by Piper Rayne
“They’re all really important to me.”
This is usually when Jax would cut off any sentimentality. When his jokester side would prevail, and he’d make a snide remark so the person believes he doesn’t really care. But this time, he looks me square in the eye. Something he hasn’t done since he returned. “Let me ask you a question.”
“What?”
“Do you really think the two of you will survive being friends forever? Was it just that you didn’t want to lose out to me? You were going to sit through that wedding to the accountant? Be the godfather of her baby? Where does it end? How long do you torture yourself?”
The things he mentions flash in my mind. Me sitting in the pew, watching her give me one more look before saying I do to some other guy. Or me coming to her house to celebrate my godchild’s milestones. I’d no doubt be wondering what could have been if I hadn’t been a pussy. Could it have been me she was saying I do to? My hand she held as she went through labor?
“You’re a fucking asshole,” I say, standing from my desk.
He smiles.
I walk to the door but turn around. “I’m sorry. I should have allowed you at Winnie’s funeral.”
I was so angry about him and Naomi that I forbade him from attending her service. Looking back, I think I was just angry at the world and the fact that Winnie had died more than I was at Jax. But he was as good a target as any to direct my fury at.
He shakes his head. “Forget it.” He pauses as though he has something more to say, so I wait. “I shouldn’t have blamed you when Winnie left you that money for your future. I understand now why she did. Anything that came my way I would’ve just blown through. Probably would’ve done more harm than good.”
I nod. I figured that out a while ago. Jax was always wilder than I was. I think Winnie trusted that I would put the money to good use. Jax, not so much, as harsh as that is.
I open my arms. “Hug it out?”
“Fuck you. Go get your girl.” He nods toward the door.
I laugh all the way through Ink Envy until I’m outside our apartment door.
Chapter Twenty-One
Rian
Some people clean. Others cook. Others might exercise. I either do math or bake when I’m upset. Today it’s math. When my mind is scrambling with a million uncontrollable thoughts swarming like bees, the precision of math, the fact that there is only one correct answer, calms me.
So after Jax runs after Dylan, I take my stuff to my room and pull out the problem.
Okay, yeah, I would love to solve this problem just to prove to my parents that I’m not some stupid child. A psychologist would probably say that proving it to them is still seeking their approval. But I don’t really care. To me. it’s like a middle finger to them.
The apartment door opens and my math bubble pops. Suddenly, all my issues are front and center in my mind again. Either Jax or Dylan is home, and I’m not sure which one I’d rather talk to right now.
Footsteps pound across the hardwood, making my heart race as though I should be hiding under the bed. It feels as if everything stable in my life is about to crash down.
The pencil slips from my grasp with the rap of knuckles on my door, falling from the paper to my mattress and rolling to the floor. “Yeah?”
“Rian.” A thud sounds on the wood.
My shoulders fall at the sound of Dylan’s voice. “Yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
My eyes lock on the doorknob as it turns, and the door pushes open. And there he is, his cleanly shaven face making him look more innocent and youthful than normal.
He shuts the door and stands with his back pressed to it.
“I’m sor—” I say, but he holds up his hand.
“I’m the sorry one. I never should’ve left when your parents showed up.”
I shake my head. I’m used to it. My house was never the hang-out house. I quit asking for birthday parties when I was nine years old and my parents made the girls do a hundred question multiplication sheet. Whoever completed it the fastest and most accurately won the prize—an abacus. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Do you want to talk about what happened with them?” He pushes off the door, and I suck in a breath the closer he moves. Before I can soak in everything that’s happening, he’s at the edge of my bed.
“Nah. Same old.”
He eyes my book and picks up the pencil from the floor, handing it to me. “I’m jealous of Jax.”
“Why?” It’s a stupid question. The kiss sealed the fact that whatever is lying dormant under our friendship isn’t just on my end. But maybe because I’ve waited so long, I want to hear the words from him. How badly does he want me?
He stares at me for a moment. It’s all there in his gorgeous light brown eyes. “Do I have a reason to be jealous?”
The silence is deafening, the tension wound tight. “No.”
His eyes close for a second and his chest rises and falls. Leaning forward, he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Good.”
It’s clear that he wants to kiss me again, and after the wall incident, I know that one kiss is going to end with both of us naked in this bed, my math book forgotten. Part of me wants to tell my conscience to allow that to happen, but what if he only wants me because Jax made him jealous?
My hand presses on his chest.
His eyebrows raise in question, but Dylan’s a good guy, so he backs up and my hand falls to the mattress between us. “Are you sure I shouldn’t be jealous?”
“This has nothing to do with Jax, but are you sure whatever competition you have with him isn’t the reason you want to be with me? Can you honestly say we would be here if Jax had never showed up?”
“We’ve always been friends who wanted more.”
I shake my head. “You were content dating other women. Having sex with other women. Why now?”
He looks as if I slapped him, but we can’t live in a bubble and not face the truth. Something bad will happen and that bubble will pop. “Jax made me realize that I could lose you.”
I nod. “Because you guys compete over everything. This would be your way of winning.”
