Her bedroom was a converted pantry from the original structure of the house. It was just big enough for a twin bed and shelves she’d created to hold everything from a small stereo to her cable console. A modest flat screen TV filled the wall at the end of her bed.
It was simply a nook for her to collapse in at the end of the day.
She climbed into the shower and let the hot water run until it flowed cold. Her typical apple shampoo and conditioner made her feel normal again. She looked out the window, but his truck still gone.
Armed with her fleece pj’s and woolen socks, she headed back downstairs to talk to her mother. A nap was probably a smart idea, but she couldn’t hide in sleep right now. No, she had a lot to explain.
Lily was curled into her chair with her current knitting project on her lap and the fluff-ball cat that seemed to own the house. Kendall leaned in. “Hello, Murdoch.”
He lifted his head for a long scratch under his chin before curling back into her mom’s lap.
“Do you want anything to eat?”
Kendall shook her head. “Not hungry.”
“You’re always hungry.”
Kendall managed a half smile. “Not at the moment.”
Lily sighed. “You really got yourself messed up over this man. You swore you’d never be like me, but here you are.”
Kendall’s spine snapped straight. “I’m not—”
“Larry and I fell hard and fast. Within two weeks we were moved into this house with every room spoken for. We had so many plans for more children,” she said absently.
“You wanted more kids?”
“Of course. We wanted at least three, but then…” Her mom trailed off. “Well, then we didn’t.”
Was it a we or just a he? She didn’t have the heart to dredge up that question. Not when she was pretty sure Lawrence had not only left them but cheated on her mother. Did Lily even know that?
A sudden bang at the front door kicked adrenaline through her system. She checked the peep window. Shane’s imposing form filled the doorway. She shook back her hair and opened the door. Water dripped from the brim of his baseball cap, and his eyes glittered darkly.
Normally his height made her feel safe, but right now he just felt too overwhelming and too angry. She stepped back. “Where have you been?”
“I don’t answer to you.”
His cool voice was filled with the old Shane, and she hated it. Remote and angry, the man from their road trip was long gone.
He stepped inside and looked around. His quick assessment made her shoulder blades itch. Instead of the derision she’d been expecting, he seemed calm and accepting.
“Lily Proctor, this is Shane Justice. He’ll be staying with us for the foreseeable future.”
Shane held out his hand. “I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.”
Her mother tipped her head back. “Are you sure you’re not Larry’s boy?”
Kendall flushed. He damn well better not be.
“No, ma’am. My father died before I was born. Larry raised me, for all intents and purposes.”
Lily narrowed her gaze. “Oh, really?”
Shane’s face gentled. “Yes, ma’am.”
Kendall’s gaze wavered for a moment before she blinked away the wash of tears. He didn’t have to be nice to her mother, but he was. She crossed the room to the small wine fridge she’d stashed behind a small bar she’d restained. She poured herself a glass and took a slug before turning back around, her innkeeper’s smile in place. She’d get him settled and make the best of things.
“Can I find you a room for the night?”
“That’d be great.”
Kendall glanced at her mother. “Is the Sage Room made up?”
Her mother nodded.
She returned her attention to Shane. “Did you bring your stuff in?”
“I’ll bring it in later.”
“Okay,” she said stiffly. She could feel him behind her as she started up the steps. Instead of waiting for him, she darted up to the next floor and down the hallway. He was finally in her space, in her things, and he was acting like they were strangers again. She could feel the headache brewing.
She opened the door and quickly surveyed the room. Cream sheets, deep sage comforter and walls, with a buttery pine bed reminiscent of their time at the church. Slatted headboard, side table, and a simple dresser kept the room uncluttered. The room smelled of lavender.
This part was her mother’s doing. She loved keeping the rooms clean and romantic. Kendall backed into the door, her skin on high alert when he filled the space. He swept by her; his distinctive amber scent was stronger and so distracting she wanted to crawl into his arms and apologize.
But she didn’t.
She didn’t have anything to apologize for.
Maybe she’d talked up the place more than was warranted, but she honestly saw it that way. Time away had taken some of the polish off, but it was her place, and she was proud of it.
“We have breakfast at seven, lunch at one, and dinner at six. You’re welcome to come downstairs for a meal with us.”
“Thank you.”
She tried not to react. But the throaty thanks shot everything all to hell. She stopped at the door, not looking back at him. Before she could do something dumb, she followed the hidden hallway to her corner of the house and jammed her fist into her mouth.
Crawling under the covers, she pressed her cheek to her cool sateen sheets and let the tears fall into her pillow.
Chapter Seventeen
Dawn drove Shane from his bed. The mix of lavender and vanilla in the room should have been too fussy and female, but he’d slept deeply and dreamlessly.
Kendall had said the inside of the B and B was finished and well preserved, and she’d been right. He wandered through each room before going downstairs to find the coffeepot. Instead of lingering for breakfast, he escaped to the property and found his supplies in the barn.
