by D. Kelly
Upon entering the house, the first thing I notice is the unique combination of hardwood and travertine flooring between rooms. It’s got a sweeping open floor plan, making the house friendly and inviting. Once I venture in further, I’m breathless when I see the floor to ceiling windows covering the entire backside of the house. It’s almost dark now, but I can still see the outline of the waves as they crash against the shore.
It’s gorgeous but even with all the open space, it feels like the walls are closing in around me. I went years without a panic attack but ever since the wedding planning, they’re back. This one is well-deserved, though—it’s because I’m terrified. Now that I’ve lost Zack, it’s been the only thing on my mind since fleeing the wedding. How stupid could I have been? My fingers fumble on the locks of the French doors, trying to open them so I can get outside and get some air.
Pete must recognize the signs because his hand is on my back immediately and he leads me onto the patio. Crouching down, I drop my head between my knees as Pete rubs my back.
“Deep breaths in and out, Cassidy. Just take it nice and slow.” He’s rubbing small circles on my back, and it should make me uncomfortable but it doesn’t; it just feels protective. I’m sure, in his line of work, he probably sees this all the time. After it passes, he pulls me to a standing position and passes me a bottle of water. Mike must have seen what was happening and brought it out.
“Thank you,” I whisper as I take it from his hands.
“No problem. Is this new for you or have you suffered for a while?” This man apparently does not know the definition of the word ‘boundaries.’ Even so, I like talking to him, so I answer his question.
“I’ve had them since I was a kid and they actually completely subsided until we started planning the wedding. That probably should have been our first clue this was going to end in disaster.”
“So elope,” he states simply. If only it could have been so simple.
“Trust me, I tried numerous times, but it was easier to give in and look where that got me. Forget about me, look what I did to Zack. God, I’m such a fool.” Tears fall effortlessly from my eyes as I’m sure they will for the rest of my life.
“Look, I don’t presume to know you, but I’ve been in love before and lost it. If it’s worth having, it’s worth fighting for. If he loves you, he’ll get past this and if you love him, you’re going to have to work out what you’re feeling and give him all of you or none of you. Half assing shit in a relationship just doesn’t work.”
I nod my agreement because he’s completely right.
“You’ve got a week or two here, right? Use it to figure out your situation. I know it’s inconvenient being stuck in the house and not able to freely explore the island, but maybe the paps will get bored or another bigger story will hit. Regardless, you’re in the lap of luxury and surrounded by beauty. Enjoy it and use the solitude to think.”
“Are you always so forward?” I have to know because if he is, I really think he and Ry could be a match made in heaven.
“Don’t see a reason not to be. There’s no point holding in feelings or thoughts. You never know when it might benefit someone. Feel free to roam the house. It’s fully stocked with food, alcohol, wi-fi, satellite TV, pretty much anything you need. I’ll be back later, but I’ve got a few things to take care of. This is my card.”
He passes me a simple black and white card with his name and phone number on it. It’s basic and kind of creepy.
“If you need anything, call me. No guards will be in the house but Mike will be in the front. If it’s an emergency, get him immediately. There are a few other guys but they are on the outer perimeter of the house and you won’t see them at all. I’ll check in with you in the morning. Try and have a good night, Cassidy. Get some sleep, tomorrow’s a new day.”
His smile is really disarming and his eyes seem to hold the secrets of the world. “Goodnight, Pete,” I reply as he walks out through the house, wishing I could pick up the phone and call Zack to tell him I’ve met Rylee’s soul mate. That’s not all I would tell him—I’d beg his eternal forgiveness and love but now isn’t the time. Hell, I don’t even have the balls to turn on my phone tonight.
With a sigh, I head back into the house with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’ve got a lot of decisions to make in a short period of time but right now, the overwhelming exhaustion of the day has claimed me and it’s all I can do not to pass out standing up.
Not ready to sleep in an empty bed, I turn off all the lights—except for the one in the living room—and double check the front and back doors to make sure they are locked. There are probably a lot more doors in this house, but Pete was nothing but professional so I’m not worried about them being unlocked.
