by Jill Shalvis
There were other volunteers as well, everyone working in sync to keep things moving. There were a lot of people and Ivy was able to keep herself busy with orders. She didn’t even look up until she heard the unbearably familiar voice.
“I’d like to make a special request.”
Ivy jerked and spilled gravy down the front of her apron. It was Kel, of course. No one else could evoke so many feelings within her without even trying.
He was in a hoodie with a jacket over that, hood up against the chill. Dark sunglasses on his face. All she could see was his unsmiling mouth. Her mind stuttered, but the rest of her did not. Specifically, her mouth. “No special requests allowed.”
“It’s just that I lost something,” he said quietly, removing his sunglasses and pushing off his hood. “Something, someone, who means a lot to me.” He shook his head. “Actually, she means everything to me.”
Her heart took a good hard leap against her ribcage. “What are you doing here?”
“Can we talk?”
Her chest felt tight. Way too tight. “It’s hot in here,” she whispered. “Is it hot in here?” she asked all the people standing way too close.
“Honey, that’s called a hot flash,” an elderly woman waiting in line said. “Are you going through the change?”
“Edna, she’s like twelve,” the woman next to the first one said. “She’s not going through the change. And how much longer before you refill the mashed potatoes? I can’t stand on my feet too long, I get the veins.”
Ivy was having a hard time processing and just stared at Kel.
“I was wrong,” he said before she could speak. “About a lot of things, as it turns out. But mostly about how I reacted.”
“The mashed potatoes?” the woman asked again, impatiently.
“Hush, Amelia,” Edna said. “Can’t you see she’s in the middle of something? Hot Stuff here’s trying to apologize. A man apologizing, can you imagine such a thing?”
Ivy’s heart was in her throat. She was trying to remember if anyone had ever apologized to her before, especially a male, but nothing was coming to mind. And that alone was boggling.
Kel hated airing his feelings, she knew that. And yet here he stood, in front of a hundred homeless people and also her friends, who’d all stilled and were staring at them.
“Maybe we should talk about this later,” she whispered, which didn’t matter since she could now hear a pin drop in the unbelievably crowded hall that only moments before had been at deafening levels. “After I’m done working here.”
“You’d deprive an old woman of this Hallmark moment?” Edna asked in horror. “I haven’t been wooed since 1965. Don’t take this away from me, honey.”
Kel drew a deep breath and took Ivy’s hands. “Later won’t work,” he said. “I was wrong to let you think I blamed you, for any of what happened. And I should never have let you run off without saying that to you.”
“What did you do?” Amelia asked. “Cheat on her?”
“No,” Kel said, still holding Ivy’s gaze in his own. “Worse. I let her think I didn’t trust her.”
“Well that was dumb,” Edna said. “She’s serving the homeless on Christmas Eve. She’s trustable.”
“She is.” This from Sadie, who gave Kel a hard look. “And she deserves better.”
Ivy shook her head. “Sadie—”
“No, it’s true,” Kel said. “I have this thing that I do. I don’t let people in past my guard.”
“That’s a man thing,” one of the ladies said. “They’re chickenshits.”
“That’s true too,” Kel said, still holding Ivy’s gaze. “I was the biggest chickenshit of all.”
“You’ve got to speak up,” Amelia demanded. “I can’t hear very well, and since I’m not getting my mashed potatoes anytime soon, the least you can do is talk loud enough for us all to hear.”
Kel’s lips twitched, but his eyes remained very serious as he spoke to Ivy. “In the past, a lack of communication and dishonesty has gotten in the way of my relationships. And I used that past to blow this—you and me—up.”
Ivy bit her lower lip and grimaced. “Well, I did my fair share of meeting you halfway there,” she admitted.
With a real smile this time, he stepped into her, apparently not caring that he was now hugging up to the gravy spill. “No, this is on me, Ivy. I was wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“Wow,” Edna said. “He also admits when he’s wrong. That’s a rare breed.”
“That’s true,” Sadie said.
Ivy glanced over at her and Sadie lifted her shoulders, silently letting Ivy know she was at her back no matter what. The warm fuzzy that the gesture sent through her was new and very welcome. And maybe also made her far braver than she might have been if she’d still been alone. Braver, and more honest. “We’ve both been burned by our past, in a big way,” she said to Kel. “Maybe too burned.”
“No,” he said. “I don’t believe that.” He slid a hand to her waist, the other skimming down her arm to gently and slowly remove the very sharp knife she still held. “Earlier you said you felt like I was looking for something, and you didn’t know what it was.”
She nodded.
“It’s you,” he said. “You’re what I’m looking for. I made mistakes, a lot of them. I should have believed in you, I should never have doubted your intentions. That was my . . .” He glanced at the ladies. “My chickenshit-ness doing the talking for me. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my own fears. You gave me your love and I burned that love to the ground. I’ll never do that again.” He bent a little at the knees so they were eye-to-eye. “Never,” he said with a seriousness she’d not seen from him before. “And I should admit, I’ve probably got a lot more mistakes yet to make.”
