by K. Panikian
I grew up not knowing anything about the shifter world. I had a normal life, with my normal, adoptive parents. When they died, everything changed.
Suddenly discovering that I turned into a puma on full moon nights, and that I had third form, a raging, out-of-control Beast inside of me that reacted to threats with violence and savagery, had been a traumatic cherry on top of a devastating year of overwhelming grief for the loss of my parents.
I’d been only twelve. I shut down emotionally and I hid out in the canyon behind my new foster mom’s house. It took me years of hard work to overcome the urges to lash out and hurt the people around me.
I learned to control my puma by suppressing her instincts almost fully, only letting her out of her cage with certain, controlled movements, like snapping my fingers or clapping my hands. It was a sort of behavioral therapy and it worked, most of the time.
The exchange, however, meant that on full moon nights when I shifted, my awareness belonged wholly to my puma. I had no control and no human consciousness. I would wake up somewhere new, bloody and scraped, with no memories of my time as an animal.
And sometimes, my therapy didn’t work at all. Sometimes, when I felt too aggressive, or too scared, I shifted to my third form, my Beast form. And bad things happened.
In college, I finally met another shifter, and my life became clearer. I learned that I was unusual—no other shifters had a third form—and I learned that I needed to keep that form a secret.
The college source, my boyfriend Logan, told me that shifters lived in packs, either big cat packs or wolf packs, and they operated out of territories. If you lived in a territory, you belonged to that pack. You could live how you wanted, work how you wanted, have a family, or anything else, but if your alpha called you to war with a neighboring pack, you went.
Logan belonged to a big cat pack in northern California. We dated all through college and I felt safe with him. Not safe enough though, it turned out. Logan wanted me to go home with him, to join his pack. He told me I could control my Beast form now that I was older and because I loved him.
I was frightened though. I didn’t want to meet any other shifters. I knew that if an alpha saw my Beast form, a powerful hybrid of human and puma, with enormous claws and teeth and unparalleled strength, I’d be forced into the life of some kind of super soldier, or executed for being too monstrous. I’d been alone and scared of myself for too long—I only wanted to live in peace.
When Logan forced the issue, I showed him my true self. He took off, frightened, and I didn’t hear from him for ten years.
He did leave me with some useful information, however. I learned that, due to a treaty between the territory alphas, the national parks and national forests were off-limits to the packs. No alpha could enter them and no shifters could patrol them.
I took that information and built my life around it. I studied to become a park ranger and I worked hard to finally make it to Yellowstone, one of the largest parks, so that I could learn about my puma spirit in peace and live unmolested by the rest of the shifters.
And, over the past several months, I’d made huge strides in understanding my puma nature. With some advice from Jordan, I’d learned that by separating myself from my puma and caging her, I’d only limited my abilities and compounded my fears. Now, I was working on uniting all three pieces of my soul—the human side, the wild puma side, and the bloodthirsty, raging Beast side.
It was hard to let go of my human control. It was hard to release my fears. I still had moments when I wanted to return to how it used to be, when I didn’t know my puma nature at all and I could dismiss her wants and needs as outside of myself, and when I could pretend that my vicious Beast spirit didn’t exist at all.
But I’d discovered in the spring that if I wanted to know myself completely, to grow into my full potential, I had to drop the cages—all of my cages. While trying to solve a murder, I figured out how to shift into my puma form at will, and while trying to help a friend, I learned to transform to my Beast without losing control to the bloodlust.
I was becoming my true self. But that didn’t mean I wanted to go anywhere near the packs or the alphas. As a ranger, I helped people and animals in the park. It was a strong purpose and I liked it; I’d worked hard for it.
That elk shifter died in my park. I would try and find out what happened to him, not only because it potentially affected my safety, but because I figured out in the spring that even though I wasn’t part of a pack, I still belonged to the shifter world. And to me at least, that meant looking out for the other shifters who lived in exile with me.
Now, however, August’s ominous words echoed back to me again. What did that mean, times change? Were the packs moving against each other? Were the federal park lands no longer neutral?