He’d backed his truck up beside the faded structure and immediately tackled the tangle of orders as well as the packaging from the moving company. For hours he got lost in the organization of the barn, in carving a space for himself within the dumping grounds of the catchall barn filled with extra furniture and wood.
He itched to work, but he needed a clean spot to do that. He built shelving units for his tools and the various discarded appliances that had been in the kitchen at one time or another.
Lily dropped him off a carafe of coffee and plate of sandwiches without a word. He could feel her curious gaze, but she managed not to ask questions.
He wasn’t sure if was out of loyalty for the silence between him and Kendall or because she wasn’t sure what to make of him yet. Probably a mix of both.
By ten that night, not even his flood work lights could keep him awake. After a painfully quick shower, he vowed to fix the water heater the next morning. Again he fell into a dreamless sleep and woke at dawn to work on the barn before heading into town for a water heater.
Kendall brought him two breakfast sandwiches and a carafe of black coffee. She watched for a few minutes before heading behind the barn to the dock. Part of him wanted to follow her, to see the spot she talked about so much, and the other part of him couldn’t stand any more disappointments when it came to her.
So he stayed away.
And he worked until he didn’t have to think. Until he was able to stop wanting Kendall for a little while. He added a new smart water heater. It would increase efficiency in the house and bring down her utility bill.
Their utility bill.
He put one foot in front of the other and made a list of projects to do to increase the value of the property. Kendall left every morning at seven and returned sometimes as late as seven in the evening.
They passed each other in the hall, outside the bathroom, and occasionally in the kitchen. But they kept separate lives. Lily fed him and left him lists for when he went into town. He finalized the orders he’d created with t
he koa wood and began renovations on the barn. He framed out a room for himself over the workshop.
Living in the B and B and so close to Kendall messed with his brain. He hoped that if he made a completely separate spot, then he could begin to work her out of his system. Maybe the love deal had been just the hazy side of lust.
Remarkably he was able to sleep at night. He had a feeling it was because he worked until he hit a wall and had no choice but to blink out and recharge. If he hit that wall, then he didn’t dream about her. He didn’t wake up reaching for her.
If he rolled out of bed and got right to work, he didn’t even have to see her before she left in the morning. And if he didn’t see her, he didn’t wonder why she was working away from the house. And he didn’t care that she didn’t come to see him either.
As November bled into December, he got the barn converted into a true workshop. He’d built a bunk over the office and could finally get out from under the Heron’s roof and into a space of his own.
Shane headed up the side stairs to his room. It was two in the afternoon, and Lily would be watching her television shows. She was the ultimate morning person, scrubbing the house to an inch of its life so she could enjoy her soaps and talk shows in the later part of the day.
It was amazing how quickly he’d moved into a schedule without actually speaking to her. He didn’t know what the hell to say, and Lily seemed to know he needed his space. It worked for them.
He loaded up his duffel bag with his clothes and toiletries, and just as he slung it over his shoulder, Kendall filled the doorway with a stack of towels and fresh sheets.
“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know you were in the house.”
“I was just leaving.”
She glanced at his bag, her huge dark eyes slowly surveying the room. “You’re really leaving.” There was no question, just a resigned statement.
“Just moving into the barn. I also updated the Web site with new pictures of the front of the house. I hope that means we’ll get a few requests. I want to get out of your hair.”
“You’re not in my hair.”
He shrugged. “Out of Lily’s.”
“She likes having someone to take care of.”
Shane lifted a brow. “She has you.”
“You let her mother you.”
“I do not.”
An almost Kendall smile tipped up the corner of her wide mouth. “You do. Hey, if someone else is doing the honey-do list, then I’m all for it.”
“Speaking of which, you haven’t been around much.”
“I temp during the slow season to make some extra money.”
He frowned. She shouldn’t have to do extra jobs. He jammed his hand into his pocket so he didn’t do something stupid like grab her and make her realize that. “But not today?”
“No, it’s decorating day. First we have to clean all the rooms.”
“Your mother keeps every room sparkling.”
“Agreed, but Christmas is her deal, so I have to do what I’m told.” She held up deep-green-and-white towels. “Christmas towels. But I guess it doesn’t matter now.”
He stood in front of her and flicked a blonde curl over her shoulder. He was playing with fire, but she was there in front of him, and he couldn’t stop himself. Not when her apple scent rolled through his room—his former room—and reminded him of just what he’d been missing for the last few weeks.
She closed her eyes. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” He stroked his thumb under her chin and along her jawline until he felt her pulse flutter wildly.
“Don’t make me want you again.”
“You stopped?”
She swallowed, and he could feel the muscles of her throat work. He lowered his mouth to her temple. Her orchard flavor mixed with the fresh linens in her arms. It made him think of Sunday-morning sunshine when he caught her hanging the laundry.
He stepped back, even as his cock screamed at him to move forward instead. To lay claim to her mouth, to stretch her out on his bed and lift her arms above her head and watch her break apart in the diffused winter sun.
