveled how naturally it came to me and that I seemed to have a decent amount of skill.
My mother laid her hand on my shoulder and looked down at me in disbelief. I shrugged and pushing the stool back stood up. "I don't know," I said. "I have no idea how I know how to play but I guess I wasn't idle for the past 7 years!" I started to laugh but my mom found absolutely no humor in what I had said.
I started to apologize but someone walked into the store and when I saw him my heart seemed to skip a beat. He smiled and brushed by us and when he did I had an odd sense that I had seen him somewhere before, just recently. I tried not to think about it and shook the feeling away then took my mom's elbow and suggested we leave.
That night over dinner I told my dad what I had learned about myself. He wasn't as surprised as I thought he would be and oddly said something I hadn't managed to think of myself.
"Someone must have thought a great of you to have gone through so much trouble." My mother and Evan stopped eating and looked from me to my father. "What?" he asked. "Look at her! She's beautiful and obviously been very well cared for. I'd like to thank whoever she's been with..." he tried to sound as though he was joking but it didn't go over well.
My mom angrily threw her napkin down and stood up, "Whoever she has been with has taken 7 years of her life from her, from us! Nothing more!"
"Mom," I called after her but she was already halfway up the stairs and didn't answer.
I didn't see her again until the following morning. I made breakfast for us and while we were eating together I started to confess my idea to her about going to school or finding work.
"No! Absolutely not!" she countered and before I could argue my point she stormed off again.
My dad came into the room just as she raced up the stairs and asked me what all the fuss was about.
"I told her I was thinking about college or maybe getting a job. I don't understand! What am I supposed to do?!" I looked at him imploringly.
He took a deep breath then settled into the seat my mother had so recently vacated. "Did you make this?" he changed the subject momentarily.
I shook my head and answered, "Yes."
He started picking away at it, "Mmm, this is really good," he said. "What did you put in the eggs?"
"Salsa," I smiled across at him.
He sipped her coffee and cleared her plate, "I know you're restless," he began.
"She won't let me out of her sight!" I rolled my eyes.
"Well, try to see things from her perspective. She thought you were dead, Emily, that she would never see you again."
I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't find any of the right words to say.
"And now you're here and suddenly she has a daughter again! You can't imagine what that means to her, to all of us. We've missed you Emily. You may not remember us but we remember you! We love you and we've missed you. I know it's hard for you to imagine under the circumstances and that you can't see how much you've changed but we do. All we want is a chance to get to know you again. How can we do that if you push yourself away, if you take yourself away?"
"I'm not ready. I can't just open up like that and love you all again! I don't even know you!"
"I understand, sweetie. It's going to take some time and we might never get there after all you've been through..."
"How do you know what I've been through?!" I felt angry tears spring into my eyes.
"I'm only guessing. Please don't be upset," he looked terribly disappointed with the turn the conversation had taken. "I'll talk to your mother. We'll make some adjustments but in the meantime..."
"I'm sorry," I whispered my heart was suddenly full of regret after hearing the tone in his voice. "I'll try. I promise, I'll try."
My dad smiled weakly and hoisted himself from the chair, "Do you happen to know how to make pancakes?"
It was the last thing I expected him to say, "Yes," I grinned back, "I do!"
Chapter 18
A few days later I found myself in the driveway saying goodbye to Evan. I was really going to miss him. Of the three he had been the least intrusive and the most willing to accept that it was very unlikely that I would ever remember him other than from the present on. He told me all about himself, his friends, and the things he loved and hated. Maybe it was because he was young and still used to meeting new people that he was so willing to let us take our time getting to know one another.
Not only would I miss him for that but my mother insisted that someone go with me wherever I went and losing him for a companion would mean my choices would be limited to either her or my father.
Soon after Evan went back to school my dad's leave was up and he needed to go back to work. My mother had been working, too, but after using up all her leave and vacation time rather than going back she quit. I didn't mind at first but it quickly grew rather frustrating. I hated asking her to take me places but there was so little to do at home. She couldn't seem to accept the fact that I really needed some alone time too, which was virtually impossible once she didn't have my father and Evan to distract her from me.
Though I didn't know it, I certainly felt that I had always been a busy, active person and now that I was without any means of occupation I became restlessness and irritable.