I needed more information, but the shifter friends I’d made in the park were mostly like me, cut off from the packs by their own choice or because they’d been sent away. Darcy was my best bet. As a bear shifter, she was sought after by the alphas near the park even though she’d been kicked out of her old pack. Bears were too strong to ignore. So far, she’d shown no inclination to join any of the neighboring packs, but she liked the attention.
Jordan was going to talk to her about the elk shifter, too, but I hadn’t heard back from her yet. I’d call them both in the morning, I decided.
Pajamas on, I puttered in my kitchen, pouring tea and thinking about the different kinds of shifters I’d met so far in the park. I hadn’t met any elk or other prey animals. Jordan told me once that although the packs can be violent, they’re also sources of stability and support for shifters, so even nonpredatory species choose to live within them most of the time.
Carrying my tea onto the tiny porch off of my living room, I sat in a low chair and looked out at the lake. It was September and the days were noticeably shortening. The sun had gone down a while ago and the hotel in the distance lit up the air with a soft, golden glow, illuminating the edge of the water in a ribbon of gold. I could smell the fumaroles steaming on the breeze, stinking of sulfur, and if I strained my puma senses, I could hear the rasp of the small waves against the dark, sandy shore.
Relaxing into the moment, it took me a few seconds to realize that there was another scent on the wind, something that shouldn’t have been anywhere near me.
Sitting up with a jerk, I gazed to the right. Out of the darkness, a man approached. His blond hair looked straighter and longer than the last time I saw him, and he had a day’s worth of scruff on his face. His green eyeshine glimmered at me under the pale crescent moon. He was channeling his tiger already, and we hadn’t even spoken yet. Great.
We hadn’t been face-to-face in months, not since he helped me rescue my friend. I’d been avoiding him and he knew it. I kept waiting for him to get tired of reaching out, but so far there’d been no sign of that, as my rock collection evidenced. He knew that I didn’t want to interact with the packs or with him, as an alpha, but he didn’t know why. And he never would, despite the way that he made my insides ignite.
August was exactly the kind of alpha, ruthless and cunning, that would stop at nothing to acquire me if he knew the truth. I couldn’t spend time with him. Still though, he had a way of soothing my wild Beast, my bloodthirsty monster, that I didn’t understand. It made me want to trust him, even though I knew it was a mistake.
I exhaled. I’d known it was only a matter of time before he sought me out in person. Now it looked like my reprieve was up.
Stopping at the cement edge of the patio where I sat, he stared at me. He was tall, with a muscular chest and lean hips. Starkly handsome, he exuded intensity and under his gaze, I repressed a longing sigh. Silently, I gestured to the low chair next to me and August sank into it with a whispering scrape.
We sat quietly for a few minutes, looking at the lake and the stars. The breeze brushed chilly fingers along my arms and autumn scents flirted on the edge of my senses. The leaves would start changing soon.
/> “I called the West Yellowstone alpha, Blake,” August said in his low, gravelly voice. “He confirms what Soren told you—the man staggered across their lands, coming up from the south and west, with a bullet in his stomach. They tracked his blood trail down to the Caribou-Targhee National Forest, but didn’t follow it onto the federal lands there.”
“Do you trust Blake?” I asked.
August took a long moment before answering. “I trust that he’s a strong alpha and will always act in the best interests of his pack. Shooting a man and then letting his trail pass through their lands before leaving him to die on park property, where there would be a federal investigation, doesn’t seem like a logical thing for him to do.”
“Are you at war with the West Yellowstone pack? With any of the neighboring packs?”
August leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms behind his head. His biceps flexed visibly and goosebumps rose on my skin as I caught a whiff of that thick tiger scent again. My Beast purred and I ruthlessly crushed her.
“War, no. There is a certain dance that we all play with each other, however, with sentinels and patrols and minor skirmishes. It keeps pack members in line internally and shows our neighbors our strengths so they don’t get any ideas.”