Pulling a throw from the back of the u-shaped sofa, I remove about a dozen throw pillows and place them at the foot of it. It has to be at least ten feet long and the cushions are so soft and comfortable I sink right in when I lie down, keeping one throw pillow for my head. After my extended nap on the plane I didn’t think I would be so exhausted, but I just can’t keep my eyes open. Maybe if I dream of Zack the ache in my heart will subside. If I can’t have him in person, in my dreams is the next best place.
As the wheels touch down on the tarmac, I unbuckle my seatbelt and finish off the last of my scotch. I’m toast and I fucking know it. I’m in no condition to see Cassidy like this; I need to sober up first. I’m hurt and I’m angry at myself as much as at anyone else. I’ve never been around Cassidy when I’m drunk and mad and I don’t ever want to be. The last thing I would ever want to do is inadvertently scare her because I can’t handle my liquor.
I fucking love being drunk and happy with Cassidy, though. Especially when she’s also a little drunk. When Cassidy is drunk, her inner sexual vixen comes out, and I swear when she’s like that, her pussy tastes even sweeter on my tongue.
Damn it! Just the thought of tasting her sweet fucking pussy makes my dick hard. With the way the flight attendant has been looking me up and down all night, I don’t want her to get the wrong idea. My dick isn’t hers to touch, to look at, or to suck—it belongs to Cassidy.
For a moment, I consider getting her name tattooed on my dick. She’d never push me away if I did that. The absurdity of my thoughts get to me and I laugh. As if I’d ever let someone get near my dick with a tattoo needle. I’d draw that shit on with a Sharpie if she wanted me to, though—no joke.
Once the cabin doors open up, I bid adieu to the pilot and the flirty flight attendant and catch sight of Pete waiting by his car on the tarmac for me. Cocky bastard goes and parks wherever the fuck he wants, whenever he wants. It’s one of the reasons why we’re friends. I need some badass in my life and Pete definitely brings it and then some.
Pete’s laughing at me as I make my way to the car and pulls me in for a quick hug. “Rough ride or are you drunk?” he asks, smirking. Bastard already knows the answer.
“I might need you to take me to get some greasy food to absorb all the scotch I drank. There’s no way I can go see Cassidy like this.” My words are slurred and he’s still laughing.
“You’re right about that. Come on, let’s go get some food and while you sober up, I’ll tell you what I know. It’s good to see you, man. It’s been too long.”
“Thank you for not coming to the wedding. You saved my ass today.” Oh, that probably didn’t sound very nice.
As I start to correct myself, he cuts in, “Man, it’s all good. I know exactly what you meant. I’m glad, too. Cassidy is a sweet girl. You’re a lucky man, Zack. She’s something special. I see why you want to hold on to her.”
We’re quiet as he drives to the closest all-night diner he can find. I hope there’s a burger or pancakes or something on this menu that doesn’t have Spam in it. In college, he brought me to a place that only served Spam. I’ve been leery of Pete’s dining choices ever since. I can’t stand Spam but it’s a big staple in Hawaii.
“Don’t worry, you
can get Spam free food here,” Pete says, laughing, practically reading my mind.
Once we’re settled and we’ve both ordered bacon cheeseburgers and fries and I’ve got some coffee in my hand, he fills me in.
“She’s at the house and she’s safe,” he starts, and I feel myself relax just knowing she’s really still there.
“Actually, from the last update I got, Mike said she’s asleep on the couch. When you go in, you might want to be quiet so you don’t wake her. Unless you want to talk to her tonight?” No, that would not be a good idea. I shake my head no and he smiles.
“Good choice. As far as I could tell when I left, she still hadn’t turned on her phone but she did have a pretty decent panic attack.” His eyes meet mine to assess my reaction. Hearing she had another attack makes me uneasy. Maybe my coming here wasn’t a good idea.