I started thinking about joining a gym or taking a spinning class or going running. Unfortunately, my mom was not very receptive to any of those ideas. Though she wasn't out of shape she was far from an athlete and found excuses for us not to take up any of my proposed activities. I took out my frustration at her denial by avoiding her which led to spending nearly all my time bottled up in my room.
My dad would ease some of the tension that ensued when he came home but the temporary truce would end as soon as he left again in the morning. I'm sure my parents talked about it but I kept to myself and instead of trying to come up with a compromise I started looking at apartment and job listings. It seemed like the only alternative to me.
Several days and a number of slammed doors later I decided to tell my mother what I had decided. I made lunch for each of us and just as we were sitting down my father came home. He rang the bell rather than letting himself in and since we weren’t expecting anyone we both went to answer it.
"Surprise!" he beamed when my mom opened the door.
I thought the surprise was him, that he had simply come home for the day but when I stepped around my mom, who apparently was too shocked to speak, something caught my eye.
I sucked in my breath, "Oh, my!" I exclaimed. Sitting at his side was the largest dog I had ever seen. "What's this?" my eyes lit up and I tentatively stepped forward and held my hand out.
"This is Ares. Ares, this is Emily."
"And what are you doing with him?"
"Well, he's a rescue dog and I thought we, well, you...you could adopt him."
I looked up at my dad in disbelief as I scratched Ares' head and he gratefully leaned into me.
My father was looking earnestly at us both waiting for some kind of response. Neither my mother nor I quite knew what to say. I could tell she was completely against the idea but I was just overwhelmed by it.
"A dog..." I whispered and suddenly my mind went racing through the possibilities. I pictured myself strolling through the neighborhood and jogging on the greenways, staying home alone while my mom went grocery shopping. I knew exactly why my dad had decided to get a dog, get me a dog and why such a monstrous one. Without pausing my petting I eagerly agreed to the suggestion, "I would love to adopt him!"
"Well, that's a relief because I already signed all the papers and made a hefty donation to the shelter!"
"You what?!" my mother finally found her voice.
"It's too late to turn back now," my dad chuckled awkwardly.
"Why didn't you tell me about this? Surely we could have talked about this first and made a decision together."
"Look..." my father started to explain.
"I am looking and what I'm seeing is just too much!"
"Ugh!" my dad buried his face in his hands. "Emily, why don't you take Ares for a walk?"
He handed me the leash and without hesitation we were off. I stole a glance over my shoulder as we wandered away and saw my father leading my mom back into the house. I felt guilty about the situation but the more I thought about it the more I realized that my dad must have known how close they were to losing me again. He had probably come up with the idea of getting a dog hoping it would keep me with them a little longer.
Ares must have been like a dream come true to him. Any average dog and I might have still gone through with my plans to move out. A, "wolfhound? Is that what you are?" I asked out loud and Ares happily wagged his tail as if to say yes. I doubted very much that any landlord in their right mind would allow a tenant to keep such a large pet. And even if they would in my heart I knew Ares was much too big for an apartment and I couldn't possibly bring myself to be cruel enough to confine him to one.
We walked for about an hour or so before we finally found our way back home. When we got there things seemed dramatically different than when we left. I could tell that my mom had been crying but she hid it well and made a very pointed effort of trying to make Ares feel welcome. He was such a good dog as far as I could tell and readily accepted my mother's attempt to befriend him.
From there Ares seemed to naturally fit himself into our lives and before long it felt like he had always been with us and a part of our family. I couldn't imagine why anyone would ever have given him up, he was so happy and affectionate and eager to please.
I couldn't wait to show him to Evan when he finished up his second semester and came home. We talked on the phone from time to time, so he was well aware of our new domestic arrangement but still quite shocked once they finally met.
"Ares, huh? The God of War." Then he laughed, "Hey, you could flip that around and he would be the Dog of War, get it?"
"Yeah," I said with a touch of sarcasm, "yeah, I get it. Is that the best you could come up with?" I teased.
"I've been forced to think for 2 semesters now, I deserve a little break!"
"If you say so! It's good to have you home, thinking or not."
I gave him a hearty hug and helped him bring his things up to his room. By then we were functioning much more like a family unit and it wasn't nearly as hard as it had been at first to imagine the three of them as my closest relations. We laughed and smiled throughout dinner, watched TV and talked about all the little things that had happened since the last time we were all together.