“Then what did you mean earlier? When you said, ‘Times change.’”
August sighed. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. You’re not my pack—”
I leaned toward him, ready to argue my case, my need for information, when he waved me off.
“For every alpha and pack like me, satisfied with their territory and their neighbors, there are others that are not. There is a vocal minority within the shifter community asking the alphas to end the neutrality of the federal lands and let them be claimed by any pack that can hold them.”
Breathing rapidly, I felt a chill blow through me. I couldn’t lose my home here, not after working so hard to earn it.
“I’ve heard rumors that exile shifters are turning up dead, here and there, scattered around the country. Shifters without a pack are always more vulnerable,” August gave me a significant look, which I ignored, “but this feels different to me. This feels like a more targeted type of attack. Maybe some alphas are searching for insider information about the parklands, maybe they’re trying to recruit exiles that live in the neutral spaces, I don’t know.”
“If that’s the case, any of us here could be targets,” I murmured, thinking of my friends.
August nodded, his dark eyes glinting in the moonlight.
I thought back to what the wolf shifter said to me earlier. “Have you heard from Blair at all?”
August straightened in his chair. “No, not since I kicked her out. Why?”
“No reason,” I answered slowly. Blair was one of August’s former betas, one of my tormentors. She’d called me Ranger Barbie the last time we spoke, which was when she’d been in the middle of beating me up with the other lioness betas. August swore it wasn’t on his orders, but I still couldn’t let myself believe him totally. It was a sore spot between us.
If Blair was still in the area, I had a feeling it was with the West Yellowstone wolf pack, and that wasn’t a good thing.
“Do big cat shifters ever join wolf packs?”
August shook his head. “No way. The natural enmity is too high. Maybe there could be friendships at the lower ranking levels, or alliances with other packs for some sort of gain, but no trading memberships.”
I nodded to myself absently. That’s what I thought. I wondered what Blair was up to. Nothing good, I had a feeling.
“I came tonight to talk to you about West Yellowstone, but also to see you,” August’s words called me back to the present. Glancing at his chiseled, moonlit features under my lashes, I saw his shoulders relaxing. His mouth curved into a smile as his voice grew husky. “I can’t get you out of my head, Sienna. Why won’t you give us a chance?”
My chest tightened and I looked down at my clasped hands around my now-cold tea mug. “It’s not that simple,” I finally said. “It’s not about attraction.” I ignored the way his eyes kindled and the response that created in my lower half. “There’s no point in seeing you or talking to you because I can’t be with you.”
“Are you ever going to tell me why?”
Shaking my head helplessly, I whispered, “I can’t.”
“Can’t trust me, you mean.” August stood abruptly.
I waited for him to walk away. Part of me wanted him to leave, to stop tempting me with what I couldn’t have. But part of me, the wild part of me, wanted him to push harder, to make me confess all my secrets and take a chance.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Thinking it might be Jordan, I pulled it out and checked the screen. “Logan Black Calling.” My hand trembled as I turned off the ringer and slipped the phone back into my pocket.
Logan had started calling me a few months ago. I hadn’t spoken to him since the night in the desert when I showed him my Beast and then tried to murder him. I’d been ignoring the calls. After ten years apart, Logan and I had nothing to say to each other.
He’d upped the calls recently though, and started leaving me long messages—happy reminisces about our time together. Each message was a kick to my heart.
“Who’s Logan Black?” August asked in a menacingly silky voice.
Blinking, I stared up at the stony face looming over me.
“Just someone from my past,” I answered carefully, biting my lip. Inside, my heart started to thump. Logan was the only person, aside from Jordan, who knew my secret. If August got a hold of him, I’d be exposed.
“I thought you were seeing the ranger guy, Nick? How many men are you juggling?”
I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh. August’s expression turned even harder and I waved my hand at him, the mirth bubbling up past my anxiety.
“I’m juggling no men!” I finally gasped out. “I haven’t seen Logan since college and, as I’m sure you noted, I didn’t answer his call. Nick is just a good friend. And you, I’m doing nothing to you.” I choked out the last bitterly.