“Hey, stop slouching in your chair like a defeated man. I don’t think this is because of you necessarily. She said she’s been having them since you started planning the wedding?” The questioning tone in his voice makes me wake up and flag the waitress for more coffee.
With a sigh, I fill him in a bit. “Cassidy had a messed up childhood and used to have panic attacks often. I’ve always been able to talk her through them, for the most part, but once we went away to college and moved in together they stopped. She didn’t have any for seven years, and although I knew they had started again, I never put two and two together that they were related to the wedding planning until you just said it.”
“She mentioned she suggested eloping…” His statement is open-ended, waiting for me to fill in the rest.
“You’ve met my mom. She’s high maintenance and utterly ensconced in high profile society. And I am the stupidest son of a bitch on the planet.” I release a long sigh and run my hands through my hair, feeling like I should kick my own ass at this point.
“Anyway, I was trying to keep the peace between my mom and Cassidy. We agreed on a huge wedding but I had to handle all the details. Cassidy didn’t want it. She doesn’t have any family other than a few cousins and she’s happy keeping things low key. But she agreed because she knew it would make my mom happy and in turn, that would make me happy.”
“But she was miserable,” Pete replies, stating the obvious.
“Yeah, she was, and like a fool, I was doing all the things behind the scenes to make her happy but was not paying attention to her feelings at all. It wasn’t intentional. I was just trying to keep the peace between her and my mom.”
The waitress drops off our food and we both take a few bites before continuing. This burger might be the best burger I’ve ever had but then again, I’m so hungry a Spam burger would probably taste amazing right now, too.
“So, anyway, I was fighting my mom on details behind the scenes, making sure everything Cassidy could have wanted was happening. Chocolate cake, instead of vanilla, with champagne filling, an outdoor reception in a garden setting filled with thousands of white twinkling lights instead of a ballroom in some stuffy hotel, a honeymoon at our own house instead of The Four Seasons or some shit. You know, just little things I knew would make her happy since she had to sacrifice the intimacy she craved and didn’t get.”
Pete sips his Coke and looks at me thoughtfully. “Obviously, I didn’t spend a lot of time with her but from what I could tell, that girl is head over heels in love with you. She’s got a lot of regret and anxiety about today and it seems about your family, as well.”
“I found out today my mom has been feeding her all kinds of bullshit for God only knows how long. It’s taken me years to try and integrate Cassidy into my life a little bit at a time. My dad and my sister, Ry, adore her. My mom even loves her, but not as my wife… only as Ry’s best friend. If I had known…”
Pete looks at me skeptically. “What could you have done, Zack? Seriously, Priscilla Stafford is a force all of her own making. One way or another, she would have tried to get this to go her way.”
He pauses for a moment, tapping his fingers against the table. “You’re going to have to go in there with a plan, Zack. Cassidy needs reminding, dominance… Fuck, I’m not sure exactly, but you’re going to have to take every ounce of determination you’ve got and sink it into this. Consider it the biggest case of your life.”
“Already on it, and that began with you guys keeping the house on lockdown. I don’t want anyone getting to us but I don’t want her to be able to get out, either.”
He chuckles. “That sounds a lot like kidnapping.”
Shaking my head, I reply, “No, not at all… we’ll call it two weeks of coercion therapy. I’m going to remind her exactly why we fell in love and then I’m going to marry her before we leave and go back home.”
“You don’t feel like you’re missing out? You’ve never had another girl… it’s always been her, right? Maybe this is a sign or something?” I’ve always admired Pete’s straightforward curiosity. He’s the only person I’ve ever known who loves to crawl inside someone’s mind, not to judge, but to really learn what makes them tick.
After pushing away my plate, I lean back into my seat and think of the best way to answer him. “It’s always been her, man. We started off as friends and even though she was Ry’s best friend, she was mine, too. Cassidy went to school with us but she wasn’t one of the girls who had a lot of money. Well, she does… or did. I don’t even know for sure, but her parents never spent it on her so she had what she needed but that was it. She didn’t have designer anything but she didn’t care, either. Nothing has ever been about money to her, which is perfect for me because the only girls who have ever tried to date me have always been about the money.”