Ares started to feel neglected by the end of the evening and despite that I had asked him more than once to lay down he repeatedly got up and interrupted whatever I was doing by prodding me with his nose. I got a little sharp with him but Evan quickly came to his defense.
"Here big fella' what's wrong?" he asked as he took Ares face in his hands and studied his eyes. "Just need a little love, is that it?"
Ares gave him a tremendous kiss and spread himself out near Evan's feet. Evan kicked off his shoes and rubbed his belly with his toes and that was the last Ares bothered us until we were both stretching and yawning and anxious for bed.
It was Ares' and my custom to take one last trip outside before calling it a night but Evan offered to do it for me so I could head up and get ready for bed and I gladly agreed. They hadn't come back by the time I was finished so I left my bedroom door open so Ares could come in and sleep with me if he wanted. I started to drift off but just as I did Evan crept into my room.
"Em? Em, are you up?"
"Yeah. I'm awake. What is it?"
"I'm not sure. Ares and I were walking and there was this strange..." he seemed to pause, "man."
"Oh, my!" I laughed. "That is strange!"
"No, seriously, Emily. I think he was...it seemed like he was pacing...back and forth...in front of our house. Look and see if he's still there...No, don't turn the light on! Just peek."
I grumbled and moaned but threw the covers off and went to the window. I eased the blinds back and looked as far in one direction as I could then went to the other side of the window and did the same.
"There's nothing out there," I shook my head and crept back to my bed.
"Are you sure?"
"Damn it, Evan! That's not funny!" I thought he was teasing me and I was very angry for it.
"What? No! Em! I would never do that. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to freak you out."
Ares apparently didn't like the way we were speaking to one another and anxiously hopped up on the bed then started licking my face. He was relentless until I started to laugh then he triumphantly flopped down and laid his chin on his paws.
Evan started scratching his back, "I'm sure it was nothing. I just...I worry about you and it's hard not to think the worst. It was probably just someone getting an earful on their cellphone," he chuckled. "Or maybe he was sneaking a cigarette or something."
I ruffled the loose fur on top of Ares' head, "Yeah, I'm sure that was it. Nothing to worry about."
"Well, I've gotta get to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
"Night."
"Night."
Though I had some trouble falling asleep by the time morning came both Evan and I had completely forgotten the incident. I made him breakfast to welcome him home and later we took Ares for a nice run together. We spent more time catching up and it was so nice to have someone closer to my own age to talk and laugh with that the day just seemed to fly by. We did pause in our newfound camaraderie an hour or so after lunch so he could take a nap but other than that we were together nearly the entire day.
I was amazed by how much he ate
and slept. When we weren't talking or playing games or exercising he seemed to be doing either one or the other. Thankfully it began to wear off after about a week and a half and he soon became restless and determined to find things for us to do. He started out by asking me what I would like to do but I still seemed to have very little knowledge of the area and what it had to offer. Besides I had been so limited by my lack of companionship that so far I hadn't gotten to do much or been given a chance to discover what exactly it was that I liked to do.
"Wow!" Evan exclaimed. "You sure are boring!"
"What? No, I'm not!"
"Alright. Maybe you're not boring but you're not much of an adventuress are you?"
"I...I..." I didn't have a witty comeback. I hung my head, "I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I just don't know what there is to do...what I would like to do."
Evan took a deep breath and realized how harsh he was being considering my circumstances. "Don't be sorry, Em. That was kind of thoughtless of me wasn't it?"
We were both quiet for a number of seconds.
"Hey, maybe we should just look at this a little differently. I know! Let's make a bucket list for the summer. We'll pick out a bunch of things that you would like to try and we'll do them all together and maybe get Mum and Dad to join us, too!"
He was so bright and enthusiastic! How could I say no? "OK!" I beamed. "When do you want to start?"
"How about right now?"
I smiled deeply then Evan hoisted himself from the couch and ran off to fetch his laptop so we could start planning our activities.
It took a day or so before the list began to take shape. I didn't really know where to begin and though Evan offered a number of suggestions the most I could commit to was making a dutiful note of them. Then my mother and father learned what we were up to and they began submitting their ideas as well. I'm not sure why but despite my initial enthusiasm I was reluctant to agree to any of them once Evan was ready to start executing some of our ideas.