He shakes his head. “No. That’s not it at all.”
I stand, unable to be so close to him while I put on hold something I’ve wanted for years. “Put yourself in my shoes.”
His head falls and he stares at the floor. Slowly, he nods.
“Believe me, Dylan, I want nothing more than to strip down and beg you to take me right now. To fall under the covers with you and do all the things I’ve masturbated to for years, but I can’t do that with the prospect of heartbreak once you win me.”
He nods again. “I get what you’re saying, but I’m telling you that’s not it. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t good enough for you.”
He stands and I step back, which stops him from approaching. My forehead wrinkles. “Why?”
“Come on, Rian. Why do you think your parents have a problem with me? They see it. I bring you down.”
I don’t care what my parents think, and I’ve never thought that about Dylan. “That’s not true.”
When I don’t move, he welcomes that as his opportunity to continue toward me. “But I don’t care anymore. I mean, I do, but I’m not going to lose this opportunity. I was so hung up on the what-ifs, I never thought about three or five years in the future—the what-ifs I’d feel then. The regrets I’d live with if I never tried to see if we can work this out.” He cages me against my dresser, our chests pressed together and his hands on my hips as though he’s afraid I’m going to run. “I’m scared of losing your friendship or messing up our friends’ circle, but I’ll take the chance because the other alternative is too painful to bear.”
I’ve loved him from afar for so long, I never took into consideration the impact on our group of friends. What happened to Ethan and Sierra could happen to us. But I decide right then, “I’d never let that happen—unless one
of us did something stupid.” Like cheat.
“I can’t say I’m going to be the best boyfriend at first. There’s a learning curve.” I tilt my head, and he chuckles. “I’d never fuck it up by cheating. I meant other things.”
I stare at him and he steps closer, his chest pushing against mine. When I woke up this morning, I never thought we’d end up here. “Why don’t you take a shower? Think it over some more.”
He chuckles. “I have a better idea. Why don’t we take a bath?” His hand slides down and he links his fingers with mine. “We can talk this over while naked and wet.” He winks and my heart somersaults.
Who am I kidding? I want this as much as he does, and I don’t want regrets in a few years either. All I can do is trust him when he says that this isn’t because of Jax and their competitive nature.
“That’s tempting,” I say. “One condition.”
“What?” He squeezes my hand, stepping back toward the door.
“You tell me about Naomi.”
His face falls, but he nods, tugging me forward so I fall into his chest. He wraps his good arm around me, stares into my eyes, and bends down for a kiss.
Just as it did hours earlier, my heartbeat skyrockets the minute his soft lips land on mine.
But he ends the kiss too quickly. “Let’s get me clean so I can show you exactly how dirty I can get.”
I bite my lip, and he chuckles.
“I guess it’s time for me to see what I’m getting, huh?” I unzip his sweatshirt and help him pull it off his arm. My hands run along his bare chest, over all his ink. He groans as my fingers hook on either side of his track pants, pushing them down his legs until they pool at his feet. “My boyfriend doesn’t wear underwear?”
“Not since the accident. Too fucking hard to put on.”
He stands there and allows my gaze to drift over his body. He’s not embarrassed or self-conscious, nor should he be. He’s lean, muscled perfection and it makes my mouth water. His hard dick is pointed north. Nice for me. I step closer, taking his dick in my palm and rubbing.
“Whoa.” His hand covers mine. “Don’t I get to see my girlfriend?”
I smile and bite the corner of my mouth, sliding my tongue over my bottom lip.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I can’t wait to see you.”
He knows me so well. Of course I’m embarrassed. The heat in my cheeks says I’m wearing that emotion like a flashing stop sign. I step back, taking the hem of my T-shirt and pulling it up over my body.
“Slowly,” he says, and my eyes rise to meet his. “I want to savor this moment.”
That’s all it takes for my embarrassment to fade away.
I raise the shirt over my stomach and my bra until I lose sight of him as I pull it over my head. I drop the shirt onto the floor and his eyes are on my ribcage, not my breasts like I assumed. I reach back with both hands and unhook my bra, then I slide the straps off each arm.
He grunts, and his attention moves to my breasts. “Jesus, I can’t wait to have both my hands on them.”
A maddening look fills his face. I forgot about his arm and how trying sex is going to be.
I unbutton my jeans as his vision zeros in as though I’m giving him the code to a vault holding millions of dollars. My forefinger and thumb glide my zipper down and his breathing becomes labored. His rapt attention boosts my self-esteem. He’s making this so easy for me.
“Turn around,” he says.
I circle around, pushing my jeans down. As I get them halfway down my ass, he puts his hand on the side of my hip.
“Slow it down for me.”
I look over my shoulder to see that he’s wrapped his hand around his dick, tugging and nodding for me to continue. I shimmy instead of pushing my jeans the rest of the way down. When I stand up straight again, he’s closer to me. One hand slides around from my ass to cup a breast. His dick digs into my satin panties.