He wanted it way too much. And he couldn’t invite that back into his life. Not when he was working so hard to separate himself.
KENDALL WATCHED HIM walk away. Her chest ached with the need to call him back. Already the room was empty without him. The little toiletries that dotted his dresser, the clothes hanging in the closet, his extra pair of work boots—all of them were gone.
Just how long before he’d be gone too?
Resolutely she put the towels in the bathroom and stripped his bed. The lingering wisp of cedar chips ripped into her. She sat on the bed and pulled his pillow forward and buried her face in his scent.
No. Not again. She stood and shook out the pillowcase until the feather pillow landed in the chair with a thud. When the bed was stripped, she snapped out fresh sheets.
The last three weeks had been a lesson in self-control. She decided she pretty much sucked at it. The nights were the worst. Even working twelve hours a day wasn’t enough to banish him.
She appreciated the new water heater, but she was still taking cold showers out of necessity. She woke with his name on her lips, his phantom hands on her body, and an orgasm teasing the edges of her sanity.
Even a hot shower and taking care of herself didn’t do the job.
She was going to go mad if she didn’t figure out a way to make him see that she hadn’t lied to him on purpose. She finished making the bed and tossed the dirty sheets in the laundry chute. Before she could talk herself out of it, she hit the stairs at a dead run.
The cold December air slapped her in the face. She stormed across the driveway to the barn. Shane’s lathe was on, and a pile of sawdust sprinkled over his boots. A spindle took shape as he worked his chisel up and down the length.
That wasn’t helping.
She waited at the door for him to turn it off, and he tossed his glasses on the workbench. She crossed the room before she could talk herself out of it, then hooked her arms around his neck. She laid her lips on his. At first there was no response.
Shane stood there as still as one of the carvings he had on his shelf.
Then his fingers fisted into the back of her shirt, and he dragged her against him. She gave a sighing moan as the hard length of him pressed into her belly. He lifted her and dropped her on a metal workbench on the far side of the room.
His mouth was relentless on her neck and collarbone. He peeled up the bottom of her shirt, his teeth capturing her nipple on the reveal of her plum-colored bra.
He moaned around the stiff tip and flipped her cups up with the sweater until both were hanging around her neck. He went from one breast to the other, taking care to suck both of her nipples into aching points.
He pulled her to the edge of the table and stripped her of her jeans. His green eyes were wild and his jaw hard as granite. She kicked off one pant leg. He pushed aside the elastic of her panties, and then he was finally there—inside her.
The metal table rocked with the force of his thrusts. She cried out and took each one like a punishment. Her swollen heat clasped around him and held him tight as he ground against her pelvis.
Her nails bit into his shoulder, and the smoky scent of sawdust drifted up with the musky scent of them together. She whispered his name, her knees flexing at his hips as she took every thrust.
She came so hard her teeth rattled. And when she opened her eyes, Shane’s fierce and focused face burned itself in her memory. He lifted her knee higher and slid just that much deeper into her, and then she heard the guttural groan as he filled her.
Unable to stay upright, she dropped her forehead onto his shoulder.
“Shane.”
He backed up, and she locked her legs around his hips. “No. Don’t go.”
“Kendall, I have to.”
Sunshine. She missed the soft, gravelly way he’d say Sunshine like it was an endearment. “I’m sorry.” Her voice broke. “I�
��m sorry I didn’t trust you to want to be here without it being a perfect bed-and-breakfast. I just didn’t want to lose you.”
“Or the Heron,” he said quietly.
“No. I don’t want to lose my home either.”
He slid his hands along her knees and pulled her away from his hips. Feeling exposed, she jumped down and jerked her jeans back on. Turning away from him, she fixed her bra and sweater.
From the outside she didn’t look any different. Inside, she knew she was changed yet again. The disappointment in his voice scooped out the pleasure and left it with the sawdust on the ground.
“I don’t know what to say to make you understand why I did what I did.”
“I was all the way in. And now I just don’t know.” He tipped his head back. “Now all I see are the things that need to be done. And all the return we’ll never get.”
She clenched her fists. Return on the business or them? “Don’t you have any faith?”
“I thought I did.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and backed out of the barn. How was she supposed to have enough faith for both of them when she was teetering on the edge alone?
She wanted to believe that she and Shane made sense, that they could pull the Heron out of the mire with faith alone, but what if he was right? What if it was smarter to sell and start over somewhere else?
Maybe she should let someone else shoulder the burden and find a job where she could put her managing skills to work without the responsibility of ownership.
She climbed the side stairs and heard her mother singing in the kitchen. She bypassed that route and headed for her bedroom. She quickly cleaned up, her insides still reeling from the sex and their confessions.
Before she could change her mind, she called Bells, and they agreed to meet in town. She backed her Outback down the drive and out to Heron Way. She needed someone else’s point of view.
Kendall bustled into the pizza place, elbowed her way to the counter, and ordered a pie before she claimed a booth against the window. Bells waved to her and wove her way through the Friday-night crowd.
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