She found a smile. “Ditto.”
He smiled too. “Maybe we could learn and grow together.”
She stared into his eyes. “Maybe. And maybe we could also . . .”
“Anything,” he said. “Name it.”
“Start over?”
He stared at her and then smiled and held out a hand. “Hi. I’m Kel O’Donnell. I’m new to town, love spicy tacos, and the woman who makes them. Also . . .” He pulled an iPad from his inside jacket pocket and showed her a document. “I wanted to deliver this personally.”
She stared down at what appeared to be a purchase agreement for her condo, the same exact deal as she’d had, only the down payment had been marked paid. “What’s this?”
“Your deal went through today.”
She stared up at him. “How? My deposit’s gone.”
“It’s worked out,” he said.
She eyed the paperwork again and realized he’d made the down payment for her. “Are you crazy, you can’t buy a woman you’re just sleeping with a condo.”
“If it freaks you out, consider it a loan until PayPal reverses Brandon’s transaction. Caleb’s attorney said he could make it happen, things are just being held up because of the holiday. And,” he said, softer now. “We’re more than just sleeping together.” His mouth curved in amusement at the collective gasp in the room, though his eyes remained serious and on hers. “Much more.”
“But why,” she said, still gaping. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted to.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault that I lost the down payment, Kel. It was mine. I trusted when I shouldn’t have.”
“I know. And watching you start to trust me in spite of everything you’ve gone through and then losing that trust because I was an asshole, kills me.”
“You can’t buy it back.”
“I know that too. I intend to earn it.”
“That’s going to be hard to do from Idaho.”
He didn’t say anything, so she looked at him and found his expression softened. “At least you didn’t say impossible,” he said quietly. “And I know we could’ve made that work somehow. But I’m not going to be in Idaho. I’
m not going back, at least not to stay. I want to be here, and I want to be with you.”
“But your whole life is in Idaho.”
“Actually, my whole life is right here.”
She didn’t move. And she’d forgotten how to breathe again.
“I thought I knew myself,” he said. “I thought I knew what the rest of my life was going to look like. But things change, things get messed up, things blow up in your face, and sometimes it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But I was wrong about that too. Because as long as you’ve got someone to wade through the bad shit with, someone who loves you, nothing else matters.”
“Kel.”
At the wealth of emotion in her voice that she couldn’t have hidden to save her own life, he cupped her face, tilting it up to his. “You’re that person for me, Ivy. I want to fall asleep to the rhythm of your breathing and wake up with you right there, getting mad at me for hogging the blanket, even though you’re the blanket hog.”
“Are you saying I snore?”
“Just lightly,” he said, grinning while she glared at him. “I want to hear you laugh when I burn my tongue on your tacos because I can’t wait for them to cool, I want to dance in a honky-tonk cowboy bar with you stepping on my toes—” He smiled when she snorted. “But most of all, I want to share my life with you. I promise to always have your back, and stand at your side, and I also promise to be worthy of your trust and heart. I love you, Ivy.”
She heard a few soft “aw’s” and Amelia’s “honey, you’d better hold out for a big-ass diamond!” But she couldn’t tear her gaze off Kel’s. “That sounded an awful lot like wedding vows.”
He shrugged. “White dress and a license or not, I meant every word.”
Her mouth fell open. “Are you saying you’d marry me?”
“I’m saying I’m in for whatever you want.”
She was stunned. “That’s . . . a lot of power.”
He smiled, and it was a beautiful smile that stole her heart. Nope, not true. He’d stolen her heart the very first moment she’d laid eyes on him.
Be smart.
Be brave.
Be vulnerable.
Her aunt’s words bounced around in her head as they always did, but suddenly she got it, she knew what her aunt had meant. So she went up on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around Kel’s neck, and kissed him, hard.
Their audience erupted with hoots and hollers, and slowly she pulled back. “I love you too, Kel.”
He let out a breath like he’d been holding it for too long. And then he kissed her again, softly this time, his arms tight around her and feeling like . . . home. “It’s Christmas Eve, and I have big plans for you. So what do you say we get back to serving and finish up?”
“We? You’re going to serve too?”
One of the women handed him a red apron, which he put on without hesitation. And then, while she was still gaping at him, he nudged her over and began serving mashed potatoes and gravy.
At the end of their shift two hours later, he was still going strong and making small talk with everyone who came through the line.
Ivy and her friends were still working too, the lot of them spattered with food.
Kel didn’t have a speck on him.
They made their way back to the Pacific Pier Building and the pub for their annual Christmas party. The pub was all decked out for the holidays with twinkling lights strung across the brass lanterns hanging from the rafters. The vibe was antique charm and friendly warmth.
Everyone moved toward the bar but Kel took Ivy’s hand and held her back. They stood next to a beautifully decorated tree, beneath a large beam from which hung mistletoe.
Ivy glanced up and smiled. The last time they’d stood beneath mistletoe she’d told him not to even think about kissing her. She sure wouldn’t mind if he was thinking about it now.
