“How long were you married?”
“Eighteen years.”
“That’s a long time.”
“Yes, especially when the marriage died about ten years in.”
“Ouch.”
It was true. Now as she looked back on her life with Daniel, the marriage had flat-lined about ten years in, when he’d gotten his big promotion. Maybe at that time she hadn’t been enough for him or maybe he’d just gotten bored, but whatever happened had killed their marriage.
“Yes, but I had a daughter to raise and I kept believing things would change. And they did. I changed.”
He laughed. “You don’t miss being married.”
She thought about that time. There were some things she missed, but she enjoyed her life now. She’d been alone in the marriage, the same as now. “No, I really don’t. Life is a lot simpler now.”
“A lot of divorced women go out and find someone and remarry right away.”
“My priority is to finish school. I have dated some and I probably will continue to date occasionally, but I’m not looking for husband number two,” she said with confidence. She had settled into her life and she liked it. “What about you? How long have you been divorced?”
“Almost three years. She said I was boring and left. She wanted us to belong to the country club and get involved in the social scene. Not for me.”
Marianne almost giggled out loud. “And why haven’t you remarried?”
“Haven’t found anyone I wanted to spend that much time with. I’m not exactly the most social guy and I like unusual things. Going out partying is not what I consider a fun evening.”
“I’m quickly learning it’s not that much fun. In fact, I’ve given it up.”
“My idea of a nice evening is a fire in the fireplace, reading a good book, or watching a documentary.”
“Sounds perfectly boring and wonderful,” she said, with a laugh.
He smiled. “Yeah, most women think so, until the newness wears off.”
Yet for her the newness had worn off of going to clubs and speed dating and online dating.
“My friend, Paige, has been upset with me because I stopped going out partying with her and am concentrating on my studies. She thinks I’m wasting time and that I just need to find a good lay.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “She sounds like a party girl.”
“She is. I dated Stuart for a while, but it wasn’t easy and it felt awkward,” she admitted. “I decided to concentrate on my classes and I’ve been happier.”
“There’s nothing wrong with getting laid, but if the relationship isn’t ready, it can create more problems than it solves,” he said, his gaze steady and assuring.
Tilting her head she stared at him, wondering if he was being honest with her.
“Are you telling me if a woman offered you a one-night stand, you’d turn her down?”
“Are you offering?” he said with a smile on his face.
Startled at his bluntness, she realized he was teasing. “Keep dreaming.”
He lifted his coffee cup and sipped from it and then sat the cup down. “I don’t do one-night stands anymore. Usually, you regret the decision the next morning.”
“You’re telling me, in the last three years since your divorce, you have not had a one-night stand?”
“Like I said, I don’t do them anymore. The first six months after my wife left, I made some horrible decisions. Once the fog began to clear, I realized that casual sex was dangerous and unfulfilling.” He took a deep breath. “Don’t take this the wrong way, I like sex just like any other man, but I’m choosy.”
A smile spread across her face. “How did we get on this conversation?”
He grinned at her. “I don’t know. We just did, and it’s been enlightening.”
She dipped her head and looked at him coyly, “At least it tells me we’re going to be good friends. We can talk about anything.”
He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers, startling her.
They were warm and she could tell from the way his green eyes twinkled with merriment that he’d deliberately taken her off guard.
“Oh, I think we’re going to be more than just good friends.”
Chapter 11
Marianne dialed her mother’s number. She had not spoken to her in over a week, though they had both promised to stay in touch. Many times, her mother was simply too busy to talk or had very little to say. With the coming Thanksgiving Holiday, Marianne wanted to spend some time with her mother, but didn’t know if she was still close to Dallas or had ventured down the road.
After several rings, her mother answered the phone.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Who’s this?” Brenda asked.
Oh God, it was going to be one of those kinds of calls.
“You know who it is, Mom.”
“Marianne. I hardly recognized your voice,” she said sarcasm dripping from her words like water from a leaky faucet. “It’s been weeks since you called.”
“Hey the phone lines go both ways. As does the highway,” Marianne responded, thinking that normally she was the one who made the effort to stay in touch.
“Well, I wouldn’t think of keeping you from your school work,” Brenda replied.
“I always have time for you, Mother,” Marianne said, trying very hard to keep the cynicism out of her own voice. If her mother wanted to have this type of call, then Marianne could counter her sarcasm with some of her own.
“You’re still full of bull.”
“I learned from the best. Where are you?” Marianne asked, changing the subject before they got into an argument.
“I’m still at Proctor Lake.”
“Why don’t you come to Fort Collins for Thanksgiving? The weather is supposed to be cold, but nice. No snow until the week after.”
A long pause followed and Marianne knew she was considering coming.
“You haven’t seen my place yet,” she encouraged.
“I don’t know. Give me a few days and I’ll let you know,” Brenda said.
“What’s keeping you in Proctor?”
“Good fishing. You should try it sometime; it’s therapeutic. Clears the head and sharpens the brain.”
