by K. Panikian
“Logan’s been calling you? What does he want?”
“I don’t know. I never answer.”
Jordan narrowed her eyes. “That changes things. Of course he’s here for you.”
My heart sank and I dropped into a chair. I knew it.
Jordan took a turn pacing and waving her hands. “It makes no sense for him to tell August about you though. One, he’s here to get you to go back to California with him, so no way would he tell another alpha about you. Or two, he’s here on business, taking advantage of the fact that you’re also nearby, and he just wants to see you. Maybe to talk about old times or something.
“There’s no purpose in telling anyone about your Beast. I think your secret’s safe.”
“What about the way we left things?” I whispered. “What if he’s mad at me for trying to kill him?”
Jordan put her hands on her hips. “That was ten years ago! If he wanted revenge, why wait so long?”
I nodded slowly, feeling moderately reassured.
“Are you going to see him?” She dropped next to me at the table.
I lowered my forehead to my hands and mumbled, “I don’t know.”
“Do you want to see him?”
I drew in a deep breath. “I always felt bad about the way we ended things. We were together for four years and then my Beast tried to kill him and he abandoned me in the desert. I never saw him again. I was resentful at the time that he left me like that and also very, very hurt.”
Tears flooded my eyes and I blinked them away angrily. “And also I felt guilty. So all of that feels very unresolved.”
I scrubbed my face. “But, like you said, it was ten years ago. I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m not in love with him anymore and I don’t want to reminisce.”
Jordan nodded at me slowly, her eyes gentle.
“But he’s got a big secret over me. I have to know what he’s going to do with that information. Is he going to give it to August? Some other alpha? I have to know why he’s here.”
“Yes,” Jordan said. “You have to.”
Resolved, I rose to my feet and pulled her up beside me. “Okay, let’s do our trail inspection and then I’ll call him.”
“Good plan. And while we hike, you can tell me about your date with August.”
I swallowed and agreed weakly.
UNDER the warm sun, my worries evaporated slightly. The aspens at the meadow’s edge glowed golden-yellow and the late summer grass smelled sweet on the breeze. A marmot darted past us, its summer-fat body jiggling, and I smiled.
We hiked a trail near Old Faithful and I tried not to think about Daniel. I had no leads on his murder.
“Do you think you could talk to Chief Palmer?” I asked Jordan. “Find out some details about the rustling? I hate to put you on the spot—I know you don’t like to talk about whatever is going on between you two.”
“Nothing is going on.” Jordan said icily. “We are very casual friends. I have no problem speaking to him.” She tossed her long braid over her shoulder.
I hid a smile. “Thanks. That helps a lot. I need to know how many ranches are getting hit, how many elk are vanishing, do the police have any leads, that sort of thing.”
Jordan nodded, her face closed off and her posture stiff.
I cleared my throat. “I know I unload my problems on you all the time. If you ever want to talk to me about the stuff going on in your life, you know I’m here.”
Jordan relented and gave me a faint, sad smile, her shoulders drooping a little. “I don’t even know what’s going on in my life. I like him, Sienna, like really like him. But he’s not a shifter. And he’s a police officer. It’s a terrible idea to be with him.”
I thought of Nick and grimaced in commiseration.
“But then he calls me up and we see each other and I can’t think of my reasons to stay away.”
“I thought humans and shifters could be together?” I asked. “I know you told me they’d have human kids, not shifters, but there aren’t any rules against it, right?”
Shrugging, Jordan said, “I’d have to tell him the truth first. And if he didn’t take it well, I’d have to kill him to keep the secret safe.”
My mouth dropped open.
“So you can understand my reluctance to take that step with him.”
Closing my mouth again, I nodded. I felt a pang in my chest for my friend’s pain. And worry for Chief Palmer. He seemed like a level-headed, serious man—I didn’t know how he would take the information that people could turn into animals. I understood Jordan’s reluctance to risk his safety.