“Yeah, I could tell she didn’t seem to care about the money. She seemed really overwhelmed by the beauty of the house, but I think she shrugged it off as your mom and her extravagant ways.”
“Cassidy is my lifeline, Pete. She is insecure and afraid to believe in love and yet she’s the only person I’ve ever met who loves with every single part of her being. In all the years we’ve been together, I’ve never even been tempted to cheat.”
He raises and eyebrow at me and I laugh. “I’m not dead, man. Of course I notice women, but Cassidy is fucking beautiful, inside and out. I’ve never had a conversation with a woman who even comes close to captivating me the way Cassidy does. I hit the fucking girlfriend lotto and I know it.”
“Alright then, so what is the plan and how can I help?”
Pete is so easygoing, nothing fazes him. “I’m going to recreate some special occasions for her, so I’ll probably need you to pick up a few things for us. Each day we’re here, I’m going to make a remembrance of a special event. I’ve got the first one handled already, but I’ll probably shoot you an email the night before so you can get me what I need for the next day.”
“Sounds good. Are you ready to put this plan in motion?”
“Hell yeah. The sooner I can see for myself that Cassidy is okay, the better.” As he stands, I throw some money on the table to cover our bill and the tip.
The ride home is mostly silent. I’m exhausted and excited at the same time but no matter how excited I am to see her, I know the next two weeks are really going to be the test of our love. Cassidy has to break and let me in this time… all the way in.
“One more question before you go in.” Pete pauses and I nod at him to continue as he pulls into the drive.
“You’re extremely protective of her and not alpha male protective, either. Is there something I should be aware of? Stalker? Crazy ex?” I’m not sure how much I should tell him. This isn’t something Cassidy has ever broadcasted to anyone. Even Ry doesn’t know the full extent of what she’s been through.
“There shouldn’t be anything you need to worry about, Pete. When Cassidy was a kid, her parents were abusive, but it’s been years and she’s been doing well ever since she got out of their house. This is not something she tells anyone and the only reason I’m telling you is because you’re looking out fo
r her. Sudden movements may scare her, yelling might set off a panic attack, and occasionally, she’ll have a bad dream but that’s about it.”
“Jesus, man, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
“Look I don’t mean to speak out of turn, but I do know what it’s like to grow up in an unpleasant home. If whatever you’re trying to accomplish doesn’t work you might want to have her go to therapy, if she doesn’t already.”
If only. “She won’t go, I’ve tried. But I did the next best thing and I went.” I’m telling him the only secret I’ve ever kept from her, from anyone.
“You went? For her or for yourself?”
“Both. When we were teenagers, her dad assaulted us. Cassidy was in the hospital for a few days… she could have died. I blackmailed him to keep him away from her and that’s when it all stopped. I knew it was bad but until that night, I had no idea how much worse it had gotten.”
I pause, needing a minute before continuing. “After that, I needed to talk to someone about what happened to me and her. She refused to go so I went behind her back. I think she was terrified the therapist would confirm what her dad has told her since she was six.”
“What did he say?” Pete demands in a controlled voice. He looks as pissed as I feel.
“He’s been telling her she’s unlovable and love doesn’t exist. I never knew all the years he’d told her that, not until that night. I had heard bits and pieces before, and she had said things which made me wonder, but I never put it all together. I was aware of the beatings and of some verbal abuse but I had no idea he was breaking her spirit by telling her that every chance he could.”
“So the therapy helped you cope?”
I sigh. “Yes, but she also helped me understand that in order to get through to Cassidy and reverse years of feeling unworthy, my actions needed to match my words. She taught me how to make my words count by letting her in to my every thought and inner feeling. It’s hard to explain, but for example, telling Cassidy I loved her wasn’t enough… it was just words. But if I kissed her head and then told her I loved her and followed the words with hand holding or an even more intimate kiss, it was reaffirming that my words weren’t meaningless.”