“You’re so damn beautiful,” he whispers. “Mouthwatering tits, and an ass I want to slap until it looks like a strawberry.” His hand slides down my torso, under the hem of my panties, and cups my mound. “I’m not sure I can handle seeing this without spreading you open right here for a taste.”
My entire body is Jell-O, willing to bend and shift, molding to whatever he wants to do to me. I want to experience it all with him. The screams, scrapes, and moans. The gentle graze of his knuckles along the lips of my pussy make my head fall back on his bare shoulder and his mouth casts small bites along my flesh, working his way up to my ear.
“I want you so bad,” he whispers.
“Take me,” I whisper back and tilt my head to the side.
He captures my mouth, his tongue diving in. His finger runs the length of my center, pressing the smallest, lightest circles along my clit, and I moan into his mouth.
“You like that?” he asks once he stops kissing me. “Let’s go.”
His hand slides out from between my legs and I miss it already. “Can we take a shower rather than a bath?”
“Why?”
“Faster.”
His eyes light up. “I love the way you think.”
He guides me across the living room, and we lock the bathroom door once we’re inside. Best. Day. Ever.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dylan
Rian’s body deserves a reaction like that cartoon character whose jaw hangs low and drags on the floor. I’ve gotten glimpses throughout the years. A shirt that rode up a little high or a button that popped open. Pajama shorts where I could tell she wasn’t wearing panties. All of those pieced together to give me a vision of what I thought Rian looked like naked. Turns out I was dead wrong. She’s flawless and beautiful in a delicate way. Like when a tattoo is done and nothing more needs to be added. Her body is perfect.
“What about Jax?” she asks with the click of the lock.
“Don’t worry, Jax isn’t coming home for a while.”
He understood exactly what I was going to do when I left Ink Envy, so if he’s the guy I’ve always known, he’ll crash somewhere else, at least for tonight.
My arm slides behind the shower curtain and I turn on the water.
“Oh, your arm,” Rian says.
“Shit. I’ll be right back.”
She laughs as I slide out of the bathroom and head to the kitchen to grab a garbage bag. I’m more upset that one set of my fingers won’t be able to participate today. Being restricted to only one hand is a lot to expect from a guy during his first time with a girl. She might think I’m a horrible screw.
“I got the scrunchie!” she hollers.
I grab the garbage bag and shut the cabinet right as the apartment door opens. I swear to fucking God. We have to start locking that thing.
“Oh shit, I’m blind!” Seth screams.
I scramble to escape to the bathroom, but Rian screeches and slams the bathroom door.
Seth still didn’t take my nakedness as his clue to leave.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Knox bumps Seth out of the way.
I slowly turn around, covering my junk. Knox nods at me and sits on the couch, pressing the power button on the controller.
“What are you guys doing?” I ask.
Seth joins Knox on the couch. “It’s, like, channel five hundred or something.”
When Superbad plays on the television, they both relax with their feet up on the table.
“Perfect,” Knox says.
“Don’t you two have jobs?” I ask.
“Day off,” Knox says.
Seth raises his hand. “I cut out early.”
The bathroom door behind me slides open. “Dylan,” Rian whispers, “I have no clothes in here.”
I nod. “You two need to leave.”
The bathroom door shuts again.
That seems to alert Knox that something isn’t normal. “Oh, I thought you were just finally showering.” He nods toward the bathroom. “You got someone in there?”
Seth turns to look at me.<
br />
I didn’t think I’d be telling everyone about Rian and me this soon, but they’ll find out anyway. “Yeah.”
“Cool. We’ll just be out here. We don’t have this movie channel.” Knox points the remote at the television.
“Yeah, I’m not a public fucker like you, so you’ll have to pay for it On Demand or something.”
Knox looks offended. “I’m not a public fucker or whatever the hell that means. I’m just not ashamed of my body or my skills. If someone wants to watch because it’s their kink, that’s not my problem. It’s not gonna stop me from doing what I want. Especially when I’m in my own apartment.”
“Thanks for the Ted Talk. Now get the fuck out.” I nod at the door.
Seth stands and looks around. “Where’s Rian?”
She groans from the other side of the door, but neither of them hear her.
“I gotta say, the naked body is beautiful. And the shame you both have about sex makes me think you’re a bunch of church ladies with nothing better to talk about,” Knox continues, but Seth’s clearly catching on.
“Do you two mind? I’m naked here.” I knock on the door, but Rian still doesn’t unlock it.
“Where’s Rian?” Seth asks again, glancing around, walking toward her bedroom door with a grin on his face. “Thought she was working from home to help your sorry ass.” He stops cold outside her bedroom door, probably seeing our discarded clothes on the floor. “Oh shit!”
He circles back around, and a smile as long and wide as the Brooklyn Bridge creases his lips.
“We gotta go.” Seth points at the door.
“What am I missing?” Knox asks.
“Rian is the girl,” Seth mouths.
“Yes, I know Rian is a girl,” Knox says.
“You’re really a cop, right?” I ask with a lifted brow.
Knox thinks it over, then his mouth opens in an O and he nods, looking impressed. “You could’ve just said that.”
“Said what?” I whisper.