“Maybe he already knows? Isn’t he friends with August?”
Jordan shook her head. “August told me he doesn’t know. And he warned me that if I told, he’d be the one to end Everett’s life if he couldn’t handle it.”
Swallowing, I crossed my arms across my stomach. I didn’t need another reminder of August’s ruthlessness. Or another reminder that the packs were savage.
“Don’t tell him,” I muttered. “It can’t be worth it.”
Jordan looked at me with misery-filled eyes. “I know. I won’t.”
Pausing by a stream, I watched the crystal-clear water swirl in an eddy behind a stone.
We drew in breaths together, the sulfur scents suddenly strong on the wind—eruption time for the big geyser. We started moving again and I watched Jordan straighten her shoulders.
I cleared my throat. “Have you heard from Reese at all?” I asked as we crested the next hill. We paused to drop our backpacks and stretch. A park visitor had reported loose boards on the bridge directly below us, so we’d brought some tools.
Jordan shook her head. “She’s back at her university, trying to get more grant money. She’s pretty confident she’ll be back in the spring. Most of the Institute scientists disappear over the winter to do the same.”
I nodded. I knew the number of rangers in the park was about to drop by a third. I was staying though, and so were Jordan and Darcy. They’d promised to teach me to drive a snowmobile and I couldn’t wait.
As we hammered new nails into the loose boards, I soaked up the sunshine and the warmth, knowing soon enough I’d be monitoring snowy trails and dreaming of spring.
LOGAN’S voice echoed in my ear as I pressed the phone close. I resisted the desire to close my eyes, swamped with memories.
“Sienna! You called me back!”
“Logan,” I said carefully. “Why are you in Jackson?”
A rueful laugh echoed over the tinny speakers. “You smelled me at the brewery? I knew you would.”
“Were you following me?”
“Yes,” he said simply. “I’m in Jackson just for a couple of weeks, helping my alpha with a pack project, and you’ve been avoiding my calls. I heard through the grapevine that you’d made a deal to visit the Elk Refuge that morning, and I followed you.”
My stomach twisted as I sat on my couch, leaning my head back against the wall. “Why, Logan?”
“Sienna, it kills me to hear you say that with such suspicion. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?”
“Do I?”
Logan cleared his throat. “I was scared. I was young and scared and I reacted badly. There isn’t a day that’s gone by that I haven’t missed you.”
“It’s been ten years.”
Logan’s voice grew even quieter. “I couldn’t find you. As soon as we graduated and you left San Diego, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake. But you were in the wind. You’ve got no social media. I didn’t know what assignment you found in the parks and I had responsibilities to my pack.”
“You still had my phone number.”
“I didn’t think you’d talk to me over the phone. I wanted to see you in person.”
“There are other ways of finding people than social media.”
Logan was silent for a long moment. “I couldn’t draw attention to my search,” he finally murmured. “I couldn’t let anyone in my pack
know why I was so desperate to see you again.”
I closed my eyes.
“Sienna, I swear to you, I haven’t told a soul.”
I exhaled. I wanted to believe him. But ten years was a long time.
“Why are you in Jackson?”
Logan’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I can’t talk about my alpha’s business. But I volunteered for this assignment. I knew eventually you’d end up in one of the big parks. I’ve been to Yosemite already, and the Everglades, looking for you.”
I shook my head, though I knew he couldn’t see me. I felt untethered, like my brain floated somewhere above me, my heart floated somewhere below that, and here, on the couch, my molten shifter spirit parsed every word that Logan said with deep suspicion.
My Beast, unamused, sharpened her claws while my puma lounged indifferently. I exhaled shakily. All through college, my puma adored Logan, flexing to rub against the bars of her cage whenever she scented him.
But now she flicked her tail at me. Maybe she’d grown up as much as I had.
I shivered on the couch, feeling my heart break again, ten long years after Logan’s departure. I knew I didn’t love him anymore. But I’d never opened myself up to that vulnerability again, and a tiny part of me missed it—missed the closeness and the trust.