“Aren’t you?”
Abruptly, I found myself standing—August’s hands firm on my upper arms and my head hanging back. He trailed his nose across my collarbone and up my neck as I shivered. His breath warmed my skin and I fought ferociously hard against the urge to give in, to curl into his body and let my wild side take control.
I stayed perfectly still while he inhaled my scent deeply. His hands clenched on my arms before relaxing as he dropped me back into my chair. Without another word, he strode off into the night.
I watched his figure dim as he left the light of my porch and I resisted the impulse to use my puma senses to watch him even longer.
Shivering again, I took a long gulp of cold tea. I was right to avoid him, I knew. In his presence, all of my common sense fled. But I couldn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust the alpha, who would use me, or the man, who would leave me once he saw how truly monstrous I was.
I slipped inside, locking the door behind me, and dropped my mug by the sink. I pulled out my phone and deleted Logan’s voicemail without listening to it—I wasn’t in the mood for any reminisces tonight.
Chapter 3
“So, here’s the deal, dolls,” Darcy said, waving her iced coffee in the air. We sat outside at the picnic tables by the Mammoth employee cafeteria and the rounded mountains surrounding us loomed brown and gray in the hazy morning sun. The warm air smelled of the hot springs across the road. Jordan rolled her eyes at me as Darcy continued, “Your best girlfriend, Blair,” Darcy heavily emphasized the name, “has petitioned Blake to join the West Yellowstone wolf pack.”
I blinked, confused. “But she’s a cat?”
“Exactly.” Darcy smacked the table in front of her and I jumped a little. The sound echoed across the picnic tables near us.
“It’s not unprecedented, but it’s definitely weird,” Jordan confirmed. “Not only is she a cat, but she’s a dominant one,
a former beta to a strong big cat pack.”
“She’s up to something.” Darcy waved her finger at me. “You should have let me kill her.”
I smiled weakly as my stomach churned. Blair blamed me for losing her beta spot in August’s pack. The fact that she was still in the area wasn’t good.
“What about Soren?” I asked.
Darcy shrugged. “I don’t know him. I mean, I’ve met him, but I don’t know him. I like Blake though, he’s solid and careful, so that’s a point in his favor.”
Jordan shook her head. “If Blair’s talking to Soren, that whole pack is on my do-not-contact list. She’s a vicious bitch.” She bent her gaze to me. “Let it go.”
I nodded. Jordan had a good reason to avoid shifter politics—she’d lost her whole family in a territory fight. But sometimes, that isolationist attitude went against my natural instincts, like now. I felt a responsibility to the dead elk shifter and I would figure out his story, even if that meant running into Blair again. I straightened in my seat. I wasn’t afraid of her—if she tried to hurt me again, I’d already sworn to myself I’d fight back, even if it meant exposing my Beast.
I checked my phone and stood. “I’ve got to meet Nick,” I said. “He’s got information on the dead man.”
Darcy smirked at me. She started to open her mouth but I beat her to it, waving my hands in the air. “Not now. Tease me later about the human police officer, blah blah. Right now, I need to know what’s going on with the murder investigation.”
Darcy snapped her teeth at my fingers but sat back.
It was my day off and I rolled my windows down on the drive south to the lake. The late summer warmth blew into my car, bringing with it the scents of sagebrush and pine. I sucked in a thick breath. I would run that night, I decided. The full moon was weeks ago and I’d been so busy at work that I hadn’t shifted since then. I was overdue. I grinned.
NICK stared at me, his hazel eyes sharp. “Why didn’t you call me?”
I looked into his handsome, unhappy face and wondered, not for the first time, what I was doing with him. He appealed to my human side, yes, with his good looks and his kind hands, but he wasn’t a shifter, so we had no future. I could never be myself with him. Sometimes, that appealed, but more and more, I felt hamstrung by my inability to be honest with him. I knew, in my heart, that I needed to end things.