That wasn’t what was keeping her at that lake and Marianne knew it, but until her mother decided to confide, she wasn’t going to push her.
“Mom, I’d like to see you. It’s been a long time,” Marianne said, hoping she didn’t sound whiny, but wanting to see her mother. They hadn’t parted on good terms and she wanted to mend the rift between them.
“I don’t know Marianne. I’ll think about it. I am not ready to leave here, but I will consider coming. I can’t give you an answer tonight, but I will next week.”
“Okay, but I’d really like you to come spend Thanksgiving with me, and I insist you come for Christmas.”
“We’ll see.”
“Are you still traveling alone?” Marianne asked.
“Yes, and I’m loving it. I don’t have to listen to anyone chattering all the time, and I don’t have a hussy picking up any and every man she meets.”
Marianne laughed. Her mother never changed. While Marianne loved living here in Colorado, she missed seeing her and wished they were closer.
“What about you? Are you dating anyone?”
For a moment the image of Luke came to mind, and she quickly shoved his rock hard pectorals out of her mind. They were not dating. They had gone for a motorcycle ride, had lunch together, and he’d kissed her that did not make them a couple. But she’d enjoyed being with him.
“I’m concentrating on school. How about you?” she asked her mother. “Are you dating anyone?”
“Just me and the crappie.”
“The what?” Marianne wasn’t certain she’d understood.
“Fish.”
“Oh. Any of them marriage material?”
“Not a one so far,” Brenda responded. “Look, I
gotta go. I’m meeting some of the ladies and we’re playing Bridge tonight. I gotta run.”
“Okay, but call me and let me know about Thanksgiving.”
Marianne was wishing her mom would just come and spend some time with her. While she was married, they saw each other once a week, and now, nothing.
“I will.”
“Be safe, Mom. I love you.”
“I always am. I love you too,” Brenda responded, ending the call.
Marianne hit the end button on her mobile phone. She sat there a moment, realizing her Mother wouldn’t be visiting. Past experience revealed that whenever her mother hesitated, she didn’t want to come. She quickly dialed her friend, Paige.
Paige answered the phone. “Hey girl, how are you?”
“I’m doing good.”
“Still dating Stuart?” Paige asked.
“Nope, I ended it,” Marianne said, knowing she’d been right to end that relationship. The man had been nice, but there just wasn’t the emotional tug she needed.
“Why?”
“It just didn’t feel right.”
“Who the hell cares how it feels! If he was good in the sack, you should have made him your fuck buddy. You need a few of those you can call.”
That was certainly not appealing. Sure she could understand if some women wanted that type of relationship, but she wanted more.
“Paige, I don’t want a buddy. I don’t need one.”
“Oh, honey, I’ve been dating that one guy I met at lunch and, oh my God, he is so great in bed.”
“That’s good,” Marianne said, trying to be excited for her friend, but bored with the constant sex conversations. Didn’t she have anything else in her life? All she focused on was sex, and that just didn’t appeal to Marianne.
“I mean he knows positions I’d never dreamed of and can last forever. It’s been a lot of fun.”
“I’m happy for you. Do you like him?”
“Hell no, he’s not at all my type, but he’s so good in bed that I’m going to hang on to him for a while,” she said with a giggle.
Marianne shook her head, suddenly feeling sorry for the man. “Paige, I admire you for your boldness.”
“You could be having fun too.”
“No, I’ve come to accept that’s just not me.” Sleeping with any and everyone wasn’t fun, and Marianne didn’t want to change that about herself. Paige had a right to live her life her way. That was her business.
“Honey, if you’d loosen up a little, you could enjoy the same pleasures.”
“No, Paige, I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot be anyone but myself. So I’m giving up the one-night stands. I’m not going out to meet men, I’m not out dancing and acting wild, trying to find someone. I’m concentrating on getting through college and finding my way in life alone. I think that’s what I need to do right now.”
And for the first time in years, Marianne felt a sense of happiness and purpose. She was doing what she needed and liked her life.
“You could be doing both and getting a little in the process. I mean, how can you do without sex?”
Marianne realized, without the right partner, she didn’t want sex. She was taking a time-out on the physical side of life.
“Paige we’ve always been different, and I think I let myself get caught up in the idea that I need to be different because of my failed marriage. Again, I can only be the same old Marianne that I’ve always been. As for sex…I miss it, but it’s not the end of the world.”
She loved Paige, but Paige just didn’t get it.
“Oh, honey, I know just the man to hook you up with. He will rock your world.”
“No, Paige. I’m not interested.”
A long awkward silence filled the line.
“Well, when you’re bored, give me a call and I’ll do what I can to spice up your life.”
“I’ll do that,” she said, knowing she would pass. “What are your plans for Thanksgiving?”
“Scott is taking me skiing in Canada. He has more money than he knows what to do with, so we’re going first class all the way. I can hardly wait. Why, what did you have in mind?”
“Nothing, I just wanted to make sure that you had some place to go at Thanksgiving.”
“Are you spending time with your Mother and Katie?”