I stood abruptly, the phone still tucked under my chin. My blood pulsed unevenly but I pushed through the shakiness, firming my spine.
“I want to see you in person,” Logan said quietly.
“I can’t.”
“Why? That Jackson alpha? He’s nothing. Sienna, you don’t need him.”
“He’s helping me,” I said. “An elk shifter died in the park and I’m trying to figure out what happened to him.”
Silence echoed on the line.
“Have you heard anything?” I asked. “He was a shifter kid, just eighteen, and he died from a gunshot wound in the park.”
“Maybe I know something,” Logan muttered and my lungs deflated as I blew out a long breath. “Meet me tomorrow, at lunchtime, at the refuge visitor center, and I’ll tell you what I’ve heard.”
I agreed and hung up.
I texted August. “Going back to the refuge tomorrow to investigate. Please confirm authorization.”
I held my breath and a few seconds later, I got a return text. “Confirmed.”
PANTING hard, I ran through the woods like a demon chased me. My run the night before had only taken the edge off my fears. On one hand, I weighed the idea that Logan had been searching for me. On the other, I weighed my attraction to August. And in my wild mind, I denied both.
Logan had been gone a long time; August was a threat; and I didn’t want to be bound to either.
It didn’t even matter, my Beast reminded me. The two men taking up my headspace were nothing compared to my responsibility. A boy, a shifter, had died in my territory. Everything else fell away. I had to discover what happened and exact my revenge. No one could attack my pack like that. Nothing else mattered.
My human and puma hearts knew that she spoke true. Every shifter in my territory was mine and I would defend them. I was an alpha, like August said, and though I would never demand allegiance, I would protect them and I would avenge them. It was built into my bones.
So I ran. I’d lost my clothes a half-mile away and as I succumbed to the pressure, I dropped to all fours and shifted.
My paws pounded the ground and I sprinted like a long-distance predator, which I was not. But I didn’t know how else to escape the pressure.
Eventually, I slowed and paced a moonlit clearing. My paws tread soundlessly on the soft pine needles as I panted.
My responsibility was clear. My heart didn’t matter. My Beast roared and through my puma throat, I screamed.
IN the morning, I left a message with Jordan.
“Hey, um I have some questions about shifters and alphas. I’m feeling something weird, I don’t know how to explain it, like super protective feelings about Yellowstone and the shifters that live here. They feel strong and powerful. Call me when you can.”
I called Darcy next.
“I need a meeting with Blake, the West Yellowstone alpha. I want to talk to him away from his betas, particularly Soren. Can you make that happen?”
Darcy was silent for a long time on the line.
“Blake owes me, yes,” she finally said. “But calling in a favor is serious business with the packs. If I burn this bridge, it may have repercussions for me. Is it necessary?”
I sucked in a breath and let it out. Darcy was my pack, my Beast acknowledged. Her needs mattered.
“I just want to talk to him about the ranchers in his area and the elk shifter trail he followed. At this time, I have no information that Blake or his pack are involved in anything illegal.”
“But?” Darcy asked.
“But if he’s in talks with Blair, then he’s not my ally and I can’t trust his answers. I want to look into his eyes and decide for myself if he’s lying.”
Darcy sighed. “Fair enough. Give me a day or so.”
ON my way to meet Logan at the refuge, I called August and put my phone on speaker as I drove.
“Sienna,” he rasped. “Why did you leave? We were—”
I made my tone businesslike. “August. As you know, I’m on my way to the Elk Refuge to continue my investigation. I’m also setting up a meeting with the West Yellowstone alpha.”
I ignored the growl that came over the line.
“I also have someone talking to Chief Palmer about the elk poaching.”
I cleared my throat. “I’m investigating the murder, the arsons, and the poaching as a series of crimes perpetrated by a single person or single group. If someone in your pack is involved, I will find out. This is your heads up.”