He tilted his head up too, and as if he could hear her thoughts, his mouth quirked. He slid a hand to the nape of her neck, his thumb grazing soft, sensitive skin just beneath her ear. He kissed her, long and warm and intimate. When he pulled back, he gave her a smile that had her falling in love with him all over again. “I’ve got something for you,” he said.
“Oh. Oh, but I don’t have your present—”
“It’s not from me,” he said. He took her hand and turned it palm up to drop something in it.
She opened her fingers and gasped.
It was her aunt Cathy’s necklace. She stared at it, throat tight as the implications hit her. “He said he didn’t have it anymore.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time he’s lied to you.”
She pressed the necklace to her heart. “No.”
“But I happen to know he went back to the pawn shop and bought it back.” He lifted a shoulder. “He finally put you first.”
Nodding, she smiled through a thick throat. “I’m worried about him. I know that’s stupid.”
“It’s not.” He looked at her for a long moment. “I was asked not to tell you this, but I’m not going to start our life together with a lie.”
Time stopped as she stared at him. “What?”
“He turned himself in, Ivy. A few hours ago. He was the anonymous caller that allowed us to get the bigger fish, by the way. He’s being charged and processed. He’s pleading guilty and cooperating fully. He says he wants to do his time so he can have a fresh start with a clean slate.”
“Oh my God,” she whispered, stunned.
“That’s how I got the necklace. He wanted you to have it. And this.” He handed her a folded piece of paper that turned out to be a handwritten letter.
Dear Ivy,
I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from right now, but I had to write this. Had to make sure you know that when I was bleeding in your living room and you were doing everything in your power to save my sorry ass, that it did something to me.
It made me realize that I wasn’t hurting just me by my lifestyle, but you too. I dragged you into my mess and you could have been hurt. Thank God you weren’t.
I’m sorry. I know those two words don’t mean shit, but I intend to back them up with actions. I mean, obviously it’s going to be a while before I can prove myself. But I won’t forget you or what you’ve done for me.
You said if I left, I was no longer your family. And I deserve that. But I’m going to hope like hell to make amends and change that.
Forever your brother,
Brandon
Ivy lifted her head. “I want to see him.”
Kel shook his head. “You can’t, at least not yet. Soon as it’s possible though.”
Brandon had turned himself in, for her. Shock and grief spilled into regrets. And relief. “He finally chose me. I actually . . . have a brother.”
Kel nodded and his gaze softened as he stroked a strand of hair from her face. “That’s not all you have.”
She marveled over that as Kel pulled her into him. “I have you.”
“You have me,” he agreed huskily, pressing his lips to her temple.
This was greeted by cheers and catcalls, reminding her they had an audience. An audience filled with people who loved and cared about her, which gave her such a feeling of joy, her eyes prickled with happy tears.
He’d warmed her from the inside out. And she figured, hoped, that while nothing was a guarantee, it was worth the risk. He was worth the risk.
He tilted her head up to look into her eyes and said, “You’re worth the risk,” making her realize she’d spoken out loud. “I’ve never felt like this for someone, Ivy. Never.”
Her breath caught at the way he looked at her, held her. “Me either. But we started so fast, what if we . . . burn out?”
“Not going to happen,” he said fiercely. “We started strong, we stay strong.” He pulled back just enough to shoot her a melt-her-heart smile. “I’m all yours, Ivy. For as long as you’ll have me.”
Which was going to be a good long time, she thought happi
ly, and then she pulled him down for a kiss to seal the deal.
Epilogue
Five years later
Ivy stood against the farthest fencing of Kel’s—their—Sonoma horse ranch, staring out in wonder and surprise as tiny little snowflakes drifted from the sky. It never snowed here, or in the city where she and Kel spent most of their time, and she couldn’t stop smiling.
“Look, Kenzie,” she whispered to the three-month-old in a baby carrier against her chest. “It’s snowing for Christmas Eve.”
Her baby girl wasn’t at all moved by the snow, or her mama’s excitement. Nothing disturbed Kenzie when she was napping. Ivy ran a finger over the baby’s forehead and felt her entire being soften as it always did whenever she looked at her daughter.
The daughter who looked exactly like Kel, right down to the satisfied smile on her face as she snoozed.
She loved it here. Kel had taken her to Idaho, plenty of times, and she loved it there too, but he’d taken the job with Caleb and sold the Sunshine property.
They were a California family now, splitting their time between the city and her still beloved Taco Truck—which had a legal permit now, thank you very much—and here.
And here . . . owned her heart.
She heard the crunching of footsteps coming her way, two sets. Knowing it was Kel and probably Donovan, she didn’t take her eyes off the gently falling snow.
Two strong warm arms came around both her and the baby, and Kel kissed Ivy’s jaw. “Cold?”
“Not at all. The horses okay?”
“Yes. One of your Christmas presents came early.”
She looked down at Kenzie, now lovingly cradled in her daddy’s hands. “I don’t need any presents.”
“We’ll call it the present that you didn’t think you need then,” Kel said.