“Yeah, we’re getting together.” Marianne lied, unable to confess to her friend she would be alone on Thanksgiving, unless her Mother came to visit. “Have a great time in Canada. Don’t break a leg on the ski slopes and come home safe and sound.”
“I don’t plan on getting on those ski slopes except to wear my little bunny outfit and show off my great ass in my tight ski pants.”
Marianne laughed. Paige always had a way of making her feel good, and yet she was glad that it was Paige’s life, not hers.
They ended the call and Marianne sank onto the couch. For the first time in her life, she would spend a holiday alone. She focused inward to see if it bothered her and felt nothing. In fact, she was actually looking forward to the break from college and some restful time alone.
Brenda threw her baited line into the water, the sun beating down on her as she sat on the dock. A week had passed since Paul left, and while part of her wanted to pack the camper and continue on her way to visit Marianne, another voice urged her to stay. That’s what Paul had asked her to do. But she owed her allegiance to no man, no one, not even her daughter.
Instead of loading up the motor home and hitting the road, she came fishing. She played Bridge with the ladies in camp, took long walks, and enjoyed the changing fall leaves. In Texas, the leaves didn’t reach their fall brilliance until right before Thanksgiving, and even then, they didn’t fall until the absolute end of November.
She missed Paul, and that left her feeling vulnerable, which she hated. They hadn’t known each other that long, but the connection with him had been more instant than a hot cup of coffee.
They both had come from good marriages and missed their spouses. They enjoyed the same type of life, and she had thought they had the beginning of something. Now she worried she’d dreamed the connection between the two of them.
Sure, he’d kissed her, but what did that mean?
“You still trying to catch fish out of the nursery?”
At the sound of his deep voice, she whipped her head around. He stood, dressed in blue jeans, a ball cap pulled low over his head, gazing at her. Her heart did a little extra curricular dance.
“No, I caught all the small fish and took them out to some old man’s fishing hole and baited it for him. Now, all he should catch is small ones.”
It was all she could do not to throw her arms around him. He was a welcome sight and gave her pulse a little extra excitement.
“Leave you alone for five days and you become vicious,” he responded, walking to her.
“How’s the emergency?” she asked.
“Resolved for now,” he answered.
“Care to share why you had to leave?”
She watched his face and could see the dark circles under his eyes.
“Not on such a beautiful afternoon. I’ve had to deal with gloom and doom for a week, I’d like to spend some quality time with a good-looking babe hiking in the woods. Want to join me?”
Brenda was tempted to tell him to take a permanent hike, but part of her knew it really wasn’t any of her business where he’d been. What if it was something bad? The dark circles beneath his eyes branded the stress on his face. Shouldn’t she give him a break?”
She reeled her line in and they strolled to her camper and stored her fishing gear.
Paths meandered along the bank of the lake, weaving around it for over a mile. Brenda had walked the trails several times, but never with Paul.
When they were out of sight of the road, he took her hand. “Hey, I’m sorry I had to leave like I did.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“I wouldn’t have been surprised if you were gone when I returned. I couldn�
�t wait to get back here and see if you waited for me. I’m happy you stayed.”
“Well, I only stayed because the weather has been warm and the fish have been biting and…
He pulled her to him and his lips covered hers, his mouth telling her what she already knew. Passion filled his kiss as his lips took possession of hers, and he pressed his strong and solid body against hers. She leaned into him, needing more contact. Her arms wound around his neck, and she melted into his embrace.
When they parted, he smiled. “Now that’s a welcome home worth coming back for. Have I convinced you I really hoped you’d wait for me?”
“I just thought that was a gun in your pocket.”
He laughed and hugged her. “That’s what I enjoy about you. Your quick wit chases away the darkness.”
“Yeah, I chase away the darkness, usually about six o’clock in the morning.”
“Speaking of, are you up for fishing tomorrow morning?”
“Why not? I have to show you how I stocked your fishing spot with babies.”
They continued walking along the path, his weathered palm holding her hand in his. “So are you disappearing for Thanksgiving?” she asked.
He sighed. “My son is having a family gathering and I’m expected to appear.”
Brenda waited for his invitation, hoping that he would want her to meet his family.
“My daughter has asked me to come to Colorado.”
He stopped. His fingers brushed her brow and pushed back a wayward strand of hair from her face. “Are you going to go?”
“I haven’t seen her since the summer and I’m considering it. It’s just that she is in far North Colorado and I hate driving all the way there in winter with the chance of snow and ice.”
He didn’t say anything and they resumed walking.
“I would be gone at least two weeks.”
He stopped and pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. His lips moved over hers until she was breathless, her pulse racing like an overworked engine. When he stepped back, she stood there shocked and stunned and so not wanting him to stop. She’d forgotten how good kissing felt.
“I know you want to see your daughter, but that kiss was to remind you of what will be waiting for you here when you come home. Or if you don’t go, I promise I will return just as quick as I can.”
Secrets, Lies, and Online Dating: Three Generations Learn to Love Again (Women's Fiction) Page 17