I hung up the phone before I heard August’s rumbling answer. I didn’t truly think that he was personally involved, but I didn’t know his packmates. I wanted him to do a thorough investigation and I hoped that by threatening that I would do it for him, he would beat me to it.
We would see.
Chapter 7
Logan and I walked a trail in the Elk Refuge, far from the main visitor center and anyone else who could hear us speak. I kept my breathing shallow, ignoring Logan’s puma scent in the air. Once that smell intoxicated me; now it made my heart ache with old hurts. Logan had been my rock and when he abandoned me, it’d been like losing my parents all over again. He left and I was alone, and I’d been alone since then.
He watched me as we hiked, his brown eyes soft and unblinking. It had been a shock to see him in the parking lot. Ten years had changed him only a little—he was a little broader maybe, and his chin was firmer in his handsome face. He’d moved to hug me and I’d stepped back. I didn’t want to give him any wrong ideas about my feelings.
“You look incredible, Sienna,” he finally said as we paused in the middle of a meadow. I could see all around us and kept my puma senses at the surface. I wanted absolute privacy for this conversation.
“You’re even more beautiful than you were in college; I didn’t think that could be possible.”
The knot in my stomach expanded at his words. I distrusted him, I realized. Not only was I fearful he was going to spill my secrets, I didn’t like that he’d shown up here and now, in the middle of my investigation. The timing was too suspicious for it to be a coincidence.
“Please stop,” I said. “I don’t want to hear empty compliments. I don’t know why you’ve been calling me but I’m meeting you today only to talk about the murdered boy.”
Logan exhaled, his shoulders slumping. “When did you get so hard?”
My eyes widened and my hands clenched. “What? I’m hard? Because I don’t want to be manipulated?”
“I’m not trying to manipulate you! I’m excited to see you. I’ve dreamed for years of seeing you again. And to finally be in your presence and have you act coldly toward me?” Logan rubbed his chest, “It’s hard. It hurts, I guess.”
He shook his head. “I won’t push. But you should know that standing here is like a dream and an agony both.”
Squinting at the mountains past his shoulder, I reminded myself that I didn’t care that he felt hurt. Whatever claim he once had on my heart had long since dried up.
“What do you know about the elk shifter that was shot, Daniel Hill?”
Kicking the grass at his feet, Logan started to pace. I watched his movements warily at first but relaxed a little when he didn’t move any closer toward me.
“I met him last week, just by chance. I was having a lunch meeting with my business associates and he was at the table next to us. He reeked of his animal and I tried to talk to him, being friendly, you know. I thought he was a local pack member.” Logan sighed. “He bolted immediately, just ran from the restaurant. I felt really bad about it.”
He shrugged. “I found out after, of course, that he lived in the park, so I realized that he probably didn’t like meeting other shifters. I saw in the news a couple of days ago about the bear attack and I recognized his picture.”
Looking around the meadow fearfully, Logan whispered, “I think the Jackson alpha, August, shot him for trespassing.”
Raising my brow, I ignored the accusation. “How did you know he was shot? The police aren’t telling anyone that detail yet.”
Logan ran his hand through his hair and rolled his eyes at me. “Everyone knows. Or every shifter does, I guess. The West Yellowstone alpha’s been telling anyone who’ll listen that the boy was already shot and dying when he crossed into the West Yellowstone territory.”
I nodded slowly.
Logan stepped slightly closer and I focused on him intently, my puma surging to the surface. Throwing up his hands, Logan backed up again. I felt my eyes ignite into a fiery, tawny-brown when he dropped his gaze from mine. Hmm, that’s new.
“Sienna,” he breathed, hunching his shoulders. “My God. Your scent. You’ve grown in power.”
My claws pricked under my fingernails and I willed my puma to back down. Logan didn’t need to know how much control I had now. It was better if he thought me still afraid of my shifter nature.
